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marriage counseling

missyradmissyrad member
in Working Moms
Have you done it? Did it help?
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Re: marriage counseling

  • dglvrk2dglvrk2 member
    No, I haven't. A few couples I know have and it worked wonders. My aunt and uncle who've now been married for 29 years and my neighbors who are my age and have a great relationship now are counseling success stories. Others ended up separating anyways. I think a key factor is you both must want it to work. Hugs and good luck <3
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  • QueSrahQueSrah member
    It's often helpful to talk through issues with an impartial third party.  Especially if both of you are open to listening and making changes to help the marriage.  I don't think that going to counseling necessarily means you're on the verge of splitting up, either. We've done counseling off and on for years, and it's helped us improve our marriage. 
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  • SunAndRainSunAndRain member

    We did pre-marital counseling and went for a check up after we had been married for a few years.  Did it help?  Absolutely.

    It gave us skills for how to work through disagreements.  I can honestly say that DH and I often disagree but rarely fight.  When we were engaged this was definitely not a way in which I would have been able to describe our relationship.

    The only caution I would add is that there are two types of marriage counselors: those that are a good fit for you and those that are not.  We quit seeing one that I felt wasn't helping.  A middle aged divorcee who was clearly bitter and tended to be accusatory and jump to assumptions about us.  That was not helpful...at all.  We found another counselor that happened to be heavily involved in his church, though our counseling was not at all religious (good because I'm Jewish!).  Not only was he a good facilitator and educator, but I never realized nutil years later just how embedded his religion was in is life - he was THAT good at adapting his style of counsel to meet our needs.  He was great.

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  • PSU_TexanPSU_Texan member
    I will say that sometimes it's better to go see a therapist alone if your DH isn't totally on board.  Mine doesn't think he needs counseling and even just my meeting with a counselor has helped how I respond to things.  Would I like us to go together, sure.  But sometimes you can only control you.
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  • WolfBride87WolfBride87 member
    I think that two of the biggest things to consider in the matter is whether or not you or your spouse is open and willing to go to counseling and that every healthy relationship has difficulties here and there. Sometimes learning to get past difficulties can only come with counseling but accepting that people disagree helps to some extent. If your partner is doesn't believe they need counseling and your still having issues then I would agree with PSU_Texan and attempt counseling alone to help guide you into finding possible solutions in dealing with the problem. Also take my advise when choosing a counselor, as I have been to many throughout my life, find one that you feel comfortable with. Many therapists have their own tactics and some may work for you and others may not. Best of luck!
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  • WolfBride87WolfBride87 member
    Sorry for the bad grammar lol >.<
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  • Avion22Avion22 member
    Yes, I have (in a previous marriage), and no, it didn't help.   It didn't help because our counsellor wasn't any good -- she took "my side" of a few arguments, which obviously made my then-husband feel like he couldn't trust her, and he lost faith in the process.   Our marriage ended before we could find a better counsellor.

    Having said that, I think counseling can be a really good thing.  
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  • HisChamaoleGirlHisChamaoleGirl member

    I think it has potential to work but it depends on all parties involved.  You can have the best counselor in the world, but if the husband or wife doesn't want to be there and wont apply what is learned in a session to the marriage, there wont be any success.

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