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September 2014 Moms
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Discipline

ashaw512 ashaw512 member
in September 2014 Moms
I'm having some issues with my SIL. She always wants to spank or get on to DD, even when I'm there. She thinks she can jump in and take over any situation even with other parents and kids. I'm not sure what to say to her and its gotten to the point that we don't go to her house bc things that used to be "OK" now aren't and she gets in trouble. The latest incident: we were at DH great aunts house on Sunday and DD threw a toy a little to hard, it didn't hit anyone or hurt anything and before I could tell her to be careful and don't throw and tell her to pick it up, SIL yells at her to pick it up and carries her across the room by her arm. I don't think she knows I saw her doing it, but I don't want to be a straight up bitch and yell at her in front of the family and I certainly don't want her to think its OK. BC that's not how I discipline my child and she knows it. DH has already told her we can handle it, don't spank her. We DONT spank her, maybe pop her hand if she done something really wrong. It breaks her heart when she has to go to the corner (working the best right now). But I don't know what to say. She does whatever she wants with DD even if I say no. She had her own kids to raise and i dont like the way they act, DD will not behave that way. So we have made it a point to stay away. Any advice?
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Re: Discipline

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  • T&HLoveT&HLove member
    I would be livid. You probably need to sit down and have a talk with her, privately. Bring your H. Explain that you are the only person to discipline your children. If she continues after that, I would stay away, like you have been. It's your rights as parents to decide how and when your kids are disciplined. She needs to respect that, and if she can't, she doesn't get to be a part of your lives.
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  • ashaw512 ashaw512 member
    That's why I've made DH do it. I'm not very assertive and for some reason I find it hard to be like that with his family. If it were my sister I'd chew her ass out, but of course my sister wouldn't do that to my child either. And he's already told her this is my child and I will handle it. I think she just can't help herself. I'm having a hard time finding the right words to say to her.
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  • MrsKasel10MrsKasel10 member
    I would be pissed. You need to say something again to her or it will continue to get worse.
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  • Mrs.Leah.MariaMrs.Leah.Maria member
    edited April 2014
    Honestly, if your DH has already had that sit down conversation with her, more than just a comment, I don't think she's going to realize how strongly you feel about it unless you confront her publicly as she's doing it. I've thankfully never had to deal with it, but my Mom has told me an aunt, that has since left the family through divorce, used to treat me and my brother similarly.
    Isaac Levi 4/26/09 : BFP#2 - MC 9w : Ezra John 6/26/11 : Miriam Joy 4/12/13 : Naomi Ann 9/2/14

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  • ashaw512 ashaw512 member
    Thanks y'all. I'm going to have DH talk to her again and if it doesn't work I guess I'm gonna be a bitch. He doesn't want her to go over there and he definitely doesn't want her to stay over there. I'm absolutely OK with that, even before DD was born I didn't want SIL watching her BC of how SIL kids act. Maybe she will get a clue.
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  • mrsdanielleM2010mrsdanielleM2010 member
    I would not be able to hold my tongue if something like that happened in front of me. I'd have my dh speak to his sister one more time. If there was a next time, I'd react. I wouldn't say it so dd could hear, but I would say clearly that if your SIL isn't willing to discipline consistent with your philosophy she can let you and dh handle it.

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  • SingleMom31SingleMom31 member
    Holy hell, I'd be going totally mama bear on her. I'm sorry you're dealing with her. My sister thinks she knows all about raising kids (yet she doesn't have any) and it ticks me off every time.

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  • LTMamaLTMama member
    Oh HELL no. I'd say something myself, personally. You're the mother, she isn't. She doesn't get to parent your kids unless you tell her she can, and you explicitly told her the opposite. And I'd definitely call her out immediately and embarrass her in front of family, because she's doing it after you told her not to. Not ok.
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  • pshaortaopshaortao member
    I disagree with some of the ladies that say that the DH should be the one to have a conversation with her. My BIL moved in with us about a year ago and my DH would let him know of certain things that I complained about. He never really got better about anything until I would personally say something. If it was a more overall serious situation, we would both sit down with him and "have a talk". Unfortunately we had to do this more than once, but it did help.

    I hope you resolve things with your SIL soon, it's no fun when things just get uncomfortable.


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  • bumpuser5078523bumpuser5078523 member
    I think it's perfectly acceptable to expect kids to follow your house rules. She could have told her not to throw toys and asked her to pick it up. Dragging her over there is unacceptable, especially if she doesn't have your permission.

    If she has been talked to already, I wouldn't feel bad telling her it's unacceptable in front of people. She had her chance.

    In my family, we are allowed to reprimanded each others kids, but we also have similar parenting styles and permission.
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  • Mrs.Leah.MariaMrs.Leah.Maria member
    I would like you to know that I had a crazy pregnancy dream as a spinoff of this post. I dreamed that DH and I were shooting a wedding and that he left the kids with the family of someone in the wedding that we didn't know. After the wedding, I went back to find my car, which is where I was told I'd find my DD and the car was missing. I frantically ran throughout the neighborhood, only to finally call the police when I couldn't locate my vehicle or daughter. In calling the police, I found out that the SO of the girl watching our kids was arrested for assault for attacking our DS1. Are.you.kidding.me.
    Isaac Levi 4/26/09 : BFP#2 - MC 9w : Ezra John 6/26/11 : Miriam Joy 4/12/13 : Naomi Ann 9/2/14

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  • DjcieplyDjcieply member
    If I was you and my SIL had already been talked to about how she needs to back off with disciplining my child, I would not care where I am or who Im standing around, I would let her have it. My younger sister and I both discipline each others children, but we also discipline the same way. I wouldnt dare discipline my older sisters kids, because I would get bitched at by her. 

    DH would get phone calls from his sisters after family parties, bitching at him for correcting their children. The most he would do would tell them to quit fighting or to stop running in the house knocking into people, but the kids would complain that he yelled at them. (which is the same reason why I dont discipline my older sisters kids) 


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