anyone else with a toddler and no friends/relatives who live nearby?

genromeo · April 2014

Hi all. Our daughter just turned 2. Her sister is due in 7 days. Husband's parents live about 3 hours away (mine are much farther). We have a few friends in the area, but no one that our daughter has any sort of bond with. (she's very, very shy). Right now, our plan is to call his parents as soon as I feel like I'm going into labor. I'm hoping that they'll have enough time to get over here before we have to go to the hospital, but I've heard that lots of second babies arrive without much notice.

I was induced the first time around, so I'm actually kind of concerned that I won't really know when I'm actually starting labor vs. when I'm just having BH or the cramps I've been having for a few weeks now.

Anyone have any experience with this? Right now our backup plan is for me to go to the hospital alone (sniffle) if need be.

ktwils2010 · April 2014

You mentioned you have a few friends in the area - I think a better back up plan would be to ask a friend to come to your house and stay with your dd until grandparents can arrive! Even if they don't have a strong bond with your lo, it would only be for an hour or two until the grandparents arrive.

genromeo · April 2014

I've thought about that a lot, KT ... I'm just afraid that I'll be an anxious wreck b/c I'm leaving her with a "stranger." I know it's just for a few hours, but I also know she'll be inconsolable the whole time. I'm probably overthinking it.

*LrCg* · April 2014

We do homebirths so I've never worried about this. However because we have no outside support I always worried about the time it would occur. My midwife told me most subsequent births occur at night after the kids went to bed because the mother was finally comfortable. With #2 & #3 this was true for us. In fact my labor #3 started as we tucked the kids in bed & my oldest heard us getting ready & came down. My labor completely stalled until we got him to bed. So its possible your body will hold labor back until your inlaws arrive. Obviously this is assuming you're doing no medical intervention or induction.

RondackHiker · April 2014

Why don't you have a special movie and a few special toys and a snack that you can have the friend give her while waiting for your parents? The toy and snack would help shift her attention and the movie would occupy her without her needing to interact with the person she doesn't know well.

ktwils2010 · April 2014

RondackHiker said:
Why don't you have a special movie and a few special toys and a snack that you can have the friend give her while waiting for your parents? The toy and snack would help shift her attention and the movie would occupy her without her needing to interact with the person she doesn't know well.

These are great suggestions!!

I understand being anxious about leaving her with someone she would consider a stranger but like pp mentioned how about inviting the friend over for dinner so your lo can meet them and spend a little time now? Also, imagine how anxious and stressful it would be to have to go to the hospital alone - yikes.

jasrun80 · April 2014

is induction again, a possibility? I had no family or friends available to me without notice when my second was born due to a death in the family & all my family was traveling. I also had a very fast first labor & live about an hour from the hospital so I was induced. I was able to get my friends to come watch my son in "shifts" and had my husband with me all day. he went home the next day & brought my son up & the rest if the time I spent in the hospital my husband was home with my son til it was time to go home.
I'd talk with your docs about concerns & also, find the friends who will help out & ask for it. people are usually so excited to be supportive of another during this time. you'll see too, your daughter will be just fine. you're giving her the best gift! a sibling!!

genromeo · April 2014

Thanks so much for all of the helpful advice. My daughter has met most of our friends already ... she's just never been left alone with any of them (or my in-laws, for that matter, but she seems to like them well enough.) She's very, very, very shy and tends to cling to me when there are other people around. You're all right, though ... I shouldn't worry about this too much. It'll just be a few hours at the most. I started staying at home with her when she turned 15 months and I haven't spent much time apart from her since then. It'll probably be harder on me than it will for her

crando1069 · April 2014

I'm due in 21 days. My husband and I got stationed in Pittsburgh area. I have a 16 month old and my parents live in Las Vegas. I have my dad flying in in 14 days and staying for a month so it will be around the time I deliver. I have made friends here but no one I could really trust with my child. One person I became friends with doesn't even have kids..... I would be worried to death. Another friend has a child I believe has some social skills issues...which I def don't trust. So I'm just flying my dad in..lol..better safe than sorry.

genromeo · April 2014

I hear you, Crando. The last thing you need when you are in labor is to worry about your other LO. I def. wouldn't trust someone who's never had kids (or at someone who hasn't been around kids a lot) with a 16-month old ... it would be different if he/she were 3 or 4, I think. It's great that your dad can stay that long. My husband and I talked about having my in-laws just coming up near my due date, but that conversation was very brief, as they are exceedingly annoying. (they're perfectly decent people who will take good care of our child, but they drive me up the effing wall)

Justabean3 · April 2014

I know as a close friend I would gladly take a screaming toddler for the whole 3 hours if I had too while we waited on her parents to arrive. She might be upset but she will be taken care of

As long as you know she is safe with someone I would do that option. She won't remember it as soon as your In laws get there.

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anyone else with a toddler and no friends/relatives who live nearby?

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