Body Image

MollyB0111 · April 2014

Any ladies out there struggling with body image? I am 19 weeks pregnant (FTM) and having a hard time accepting my body changes. I am starting to get stretch marks on my sides which I didn't expect until later in my pregnancy. I have gained 3lbs, eat fairly healthy, and stay hydrated. Yesterday getting out of the shower I caught myself turning around so I wouldn't see my naked body in the mirror.

I dont want to sound selfish. I am over the moon about this pregnancy and feel incredibly blessed, but I just dont know how to get out of this funk I'm in.

mrsdanielleM2010 · April 2014

First, maybe change of of the threads to a double post/ignore so you get all your responses in one spot.

Second, I'm right there with you. I'm in recovery from an ed myself, and it's hard to accept changes as a good thing. Even though I'm still down 5 lbs from prepregnancy, everything is redistributed to bump and boobs, and I have new stretch marks on my breasts and stomach.

Every time I find myself upset, I refocus on why the changes are happening. My stomach is sticking out to give my sweet baby enough room to grow strong. My boobs are ridiculous so that I can feed him when he comes out. He's worth it, and the changes are good because of what they let me do.

Some days it's harder than others to believe that it's a good thing, and I'm keeping a journal of how I feel about it. If I start to notice a negative pattern, I'm going to see a therapist. Maybe you could do the same?

Gizmo1231 · April 2014

I am going through the same thing as a FTM and someone who struggled with weight and eating issues most their life.
I've found talking it out helps but I struggle with thinking about weight and how my body is changing daily. I am so unbelievably happy for baby so it also hurts to be so focused on something so trivial.

Ashleyrfiles · April 2014

I was just talking to my DH about how it is weird that gaining weight is ok now. I am only up 3-4 pounds so far but my belly is getting pretty big. I have been eating whenever I'm hungry and doing my best to eat healthy but it is hard to see my body changing. I know it's for a great reason but it's still tough because it is very different from what I am use to seeing! I think I accept it a little more each week because it looks more and more like a baby bump instead of just bloating or weight gain.

bf43005 · April 2014

Maybe try to do things you feel good about. I have had a lot of the same thoughts, and when I do I try and do something active. I get to the gym, take the dog for a walk, etc. Helps me focus on a healthy decision I have the ability to control for my body.

whataboutscience · April 2014

I have been heavy most of my life and am at a healthy weight now. I already have stretch marks and horrible loose skin rolls from being in such bad shape for so long. I'm hoping this bump will fill it out soon! After I lost the weight, I was disappointed to realize my stomach was never going to look good. I've had to learn to be happy I'm healthy. Try to be excited for the miracle going on in your body and know that most moms experience this.

froglegs04 · April 2014

I understand how you feel, and would echo what others have said. I work so hard to have a fit body that it's quite jarring to see myself get "fat." I know I shouldn't use that word or feel that way, but it's hard not to when you are getting bigger and still exercising like you're used to. Plus, I went up THREE cup sizes already...WTF. I feel ridiculous, but when I feel like the scale has moved up too much (I'm up 10 already), I just blame my boobs

I will say, once I started showing it made me feel pregnant not fat, so if you aren't showing yet, hang in there that may help!

BethanyAnn27 · April 2014

I have had body image issues for years, suffering from an eating disorder from high school until after I graduated college. Though I consider myself in recovery from my ed, there have been some hard days with body image.

I am up from my pre-pregnancy weight. That is really hard--I don't own a scale because it always triggers me back into bad habits, but obviously they weigh me every time I go for prenatal care. I was eating well before getting the BFP, I wouldn't take the risk of trying if I wasn't healthy, but I know my weight and BMI were still below where they needed to be. Now, I am the heaviest I have seen myself ever. Realistically, I know those numbers reflect what a healthy body weight would be for my frame, but it still freaks me out.

I have always wanted to be a mother, like, as long as I can remember. So I just reassure myself that this changing is ok because this is what needs to happen to get my baby here safely. If I don't gain weight, if my body doesn't change, if I go back to restricting calories, my baby will not be healthy. And, for me, reminding myself of that is what I need to get through. It also helps for me to actually touch my bump. That also seems silly, but when I touch it, I can feel that it is firm, it is all from the baby! It helps me feel connected to the changes. And I know as long as I keep eating healthy and keep exercising I am doing what I have to.

If looking in the mirror upsets you, then don't. And don't feel bad about it! You can see by the responses that you are one of many who doesn't always feel great about the changes happening.

My midwife group is also really great. They know about my history and I mentioned that seeing the numbers climbing on the scale was a trigger for me, so they told me that if it gets hard, just to turn my back when they weight me and they will just let me know if I am on track or not. I would suggest if you find this continues, you just mention it to your OB or midwife. My group told me they see this a lot, so I bet they have some good tips for dealing with body image.

To wrap up my rambling post, you are not alone. Try to focus on the positives, take care of yourself. Good luck and many hugs to you!

MollyB0111 · April 2014

Thank you ladies it helps to hear that I am not alone!

pshaortao · April 2014

So far I'm not struggling with this yet, possibly because I have not gotten stretch marks yet and my boobs just won't freaking grow (I want them to!).

However I feel awkward about things instead. Such as the idea of going to the beach/pool in my regular bikini probably because I'm very fair skinned and you can see my veins easily. Or even experiencing my body post birth because a baby won't be there anymore. I know that we all need time to go back to the way we were pre-pregnancy and that some things will not go back. When I remind myself that it takes about 6 weeks (if I remember correctly) for the uterus to go back to its original size, it's easier for me to cope with, and my husband is also big on health and fitness so I know I have his support to get me back into a routine at the gym again.

I also know (and hope) that it will be the last thing on our minds once our LOs are here! I'm a FTM and I couldn't be more excited to have my LO in my arm in September.

nilvero · April 2014

I think it's normal to feel that way. I've always been tiny and it's been surprising to look in the mirror and see my belly. I agree with PP about doing things that make you feel good and giving yourself reminders about what's happening. My SO has been really sweet about my body, he always liked my belly even before it got big!

brittneyandadam · April 2014

So, before I got pregnant, DH and I changed the way we were eating to get healthy. I lost 85lbs and was still losing until I started fertility meds in August. I gained 15lbs from the progesterone...and now I'm steadily gaining weight. I'm having such a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that I'm going to gain weight from this and kill all my hard work from before. I really can't stand my body now...I feel so uncomfortable during sex, I don't want DH touching me and telling me that I'm beautiful....I don't feel like I am at all. I feel like a slob.

MrsLaLaBug · April 2014

As someone who gained upwards of 80lbs during the first pregnancy, and looking like it may go that way again, I can honestly say I understand where you're coming from. I def had days where I looked at my pregnant self and thought "WHAT KIND OF FUCKERY IS THIS??!!?" I ate healthier than I had ever eaten before, walked daily, followed my OB's instuctions, yet still I gained the weight. As the PP's have said, I knew the end result and after awhile, I stopped letting it get to me. I knew it was just negative energy I didn't need and would ultimately turn into a mind game, as most weight/body image control issues do. Also, one evening shortly before my daughter was born, I was enjoying a nice warm bubble bath - candles and all. When I stepped out of the tub, because there was only candlelight in the bathroom, all I could see in the mirror was my silhouette. And I loved it. Curves, 80lbs, and all. I remember this night very distinctly because it was one of the few times personally in my life I have actually thought of myself as "beautiful". \

You have gotten some very encouraging words here from these ladies and I hope that they help you and any other FTM's that may be dealing with these same feelings!

MeNV · April 2014

I struggle so much with body image during pregnancy. I measure significantly ahead due to fibroids so I frequently get comments when asked how far along I am. “Whoa, you’re going to explode! Better slow it! Are you sure it’s not triplets?” I’ve only actually gained a few pounds, not that it’s really that relevant, but I feel so ashamed. My husband does his best to make me feel beautiful, poor guy.

I’ve been through it before. I know it’s not forever but it’s hard. I also have giant stretch marks from my poor stomach going from fairly flat to measuring 30 something weeks in half that time. No amount of cream or hydration can help with that. I just try to focus on baby.

On the plus side, I feel pretty good about my body after I give birth. With my first I was so stressed that I would hate my post baby appearance, but I found myself caring so little. I was bummed about the stretch marks, but they have faded both times. For me, it will never be like my pre-kid body, but it was good enough. That's saying a lot for me. I've dealt with image body issues my whole life. So I’m hoping it will go that way just one last time.

GlitterMuffin914 · April 2014

Yes. I've struggled with body issues since adolescence, and while I've gotten a lot better, seeing these changes that I've worked so hard to prevent in other situations happening so quickly freak me out a little bit. Even though I know they are coming, they still surprise me. I try to keep reminding myself that these changes are normal and healthy for me and baby right now, and at the end of it all, we'll have a beautiful baby. Even though certain things might not be exactly as they were before, the trade off is probably worth it!

jortiz780 · April 2014

Right there with you and all the PP. I've been overweight all my life. Last year, in the hopes of getting pregnant, I lost 55 lbs. Now, I have gained back 3 lbs since being pregnant but my belly is back in full force. It is hard to see, but deep inside I know that I am making room for my sweet LO that I worked so hard last year to get.

Just keep thinking positive and knowing that you have something very special going on inside your body. I think once our bellies start to round out a bit more and we start to look more pregnant, then maybe we will start to feel more confident.

BethanyAnn27 · April 2014

SmileyGirl18 said:

Right there with and I am not a FTM. I finally got down to my pre-pregnancy weight and got KU again. It is tough, but it is worth it. Just let yourself be upset and don't think there is anything wrong with it. Oh, and be prepared for those first few weeks after birth. They were the hardest for me.

This is actually what I am most afraid of. I can deal now because I know I am doing what I have to in order to get baby here safely. But after baby is born, I am really worried I will slip back into old (and really, really bad) habits to lose weight. Hopefully I will be too busy to let that happen, even if I am not thrilled with the way I look!

shegoat07 · April 2014

I struggled with body image all my life until I lost a lot of weight a few years ago. Then I STILL struggled with body image, in the form of vanity, insecurity, and a superiority complex. But then I stumbled upon this secret and it saved me.

Look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are beautiful.

Do it EVERY DAY, EVERY TIME you look in the mirror. You probably will not believe it. You will feel like you are lying. But everything you say to yourself should be, I'm beautiful, I'm sexy, I'm awesome.

Do it until you believe it. Your opinion of yourself is exactly that. An opinion. So you can think you're ugly or you can think you're pretty, and it doesn't matter, because neither one is a fact.

So why not choose to think that you're beautiful?

BethanyAnn27 · April 2014

@SmileyGirl18, thank you for your reassuring words!

Fishyhatch · April 2014

I'm as FTM as well and am right there with you (and all the others here). I've had body image issues for as long as I can remember and am still extremely critical of my body. These changes can be alarming to say the least. I can only second the excellent comments and advice already shared here by the other ladies, and remind you that if it ever gets overwhelming don't hesitate to talk to someone either on here or with your healthcare provider. Obviously there are lots of us who are feeling the same way you are right now!

RoseK81 · April 2014

I have been having the same issues. I have always been very thin and everyone has always said to me "you will be so small when you are pregnant!" So now that I am pregnant and gaining weight I feel like it's on my mind all the time. I am a FTM and am beyond excited for this baby, so I too feel guilty having these thoughts. I recently also moved out of state and am afraid to go home and see people because I have gained weight already. I feel ridiculous for even thinking this!! I know it's all worth it, I just need to get over it!

Tussie Mussie · April 2014

I'm in the same boat as many of you. I lost quite a bit if weight after having DD. Now watching it come back is very hard. Especially since I'm hungry all the time and trying to make good choices. I hope it gets a little better when I'm noticeably pregnant. I've had a few comments about how I'm barely showing even though I feel round already, and think people close to me should be able to tell. I'm pear shaped and I get that to a stranger I probably just look more proportionate but I know that's not my normal.

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