When would you be worried?

AshleyDehaven · April 2014

I want to preface this by saying that my son has remarkable motor skills, and is very sweet and affectionate. But he doesn't talk. He says momma and dada, and used to be working on other words, but that has stopped. He doesn't respond to his name, or to requests like "can i see the ball" and a lot of time we have to really work him into playing WITH us. Most of the time he would rather play alone. His motor skills are insane, as are his problem solving skills, i watched this child turn over his toy box, and push it up against his playpen, so that he could climb into it to get a toy. He doesn't wave, or point, or use gestures. Understands but doesn't respond to the word "no" when he used to. He is very specific about his foods, he won't touch anything that makes his hands sticky or slimey. So he won't paint either. I did the horrible thing and started googling, and you can imagine the things it told me. I guess i am worried, i know how smart he is, but he is behind socially. He cuddles, but only to watch something with me, or when he isn't feeling well, or is tired, we are going through a sleep regression right now and he will only fall asleep with me. He flips pages of books to look at pictures, and i think he likes the sensation, but is not interested in being read to. On the one hand, the verbal stuff took a nose dive when he started walking and crawling, so maybe he is just focused on that, but on the other, several websites told me these are signs of early autism and that he needs to be screened. Am i being ridiculous? Is this just one of those "every kid is different" things? Or would you be concerned?

bennikki · April 2014

My sister and SIL are spec. ed. teachers with autism specialties, so it's always on the radar for me. With the background I have from my sisters, contact your dr. and request they have DS assessed by someone in the special ed community. Early intervention is most effective with autism spectrum disorders. My SIL does the assessments all the time for the school district. They aren't medical diagnosis; they are assessments to encourage support from the county and school district level. If DS is struggling, you want to have someone working with him on his sensory processing now because studies show early intervention can prevent bigger issues down the road. They can't officially diagnosis ASD until they're at least 2.

I noticed DS stopped saying "thank you" a couple months ago (right around when he really got into walking), and just in the past week, he's started saying "thank you" again. I think you're right in that they can "lose" some skills to gain others, but I think that's normal. DS is really social, but he also goes to DC, early childhood classes with me, and has several cousins that live minutes away. If I remember correctly, you're a SAHM and your family is a distance away. We have identical twin nephews whose mom stays home with them, and they didn't talk until they were two. At two they were able to go to the nursery at their church, and their mom took a long term sub position, so they were in daycare part-time as well. Getting your son around others at his level may show you a completely different side of him. I think the fact that he's speaking at all is a good sign even if it's not a lot of actual vocabulary yet.

P.S. my 3 year old niece was/still is the same way about sticky/slimey food, and she has developed normally. Some kids just don't like to touch stuff like that. Plus, I can't get my DS interested in painting or coloring, so the fact that he won't paint may not have anything to do with it.

jobiann · April 2014

Great advice from the PP. I think you should have a conversation with his doctor about being evaluated to check for signs. I know DS looses skills and regains them often. Especially if he is working on a new skill. I know it's easy for me to say, try not to worry. And know there is so much assistance out there for autism. (((hugs)))

Jessie333 · April 2014

b0710 said:
From my experience, I've never regretted looking into something, only to find out there's no need to worry. However, not getting early help for a real problem can be a serious issue. I do not mean to be an alarmist, because what you described I think seems normal. However, if it's something that you are concerned about, I would at least investigate a little, have him evaluated, etc.

This is my thought exactly.

AshleyDehaven · April 2014

@PrivacyWanted - Took the test. Scored high risk. Calling his doctor.

spainy17 · April 2014

I just wanted to give you support and say that the fact that you are voicing concern means it is at least worth looking into. Like the pps said, it can never hurt to check and while kids develop at wildly different rates there is something to mothers intuition. I hope it is nothing. We are here for you. :-)

AshleyDehaven · April 2014

I mean.. Certainly not ALL kids this age point at things and come when you call their name right? He plays tag, it's his favorite game.. And he used to LOVE peek a boo. I feel like a horrible person for being scared. It isn't like i would love him any less, he is my precious boy and nothing would ever make me love him less. But i'll admit it, i don't know the first thing about Autism. I knew one person in my entire life who had Asperger's. And she was only aloud to come to school for choir.

His appointment to be assessed is on the 9th at 2:30. Do me a favor, and think healthy, happy, too busy to talk, thoughts for my baby?

Little Dawson · April 2014

Hopefully I can help put some of your worries at ease, although I would ask and have him checked to be sure that it's this or autism or other. My son was late at doing a few things excepts motor and fine motor skills. He didn't start pointing until between 18 months and 2 years and never said anything besides mama, occasionally dada, and then oh wow (between 18 and 24 months). We were worried about possibilities of autism or learning disabilities. We had him analyzed by a speech and hearing place and started there. They checked hearing to be sure to rule that out, then they made sure other things such as his ability to look you in the eye and try and communicate in other ways were there, at least in part. For us they ruled out autism. We went through a private speech therapy place for a few months and are now with a different place that travels to our home and DS's school/daycare. They have officially ruled it apraxia, which basically means that his brain works a lot faster than his mouth, and later when you see him babbling more (my son was also a very late babbler - around 15-18 months) there should be sounds when pointing or gesturing in a direction that they want something. He did a melody type tone for wanting and another for asking. It took us a while to figure that he had this and he didn't really start doing that until closer to 2. He also never played with most toys the way other kids do, and would and will mostly keep to himself when playing with other kids. The way that they learn is very different and they tend to watch instead of interacting and they don't really want to talk because they don't feel confident, this is all from what I've noticed with bits and pieces from his speech therapist and a couple other moms that I've met with kids who have speech delay. I hope the best for you and your DS, and no matter what he is a happy and healthy baby!

ohiodoxiemama08 · April 2014

I think PPs have had great advice. I have worked as an ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis, if you're not familiar, used most frequently with those on the spectrum) therapist and in several special needs classroom with kids on the autism spectrum and the best advice I can give with any child that possibly has a spectrum disorder is to seek intervention as soon as humanly possible. I have seen 2 year olds who barely talk and interact become completely verbal and even reading within months.

Also, if I remember correctly you guys are military and the military has amazing benefits for any kind of therapy. Most insurance companies will not cover ABA or you have to fight to get them to cover some of it and Tricare will cover up to 30 hours per week almost completely. If you feel there is any kind of language delays you should be able to get the help you need.

Hopefully it's nothing, but like PPs said take advantage of your resources and follow your gut. Hang in there mama. And if you have any questions about ABA or anything like that feel free to message me.

Hang in there mama, sending positive thoughts.

ema10 · April 2014

Sending positive thoughts your way!

It's so hard to know what's normal and what's not, being first time mamas. Better to err on the side of caution. Way to be proactive!

ReeceFamily · April 2014

While I totally agree with PPs that testing is a good idea... I can read your original post and think "yeah, DD does that" to a number of things. She gets so bored if I try to read her a book and insists consistently on looking at books upside down. She ignores us selectively when we say her name. She hates slimy cold food. I actually tried to get her to finger paint tonight and she was not into it. She does point and gesture a lot, uses her signs readily, and loves animal sounds, but no mama papa etc. I was worried but at daycare they consider her communication to be advanced. Good for you for taking action, but I'll be curious to see whether your LO is just marching to his own drummer. Let us know!!

brachysira · April 2014

I think it is great that you already have an appointment. I wanted to say that on the M-CHAT M scored high risk a couple months ago (before we were supposed to look at it) and now she scores a zero. 14 months is the earliest you are suppose to take it, so these skills could definitely develop. She also gains, loses, and regains skills all the time. She practices something and then gets bored and stops but then when she needs it, she does it. If you can get some therapy or Early On, that will be good for LO and probably fun. You won't get a diagnosis now, so you don't have to stress. Whatever comes later, you'll be happy you did something as early as possible.

gagirl2004 · April 2014

Like pp I just wanted to say good luck and lots of hugs to you mama. You are a great mama, I think we all tend to worry.

mylittleladies1229 · April 2014

I am a board certified behavior analyst and have worked with children with autism my whole career. I think you have gotten some great advice here and want to give you kudos for being proactive. I just want to add that I would hope no doctor would put any label on your child at this age! Skills are still developing and seeing a speech therapist or early intervention specialist would beneficial in helping language develop.

AshleyDehaven · April 2014

I am glad you ladies are so supportive, because that is about where the support ends. I told my mother about the appointment this morning, and she blew a fuse and called me crazy and told me to cancel it. So that was fun. Even if it is something as simple, as wanting to be independant right now, or having trouble with speech, where is the harm in getting him seen, and getting him a little extra help? But oh no, the entire medical field is full of morons, and the enormous strides we have made in understanding autism means nothing. I'm a busy body, child obsessed, overreacting, worry wort who is concerned over nothing. "He's 14 months old! Those are just guidelines, they mean nothing!". You know, i get it, every kid develops differently, but when there are SO many warning signs, how is it responsible to not even consider having them evaluated? What does that hurt? OF COURSE i am hoping they say nothing is wrong, of course i want to be wrong, THAT IS WHY WE ARE GOING! So that if i AM wrong, and this is just a phase, i can start sleeping at night again, and stop dissolving into tears after he goes to bed after an entire day of him not once acknowledging being spoken to. I want to know if there really is something to be worried about, and if there is, i will beat down the doors of every specialist, and therapist in the country if i have to, to get him the best help available, because no matter what, he is my perfect baby boy.. He's my bubble.. How could i not?

Ugh.. Sorry ladies. Long morning.

ReeceFamily · April 2014

Your mom really took it personally, I wonder why? I'm so sorry she reacted like that. If he really does go an entire day without responding and acknowledging your attempts to connect (which I didn't understand before), then I think you are being an awesome, loving mom for bringing him in. Plus you are acknowledging him for who he is and where he's at. Sounds like your mom is not willing to do that.

AshleyDehaven · April 2014

He plays tag with my husband, we have little games, so when the mood strikes him he acknowledges us, but if i say his name 99 times out of a hundred, nothing. He doesn't pay attention when we talk to him. BUT, if my husband is holding him, and they start to walk toward the door, he immediately gets excited and starts looking at me, to get me to chase them. It's our game. He holds hands to go on walks, he chases my husband, so there are somethings he does that are VERY social. But it is like he doesn't hear us. I know he isn't deaf, because if he hears a favorite movie get put on, he comes running. But maybe it's just a verbal delay? I don't know. Regardless, i am going to find out. My mom is.. Unique. She also took it very personally when i was diagnosed with depression. Thought it was all in my head. I know, i know, fun huh? I love her, but when it comes to medical stuff i try not to talk to her about it as much as possible. She happened to call while i was having a break down, and Thoren answered the phone before i had time to get it from him. Smart kid, there is no doubt about that.

brachysira · April 2014

You know, it still could be a hearing issue. There can be damage and you can hear some things but not others. That may be part of the assessment or you can ask how to have it done when you're there. It was fun when DD was small, but last time it was horrible--it's a 2 second test with a thing in each ear, and she did not want to do it. She talks a lot but gets these test b/c she was a preemie. We may not go back because she hated it, but other kids do not seem to object nearly as much.

emja0214 · April 2014

I ditto everything that was said. I am so sorry about your mom and that you are dealing with this on top of your own stuff. Hang in there and know we are here for you!

AshleyDehaven · April 2014

I don't know if this is just me seeing what i want to see, but over the last few days we THINK things have started to improve. Thoren is starting to listen when i (not DH, but DH is rarely here so i get that) tell him no, he looked where DH pointed this weekend a couple of times at the aquarium, and zoo (we decided to take a day trip out of town to decompress and try to have fun), and he has started making a new sound! We are still taking him for the eval because there are certainly still red flags and things that need addressing, but i have a glimmer of hope now, whereas last week i was convinced.. I am still prepared for "the worst" but i have good signs staring at me, giving me an indication that maybe he is just doing things in his own time. We have noticed that he comes to DH when he asks him to, but doesn't for me, listens to "no" about half the time now, when i say it, doesn't usually for DH. He reaches up to us, and pulls on our shirts to be picked up, he doesn't point, but he does bring us his bottle or go to the gate to the kitchen and bang on it when he is hungry or thirsty, and he seems to at least be starting to understand what pointing means. He is still babbling all the time, he babbles the sounds; ma, pa, ba, da, ch, coo, tuh, kuh, ss, and suh, and he says mama, and dada and associates it with the appropriate person. Our appointment is tomorrow, i am still going to ask about speech therapy and whatever else they suggest because my feeling is there is no such thing as too much education, or too much help. We are also thinking of starting to take him to a playgroup at least once a week to socialize him better, because if i am being honest, i think some of you nailed it on the head, he spends 95% of his time alone with me. He has played with other children twice in his life. If i am being completely honest, i have been sick, and some days it has been necessary to let him watch a couple movies and play on his own while i watch, instead of actively engaging him socially, and i think we have developed some bad habits. So we will do whatever the doctor recommends tomorrow, start getting out more, and see where we are by 18 months. If he is still struggling, then i will insist on EIS if they haven't already started him in the program by them. Thank all of you amazing ladies for being an ear, and so supportive through this, i know we're "internet friends" but i really don't know what i would do without being about to come here and sound off. My family is less than... Ideal, i guess is a good word, and me and DS are alone a lot. So being able to talk to and get feedback here has been indispensable. You ladies rock.

gagirl2004 · April 2014

I have been praying for you and so glad to hear he is showing you he can do everything in his own time. He is probably just stubborn. My nephew is not being taught in the home and he needs speech therapy I believe. Unlike you his parents wont acknowledge anything could be wrong and get him help. Please update us tomorrow, we are all here for you and your sweet Thoren.

Little Dawson · April 2014

Just like PP said we're here for you, and I'm glad things are looking up! Kids are individuals and although many books say how things should be as a norm at different ages, there's still lots of variable individually. Please keep us updated and know that we're here for support

AshleyDehaven · April 2014

My parents take the implication that someone in the family could have a "problem" very personally. I was a gifted child, but had poor concentration because i was bored out of my mind in school, my teacher recommended special ed, because she thought i was "slow", my dad blew a fuse. That sort of thing. So my parents basically feel that getting him therapy and help now is saying that he has a problem, and they refuse to accept that, that could be a possibility. Just like mom refuses, to this day, to acknowledge that i do have a chronic depressive disorder that requires medication and therapy. To her it's all in my head and i just need to (actual words) "suck it up, and move on". I love my parents, but basically they are the model for parents that i don't want to be. She actually told me yesterday to send Thoren to her, to take a break and get my priorities straight. Like that is going to happen..

AshleyDehaven · April 2014

I have never been so scared in my life..

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