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Requests for more visitation

alb2411alb2411 member
in Blended Families
After a long wait we have finally received our custody order and thankfully we received primary physical custody of SS. The judge laid out a very detailed visitation plan, and DH and I received quite a bit more time during the summer vacation than we expected we would. We couldn't be happier with how everything worked out, and truly believe our judge was very wise in the decisions he made for our family. 

Unfortunately and somewhat understandably, BM does not share these sentiments of happiness. Since receiving the order a few short months ago, she has asked us at least 4-5 times to modify the order so she can have full summers with SS. We have replied stating that we would like to give the order a chance to work as written, especially as we feel it was created with SS's best interests in mind. Since the judge took so much time to consider our case when DH and BM could not agree, this seems the most respectful and appropriate thing to do. Plus, we don't want to simply give away the precious time we have legally been granted after fighting so hard for it.

Here's my dilemma: Last week, someone very close to BM hinted that it would be a shame for us to have to return to court because we are refusing to give BM extra time. We don't know whether to view this as a threat or that person saying something off the cuff that they really shouldn't have. Should BM decide to take us back to court for this, does anyone see a way in which our refusing her requests could harm us? We do everything we can to encourage a good relationship between BM and SS and would never refuse her the visitation she has been granted, but we have rights, too, and just want to protect them without getting bitten.
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Re: Requests for more visitation

  • new+tothisnew+tothis member
    I think you're fine! I wouldn't give her more time just because she asks for it. It sounds like you went through a lot to get a new custody arrangement and the judge worked hard on figuring out the best situation. If you'd been doing it for a while and it wasn't working that would be one thing. I'd enjoy your time and try not to worry about BM suing you. It sounds like she's just upset she didn't get what she asked for. Congrats!
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  • IlumineIlumine member
    What do the laws in your state say about adjusting CO?  Many have time limits on when you are abe to make a change unless there is a true change in the familial circumstances.  

    Not to mention, NO JUDGE is going to go back on his/her decision or another judge's decision unless there is something to warrant said change.  

    So get your house in order (neat and well stocked with food) and ignore her.  
    file:///Users/Ilumine/Desktop/Family%20Portrait%20for%20gift.jpg
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  • IlumineIlumine member
    Oh and DO NOT GIVE HER ANY MORE TIME. 
    file:///Users/Ilumine/Desktop/Family%20Portrait%20for%20gift.jpg
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  • ldmessingldmessing member
    the bm can not take you back to court over you following the order
    you have nothing to worry about
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  • alb2411alb2411 member
    Thanks for the responses. I feel better knowing that others agree that she can't just take us back to court because she is upset about the outcome of the first trial. It's just hard to have 100% faith in that in the moment sometimes.
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  • katie_cjkatie_cj member
    I would not budge and give her ANY extra time. If anything, she would have a better chance in court if you did by calming a precedent.
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  • SueBearSueBear member
    Usually you can't just "return to court" right after a new CO / parenting plan has been established.  There are often a number of years that need to pass  The exception would be if there was a significant change in circumstance such as one parent moving, health changes that would alter the ablitiy to provide care to a child, etc.  (also, substantial change in financial circumstance, which would not impact custody but might change support).  If you "volunteer" to give up your time, BM can turn around and tell the court you didn't take all of the time granted to you, and it will help her when she petitions for more time.

    I would stick to the CO as it is written.  BM didn't get what she wanted, too bad so sad.  Also, I would tell the friend to MHOB, your attorney has advised you of your rights. 

    If BM tries to take you back, you should petition for her to pay your legal fees and court costs.
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