OB is crapping on my NB plans

ADM0256 · March 2014

I'm doing a natural birth, hopefully very soon, for my first pregnancy. I'm using HypnoBirthing. I'm really confident (excited even) to do this, but I had a frustrating appointment with my [male] OB last week where he raised a skeptical eyebrow while reading the birth plan myself, my husband and our doula wrote. He's skeptical of HypnoBirth and told me, "Just be prepared to get an epidural because most first-time moms do."

He even snickered at the part where I requested I be allowed to deliver in whatever position was most comfortable. I told him that, because of symphysis pubis dysfunction that my chiropractor diagnosed me with, she and my doula agreed that pushing while laying flat on my back would be anti-condusive to moving the baby down and out. Any other position (side, squatting, all fours), would be way better. My OB said that SPD isn't a "real thing" and that "Pushing on your back is the best position," and backed this up with only the explanation of "This is how women have been doing it for years." He also warned me that nurses dislike doulas and won't take kindly to me bringing her.

He then checked to see if I was dilated and asked, after I gave no reaction I suppose, "That didn't hurt?" And after I said no, he said, "Well, maybe you can do this natural birth thing." It made me wonder, was he trying to hurt me? Was that test?

Needless to say, he's kind of a douchebag. Anyone else have similar experiences with a male OB with "traditional" thinking and skepticism about all parts of natural birth? I can't switch doctors (without a lot of unneeded stress) because I'm in a small town and this is who I'm stuck with (there are no midwives in the area and I'm 45 min away from the hospital, so a home birth is risky). But, I'm convincing myself it'll all be OK with the doula there -- as my mom friends remind me, my OB is only going to come in at the last second to catch the baby anyhow. I'm just so frustrated that he felt the need to be such a negative nelly about the whole things. Shows how far we still have to go to make natural birth not seem like some weird hippy movement.

sschwege · March 2014

While it's generally true that the doctor doesn't come in until the end, it sounds like this is the attitude of the entire hospital! If there is any other option for care I would pursue it, these are huge red flags!

I'm glad you have a doula, she will be able to help you. I think the key for you will be laboring at home, I know they always say this, but really you need to arrive close to the end. It sounds like you have a bit of a drive to the hospital, maybe have a plan for if you get close to the hospital, but are not ready to go in? I have a friend who labored in a mall close to her hospital.

Here's a thought, have you considered checking to see if there is a Family Medicine doc who could deliver you at that hospital?

redrockmama · March 2014

How frustrating. I'm really sorry that you are having to deal with this situation and don't have many other options. As a FTM I don't have much advice, but just wanted to say that I'm sorry and I hope you can figure out something that will work.

The doula will be there and you are right he will likely just come in at the end and he can't stop you from having a doula. The family medicine doc might be a good idea. I wish I had more help. Hang in there.

aylafsu88 · March 2014

What a peach! There are supportive OBs out there but this guy does not appear to be one of them. I know that my OB did mention that things happen during birth and it is not a predicable event but that she and the practice would try to honor my requests. To me that was a much better way to approach it than to say the kind of things your OB did. The on call OB from the practice was actually male when I wan in labor. He was so nice, so comforting and so accommodating of my natural birth. My H and I think he was better than my normal OB would have been. So I doubt that his gender has much to do with it. It sounds like your OB is just a douche.
It is great that you have a doula. Mine played a huge part in my birth and was a wonderful, positive energy. Have you check on other options? It seems like this guy may be a huge PITA and the last thing you want to deal with in labor is a pushy OB.

BeMerry · March 2014

I was in a similar situation when I had my first. I had an OB and hospital that was not familiar with natural birth but I was determined to do it anyway so I hired a doula. And guess what: I did it!! I got my natural unmedicated birth and you can do it too! A couple things: make sure you don't get induced, you are almost guaranteed to want an epidural because contractions are much worse and you get limited to being stuck on the bed. Even if you go past your due date, don't let them push you to induction! If they are that worried they can do a nonstress test to verify baby is still doing fine. Also, don't let them tell you that you're not progressing fast enough. As long as you are tolerating labor well enough there is no set time limit for labor. It took me 8 hours to go from 6 to 10 cm. it was painful active labor but my hubs and doula helped me through it. Believe in yourself and good luck!

Rrrrrachel · March 2014

What an ass hat!

marriedinaugust · March 2014

Stay strong, you can do it! Labor at home as long as possible, warn your doula but she is probably used to it if she regularly works at hospital births. Make sure your husband is prepared to be very vocal about your wishes. You will be in no place to talk rationally to the nurses/OB and some doulas only encourage the mother/father and do not communicate with the staff, especially if the staff is unwelcoming. Good luck!

margaritachikita · March 2014

Those do seem like some big red flags. I would switch if at all possible; it really is never too late. Remember that for your doctor this is one of thousands of births, but for you it is a once-in-a-lifetime event. Even though you have a doula, the doctor's and hospital's policies are not under her control. Sure, if you show up and have the baby quickly, things will go great, but it sounds like if there are any complications or a prolonged labor that you will probably not get the low-intervention birth you are hoping for. I am a doula and have seen some very sad and frustrating situations where mom, dad, and doula really can't help what is happening. It comes down to the fact that your provider does not believe in you and your body, and that will show through in his and the nurse's actions during your labor and delivery. You need someone who 100% believes in you, your body, and your baby.

That said, if you absolutely cannot switch, just remember that it is ALWAYS within your rights to decline a procedure or anything you don't feel comfortable with. But this can be very difficult as most hospitals use scare-tactics to get moms to go along with what is being done. You can always try to buy more time with "can we have a minute alone" or just by spending a lot of time closed in the bathroom. Just believe in yourself and your body!

Let us know how it goes! Best of luck!

mdarmetko · March 2014

ADM0256 said:

I'm doing a natural birth, hopefully very soon, for my first pregnancy. I'm using HypnoBirthing. I'm really confident (excited even) to do this, but I had a frustrating appointment with my [male] OB last week where he raised a skeptical eyebrow while reading the birth plan myself, my husband and our doula wrote. He's skeptical of HypnoBirth and told me, "Just be prepared to get an epidural because most first-time moms do."

This EXACT thing happened to me last week, but m OB is female. When my OB said that ALL Hypnomoms she's worked with end up getting an epi (which statistically speaking is fishy) and that most first time moms will get one bc their labors are so long, I took it as a red flag. I told my doula we were changing providers and she said good. Turns out she was just a the hospital this OB delivers at the day before (my doula has attended many deliveries there before) and says she will not work with that hospital anymore. There were issues, mainly the nurses were difficult and the experience could have easily been made a lot better. Have you take a hospital tour? Perhaps you can get a gauge on how the nurses there feel about natural birth? As you said, an OB really comes in just at the end, but your nurses and doula will make the difference (so I've heard). Even if you can't move to a midwife, perhaps there is another OB or OB practice you can look into that is more supportive of your choices.

Chichigo · March 2014

My OB was supportive but doubtful about no epidural. The nurse assigned to me was excited and determined to help me through it. If I deliver another baby at the same hospital, I will ask for her! Maybe you can see if there's a natural-birth friendly nurse at L&D. I don't know if your OB was testing you. I had two cervical checks (by a very gentle and petite female OB) before I dilated and they both hurt. The check my the larger male doctor while being admitted during labor didn't hurt, but maybe the contractions were distracting me or I was just calmer then"

SidraJedi · March 2014

I agree with most everyone else; switch if you can, talk to your doula (it's great that she's in your corner) and if you can't switch try to relax and avoid pressure where you can.

FWIW some of the FTMs I know have had the natural/home births they planned and one had to have a hospital transfer (stalled labor), one decided to have an epidural and episiotomy at the eleventh hour and one had nitrous instead of an epidural or nothing. I'm surprised that with so many various outcomes in my limited personal experience your doctor expects you to believe that "all" FTMs get epidural!

I really hope it goes well for you.

ETA: clarity

nursecramer · March 2014

I had a long labor with pitocin with my first, and although I managed to do it without getting an epidural, it wouldn't have happened without the support of my OB and nurses. I ASKED for an epi, but they knew that I wanted to go natural and were so encouraging and helped me to feel empowered to get through it. It is so so important that you feel comfortable with your medical staff and that you're on the same page philosophically. It doesn't sound like you are.

Switch if you can.

JennaRaek · April 2014

You can do it!! Getting checked didn't hurt until I was in the late stages of labor. That's just me. But I was excited about med free too. I don't know much about hypnobirthing.. but, If you think you can do it, I believe you can!

Good luck!!

BeachBabe22 · April 2014

Wow, what a jerk! I planned for a natural birth and everyone was very supportive of my decision. I ended up getting pitocin because my labor was not starting on it's own and my water had broken over 24 hours prior. Even with the pitocin I was able to deliver my daughter without an epidural.

I agree with everyone else and think you should look for a different OB. Plenty of first time moms deliver without an epidural and you can too!

kaimee27 · April 2014

Ugh, what a jerk! Like PP have said, I'm sorry you're stuck with such a jerk for an OB! I'm a nurse, and although I don't work labor and delivery, I definitely agree with the PP who said that most nurses won't have any problem with a doula that is there to ensure the comfort of the mother, as long as it doesn't interfere with her safety or the safety of the baby.

Also, you can tell your doctor that women have been laboring on their backs because that's the easiest position for the doctor to catch the baby-not because it's necessarily easier on you. The best position for you to labor in is the one that is the most comfortable for you-again, as long as it is safe for you and the baby. I hope that in spite of this OB, your birth experience is awesome and positive!!

NYGirl02 · April 2014

Yikes! What a jerk. I'm so glad you have a doula! Have you told her about your appointment? I'd talk that over with her. Also, does she have any experience with this OB? I think waiting to go in is wise. Maybe you could even get a hotel room close to the hospital (or another place like the mall like someone said) since it is a tad far away?

nosoup4u · April 2014

Is he the only Dr that delivers babies in your town? I would look around for anyone else, like sschwege mentioned. Also, stay home as long as you can. Good luck!

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