CPW: Is It Rude/Tacky

Re: CPW: Is It Rude/Tacky

• Altima80 member

  April 2014

  I don't know what a jack and Jill party is but I assume it's another event to get gifts? If so, yes, very rude to invite to that but not the wedding.

  
  There are three reasons for breast-feeding: the milk is always at the right temperature; it comes in attractive containers; and the cat can't get it.  ~Irena Chalmers
  

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• Carrie3102 member

  April 2014

  I'm going to put this out there because it TOTALLY PISSED ME OFF.

  My bridesmaids threw me a wedding shower, my MIL thought that was her right, and threw me one too, jack/jill style with a bunch of her friends who we were not inviting to the wedding, we had a set number at 150, and all these people were at this party, who I 1. had never seen before, 2. had no intentions of inviting to my wedding and 3.  I felt like the tackiest person on the planet, I nearly died.

  She told us "hey, bring some invites to the shower to give to xyz because they should be invited.  I said, hey, how about you pay for their meals then? it was awful.  My wedding was so stressful because of her, and I was so mortified on more than one occasion because of something she or her sister did.  BLEH!

   

  Sorry... total hijack.  Forgive me?

  

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• 24karat member

  April 2014

  Altima80 said:

  I don't know what a jack and Jill party is but I assume it's another event to get gifts? If so, yes, very rude to invite to that but not the wedding.

  Basically it takes the place of the shower and you buy a ticket to go. There are raffles and a bar. The funds raised go to the bride and groom. I'd never heard of it before moving to New England.

  J13 May Siggy Challenge: People lacking in common sense raise my blood pressure.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  DD 8/11 | DS1 7/13 | DS2 7/13

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• sparkymcgeee member

  April 2014

  Oh carrie that is awful. Yikes.

  
  

  
  

  
  
  I lost my angels 07/2010, 04/2017, 10/2017
  
  Meimsx no more

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• coco2787 member

  April 2014

  A J&J party sounds tacky to begin with, but if guests are expected to give money/gifts then they should absolutely be invited to the wedding.

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• jackson290721 member

  April 2014

  I'm so happy I've never been invited to a J&J party. I wouldn't even know how to respond to that invite.

  

  because it didn't fucking snow enough for me to build my own

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• Carrie3102 member

  April 2014

  @Meimsx I know I was mortified.  There's so much... I wish I could do my wedding all over again... That woman and her sister... good lord. I know exactly how not to be as a MIL.

  

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• 24karat member

  April 2014

  LOL I love how J13 (so far) shares my take on J&J parties. I was kind of horrified at the thought when someone explained it to me...what happened to budgeting for a wedding you can afford? I have no problem going to fundraisers, but weddings shouldn't have them IMO.
  
  @NKaeding‌ I was thinking the same about SRC...almost tagged her in the OP but figured I could guess her opinion easily.

  J13 May Siggy Challenge: People lacking in common sense raise my blood pressure.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  DD 8/11 | DS1 7/13 | DS2 7/13

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• martyn17 member

  April 2014

  @Carrie3102-- That is awful.  I'm so sorry

  
  

  My understanding is a Jack and Jill is just a coed shower, in which case I don't think its inherently tacky.  I do think its tacky to invite people to wedding related events if they aren't invited to the actual wedding.

  K & M married 10.8.2011 *** BFP 7.17.2012, EDD 3.21.2013, Miscarriage at 6 wks 3 days *** BFP #2 11.7.2012, beautiful Tess born 7.11.2013
  

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• martyn17 member

  April 2014

  kjkarats03 said:

  I don't know what a jack and Jill party is but I assume it's another event to get gifts? If so, yes, very rude to invite to that but not the wedding.

  Basically it takes the place of the shower and you buy a ticket to go. There are raffles and a bar. The funds raised go to the bride and groom. I'd never heard of it before moving to New England.

  That is NOT what I thought a Jack and Jill was.  That is insanely tacky.  I'm from New England (CT) and I have never heard of that.  

  K & M married 10.8.2011 *** BFP 7.17.2012, EDD 3.21.2013, Miscarriage at 6 wks 3 days *** BFP #2 11.7.2012, beautiful Tess born 7.11.2013
  

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• elyse05 member

  April 2014

  Yikes, sounds worse than a shower!  I get so awkward (and bright red!) when receiving gifts, so receiving cash from friends/acquaintances would KILL me.
  
  
  
  

  

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• atlvol member

  April 2014

  I had no clue what a Jack & Jill party was....I wouldn't recommend googling it....

  
  

  Anywho, yes. I think it is tacky.  The whole things sounds weird.  

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• Melissa0926432 member

  April 2014

  Inviting people to a shower when they are not invited to the wedding = tacky

  Coed shower = not tacky

  Shower where you ask your guests to buy "tickets" = super tacky

   

  I've never really heard of a Jack and Jill - I just assumed it was a coed shower but if it includes tickets no, just no.

   

  

   

   

  
  

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• saphires member

  April 2014

  Very tacky. 

  
  

  
  

  

  
  

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• lovemyminions member

  April 2014

  Hmmmm....if a jack and Jill is like a buck n doe than they are normal and expected around here. It is a party fundraiser that is thrown by the wedding party to raise money for the bride and groom. Either for wedding, honeymoon or first home. We don't have a local bar so these are very popular as a way to get out and be social, drink and dance. There is always a free evening meal (mmmmm....buck n doe burgers) dj and bar. Lots of games, raffles and 50/50 tickets. It is always a great time. It is considered part of the wedding events and very odd if you don't have one. Friends and acquaintances and neighbours come out to this and there is no expectation to be invited to the wedding. Mind you it is VERY frowned upon to throw on of these for yourself.

  Formerly the untaggable Mrs. D S }

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• lovemyminions member

  April 2014

  If a jack and Jill is like a liquor and lace or co ed shower, than yes very tacky.

  Formerly the untaggable Mrs. D S }

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• Carrie3102 member

  April 2014

  FTR I thought Jack/Jill meant co-ed shower.  no one put up money for our wedding except us.

  

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• geoffandjen728 member

  April 2014

  kjkarats03 said:

  Altima80 said:

  I don't know what a jack and Jill party is but I assume it's another event to get gifts? If so, yes, very rude to invite to that but not the wedding.

  Basically it takes the place of the shower and you buy a ticket to go. There are raffles and a bar. The funds raised go to the bride and groom. I'd never heard of it before moving to New England.

  Huh... I've lived in New England my whole life and never heard of buying tickets... I've heard of people doing jack and Jill type parties but my understanding is they are more like a sort of informal engagement party where gifts are optional...
  Either way, tacky to invite people who won't be invited to the wedding or at least a special reception of some kind if the couple plans on a private ceremony

  Me:33/DH: 34
  Married: July 28, 2012
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• Lelo2006 member

  April 2014

  @somerandomchick‌, how do you feel about the money dance? Two people I know did it and they got almost $30k. Their wedding was probably in the hundreds of thousands. Ticky Ticky tack tack

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• EagleWife member

  April 2014

  I don't know what this is either, but I suspect that you are not referring to the urban dictionary's definition of this type of party.

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• Pink724 member

  April 2014

  I had never heard of this but it sounds incredibly tacky.

  Mom to three girls and pregnant with #4!
  L: 7/12/13
  C: 5/11/15
  E: 3/7/17
  Due 11/10/18

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• 24karat member

  April 2014

  EagleWife said:

  I don't know what this is either, but I suspect that you are not referring to the urban dictionary's definition of this type of party.

  LOL goodness no! Just watch a bunch of J13 go search it now.

  J13 May Siggy Challenge: People lacking in common sense raise my blood pressure.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  DD 8/11 | DS1 7/13 | DS2 7/13

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• PrimRoseMama member

  April 2014

  Carrie3102 said:

  I'm going to put this out there because it TOTALLY PISSED ME OFF.

  My bridesmaids threw me a wedding shower, my MIL thought that was her right, and threw me one too, jack/jill style with a bunch of her friends who we were not inviting to the wedding, we had a set number at 150, and all these people were at this party, who I 1. had never seen before, 2. had no intentions of inviting to my wedding and 3.  I felt like the tackiest person on the planet, I nearly died.

  She told us "hey, bring some invites to the shower to give to xyz because they should be invited.  I said, hey, how about you pay for their meals then? it was awful.  My wedding was so stressful because of her, and I was so mortified on more than one occasion because of something she or her sister did.  BLEH!

   

  Sorry... total hijack.  Forgive me?

  I would be so embarrassed. Holy hell!
  
  

  
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