Can we have another in law/mother vent thread?

jpoindahouse · April 2014

Puhleeze. I miss all the vents.Surely I am not the only one who continues to live in crazy town

NoelMarieFrey · April 2014

I'll start.

Apparently my mother thinks shes raising my daughter. Every single thing I do with her, she second guesses it. When DD was in the hospital with RSV, she basically called me a bad mother because i didn't take her right away when she had a runny nose.

Gee, thanks mom for making me feel ten times better about the entire situation.

KazDuck918 · April 2014

My MIL is just bat shizz crazy. LO is the first grandchild on both sides. She told hubs that if she likes our son so much she can't wait until BIL has a baby because she'll love it even more. (BIL is 39 years old and doesn't even have a GF, but he's the golden child)

[Deleted User] · April 2014

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gingerm84 · April 2014

KazDuck918 said:
My MIL is just bat shizz crazy. LO is the first grandchild on both sides. She told hubs that if she likes our son so much she can't wait until BIL has a baby because she'll love it even more. (BIL is 39 years old and doesn't even have a GF, but he's the golden child)

Wow.

jpoindahouse · April 2014

NoelMarieFrey Ugh. It's so frustrating to always be second guessed.

KazDuck918 That's horrible. My heart breaks for your dh. My mil plays favorites too, but my H is her golden child. On the surface, that sounds like it would benefit my DH, but really it causes him a great deal of guilt and upset. It's sad to watch how she treats BIL and the comparisons she makes. No child wins when a mom plays favorites

jpoindahouse · April 2014

Jovxo I totally feel you. My MIL also swoops in and picks up my LO without giving me a chance. She is visiting in a few days and I am going to be nice but more assertive this time

RondackHiker · April 2014

WildFlower26 said:

car seat said:

No, wildflower doesn't like them.

(In all seriousness, vent away!)

Really?

Is what she said wrong?

Guise, we have to RESPECT our MILs.

I shouldn't complain that my MIL ignores my wishes and feeds my dog things that will make him sick and encourages him to jump so that my three year old is knocked over and gets bruises. I should understand she loves us and ignore the bruises.

Soap1 · April 2014

I took DS3 to where MIL lives to let her see him*, and she held him for all of 15 minutes and didn't take any pictures or ask anyone to take a picture of her with him.

*(she wouldn't visit us, and there's bad blood with her and DH so I just took it upon myself because I am amazing. plus his grandparents are nice people and I wanted them to see the baby.)

jpoindahouse · April 2014

TyrannosaurusLex said:

@jpoindahouse‌ same, my DH is the golden child and it's sickening to watch. I am not SIL's biggest fan but my blood boils for her every single time we go over there for dinner.

Yeah, the sad part is that my MIL can't see how she has kind of created a self fulfilling prophecy when it comes to her two sons. BIL is not as "successful" as DH and I think it is because he lacks confidence and self esteem from so many years of MIL comparing him unfavorably to his brother. Also, BIL is obviously very angry at MIL from so many years of this, but lacks the emotional tools to articulate his feelings in a mature manner. So he will blow up at MIL in front of me and the rest of the family over random little things. It's obvious to anyone with any emotional awareness that BIL is boiling just under the surface over her treatment of him

coralreefmom · April 2014

DH is the golden child of the moment for his grandma because he has the baby.
The golden child before him was his cousin for about the past 20 years. She also balks at driving 3 hours to see us and attend the wedding but drives 3 hours to visit one of his cousins. I don't get it. Her behavior coupled with other family dynamics makes me irritable.

Also when they visited, she had on so much perfume that it make LO breakout.

jpoindahouse · April 2014

My MIL continues to make somewhat unreasonable demands regarding LO. She wants daily pictures, daily updates, getting to baby hog, etc. I understand wanting to be sent pictures and to be included, but it's the extent to which she wants these things that concerns me. She texted me yesterday that she wanted to know this thing and that thing about how LO was doing and I ignored it. It was kind of a bitch move on my part, but I'm really worried that if I don't begin to cut her off a little that I am going to reinforce these unrealistic expectations about how involved she gets to be in LO's life....especially since we will be moving in two months and will now be much, much closer to her physically. Anyway, this morning I got a text from DH regarding whether I had received his mother's text. I lied and said I forgot to respond to it. $:\$ "> Clearly, I need to put on my big girl panties and find a better way to deal with the situation than passive aggression and lying....but it felt so darn good to simply not respond.

jpoindahouse · April 2014

KatyBriggs Yeah I can see why that would hurt. I am also super close with my mom so when she does something hurtful it can really sting.

I bet she is sorry now that your LO rolled over again! Whenever my mom is wrong I do the "I told you so" dance.

sprashley · April 2014

This is one I've been holding on to for a long time; I really need to get over it. But, the day I had LO, my mom was the first person I called to tell about LO arriving. Backstory: My mom and I have never had that great of a relationship, I've always felt closer to my dad than my mom, so me calling her was a big deal so that she didn't get butt-hurt that I called my dad first.

We were team green, so when I asked her what she was doing today and if she wanted to come up and meet her new granddaughter, things were great. She was excited, etc., as one would expect. When I told her the name (Audrey) her reaction was.... in a disappointed voice "Oh my God. No. No. Tell me you DID NOT name her that?" I said, well, yes, we did name her that! Her response, "Well, there's still time today that we can change it." (Yes, she said WE like she even had a say in it). Ugh I was so pissed!!!!

Then, when she comes up with my dad later in the day, my dad left the room to see the other babies in the nursery. At our hospital, they have little name cut-outs around the nursery window of every baby born that month. My Dad says, "There's a lot of new babies named Audrey up there!". I said, "Are you sure, because I thnk they're Aubrey, not Audrey." (as a friend had told me that previously). My mom says, "Oh thank God!! You named her Aubrey not Audrey!!!". WTF lady!!!! I corrected her and she says "Well, there's a 50 some year old woman I work with that I don't like named Audrey. How am I supposed to call this sweet baby the same name as that horrible woman!?" I don't know mom, I don't know that Audrey, but you're just going to have to get the f over it!!!

Okay vent over thanks for letting me share that and reading it if you've gotten this far!! Obviously I'm still pissed about it and make a point to say the name Audrey as frequently as possible when I'm around my mom!! I don't know if she has actually called Audrey by her name yet; I think she's just been calling her baby.

jpoindahouse · April 2014

sprashley I went through the same thing with mil. DH and I decided that we wanted LO to be a junior. MIL HATED this. She told DH that I was stealing the name she gave her son and she was convinced my baby would not have his own identity because he did not have an original name. Those are her opinions and she is free to express them, but you would think she would have given up as soon as we told her "no this is what we are naming him. he will be a junior." Instead, she called DH biweekly throughout my first and second trimester asking him to rethink the name. She acts like naming a child "Jr" is a totally out there, weird concept.

sprashley · April 2014

@clb1926 @jpoindahouse It may be an irrational thought, but in the back of my mind, I'm pretty sure my mom's going to be calling her a different name than the one we gave her. Wonder if your MILs will refer to them differently, too, behind your back??

As far as my mom, I can get on board with having a bad association with a name, but when you hear that that's the name someone has chosen for their child you need to STFU and move on.

Soap1 · April 2014

@sprashley that's so weird. It's not like you named her Mattress or something. Audrey is a perfectly normal name!

jpoindahouse · April 2014

clb2196 said:

jpoindahouse said:

sprashley I went through the same thing with mil. DH and I decided that we wanted LO to be a junior. MIL HATED this. She told DH that I was stealing the name she gave her son and she was convinced my baby would not have his own identity because he did not have an original name. Those are her opinions and she is free to express them, but you would think she would have given up as soon as we told her "no this is what we are naming him. he will be a junior." Instead, she called DH biweekly throughout my first and second trimester asking him to rethink the name. She acts like naming a child "Jr" is a totally out there, weird concept.

That's funny. DH is a III. There was so. much. pressure for LO to be IV if he was a boy. MiL (who I normally get along great with) was actually the reason we stopped discussing names with people, too. She said she originally didn't want DH to be III but eventually came around. I have a feeling she thought I was the one against LO being the IV (FTR we both were) and that I'd come around too. I know their was disappointment when LO was a boy, and has a different name. But besides DH and his dad and grandfather, his aunt also married someone with the same name, as did my mom. We decided we needed a fresh start.

Yeah it kind of surprised me that she and so many other people thought that the name was up for debate. I mean, if I had said "we are thinking of naming him x, but we can't decide" that would be one thing, but to disagree with a parents choice of a name after they have already decided is just really, really ballsy to me. If my Jr has a boy and doesn't want him to be a "III"rd, then that's fine. I think it is totally out of line to tell parents what they should name their children.

sprashley · April 2014

Soap1 said:

@sprashley that's so weird. It's not like you named her Mattress or something. Audrey is a perfectly normal name!

I know. So typical of my mom though. Because she has a bad association/strong opinion then automatically I should agree with her because she's my mom and that's what a "good" daughter would do.

mandinkapants · April 2014

MIL bought our crib just so my mom couldn't. And rubbed it in her face that she babysat him first even though we actually asked my mom first and she wasn't available.
But my mom does similar stuff to piss off MIL. Like when in the labor and delivery room, rolled her eyes every time MIL spoke or asked a question. And they're both still holding grudges.
It's a bit sad, but if asked, I wouldn't pick either of them. Since we found out we were pregnant they both reverted back to high school drama type situations.
I told DH that if anybody started arguing in front of me I'd turn on my heels with baby in tow and leave. Whether he came with or not. The worst part is I can actually see it happening.

Giraffealaff · April 2014

@sprashley‌
I went through something similar with my mom when we told her that we chose the name Kiernan. She said "oh, no - are you sure? I don't think that's a good idea" and then proceeded to tell me that her and my father had to flip a coin and that's how I got my name (which I have never liked my name). I told her she needed to deal with it because the is the name we chose after months of careful thought and consideration.

My MiL story:

H's oldest brother and wife brought over a bunch of baby stuff for MiL to use when she watches LO. Included in this was a stroller with carseat and base. H and I are not comfortable with the idea of them driving anywhere with LO as they are not the best drivers, the car is actually kinda really gross and I am just overall not comfortable with the idea.

So today MiL said she was going to have her friend put the car seat in. H did a good job by jumping in and stating how it probably isn't necessary because they're never going to need to travel with LO. BUT just to cement it I jumped in and stated that if they were going to put in the car seat then they needed to bring it to the police station for a safety check. MiL looked at me like I had seven heads and very quickly decided she wasn't going to do all that and the the car seat wasn't necessary.

I'm sorry but if you cant even bring yourself to do a car seat check for the safety of your grandson then you don't need to be taking him out anywhere.

jpoindahouse · April 2014

BlueDot818 said:

MIL sent DH a text last night that went something like this (I'm paraphrasing bc her texts are like novels, with no punctuation) "Is this the week BlueDots family is coming? I bet she is excited. I have plenty of time to come clean the house for you. I can mop the floors, scrub the kitchen, dust, clean the windows, I'll do whatever you want. When does her family get here? Do you want me to come watch T so that BlueDot has time with them? If you want something special I have a few cakes I could bring over, just let me know when is a good time to come by." I don't think I need to explain to you all how insane she is, but I'll feel better venting it out. 1. Why would I want you to come clean my house. Your house is a shit hole disaster we aren't even allowed in anymore?!? 2. I really don't believe you for a second that you would clean. You would walk in steal the baby, and tell me that I have time to clean now. 3. My house isn't that dirty anyway! 4. Why would we want you to come watch the baby when that's the whole reason that my family is coming? 5. Why do you have cakes (plural) just sitting around your house? As if the rest of the text wasn't weird enough! DH responded by saying "T can't wait to see you and the farm on Sunday" (when we go to my SIL's for dinner) I'm sure I'll have more stories for you then! End Vent.

Typically, asking a new mom if she needs help is nice, but I agree with you- this text is too, too much. It's almost desperate

MissDemeanor · April 2014

KatyBriggs said:

My mom & I are super close & never argue. So this one shocked me. After LO rolled over, she dismissed it and said it had to have been a fluke because he didn't repeat it right away. It made me mad. Is running a marathon negated because you only do it once? No. You did it. It counts. LO rolled over again yesterday. I sent my mom a text informing her and asking if she still thought it was a fluke. Take that mom. Never underestimate or discount my baby boy!

My dad does this about smiles, saying they're just gas! I get so annoyed

Meghan14 · April 2014

My mother is trying to rename LO! She thinks we should have used 1st name as middle and middle as first, but have him GO BY the name we picked anyway. Yes, I'm as confused as you are about that. She is also trying to rename the cat and tried for 2 years to rename the dog. CRAZY!!

KazDuck918 · April 2014

TyrannosaurusLex said:

KazDuck918 said:
My MIL is just bat shizz crazy. LO is the first grandchild on both sides. She told hubs that if she likes our son so much she can't wait until BIL has a baby because she'll love it even more. (BIL is 39 years old and doesn't even have a GF, but he's the golden child)
Thats unbelievably mean. Why does your H continue to remain in contact with her? Does anyone stand up for him?

Because she has been mentally abusive to him and his sister their whole lives so they spend all of their time trying to obtain her approval and praise. She calls him every year on his birthday to remind him how difficult her life was because he was a c section, but she still loves him.

sprashley · April 2014

Soap1 said:

I took DS3 to where MIL lives to let her see him*, and she held him for all of 15 minutes and didn't take any pictures or ask anyone to take a picture of her with him.

*(she wouldn't visit us, and there's bad blood with her and DH so I just took it upon myself because I am amazing. plus his grandparents are nice people and I wanted them to see the baby.)

You are amazing. Not sure I would have done that... what a bizzo.

sprashley · April 2014

@bluedot818 your MIL sounds like a con-artist.

jpoindahouse · April 2014

Ugh MIL just got off the phone with DH and I could hear her grilling him about things that are really none of her business. The house we currently live in was bought by me when I was still single, I made all the improvements to it, it is in my name and all of the mortgage payments are made by me. I want to rent this house out when we move, but MIL keeps trying to get DH to convince me that we should sell not rent. She is also telling him what improvements I should and shouldn't make to the house. This is so none of her business. I like having one or two things just in my name and, while I am going to get DHs input on what to do with the house, I certainly do not want her input. She just has to have her hands in everything

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