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Told my BFF the news, now feeling panicky

[Deleted User][Deleted User] member
in Pregnant after a Loss
So my DH and I agreed we wanted to wait until we either passed 12 weeks or were out of the first tri completely before we started telling friends our news (immediate family members have known since the beginning). Now that I'm 11 weeks and have had three great ultrasounds that showed baby measuring on point with a strong heartbeat, it's gotten harder to hold it in. I want to feel excited about this and have my good friends share in the excitement with me! So my DH said he was fine with me telling my best friend the news, since it's been hardest keeping it from her.

I told her on Sunday, when I was 10w5d. She was as excited as I knew she'd be, because she's pregnant as well (only 5 weeks ahead of me) and has been so desperately wanting me to get pregnant so we go through it all together. She was kind of peeved I didn't tell her right away, but said she understood given my history why I would want to wait. I went back and forth in my mind about telling her, because she is currently pregnant with her 3rd child and has had no history of issues in this department, whereas I've been pregnant twice previously but have no children. I thought if I told her my news and then went on to have a third m/c while she went on to have her third healthy baby, it would be unbearable for me. I also know that you can't "jinx" a pregnancy by sharing news, but it still nags at the back of my head. What if everything was fine until now, and when I go in for my appointment on Thursday it won't be anymore? I was starting to feel confident after all my positive appointments, but now I'm feeling panicky again.

I'm partially happy I told her because I know how much it meant to her, and also it's been so fun talking with her about our future playdates and buying baby things together. But it's just so scary! I feel so much more vulnerable telling her than I did telling my family and DH's family. Both my mom and DH's mom have had miscarriages, so I think there's just that understanding between people who've been through the same things (like this wonderful board!), whereas my friend has had it all so easy. I'm sorry for rambling, I just needed to get this off my chest. Please send growing vibes my way for Thursday's appointment? Thanks so much for reading!
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Re: Told my BFF the news, now feeling panicky

  • Third&goalThird&goal member
    Congrats on telling her!  

    Remember it would be just as hard to go through a loss even if she didn't know.  

    FX your babe keeps growing! 
    CafeMom Tickers

    Pregnancy #3 after two prior losses in 2013

    EDD 8/18 


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  • whiteroses05whiteroses05 member
    edited April 2014
    I totally get where you are coming from! My friend is a few weeks ahead of me and she's been buying things from the day she found out. I, in the other hand, am struggling with the fact my mom just bought me maternity pants I really wanted. They came yesterday and I have yet to take targets off or try them on. It's unnerving sometimes to think of if I do this I will jinx it! But like you said telling someone isn't going to hurt anything. If anything it's someone else to make you look at the positives! Sending you lots of growing vibes!

    BFP#1 9/7/11 EDD 7/23/11 mc @21 weeks caused severe bladder obstruction on 3/14/12
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    BFP #2 9/9/12 EDD 7/19/13 started to mc @ 8w1d on 12/7/12 ended up with d&c 12/18/12, stopped developing @5w5ds

    Unexplained IF
    BFP#3 3/3/14 After 1st iui and clomid cycle
    beta 1: 137 beta 2: 268
    Beta 3:1248
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers


    ****Hoping for a rainbow baby!!!****
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  • BookishMommaBookishMomma member
    edited April 2014
    Qfrump said:
    I actually told more friends about my loss than I did the actual pregnancy. 
    This. I felt like I needed to give people a reason why I was "not myself" for several months while I was grieving and processing my losses. That being said, I have shared my news already with my 3 closest friends because I know that, whatever the outcome, I will want their support. So I totally understand why you'd want your friend to know. Congratulations on your great ultrasounds and I hope things continue to go well!


    image
    image
    DX: I'm a Recurrent Loser
    Me (35) + DH (37) - Married Sept. 2007
    BFP #1 - DS born 7/11/11
    BFP#2 11/13/13 - EDD 7/29/14 - M/C at 5w3d
    BFP #3 12/28/13 - EDD 9/7/14 - M/C at 4w6d
    BFP#4 3/27/14 -  EDD 12/5/14 - Girl lost to 45X at 8w6d - D&C 
    BFP#5 10/15/14 - EDD 6/30/15 - M/C at 7w2d
    BFP #6 1/5/15 - EDD 9.16.14 [CLICKY for progress]
    In search of a image


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  • JessicaG220JessicaG220 member

    I completely understand how you feel.  We hadn't told anyone outside of our immediate family (except my two closest friends) until this past weekend when we told my cousins.  One of my cousins is 19 weeks pregnant with her first, and now I feel like I "jinxed" myself by telling her, and she'll bring her baby home and I won't. Ugh. The mind does ridiculous things.

    Send you lots of positive thoughts and hugs!

    Ava's Story
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    BFP#2 10/18/13  Blighted ovum 11/25/13

    BFP #3 1/31/14 EDD 10/18/14 -- It's a GIRL!

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

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  • PatientlyWaiting10PatientlyWaiting10 member
    (((hugs))) I'm sorry that PgAL brain is hitting you so hard.  It's torture!  My DH and I have told all of our Bible Study friends because we want them to be here for us either way.  We actually haven't told our immediate families yet. 

    I'm hoping these feelings of worry and anxiety go away quickly with the reminder that you've heard the beautiful heartbeat a few times now!  (((hugs)))
    BFP #1 October 2008 | m/c Thanksgiving weekend | November 2008 | 7 weeks 2 days
    BFP #2 February 2009 | m/c March 2009 | 4 weeks 3 days
    Testing on mom and dad for possible reasons all came back normal.
    BFP #3 8/4/2009 | DD born 3/28/10 @ 38 weeks
    BFP #4 5/13/11 | m/c 6/15/11 | 8 weeks 6 days
    BFP #5 2/13/13 | CP 2/19/13 | 4 weeks 
    BFP #6 3/21/14 | Heard the HB on 4/16 | m/c 4/21/14 | 9 weeks
    Testing results all returned normal and baby was a GIRL.
    More testing on mom and dad for other issues all returned normal results.
    BFP #7 10/15 | DS born 6/4/16 @ 36 weeks 
    BFP #8 9/28/17 AHHH!!!  |  EDD 6/6/18

    "Dear Lord, I would have loved to have held my babies on my lap & tell them about you, but since I didn't get the chance, would you please hold them on your lap & tell them about me?"
    All are welcome!


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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    JessicaG220 said:

    I completely understand how you feel.  We hadn't told anyone outside of our immediate family (except my two closest friends) until this past weekend when we told my cousins.  One of my cousins is 19 weeks pregnant with her first, and now I feel like I "jinxed" myself by telling her, and she'll bring her baby home and I won't. Ugh. The mind does ridiculous things.

    Send you lots of positive thoughts and hugs!

    Yes, this is exactly how I feel! PgAL is such a mindf^#&. It's like a rollercoaster. Some days I feel really good and confident about everything, and then with no warning I'm thrown into deep, dark valley. I keep thinking once I get out of first tri maybe I'll finally be able to exhale and stop feeling like this, but I'm guessing it never really goes away.
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