I'm Done Making My Kids Childhood Magical

Pokedot · April 2014

Just thought I'd share. Great Article.

MomtobeNJ · April 2014

I've read this too - it's a must read.

Pokedot · April 2014

cheeseandrice said:

link?

Where the hell did it go?

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/bunmi-laditan/im-done-making-my-kids-childhood-magical_b_5062838.html?utm_hp_ref=parents&ir=Parents

Hope this worked! Sorry!

Pokedot · April 2014

harti09 said:

The bump is eating links.

You have to enter a couple returns after the link for things to work. A least that's what I've found to help.

I think I got it work above but I'll keep the returns in mind for anything else! Stupid Bump!

MarisaKathleen · April 2014

I liked it. I also want to add that I hate Elf on the Shelf and won't be doing that either.

Why?

Because I'm mean. That's why.

jenmbott · April 2014

Loved it. Sometimes I gag a little when I read certain 'mom blogs' about all the stuff they do that is 'extra' on a daily basis.

hmp1 · April 2014

Meh, if you're stressed about it, don't do it. If you enjoy it, do it. Personally, I love crafting for parties and planning cute outfits. I wfh so I don't get to show off my awesome wardrobe anymore so I do it through my kids. I am stuck behind my desk a slave to emails and conference calls so it is fun to plan out art projects and do different learning tools I find online. I need that creative release.

ETA: ^^ and notice I said I need it. I know my kids don't need it.

Pokedot · April 2014

hmp1 said:

Meh, if your stressed about it, don't do it. If you enjoy it, do it. Personally, I love crafting for parties and planning cute outfits. I wfh so I don't get to show off my awesome wardrobe anymore so I do it through my kids. I am stuck behind my desk a slave to emails and conference calls so it is fun to plan out art projects and do different learning tools I find online. I need that creative release.

ETA: ^^ and notice I said I need it. I know my kids don't need it.

I get that POV however many people do it because they "have to" in their eyes. They stress themselves out but it's because they feel the need to impress, compete with other parents etc.

jenndub · April 2014

I don't do Elf on the Shelf because I don't care about that. But I decorate the shit out of my house for birthday parties. I love birthday party planning and my kids love all of the fun little details that I include. I agree that we shouldn't feel pressured to compete with other moms, but I don't think that everyone is doing this "extra" stuff just to compete. I love to decorate my kids' parties but I hate to cook, that's why we have pizza at every party.

MarisaKathleen · April 2014

I'm more crafty than anyone I know IRL. I like doing that kind of stuff. I don't feel any pressure to do it.

I like that my friends IRL come to me when they need help with executing some idea they saw on Pinterest, or they need help with a shower, or need a recipe for something.

None of this stuff is stuff I do for my kid though. If she wants to sit on my desk with me while I craft something and try to "help" or start coloring while I'm painting, that's awesome, but I'm not making all of my craft stuff to make memories with her.

I know a lot of us don't feel the kind of pressure that the author is talking about, but I'm sure for those of us that don't feel like that, there's another 10 that do.

hmp1 · April 2014

jenndub said:

I don't do Elf on the Shelf because I don't care about that. But I decorate the shit out of my house for birthday parties. I love birthday party planning and my kids love all of the fun little details that I include. I agree that we shouldn't feel pressured to compete with other moms, but I don't think that everyone is doing this "extra" stuff just to compete. I love to decorate my kids' parties but I hate to cook, that's why we have pizza at every party.

Exactly, you don't see me posting elaborate meals on menu planning posts because it isn't my thing. I don't have any desire to try either.

If people are stressing over trying to live up to Pinterest, they are the same people that would stress over keeping up with the Jones's in every day life too. That is their problem to work on, not my problem to stop doing fun things and sharing it.

MomtobeNJ · April 2014

BobKat22 said:

Meh, if your stressed about it, don't do it. If you enjoy it, do it. Personally, I love crafting for parties and planning cute outfits. I wfh so I don't get to show off my awesome wardrobe anymore so I do it through my kids. I am stuck behind my desk a slave to emails and conference calls so it is fun to plan out art projects and do different learning tools I find online. I need that creative release.

ETA: ^^ and notice I said I need it. I know my kids don't need it.
I agree. I didn't read it this time. A girlfriend sent this to me last year with note about how much pressure she feels to do those things. Those things probably aren't for her then. Those things just happen to be what makes ME happy so I enjoy doing them.

Totally agree. Have to vs. want to are very different. I want to create memories for her.

Holly_1007 · April 2014

I'm pretty sure I got a few side-eyes for the half birthday "party" I threw for Colby. (I use the word party loosely, there were cupcakes and a ballon and a $3 bouncy ball) but it was a rainy gross day and keagan and I had a ton of fun putting everything together and baking cupcakes. It wasn't something I stressed about, or even planned, days before.

hmp1 · April 2014

Holly_1007 said:

I'm pretty sure I got a few side-eyes for the half birthday "party" I threw for Colby. (I use the word party loosely, there were cupcakes and a ballon and a $3 bouncy ball) but it was a rainy gross day and keagan and I had a ton of fun putting everything together and baking cupcakes. It wasn't something I stressed about, or even planned, days before.

I decided to do a fun half birthday dinner for James last year because DH was out of town and I was bored. I made him a party hat, brought his favorite stuffed animals to the table, ordered pizza, and picked up a couple of cupcakes for us. Leo happened to get free cupcakes for his half birthday this year from a friend, so now it is a thing that I am going to keep doing. It's fun, I don't care what people think. It's not like I'm inviting other people to join us.

DianeD1 · April 2014

Holly_1007 said:

I'm pretty sure I got a few side-eyes for the half birthday "party" I threw for Colby. (I use the word party loosely, there were cupcakes and a ballon and a $3 bouncy ball) but it was a rainy gross day and keagan and I had a ton of fun putting everything together and baking cupcakes. It wasn't something I stressed about, or even planned, days before.

My best friend had 'half-birthday' parties in middle school (she moved to town in 5th grade) because her birthday's in August and a lot of people took vacations at that time. A small group would go do an outing and have cookies or cake back at her place and have a sleepover. I though it was a really cool, fun idea.

kelbel527 · April 2014

hmp1 said:

If people are stressing over trying to live up to Pinterest, they are the same people that would stress over keeping up with the Jones's in every day life too. That is their problem to work on, not my problem to stop doing fun things and sharing it.

~~~STUCK~~~

I 100% agree with this.

The problem is not pinterest, the problem is the people who care about keeping up to some sort of perceived expectation.

I love having elaborate birthday parties. I spend way too much time and money and yes, I stress out about it a bit. But I am 100% doing it for me.

We don't do crafts in our house (outside of throwing art supplies and paper on the table and letting them go at it!). I'm never going to be the crafty Mom. A good friend of mine is an awesome crafty Mom. I envy her creativity and ability to find fun things to do together. But it doesn't make me feel like I should run out and force myself and my kids to do something that I don't enjoy doing.

AKB090609 · April 2014

I think that most of us (on this page) are doing the things we do to make ourselves happy, and it is like bonus points if the kids enjoy the outcomes. I guess I see her point, but I feel like most of the things I do and my IRL mom friends do are not motivated by what I think other moms are doing, but by how I can have fun with my kid and family.

Hyaline · April 2014

I think everyone who is defending enjoying crafting or enjoying planning parties is missing the point of the article. The point isn't that those things are "bad"--it's that the expectation that the onus is on parents to create an experience out of everything shortchanges kids. Her point is that childhood itself is magical, and parents don't need to "make" it that way for their kids, who can turn the ordinary into the extraordinary with their crazy-awesome little imaginations already.

And I totally agree with that. I'll always "participate" in my kid's childhood by crafting stuff I think is fun, doing projects I think we'll enjoy together, and planning the occasional all-out party, but I'm not taking on the impossible responsibility of creating an idyllic, perfect childhood.

hmp1 · April 2014

Hyaline said:

I think everyone who is defending enjoying crafting or enjoying planning parties is missing the point of the article. The point isn't that those things are "bad"--it's that the expectation that the onus is on parents to create an experience out of everything shortchanges kids. Her point is that childhood itself is magical, and parents don't need to "make" it that way for their kids, who can turn the ordinary into the extraordinary with their crazy-awesome little imaginations already.

And I totally agree with that. I'll always "participate" in my kid's childhood by crafting stuff I think is fun, doing projects I think we'll enjoy together, and planning the occasional all-out party, but I'm not taking on the impossible responsibility of creating an idyllic, perfect childhood.

Right, but we are saying we aren't doing it to make our kids childhood magical. We are doing it because we like to do it. I don't need a reminder that my kids are perfectly happy playing with a cardboard box. If I want to deck out the box to look like a car, that's for me. It's not like my kids never get to use their imagination and use the race car box to be a cave to hide from the monster or whatever else they want it to be. I'm just sick of the Pinterest hate which this article reads like and are a dime a dozen.

MommaP12 · April 2014

MomtobeNJ said:

BobKat22 said:

Meh, if your stressed about it, don't do it. If you enjoy it, do it. Personally, I love crafting for parties and planning cute outfits. I wfh so I don't get to show off my awesome wardrobe anymore so I do it through my kids. I am stuck behind my desk a slave to emails and conference calls so it is fun to plan out art projects and do different learning tools I find online. I need that creative release.

ETA: ^^ and notice I said I need it. I know my kids don't need it.
I agree. I didn't read it this time. A girlfriend sent this to me last year with note about how much pressure she feels to do those things. Those things probably aren't for her then. Those things just happen to be what makes ME happy so I enjoy doing them.

Totally agree. Have to vs. want to are very different. I want to create memories for her.

Agree. I want their birthday parties, any holidays I host, etc. to be all out bashes because I love doing it not because of how it makes me look to others. I would be a party planner in a heart beat if I could. I love giving things "themes" crafting for them, cooking for them, etc. Once we own our house, I am going to host every event I possibly be can because I couldn't the past 9 years in a condo. I will happily hand wash all my china for Thanksgiving I'll be so damn thrilled to be using it!!! I can't wait to make a shiitload of desserts around the holidays!

Holly_1007 · April 2014

There has been a cardboard box rocketship in my living room since the beginning of January. Also, I don't have Pinterest.

hmp1 · April 2014

I'm sure my view is skewed a bit by the fact that I know this blogger and while I find her hilarious, I expect her to take a pessimistic view towards things. I mean, no surprise what side of the fence she lands on the Disney before remembering it debate.

Kissty · April 2014

I'm not a crafty person, never have been. I have a kickass imagination though. I have never even been on Pintrest. I didn't have much growing up but my childhood was still great. I had everyhting I needed and I was loved. We haven't gone crazy and bought DS a ton of toys. I think we may have bought 3. He isn't deprieved, he has more than enough that people have given him. We use our imagination a lot during play.

MomtobeNJ · April 2014

I love Pinterest. I don't think it's a bad thing. I've gotten a TON of great ideas for decorating, gifts, holidays, recipes, etc. The idea that I took away from this article, and that I did appreciate, was that we shouldn't cave to the pressure to do more, more, more. If it's not fun for me, the mom, I wouldn't do it.

tinyhumantoe · April 2014

I can't even care to read this. I assume it's the same "you're doing great if you're just getting by as a parent" pep talk. I know. I'm usually just getting by and it never crossed my mind to think there is something wrong with that.

On a separate topic, I could eat the fuck out of some cookies right now. :-D

MommaP12 · April 2014

I heart you @tinyhumantoe I really want to make myself an Easter basket this year.

tinyhumantoe · April 2014

MommaP12 said:

I heart you @tinyhumantoe I really want to make myself an Easter basket this year.

I always buy a bag of malted egg balls, or whatever they are. And some reeses eggs. And cadbury eggs. YUM

I'm trying to restrain.............

Hyaline · April 2014

hmp1 said:

Hyaline said:

I think everyone who is defending enjoying crafting or enjoying planning parties is missing the point of the article. The point isn't that those things are "bad"--it's that the expectation that the onus is on parents to create an experience out of everything shortchanges kids. Her point is that childhood itself is magical, and parents don't need to "make" it that way for their kids, who can turn the ordinary into the extraordinary with their crazy-awesome little imaginations already.

And I totally agree with that. I'll always "participate" in my kid's childhood by crafting stuff I think is fun, doing projects I think we'll enjoy together, and planning the occasional all-out party, but I'm not taking on the impossible responsibility of creating an idyllic, perfect childhood.

Right, but we are saying we aren't doing it to make our kids childhood magical. We are doing it because we like to do it. I don't need a reminder that my kids are perfectly happy playing with a cardboard box. If I want to deck out the box to look like a car, that's for me. It's not like my kids never get to use their imagination and use the race car box to be a cave to hide from the monster or whatever else they want it to be. I'm just sick of the Pinterest hate which this article reads like and are a dime a dozen.

Well, that's what I'm saying--she's not saying "don't do things you enjoy." She's saying "do stuff for the right reasons and trust that your kids are having fantabulous childhoods regardless." The article isn't saying "stop crafting if you like it" but, really, is kinda saying the opposite. Do what floats your boat and don't let what other moms do or say stand in the way of that, Pinterest or no.

FWIW I love crafting, sewing, and dressing my kid up in ridiculous outfits.

MommaP12 · April 2014

tinyhumantoe said:

MommaP12 said:

I heart you @tinyhumantoe I really want to make myself an Easter basket this year.

I always buy a bag of malted egg balls, or whatever they are. And some reeses eggs. And cadbury eggs. YUM

I'm trying to restrain.............

For some reason, I feel Easter candy is far superior to all other candy (such as Halloween, Valentine's day, etc.) I want all the Easter Candy...and to lose weight while eating it.

jenndub · April 2014

MommaP12 said:

I heart you @tinyhumantoe I really want to make myself an Easter basket this year.

DH and I give each other Easter baskets and Christmas stockings. I want candy and treats too!

hmp1 · April 2014

I understand what she said, she said it point blank after saying things like "prove your love" and "contrived memories". My child is going to live the majority of his life not with me so I want to make our time together special. I find it really sad that she has little memory of her parents playing with them. Just because she still believes she had a great childhood, doesn't mean that I think that is a great childhood.

Maybe because none of our activities or projects feel forced, if they aren't into it we don't do it. I'm just very meh about this article. Seen this, read this before.

IDK, I just don't need someone that makes her living off her child telling me not to hover over my child.

opaque1997 · April 2014

I think if you are doing things because you enjoy them or you do them with your child - for heavens sake do it - if you are doing it because staying up to 3am will make this awesome memory for your child maybe re think your motivation.

I'm soooo low key and so lazy about stuff - its ridculious - I do shell out the money for special occasion cakes - I feel like if I have a mega cake then I can do almost nothing else to the house

Will we do this year for her 2nd Bday? Nope. Dad will make her a cake and we'll enjoy it and maybe have some people over for a play date (we don't do gifts - or rather we request no gifts)

I do plan on doing elf of the shelf - but I will be careful - my brother does elf to get his kids to behave.. and I HATE it. Yes I guess thats part of the whole elf on the shelf (that they watch you and report to Santa) but I don't like that part - I don't want my kid behaving because a creepy elf is watching them...

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