Balancing Pregnancy & Bridesmaid Duties

nolanova85 · April 2014

I'm probably getting ahead of myself a little here, but looking for some WWYD type advice. My BFF has asked me to be MOH for her wedding on 2.7.15. The wedding will be in Louisiana (where she lives), and I live in the DC area. Since my EDD is 12.10.14, I'm comfortable that baby, DH, & I will be able to travel to her wedding (my parents will also be invited and plan to attend, so they'll be able to help with baby care).

What I can't figure out is how I'm going to do the showers & bachelorette party. Assuming my OB won't want me to travel past 36 weeks, these events would need to be in October at the latest. She has mentioned Vegas, and I am more than happy to go even though I won't be able to drink. I have not told BFF that I am pregnant yet (DH and I decided to wait till 8 week appt before we tell anyone), so for all I know she could be totally fine with doing these events 4 months ahead of her actual wedding. But, to me it just seems SO early.

I suppose she could end up saying she wants to do them closer to the wedding, at which point I won't be able to attend the events - so should I offer to step down from MOH duties? In preparation for telling BFF that I am pregnant, I guess I'm just wondering how you all would have felt/reacted had your MOH dropped this bomb on you. (I chose not to have bridesmaids, so I don't have any experience being on the other side)

On a side note, she's so awesome that she is letting us pick our own long, black dresses. So at least I don't have to play the weight guessing game with ordering a dress 6 months in advance.

Any thoughts you can share would be appreciated! Thanks!

Flowr4246 · April 2014

I think you need to tell her. My MOH told me she's pregnant just to make sure i didn't have an issue with a pregnant bridesmaid. of course I told her all is well and immediately told her to do only what she feels comfortable doing.

If this is a truly good friend, she'll understand.

nolanova85 · April 2014

Thanks ladies! I should have clarified - I absolutely plan to tell her. It's just that she asked, and I accepted, before I got a BFP (which all happened over the course of last week). So I'm just trying to play out all possible scenarios before I make the phone call.

She is a great friend, so I'm sure she'll understand and be thrilled for me. At the same time, every bride has dreams of their pre-wedding events, and I will completely understand if she wants to replace me as MOH.

Thanks for the advice so far!!

Flowr4246 · April 2014

Trust. I know the feeling of surprise BFPs. And my MOH had the same thing happen to her. Just tell her straight. "Hey - You'll never believe what crazy turn of events has taken place... !!!"

I'm glad that you know she'll be supportive. That's half the stress right there, IMHO.

And CONGRATS! Sometimes the surprises are the best part of this whole crazy ride.

Flowr4246 · April 2014

Also, in your case i think you're lucking out that the baby will be born before the actual wedding. And how many other BMs is she having? Get good at delegating and there's no reason you can't fulfill all your 'duties' even far up the duff

usarmywifetso · April 2014

Ultimately, it's her decision but there are a lot of options that could still allow you to be the MOH. As PP said, you can still plan the events even if you can't necessarily attend. Actually, my mother planned my shower and my MOH did my bach party. But even if she wants you to plan the shower, that's still very doable from out-of-state. If I were your friend, having my BFF as my MOH at my actual wedding would be much more important to me than having her at the shower or even the bach. Some of my BMs were unable to attend the pre-wedding events because they were too far away. That didn't make me want them in my wedding party any less. Also, since LO will be born before the wedding, depending on exactly what she wants to do for the bach party, could you possibly go down the night before the wedding to do the party? You probably wouldn't be able to do Vegas but that doesn't mean it wouldn't be awesome. My friend who is getting married next month is having a lap dance class followed by a Pure Romance party for her bach. Once you tell her, just talk to her about all of the options and let her know that you really want to be her MOH and will be sure to fulfill all of your "duties" even if you can't attend all of the events. The wedding is what's really important. :-)

Pros521 · April 2014

I say tell her and tell her sooner rather then later. Also don't assume that the baby will be welcome at her wedding. It could be an adult only reception.
She may be perfectly ok with you helping in preparation and not necessarily attending a bachelorette party.

nolanova85 · April 2014

usarmywifetso said:

Ultimately, it's her decision but there are a lot of options that could still allow you to be the MOH. As PP said, you can still plan the events even if you can't necessarily attend. Actually, my mother planned my shower and my MOH did my bach party. But even if she wants you to plan the shower, that's still very doable from out-of-state. If I were your friend, having my BFF as my MOH at my actual wedding would be much more important to me than having her at the shower or even the bach. Some of my BMs were unable to attend the pre-wedding events because they were too far away. That didn't make me want them in my wedding party any less. Also, since LO will be born before the wedding, depending on exactly what she wants to do for the bach party, could you possibly go down the night before the wedding to do the party? You probably wouldn't be able to do Vegas but that doesn't mean it wouldn't be awesome. My friend who is getting married next month is having a lap dance class followed by a Pure Romance party for her bach. Once you tell her, just talk to her about all of the options and let her know that you really want to be her MOH and will be sure to fulfill all of your "duties" even if you can't attend all of the events. The wedding is what's really important. :-)

thanks! this is kind of what I'm hoping - that I can continue in the MOH role and plan things, even if I can't attend. I'm an event planner for a living, I sure would love to do this for my bff! I'm definitely going to suggest we just do the bach party the Thursday before the wedding. since she mentioned Vegas, she might not love the idea (which is fine), but I'll throw it out there.

nolanova85 · April 2014

Pros521 said: I say tell her and tell her sooner rather then later. Also don't assume that the baby will be welcome at her wedding. It could be an adult only reception. She may be perfectly ok with you helping in preparation and not necessarily attending a bachelorette party.
Edit: ugh, why did quote work 30 seconds ago on the previous post and not on this one?!
Oh - absolutely! I had an adults only reception myself, so I would never assume the baby would be invited. I would be horrified if my kid screamed through her vows or reception. What I meant was that my parents will be there and though they would both love to see the wedding reception, I am totally sure my dad would be fine hanging back with the kiddo (I live 1000+ miles from my parents, so I know they would jump at the opportunity to babysit). BFF is also from a huge, catholic family with lots of kids - so I'm sure one of them could recommend a babysitter in the area as a back-up. Thanks for the advice!

summerbld2 · April 2014

if you two are close enough that she can pick you for moh she should be trust worthy enough to keep your secret for a few more weeks. each bride is different but my moh most important role was just being able to stand beside me at the big event. my mother and I did most of the planning.

brittandjp · April 2014

I agree and think you need to tell her. I was pregnant for the bulk of one of my best friend's engagement. DD was born late January and her wedding was a couple months later. It was somewhat hectic with a newborn and managing bridesmaid duties, but we made it work and she was super cool with what I was/wasn't able to do. It sounds like she's a good friend and she'll understand.

Want a personalized experience?

Balancing Pregnancy & Bridesmaid Duties

Re: Balancing Pregnancy &amp; Bridesmaid Duties

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

Want a personalized experience?

Balancing Pregnancy &amp; Bridesmaid Duties

Re: Balancing Pregnancy &amp;amp; Bridesmaid Duties

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

Balancing Pregnancy & Bridesmaid Duties

Re: Balancing Pregnancy & Bridesmaid Duties