I Hate this (vent)

pb_bride · April 2014

warning: whining and venting ahead

Many of you know I SAH w/M (he's 17m). We sleep-trained early on so he goes down for naps and bedtime easily. I do the naps during the day and DH does bedtime at night. I go out once a week at night so it works out great with DH taking care of bedtime. DH rarely goes out at night (once every couple of months).

BUT, every time DH goes out and I have to do bedtime duties, it is a nightmare for M and I. No matter what I do - follow DH's routine to a T, or do my usual nap routine, M screams and cries the second I leave his room. I don't know why he does this - he goes down fine for his naps every.single.day. It's almost like he gets separation anxiety at bedtime because he knows I'll be gone all night? On the reverse, DH can put M down for naps without any problem.

I have tried doing Ferber checks - it just doesn't work (even though we used it for sleep-training). He cries so hysterically that it takes 10 minutes at least just to calm him down when I go in. And the second I leave his room, the hysterical crying and sobbing resumes. Eventually, like an hour later, I give up and sit by his bed (usually having to hold his hand thru the slats - that's how bad his separation anxiety is) and wait for him to be asleep before I sneak away.

The most recent time, I did extinction method, because the Ferber checks just don't work. I think he cried for 15-20 minutes... again hysterically but eventually he cried himself to sleep.

Anyway, DH is out tonight so I did extinction again. M cried nonstop for 30 minutes. The hysterical screaming sobbing and crying. I couldn't stand it anymore so I went in to hold his hand. Took 15 minutes to calm him down, and another 15 minutes sitting on the floor waiting for him to fall asleep. All-in-all, it took an hour.

I'm just frustrated. When DH puts him down at night, M just rolls over and puts himself to sleep within minutes. I feel like I'm a hostage (I know this sounds terrible) stuck in M's room while waiting for him to fall asleep. And then I get huge anxiety when I leave, trying not to wake him. A few times I left too soon and he woke right back up, and the screaming/crying started all over again.

In the past, I've always blamed it on teething, or illness, or what-not. But M has been totally fine lately so I know it's just ME. I suck at putting him to bed at night! I feel bad b/c I want DH to be able to go out once in a while to have fun, but I DREAD the nights he does go out. And, DH feels bad for going out at night b/c he knows what M does, even though DH deserves to go out.

I suppose one possible solution is to have me start doing bedtime more, even when DH is home. But I feel like I'm with M all day every day and I just can't wait to hand him off completely to DH.

Sorry this is so long but I just need to vent on this Saturday night.
:-S

TJ1979 · April 2014

Oh pb. I'm so sorry dear. E is going through a phase where I'm the only one who can put her down at night. It's really getting old and larder todo the bigger my belly gets. So I understand the bedtime frustration. You don't suck at it though. It's nothing you're doing wrong.
I think you are right that you need to practice doing it some. Or if you did half of bedtime routine for a while so he gets more comfortable?
I don't know, sleep issues are so rough pb. Big hugs. And vent all you want.

pinkmickey24 · April 2014

Hugs!

imoverit · April 2014

I wonder if you could just for about a week do night time routines together and then maybe LO will be used to you being there to make future transitions easier when YH is out. IDK. Sorry its been rough.

pb_bride · April 2014

Thanks for listening and the hugs.

I always start the bedtime routine together with DH (diaper change, pjs, brush teeth). Then once M goes into the crib, I leave the room, while DH finishes up (puts on sleepsack, turns off light, sing). I suppose I can just stay in the room with DH and see if that makes a difference.

M always seems to have separation anxiety with me at nighttime. We had a rough patch of teething and llness a couple of months back, and DH had to be the one to go in to soothe. M calms down and goes to sleep quickly. But if I go, M will scream and cry when I leave.

Mrs.AmyDylan · April 2014

I'm in the opposite situation since I usually put J down for nap and bed. Because DH travels for work, the full on shift to DH at night just doesn't work. I have no magic solutions. Just do what works for you (hold hands, or whatever) and it sucks, but M will be back to normal with DH tomorrow. Hugs to you, because I know how hard it is to hear your baby scream.

kmc84 · April 2014

((Hugs))
I just had a hell of time getting A to sleep tonight (I suspect teeth)

it sucks hearing your baby cry and feeling stuck!

Ruthie04 · April 2014

I'm really sorry! I don't know anything about sleep training, but I am leaning toward imoverit's advice. I also SAH and do all naps alone on weekdays, but we do bedtime together when DH is home in time. He's only put them down once by himself, but he said it went well. I just wonder if it might help for you to be in the room even if you aren't doing much of the baby care duties. Hope it helps!

pb_bride · April 2014

@chiwifey, hope C gets better from his separation anxiety phase soon!

TJ1979 · April 2014

Pb - E let daddy put her down last night for the first time in several months. Just keep at it. You guys will get there!

JBDamonM · April 2014

I have no advice but I can most definitely feel your pain on how hard it is to listen to the crying

we were having a hard time with LO last week and wound up having to re-do sleep training.....it was awful and last night she screamed, and cried and melted down in hysterics. It was awful. Hang in there!

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