nwr: reigning in my toddler

SunAndRain · April 2014

DD is 21 months old. She is a happy, active, independent and social little girl. Read: temper-tantrum-ing, hard headed, assertive...

Anyway, we were at a concert in the park event last night with several families. All the kids were happily playing. DD was too expect for two issues

1) she kept running away

2) she would literally crawl on to stranger's blankets, ask them for food. She climbed in to a couple other families wagons. She definitely has that cute kid thing going on and everyone was happy to let her hang out. While I'm grateful the strangers were so accommodating and understanding, this is a problem.

How do I teach her that she must stay with us and not run off? Other than repetition?

How do I get her to respect boundaries? That she cannot use everyone's things and eat everyone else's? food?

She does stop when I tell her, "That is not ours. Don't touch." But if I tell her to go back to our blanket she pitches a fit. I tried to get her off this one mom's wagon but the empathetic mom stopped and said that since she was happy she was welcome to sit there. Ten minutes later this woman is sharing her two boys snacks with DD while DD was being pretty assertive asking for another "bite". I would have done the same thing. But...

I try redirection with DD. I don't understand why she needs to run off when there are lots of kids near us for her to play with. Furthermore I want her to understand that running off is not acceptable.

We do time outs. We are as consistent as humanely possible. DD is the time out queen. I have no problem being a strict parent. She is a tough little kid and I've seen her push other, bigger kids around. Though she is loved by the children at school so I don't think her behavior is outside of what is developmentally normal...and she certainly has consequences to pitching or hitting.

I'm looking for some tricks of the trade. The holy grail of raising a toddler.

DiveFrog · April 2014

No advice here. Would love to here any advice people leave as well. DD is 22months and very similar. Honestly, I am sure that my DD in the same situation would have been working it from one blanket to the next "making new friends" and trying to scope out who had the best snacks.

I spent the entire afternoon last weekend trying to keep her in my sights at our local Science Center since she like to take off on her own.

Virgo17 · April 2014

I think she is still at a young age and easily distracted. She is prime age for wanting to explore anything and everything. Unfortunately, redirecting a million times is the best suggestion I have. Could you bring a stroller and put her in there if she keeps running off?

emberlee3 · April 2014

There is no holy grail of raising a toddler. Just the daily grind. Repetition. Redirection. Consistency. Modeling appropriate behavior. Choosing wisely when it comes to activities. Reasonable expectations. And carving out some toddler-free time to recharge.

I like the book, "How to talk so kids will listen...and listen so kids will talk."

dashofreality · April 2014

I will just add that there isn't some magic that other parents have. My first was just easy. She is afraid of people and would never think to run off. My second is a hellion. At this point I cannot imagine how long it is going to be before I can trust him to not run off. It sucks.

eyenigh · April 2014

Before I had my son, and I'd see people with kids on a leash, I was pretty judgy about it. Now that I have a kid of my own that takes off like a bat out of hell every chance he gets, those leashes make a bit more sense to me now. I'm not saying I'd do it, but I definitely get it.

emberlee3 · April 2014

Let me also add that my DD would do exactly what yours did, DS, on the other hand, was petrified of strangers and would have clung to me on the blanket. Would he have run off? No way. Was it fun or easy to take him places? Not in the least. Just a different kind of stressful.

aglenn · April 2014

Yeah, both of my kids are high energy and there is no way they would stay on a blanket at an event in the park at that age. DD might now, if she had a coloring book or something to do, but DS would still run around like a madman and get her to follow. We just adjust expectations and don't try to go to things like that unless we are prepared to take turns chasing kids around.

Tink112011 · April 2014

I have no advice for you, but I want to tell you this. I do not have a runner. My child would never do that your LO does. But its not because I'm doing anything special or that I have the magic answer for managing my 2 year old. My kid is just chill and a total mama's boy.

So if you're looking at other parents thinking "Gah! How do they do it!?!" - chances are they are not doing anything - they're just lucky!

Also, give her a few months. I have noticed a huge improvement in my DS's ability to listen and follow directions, which is all part of language development.

Katelobster · April 2014

I have a daughter the same age who would have done the same thing. We've gone to the Science museum and zoo and she's climbing into other people's strollers and trying to take a snack out of someone else's wagon, despite all the other things to see and do.

Honestly, there's just no way I could expect her to sit on a blanket and play with toys and designated kids when there's so much else going on. Maybe some kids can at this age, but for very adventuresome toddlers, there's no way. Yeah, you can tell her no and redirect her, but if you find yourself doing this 100 times and it's not fun for anyone anymore, IMO it just means she's not ready for this kind of thing. Again, just my opinion, but i would save the hardcore 'nos' and battles for more important things, like staying out of the street and holding your hand in a parking lot.

If you really want to keep going to things like this, maybe it would help if you take breaks from sitting and walk around with her to get some of her energy out and curiosity satisfied.

SunAndRain · April 2014

Thanks everyone. It always makes me feel better hearing your different perspectives. I wasn't thinking about the differences in children too. Some are more clingy than others and to be honest I'm happy that DD isn't clingy...though I guess we got the exact opposite end of the spectrum!

I actually notice time outs with DD work wonders! It seems to reset her mindset from freaking out to happy. After time outs she is calm and often will immediately do what I had originally asked. Not that she doesn't eventually revert to the old bad behavior but I'm hoping that consistency will pay off.

I just started using counting down from 3 too! So far no effect, but I think she'll catch on sooner or later

And to be clear, I don't expect her to SIT for 2 hours. I just want her to hang out and run around in the vicinity do we can keep an eye on her...not run off. Of course it is rediculous for me to expect her to understand the invisible, physical boundaries at this point. We actually had a really enjoyable time though we should have left a solid 30 minutes before we did!

snicksnack · April 2014

I think it is personality too she is outgoing. My DD was the same way, I despise parents who bring food to story time if your child can't go 20 minutes without eating they should not attend, I digress. My DD was the one stealing food from other kids etc... because she did not understand that the person did not have to share she was not even two yet at that point. She climbed on a blanket once and called the people who owned the blanket her family. Even now at 4 she is too friendly. We are trying to teach her stranger danger because if someone is nice to her she is all about that person. So don't be suprised if this behavior gets worse. My son is the same age and time out would never work he is not old enough to understand same with counting. At this age I just redirect but he is not as friendly as DD is/was so it is easier.

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