Working Moms

The new stay-at-home mom surge: It's not who you think--Thoughts??

The new stay-at-home mom surge: It's not who you think

More moms are staying at home with their kids full time, and those moms tend to be younger, less educated and more likely to be poor than women who work outside the home, new research finds.

That picture of stay-at-home motherhood may be at odds with a stereotype many Americans have of wealthier, more educatedmothers who choose to stay home with their children because they can afford not to work.

While that’s still true of some moms, researchers also argue that many women who stay at home are doing so at least partly because they can’t afford the child care costs and other expenses associated with going to work, especially if they can’t get a job that pays well.

D’Vera Cohn, a senior writer at Pew Research Center and one of the authors of the new report, said women who stay home with their children are likely doing so for a slew of reasons, including economic ones.

"Even women who say they're staying home by choice may tell you they're home because the workplace didn't offer them many other options," she said.

The new analysis of stay-at-home moms with children under age 18, released Tuesday by Pew Research Center, found that 29 percent of moms with kids under age 18 were stay-at-home moms in 2012, up from 23 percent in 1999.

The study, which was based on a detailed analysis of government data through 2012, appears to show that economic pressures may be one factor behind that increase. Since 2000, Cohn said there has been an increase in the share of moms who said they are at home with their kids because they can’t find a job.

The researchers also found that Hispanic, Asian and immigrant mothers are more likely than their peers to stay home full-time with children.

For many women, Cohn said there are probably a number of reasons — including economic factors, personal preferences and cultural norms — that go into the decision to stay home.

Allicyn Willix, 29, has been a stay-at-home mom since her daughter Parker, now 2, was born. She has relished the time with her kids, but she’s also looking forward to her son, Conner, starting kindergarten next fall. That’s because it will mean she only has to pay child care expenses for one child – and can afford to go back to work.

“I really want to be able to get out there and provide financially (because ) we struggle at times,” she said. “But it’s rewarding, too, to be able to stay at home.”

In general, the Pew report showed, the least-educated mothers are most likely to be at home. About 21 percent of college-educated moms are stay-at-home moms, compared with 35 percent of high schoolgraduates and 51 percent of moms with less than a high school diploma.

The share of college-educated moms who don't work outside the home has not risen substantially since 2000.

Cohn said Pew’s research also found that only a fraction of stay-at-home moms appear to be “opting out” of high pressure careers. The researchers found that women with at least a master’s degree and a family income of more than $75,000 made up just 5 percent of married stay-at-home moms with working husbands.

“Certainly these elite stay-at-home mothers have gotten a lot of attention, but they’re only a small slice of all stay-at-home moms,” Cohn said. 

Allison Linn is a reporter at CNBC. Follow her on Twitter @allisondlinn or send her an e-mail.

2014 CBNC

https://www.today.com/money/more-mothers-staying-home-kids-study-shows-2D79497794

Anybody else read this article?  What do you think?

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Re: The new stay-at-home mom surge: It's not who you think--Thoughts??

  • i tend to agree with @courtandnate. i know a number of people who were out of work, but refused to get jobs because unemployment kept getting extended so they figured it wasnt worth it. these are educated people i am talking about. we reward those who dont work and punish those who are successful...its disgusting and sad that our country has become this.

    on to the article....i agree with some of it. For example...daycare costs me 2k a month. A nanny would have cost me 4k. I know some people dont think like this, but quite frankly...if i didnt make enough money to pay for childcare AND pocket a decent amount there after, I would not work-I would stay home with my children. The money matters to me... if it werent for the money, I would prefer to stay home with my children (i do prefer to stay home with my children, but right now I make too much to walk away from, so I am working to pay for their college and pay off our mortgage). Now, if my DH didnt have health insurance and I worked solely to provide that, different story of course.  I can see the argument of staying home bc the cost of childcare does not make it worth working...

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  • DH and I were just talking about this the other day! Most of the moms I know work.  Of the women I know that do SAH, I always thought it was because their H's made a lot of money and I guess I kind of had a romantic notion that the mom just wanted to be with her kids and chose not to work.  However, over time I've learned most of them do it because they either can't find a job or can't find one that pays enough to make it worth working because they don't have a college degree or they can't find a job in their field.  

    I really don't know any women I can think of off the top of my head that have left a successful career to SAH.  And my friends who SAH because they can't find a job think I'm crazy when I talk about leaving my job to SAH.  

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  • This seems pretty accurate to me. The majority of SAHMs I know quit b/c they didn't make enough money for DC. With baby 3 on the way, I am planning to SAH. Partly b/c almost my entire paycheck would go to daycare, and partly b/c I have always wanted to SAH and it is finally possible for us financially. I also agree that the poor and uneducated can make out better with the system than by actually working to pay for things, it is sad that it has to be that way.
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  • Living in a suburb of NYC I would say most of my college educated once professional moms stay at home because their husbands make substantial money. Some own vacation homes. I agree that many people who stay home may not have the degrees, or the money for daycare which is a fortune! But also culturally many Latin families parents watch the kids. In my case I'm the minority in my circle of friends who returned to work, all of my friends husbands have huge salaries. Some even have part time nannies.
  • Reilly626 said:
    Living in a suburb of NYC I would say most of my college educated once professional moms stay at home because their husbands make substantial money. Some own vacation homes. I agree that many people who stay home may not have the degrees, or the money for daycare which is a fortune! But also culturally many Latin families parents watch the kids. In my case I'm the minority in my circle of friends who returned to work, all of my friends husbands have huge salaries. Some even have part time nannies.
    Same.  I work in BigLaw and most of my female co-workers quit after having children because their husbands were making big salaries by then.  However, most of them complain (after lots of wine) that despite their husbands being really upstanding guys in general, the dynamics of their relationships changed once the husbands became the sole income-generator.  I make way more than DH so quitting is never going to be in teh cards for me, though sometimes I do day-dream about working part time.
  • ss265ss265 member
    mlee116 said:
    DH and I were just talking about this the other day! Most of the moms I know work.  Of the women I know that do SAH, I always thought it was because their H's made a lot of money and I guess I kind of had a romantic notion that the mom just wanted to be with her kids and chose not to work.  However, over time I've learned most of them do it because they either can't find a job or can't find one that pays enough to make it worth working because they don't have a college degree or they can't find a job in their field.  

    I really don't know any women I can think of off the top of my head that have left a successful career to SAH.  And my friends who SAH because they can't find a job think I'm crazy when I talk about leaving my job to SAH.  

    This is me exactly. The female friends I have though are either through work or through my MBA program so it's a biased sample. But I can only think of 2 of my female friends who decided to stay at home - one had twins and I'm pretty sure she didn't make enough to cover day care for two and another wasn't working when she got pregnant.

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  • Day care costs are definitely way out of line with the average wage, so this doesn't surprise me at all. I have a feeling that day care and college costs are both on a trajectory that is not sustainable and will hit a breaking point somewhere in the future. The numbers just don't work.
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  • This article absolutely makes sense to me.  Most of the women I know who are SAHMs do so because they can't find decent jobs that would pay enough to cover daycare and take home enough to make it worthwhile.  Most of the "richer" families I know are dual income as well. 

    I make a substantial income, but if I didn't I probably wouldn't work.  My career is extremely fulfilling to me, but part of it has to do with my salary, benefits, retirement plan and other perks I get that will benefit my family forever. 

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  • That said I think it's really frustrating that we both have to work so hard, at good jobs just to make ends meet. I always feel like it should be easier than this, not just for us but for all the educated, hard working, honest parents out there.

    You took the words right out of my mouth. DH and I are both college educated with good jobs and make a lot of money but can only afford a modest townhouse, average cars, we don't travel or really splurge on any luxuries. I honestly have no idea how other people are able to afford such big houses or SAH or both. I feel like we should be better off than this. I keep telling myself that it's b/c we made a decision to start a family young (25) but it still frustrates me.
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  • I am not surprised at all by what the article says. I teach in a very divererse school in San Francisco. A handful of students have moms who work FT. These are the college educated women. Many have moms who returned to work after their children started school. Many of these ladies hold jobs that pay much less and require less education. Medical assistants, veterinary technicians and retail workers to name a few. I imagine many of these jobs don't pay enough to cover FT child care. I teach many children of welfare recipients as well. As a PP mentioned, our "system" offers too many incentives for people to stay on welfare at our-the taxpayers'- expense.
    I can only think of four friends who SAH. Two fit the profiles of the "new" SAHMs in this article- they did not make enough $ at their jobs to afford child care. Both were not happy with their jobs prior to having babies either. The other two have spouces who make A LOT of money. However, they both do a little contract work here and there in their fields as they wish to return to work when their kids are older.
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  • jf198400 said:
    That said I think it's really frustrating that we both have to work so hard, at good jobs just to make ends meet. I always feel like it should be easier than this, not just for us but for all the educated, hard working, honest parents out there.
    You took the words right out of my mouth. DH and I are both college educated with good jobs and make a lot of money but can only afford a modest townhouse, average cars, we don't travel or really splurge on any luxuries. I honestly have no idea how other people are able to afford such big houses or SAH or both. I feel like we should be better off than this. I keep telling myself that it's b/c we made a decision to start a family young (25) but it still frustrates me.

    Agree with this thought.  DH and I didn't start a family until we were 35.  At that point, we had traveled the world, completed various degrees, bought a house and paid off all our debt.  I definitely think this has something to do with us having it easy now.  In my 20s, I was NOT this stable at all. 


     

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  • ITA w/ @aglenn (sorry - I cannot quote for some reason).

    Now that we are expecting baby #2, we spent some time shopping DC and the costs are completely ridiculous for the average person to justify working.  In home DC's are much more reasonable, but the ratios allowed by the state, IMO, are really out of whack.  I was not comfortable going that route because of that.  And once you have more than one child, it becomes really difficult to justify working from a cost of care perspective even if you make a reasonably decent living.  For example, the DC near my office is $1,625 for one child.  They only offer a 10% discount for the second child. 

    DS is in a private school, so I know a fair number of families with one SAH parent in which the working spouse makes more than enough money and therefore they chose to have one parent SAH, but I understand that is not the norm in our society.  In a lot of families, it simply does not make sense from a cost persepctive to have the lower-earning spouse working.

     

  • jf198400 said:
    That said I think it's really frustrating that we both have to work so hard, at good jobs just to make ends meet. I always feel like it should be easier than this, not just for us but for all the educated, hard working, honest parents out there.
    You took the words right out of my mouth. DH and I are both college educated with good jobs and make a lot of money but can only afford a modest townhouse, average cars, we don't travel or really splurge on any luxuries. I honestly have no idea how other people are able to afford such big houses or SAH or both. I feel like we should be better off than this. I keep telling myself that it's b/c we made a decision to start a family young (25) but it still frustrates me.
    Omg, yes!  DH and I don't make a ton of money, but together we make a decent living esp. for our area.  However, I still feel like we are just making ends meet sometimes.  I look at the few families I do know that the mom SAH and I'm like how the hell do they do it?  We started a family young too so I know that is def. a factor, but still..

    But I also agree with the PP that there is often more at play than we know.  Two of my SAH friends deferred their student loan payments so that they could afford for the wife not to work.  And they will have to go back to school in a few yrs to refresh their skills, so they'll prob. have even more loans.  IMO, they are getting immediate gratification of SAH but they are really going to have to pay later.  Plus, they are really struggling now to buy basics and both of them have said that it can be incredibly stressful.  I've been there before and it sucks so I keep reminding myself that I'm doing the right thing and I'd rather work and make ends meet now than be struggling for years to come.  
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  • jlaOKjlaOK member
    mlee116 said:
    jf198400 said:
    That said I think it's really frustrating that we both have to work so hard, at good jobs just to make ends meet. I always feel like it should be easier than this, not just for us but for all the educated, hard working, honest parents out there.
    You took the words right out of my mouth. DH and I are both college educated with good jobs and make a lot of money but can only afford a modest townhouse, average cars, we don't travel or really splurge on any luxuries. I honestly have no idea how other people are able to afford such big houses or SAH or both. I feel like we should be better off than this. I keep telling myself that it's b/c we made a decision to start a family young (25) but it still frustrates me.
    Omg, yes!  DH and I don't make a ton of money, but together we make a decent living esp. for our area.  However, I still feel like we are just making ends meet sometimes.  I look at the few families I do know that the mom SAH and I'm like how the hell do they do it?  We started a family young too so I know that is def. a factor, but still..

    But I also agree with the PP that there is often more at play than we know.  Two of my SAH friends deferred their student loan payments so that they could afford for the wife not to work.  And they will have to go back to school in a few yrs to refresh their skills, so they'll prob. have even more loans.  IMO, they are getting immediate gratification of SAH but they are really going to have to pay later.  Plus, they are really struggling now to buy basics and both of them have said that it can be incredibly stressful.  I've been there before and it sucks so I keep reminding myself that I'm doing the right thing and I'd rather work and make ends meet now than be struggling for years to come.  
    I completely feel the same way.  We make decent money for our LCOL area and I feel like we are scraping by.  I see SAH families who make half of what we do and wonder how they make it.  I always thought that I'd be able to afford the huge vacations and expensive cars but when you look at what we spend on daycare, retirement savings, college savings, etc. we will never be able to have huge luxuries.
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  • jlaOKjlaOK member
    In response to the OP, I know many people who are SAHM's with salaries that range from $70k to $300k.  It is still common in Oklahoma for mom's to SAH, I'd say it's probably 50/50 SAHM vs WM.  While I'll never know how much debt these people are in, it's still common for "middle class" (however you define that) to live comfortably and still have a SAH parent.
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  • Most of my friends from high school stay home.  We went to a top college prep school, so this is strange to me.  They went to college (some ivy league), some even went to law school... but they just never really cared about their careers.  These are nurses, lawyers, folks in financial services.  They did not all get married and have kids at a young age.  Some did, but some were in their mid-30's when they had their first.  

    They all said, "Oh, I don't make enough to keep working", but in their cases, it was incredibly short sighted.  None of their financial situations were ever good, but now they're in terrible situations.  One got divorced, and hasn't had health care in 2 years (can't afford it - kids have it), but she wouldn't *dream* of allowing her kids to go to after school care.  

    One (the lawyer) is living with her in-laws, whom she HATES, because they can't afford to move.  She refuses to get a job because "you can't take credit for the people your kids become if you don't stay home and raise them."

    djm31012, I'm saving for retirement, and my bonuses go directly toward college savings.  We could probably live on DH's salary, but I feel like it would be irresponsible of me to walk away right now.  My kids are well cared for, I'll have enough saved for private school and college in about 5 years (assuming no stock market blow-ups), and we're comfortable.
  • jlaOK said:
    mlee116 said:
    jf198400 said:
    That said I think it's really frustrating that we both have to work so hard, at good jobs just to make ends meet. I always feel like it should be easier than this, not just for us but for all the educated, hard working, honest parents out there.
    You took the words right out of my mouth. DH and I are both college educated with good jobs and make a lot of money but can only afford a modest townhouse, average cars, we don't travel or really splurge on any luxuries. I honestly have no idea how other people are able to afford such big houses or SAH or both. I feel like we should be better off than this. I keep telling myself that it's b/c we made a decision to start a family young (25) but it still frustrates me.
    Omg, yes!  DH and I don't make a ton of money, but together we make a decent living esp. for our area.  However, I still feel like we are just making ends meet sometimes.  I look at the few families I do know that the mom SAH and I'm like how the hell do they do it?  We started a family young too so I know that is def. a factor, but still..

    But I also agree with the PP that there is often more at play than we know.  Two of my SAH friends deferred their student loan payments so that they could afford for the wife not to work.  And they will have to go back to school in a few yrs to refresh their skills, so they'll prob. have even more loans.  IMO, they are getting immediate gratification of SAH but they are really going to have to pay later.  Plus, they are really struggling now to buy basics and both of them have said that it can be incredibly stressful.  I've been there before and it sucks so I keep reminding myself that I'm doing the right thing and I'd rather work and make ends meet now than be struggling for years to come.  
    I completely feel the same way.  We make decent money for our LCOL area and I feel like we are scraping by.  I see SAH families who make half of what we do and wonder how they make it.  I always thought that I'd be able to afford the huge vacations and expensive cars but when you look at what we spend on daycare, retirement savings, college savings, etc. we will never be able to have huge luxuries.
    I would guess that those cars and vacations are largely financed through debt.

    BTW, I'm in Oklahoma too! :)
  • IMO this article doesn't prove the point it's trying to make. The author is trying to say that high childcare costs = less educated moms dropping out of the workforce, but then it uses the stat of SAHMs with children under 18. But in theory, you only need childcare for the first 5 of those 18 years until your kid is in kindergarten (ok, there's summer care, but I'd imagine care for a school age child is much cheaper than infant daycare). I'd find this more convincing if they'd used a stat on SAHMs with their youngest child 5 or under. I remember reading a stat somewhere that only 50% of women with a child under 1 work outside the home.
    I get annoyed that they speak of being a SAHM as if it's a permanent state of being, and that there are only two extremes-SAHM or FT working mom. But I know many women who've SAH for a while and gone back (whether it's back to a career or just a job is another post-there have been some in both categories, but that's beside the point here) and I have educated mom friends who are probably technically counted as 'working moms' but in reality mostly SAH while teaching piano lessons at a studio, have an adjunct professor teaching gig one night a week, or doing one 12 hour nursing shift on a weekend night.

    I guess my point is that while I don't doubt that high childcare costs push less educated moms out of the workforce, I have a hard time drawing any other conclusions from this. Moms in the workforce is such a wide spectrum and there are so many different situations. I'd be interested to see more detailed data on the # of hours moms with kids of different ages work, and whether or not they're in jobs that are career-oriented.
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  • I personally have a choice to work - sure, I could stay home and we could live off H's salary, but I went back to work.  I went back to work because, 1) I like working, 2) I'm not cutout to be a SAHM and 3) I like the life we get to lead having two incomes.

    I actually know more SAHDs than moms, but those that did stay home did it because their salary barely covered childcare costs.

    My salary basically means we don't have to worry about money.  We can take the trips, do fun activities and not have to worry about where the money is coming from.  We are also able to save plenty for our retirement, education and for the larger splurges like trips.  Our mortgage is our only debt.  Personally, I grew up having to live frugally and scrape by, and one of the reasons I got my degree in finance and work in finance and technology is so my family didn't have to live that way.
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  • Yeah, this isn't surprising. I have one SAHM friend, the rest all work. She had to quit her job when she had her second kid because she couldn't afford daycare for two (in addition to some other factors). She is educated, but didn't want to return to that field (teaching).
  • Kimbus22 said:

    I really think that a lot of this indicates a problem with our "System".  I have people that work for me and complain about the min wage... then when offered more hours decline.  I even had a girl decline a raise!  Why?  Because their housing would go up, or they wouldn't get their food stamps any more, or they would have to pay more for day care... the list is endless...  

    I was the terrible boss that didn't offer her employees healthcare, but now am being damned for doing so as it eliminates their ability to receive a government stipend.  People QUIT because I made healthcare available.

    This is a systematic problem when it is easier to not work, spend time with your kids and still get everything you need and MAINTAIN a disposable income for trips, clothes, etc.  Esp when people work to pay for all the before mentioned and have LESS of a disposable income.

     

    Or maybe the problem is that you don't pay a living wage, so the taxpayers have to shell out so your employees aren't hungry and homeless.

    There is a social cost to the minimum wage. 

    Agreed! Min wage is not intended to be "livable" by any stretch of the imagination in our society.  When did it become everyone else's responsibility to support those that don't support themselves.  Why would these people educate themselves when there is a bigger benefit to NOT educating themselves.  When they get more credentials, they get a higher wage.  Why do it if it means more out of their pocket?

    Its logic and its totally defeated.

    Please tell this to all the people I know with college and graduate degrees who can't find jobs.  Please.  They'd love to hear your solution.
    The unemployment rate for college grads is 3.7%, that is very low.  Let's not act like every educated person is out of work.

    As for wages, you get what the market dictates.  The reason fast food folks make minimum wage is because they have no specialized skill sets and are easily replaceable.  
  • "In general, the Pew report showed, the least-educated mothers are most likely to be at home. About 21 percent of college-educated moms are stay-at-home moms, compared with 35 percent of high schoolgraduates and 51 percent of moms with less than a high school diploma."

    This scares me because it shows that folks have kids they can't afford and they lack the skills to be able to support them should they end up on their own through divorce/spouse death.

    Not fair to the kids and not fair to tax payers

  • djm31012, I'm saving for retirement, and my bonuses go directly toward college savings.  We could probably live on DH's salary, but I feel like it would be irresponsible of me to walk away right now.  My kids are well cared for, I'll have enough saved for private school and college in about 5 years (assuming no stock market blow-ups), and we're comfortable.
    This is so true. I think every day how nice it would be to be able to stay home with DS and eventually another kid or two. But then I remind myself that DH and I are able to have the lifestyle that we have and the comfort in knowing that we are saving for retirement and our kids college later down the road. I used to think that one day we would be able to have a much larger house, fancier cars and all kinds of nice vacations---I doubt that will be our reality. I would like to think that I do have the ability to have more luxeries than the few mom friends I have who stay at home. I never have to save up for a new pair of cute shoes or feel bad about picking up carryout because I just don't feel like cooking tonight. By no means are we living lavishly---but like a previous poster we live comfortably. And I would like to remind myself that if we had a bigger house that it would just be more for me to clean on the weekends when time with DS is already so precious. 
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  • I didnt read this article but had started to wonder some of these same things

    I work part time and it is still hard. I have 2 days off a week but several hours a week to work from  home as I have 10% time admin from home. better work family balance yes but difficult to be 100% present for work at work and family for family time.

    I think this is interesting because it seems the working moms strive to give their children the best they can with opportunities and struggle with the time they  dont have with their children. I know I do.  I also lurk, post sometimes on the SAHM board since I am home 2 days a week and it seems the thought lately is how little can you play with your children?  I don't understand this thinking. 

    I do admit we struggle with independent play with DD who is 4 but there were extenuating circunstances that led up to that and we are working to better it but we enjoy playing with her and she is only young so long.  

    for me my 2 days of 2-4 hours commute is getting to me so take my thoughts with that line of thinking wishing I could be playing with my children during that time...
    Much like most of the time when you're over there, you missed the point of the thread.  Big surprise.  No one was trying to avoid playing with their children.  They're trying to balance playing with their kid and their kids learning to play independently because when you're home with your kid 24/7, it's really easy to fall into the kid demanding your attention 100% of that time even when it's perfectly developmentally appropriate (and beneficial) for them to be playing independently.  I'm sorry if you feel you don't get to spend enough time with your child.  But lots of us do and we want to make sure we're not doing it to their detriment.
    I have read them and respectfully disagree. I admit I don't understand the stressors of being home 24/7 with my children so yes multiple threads of I don't like playing with my child more than 20 minutes at a time seems odd. Staying at home is a choice. One of course anyone is welcome to vent about just as a working mom can vent about work.

    except that is not was was said at all. You really suck at comprehension.
  • Kimbus22 said:
    SoMoNY said:
    "In general, the Pew report showed, the least-educated mothers are most likely to be at home. About 21 percent of college-educated moms are stay-at-home moms, compared with 35 percent of high schoolgraduates and 51 percent of moms with less than a high school diploma."

    This scares me because it shows that folks have kids they can't afford and they lack the skills to be able to support them should they end up on their own through divorce/spouse death.

    Not fair to the kids and not fair to tax payers
    SAHP can get spousal support in a divorce.  And if you have kids and no life insurance, you're an idiot.
    Spousal support and child support are often not enough.  We are talking less than 1/2 of what they might have been used to living on.  With many Americans living check to check I doubt they are ready to make it with half or less should they find themselves in that position.


  • amy052006 said:
    NO KIDS FOR POOR PEOPLE
    Do you think folks have a god given right to have kids they can't afford?


  • alli2672alli2672 member
    edited April 2014
    amy052006 said:

    Post-nup.  Get a post-nup.
    wait.  what is this?  Do you have one?
  • This article makes perfect sense and wasn't really surprising to me at all. My DH and I are always commenting like ' wow so and so's husband or wife must make a ton more than me if they can afford to stay at home and have multiple kids!' We say that because we both work FT, have college and post college degrees and can just scrap enough together for us, our one LO and our dog! But then we always look at each case individually and realize that there is usually more at play. For example one family owns a duplex and their tenants pay most of their mortgage. Another we know gets lots of help from the in laws - financial and general help. Therefore nobody we know is able to have one parent stay at home without some type of accommodation being made. That said I think it's really frustrating that we both have to work so hard, at good jobs just to make ends meet. I always feel like it should be easier than this, not just for us but for all the educated, hard working, honest parents out there.


    This is exactly how I feel.  I have a cousin who is a SAHM and I just don't know how they do it on just her DH's salary.  I mean DH and I work hard, have college degrees, have good jobs and I feel like we are just scraping by.  We NEVER go out to dinner, or buy anything.  I can't remember the last time I bought myself an article of clothing.   We do one vacation a year and it's usually at the inlaws timeshare so we don't even pay to stay there.

    My cousin on the other hand goes on vacation like twice a year.  They went on a cruise last year and to Florida.  They do peapod groceries which is like $10 just for delivery.  I shlep my butt to the grocery store to save the 10 bucks.  But I don't think they have to pay student loans like we do.

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  • 88sharonlee88sharonlee member
    edited April 2014

    This is exactly how I feel.  I have a cousin who is a SAHM and I just don't know how they do it on just her DH's salary.  I mean DH and I work hard, have college degrees, have good jobs and I feel like we are just scraping by.  We NEVER go out to dinner, or buy anything.  I can't remember the last time I bought myself an article of clothing.   We do one vacation a year and it's usually at the inlaws timeshare so we don't even pay to stay there.

    My cousin on the other hand goes on vacation like twice a year.  They went on a cruise last year and to Florida.  They do peapod groceries which is like $10 just for delivery.  I shlep my butt to the grocery store to save the 10 bucks.  But I don't think they have to pay student loans like we do.

    I'm on the exact same page. It even bothers me when some if the posters here say that they don't have it easy but they are able to buy new shoes or pick up take out without thinking twice, i would love to not stress about little day to day things like that, but I have to.

    It just goes to show that one persons expectations of money can be so different from another's. I am not working so we can have nicer cars or a bigger house, I'm working so we can have A car and A house.

    But I'm sure someone might say they don't even have those...so the bitching continues.

    Anyway, I'm dreaming of the day that we have more breathing room with our finances and for us the only way we can hope to ever get there is if we both continue to work so we are both moving forward with our careers.

    Also yes, student loans suck my lifeblood, I often dream of what life would be like without them!


  • I'm not surprised by the article. Most SAHMs are low income. I do know a couple people are who very religious, plan to have numerous children, and intend to home school - these moms are highly educated - ivy league graduate degrees, probably earning enough to pay a nanny if they wanted to stay in the work force, but that's not how they want to raise their families and they have the freedom to choose. Obviously that is not the typical profile for a SAHM or any kind of mom really so while it might be an interesting story, it's not what you'll find when you survey the whole population. 

    I'll bring up again what I brought up in the last big thread we had about the cost of working - most women saying they can't afford to work really mean that they can't afford the high-end care that would make them feel comfortable staying in the workforce. It's here on this thread too - people saying that in-homes are cheaper but they're not comfortable with that option. That's fine, no need to make yourself comfortable with it but it also reflects a degree of financial wiggle room you have that others don't. Not being able to afford a high-end center isn't quite the same as not being able to afford to work. Paying a neighbor $15-20/day to watch the kids is how most cashiers who are parents afford to show up at work - and they can't afford not to. The majority of SAHMs this article describes are eligible for enough subsidies for their family that they don't have to show up at that minimum wage job or they have enough family support (they live with grandma, whose apt is paid for with social security) & their partner's wages/child support cover enough of the basics, that they piece it all together and prefer to stay home. I would too if I was in that situation. But in the end, most people find that the public subsidies, family support, and one min wage salary are not enough to raise a family - and that's why most low-income women continue to stay in the workforce. Not surprising. 
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  • You all have no idea how much you have helped me with your comments! Truly, you have made my day. I go back to work next week, after three months off. I am so nervous: I have been having nightmares, having chills, and sweating. I have a good job, and make pretty good money. My DH and are considering me leaving my job; however, you are all reminding me why I went to college and have worked hard! Thank you for the added encouragement. <3
  • My husband stays at home because I think it is important to be cared for by a parent not because we can't afford daycare.  He has three college degrees, one of which is a masters.  When it came time to figure out who quit their job, I made more so he quit.  We had never intended to have two people working though.  If there is ever a time where DH would be offered a job where he make more than I do, I would leave my job in 1 second to stay home.
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  • Wow, that's crazy! I guess I can understand and agree with the rest of you, however, I don't think it's wise to depend so heavily on assistance. I am about to be a new mom myself and have thought about being a SAHM for at least the first year, but I also feel guilty that my fiance is working so hard to support us and i want to contribute. I have a college degree and want to work, plus as appealing as government aid is I'd much rather be self sufficient because A.) the process of getting and maintaining aid is full of headaches, and B.) What will I do if the system fails and there is no more aid? Not a very appealing speculation.


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