AW: RE consult today -- Donor eggs may be the route for us? (long)

HeyMrsPotter · April 2014

First, let me apologize for the length of this. Yes, it has occurred to me that if I have this much to say, a blog would be a good place for it. I'll give that some thought if I find myself writing another post this long.

Today we met with our RE to discuss the fact that our three IUI's have all failed.

The good news: I responded pretty well to the meds during my treatment cycles, so it's reasonable to try a couple of more IUI rounds if we like. Or, we can consider IVF if we are financially up to doing so. This possibility of IVF was not a given when we first began IF treatment. The RE had warned us that if I didn't respond to medication, both IUI and IVF would have been taken off the table.

The so-so news: Because of my age and low AMH, he estimates my chances of success are maybe 10% for each IUI cycle and maybe 20% for IVF. And we would most likely not end up with any extra follies to freeze if we did decide to do a round of IVF. Meaning ,if our first attempt failed, which is statistically very likely, we would then be facing multiple, expensive additional rounds of treatment with very uncertain results. Although we have some limited insurance coverage for IUI, IVF is totally OOP for us.

The perhaps surprising news: Although our loss was devastating and I very much want another chance to have a baby, I'm not someone who will stop at nothing to get my rainbow. I have to believe I can and will live a content and fulfilling life whether or not I am ever a parent. So, while we could borrow heavily or cash out retirement funds for multiple rounds of OOP IVF, as of right now we're pretty sure we don't want to do so given the odds.

Please know that I recognize that many here don't feel this way, and I cast no judgment on anyone else's different decision-making or treatment priorities on this front.

I also don't have a particular need to have a genetic/biological connection to a child. Actually, given some of my family's medical history, in some ways I would feel better if I knew I wasn't passing those genes along. For this reason, adoption could really be a possibility that we would feel great about, but I do also have huge reservations about dealing with birth parents, the potential fall-out of their previous or future decision-making, how they would be involved or not, etc. And it would mean a lot to me to be able to deliver and parent my baby from the very beginning.

Where that leaves us: The RE thinks it's reasonable to try one or two more rounds of IUI. We'll likely do that. But if that doesn't work, given our reservations about our odds of success with IVF, and our openness to children from other genetic sources, he recommends we consider donor eggs. He said that if we felt differently about the IVF odds, or if IVF was covered in our state, he'd say we should definitely try that route. But knowing how we feel, donor eggs is a path we might want to take.

I know this approach comes with its own set of questions, and we have a lot of thinking to do. But the reason this looks attractive is that the costs are comparable to IVF, but we would have a 50% chance of success rather than 20%. It's not just about the cost. This also seems to me like a reasonable way to decrease somewhat the likelihood of more heartbreaking disappointment in our TTCAL journey. We could have a reasonable hope of success with a round or two of DE treatment. And, because the eggs are purchased in a batch of 10, there's a good chance we'd have follies left to freeze after a first attempt, making a second attempt more affordable.

We may change our minds after more thought, but at present, I'm seriously leaning toward investigating the donor egg route. I'll likely begin following up on the info the RE gave us and probably lurking on the 3rd-Party Reproduction board as well.

If you have any words of wisdom or insights, I'll gladly take them. If not, and you're still reading after this very long post, thanks for listening anyway.

MyFirstRaspberry · April 2014

Sending more ((hugs)). I think it is really awesome that you are and YH are on the same page.

jbasore1123 · April 2014

(((hugs))). We're also looking into DE. It's very nice that you're given 10 eggs, that's a good amount

uneek1323 · April 2014

God, I hate low AMH. More (((hugs))).

katib77 · April 2014

Not to sound like my mom but it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. You've thought through many outcomes. Good luck as you move forward and make decisions.

jlworden710 · April 2014

I have no advice but I'm sending so many hugs and much love! That's a whole lot to think about and take in. Glad you guys have a plan and idea. ❤️

HeyMrsPotter · April 2014

((HUGS)) back to you, @jbasore1123, @snegde and @uneek1323. And thanks to all for your kind words and support.

@PetraStoneGirl, I really appreciate all you shared. Thank you so much. I really have a lot of learning to do, so please expect to see my name in your PM in-box in the near future. I don't know anything about my clinic's embryology expertise. I know that they work with frozen eggs from My Egg Bank-North American and from what I gathered, I think my clinic does the thaw, fertilization and transfer themselves. That said, this is the clinic covered by our insurance, but since our coverage is for IUI only, there's nothing preventing us from going elsewhere. I will definitely and find out what I can about all my my options.

For now, I need to shift gears for a while and let my brain process all this. So, it's off to the horse barn for me.

Denise91980 · April 2014

I don't have any advice, but wanted to offer some ((hugs)). I actually admire your thought process and wish that I could think a little more like you. I have a high FSH and low AMH and my RE recommended DE off the bat, but I want to try everything possible. It is a last resort for us and my sister offered to donate if need be. ((Hugs)) and best of luck to you.

taberbtb · April 2014

I have no advice, but I am sending (((hugs))) and wish you the best in making your decision. It sounds like you have/are really putting a lot of thought into this and making the best possible decision for your family without letting emotion cloud your judgement.

BluEyedGirl26 · April 2014

I have no advice but just wanted to offer (((hugs))). It sounds like you have a good plan and I hope that you find peace in whichever decision you make.

dawnstar898 · April 2014

Sounds like you had a very productive appointment! I know it's a lot to think about and I wish you all the luck! Big (((hugs)))

AggieBeth06 · April 2014

Sounds like a roller coaster of emotions and information to process. Your post was very well reasoned and I think you're on your way to making decisions you will feel good about in the long term. (((Hugs)))

TVLily · April 2014

I have no advice either but want you to know I'm thinking of you and YH as make this decision. I hate that this is something you have to even consider and am sending you so much support and ((hugs)).

anitaflora · April 2014

I don't have any advice to offer, but your story is so close to my heart and you are someone on this board who I've felt so close to. I just wanted to reply and say I'm glad you have some clear information to sort through as you make your decisions going forward. I know it's not easy. I just want to send you a ton of hugs and good wishes as you go through this.

smcniff · April 2014

Good luck to you as you start doing your research. (((hugs)))

Buttercup509 · April 2014

I don't have any advice, just want to offer (((hugs))).

HeyMrsPotter · April 2014

anitaflora said:

I don't have any advice to offer, but your story is so close to my heart and you are someone on this board who I've felt so close to. I just wanted to reply and say I'm glad you have some clear information to sort through as you make your decisions going forward. I know it's not easy. I just want to send you a ton of hugs and good wishes as you go through this.

Thank you, Anita. I am fortunate to call you my friend. :x

And thank you everyone for your supportive replies. You can be sure I'll update when more is happening. And I promise I'll try to be more concise next time.

luciddreamer106 · April 2014

I don't have any insights or advice to offer, but just want to offer hugs. It sounds like you've already jumped over your first hurdle- that you and YH are on the same page. I'm sorry that you've reached this point in your journey. ((hugs))

alm288 · April 2014

I don't have any advice, but don't believe that you have to have a biological/genetic connection to your child. Some of my cousins were adopted and we feel no differently about them. It sounds like you have thought this through and have a good plan/ideas moving forward. Best of luck and (((hugs)))

RedTwizzlers · April 2014

I don't have any advice but I do have lots of ((hugs)) it sounds like you have some good options so that's good. I'll be thinking of you.

rmpar29 · April 2014

I have no advice love, just ((HUGS)). It's a lot to process and I'm sorry that you are faced with this. Sounds like you have an excellent RE who gave you some good information and options. My thoughts are with you honey!

Alicia_R1 · April 2014

many ((hugs)) I am so sorry you are having to go through this and make these decisions. It sounds like you and your DH have really thought this through and have a good plan in mind. I'd like to say that I read your posts and have to say your really are an inspiration to me and I am sure many others with the strength and compassion you always show.

QuigleyCat1 · April 2014

All of you concerns are valid and decisions are so very personal. Sounds like you are informed and will make the very best decision. Thinking of you! HUGS

LaRomana09 · April 2014

(((HUGS))) It is a lot to take in, but it sounds like you have some good options and you and YH are on the same page. I am sending lots of T&Ps your way. >:D<

megrae12 · April 2014

I do not have advice but I am offering lots of ((Hugs)) love. I am keeping everything crossed for a successful IUI.

stefuge · April 2014

I don't have any advice, but wanted to offer ((hugs)). Sounds like you have a good plan.

ToriGirl2014 · April 2014

I have had many of the same thoughts as you. GL in this journey and keep us updated. :-*

bunnybun4 · April 2014

I have no advice but wanted to offer my ((hugs)). You sound like you have put a lot of heart and thought into this...t's and p's moving forward!

peggels24 · April 2014

I just wanted to give you so many ((hugs)).

jap618 · April 2014

No advice, just (((hugs)))! It sounds like you have a good plan and you & YH are on the same page. Good luck with all of the research! I hope your IUI's work out so you don't have to go down that route if you don't have to!

ikrystal · April 2014

((hugs)). It sounds like you have a lot of options that you are open to. You're such a strong person to be looking realistically at all your odds and keeping an open mind about not necessarily having biological children. I am sorry that you have to make this decision, though. It can't be easy. I wish I had advice, but it sounds like you will make the right decision for you and your family. Good luck.

sgio7485 · April 2014

I have no advice, just some ((hugs))

stephy1221 · April 2014

No advice but want to wish you well moving ahead. It sounds like you have some good options on the table. Best of luck.

buggirl72 · April 2014

Want to step in and give you some more (((hugs))).

jbasore1123 · April 2014

There is a Facebook group for egg/embryo adoption that you may be interested in. It's private so you have to request to join. PM Liz4paws if you are interested.

AW: RE consult today -- Donor eggs may be the route for us? (long)

Re: AW: RE consult today -- Donor eggs may be the route for us? (long)

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