Speechless (BFP not mine)

cymber217 · March 2014

My DH and I just celebrated our one year anniversary of marriage and trying. We decided to go away to forget about our infertility problems. My friend who knows our struggle offered us to stay with her. We are due to leave in a couple days.. yesterday she texts me did you get my pic? I turn on my cell data and there shows up a pee stick. Shes preg after 1 month of trying. I So anyways, is it so wrong Id like a sensitive 12 week announcement over the phone? Not an abrupt pee stick pic that makes it hard to get through my work day? How do I handle this trip?

jencity9 · March 2014

That is so insensitive! I have gotten the pee stick pic before too... I don't think the person who sent it to me would ever even consider hoe insensitive it was. Is it possible for you guys to stay somewhere else like a hotel?

haloform · March 2014

That is really insensitive. I am certain that I would feel upset!

ttuprincess · March 2014

Ah yes. The pee stick picture. My college roommate told me she was KU with her last two that way. It is infuriating. So sorry. Hopefully you guys can enjoy your anniversary.

hope2bmom83 · March 2014

I am so sorry. It has become completely obvious that when you confide in someone about IF, and they say they understand the truth is they REALLY have no clue. I am so sorry you have to deal with this.

athlete010688 · March 2014

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this

Could you guys do something else for your anniversary? Let her know that you are happy for her, but it's really hard to be around people that are pregnant right now? Let her know that you and your DH were looking to escape all the struggles of IF for your anniversary?

tumbleweed123 · March 2014

I'm so sorry...I would feel really off balance and in pain over that too. I would just ask her why she is sending you a picture of her urine and remind her of the hard time you are having and that sensitivity would be appreciated. I've gotten to the point of cutting off friends if they cannot be sensitive to what I am going through. I see unfeeling things like this as opportunities to prune the friend tree. My emotional health is more important that saving face and acting fake just to seem like I'm not hurting. Uh, some days I am a frigging mess and I am not going to pretend that everything is OK. I actually think that calling people out helps keep the shame and silence away from IF. IF is not something we chose to have - there should not be this climate of shame surrounding it. We should not have to pretend we are ok all the time. I'm so sorry you are going through this!

ronniesgirl1981 · March 2014

I think the people who love us really, truly don't know how to support us. I'm guessing she felt uncomfortable and that's why she took that route. She doesn't know how much it stings. That, of course, doesn't make it suck any less.

I'm guessing that you still are (or at least feel) obligated to stay with her. Make some day trips and dinners alone with your husband so that you aren't inundated with pregnancy talk.

Lastly, I'll leave you with what my husband always tells me: Celebrate with them. If you don't, one day when you have something to celebrate, you'll have no one to celebrate with.

gsancho · March 2014

I'd maybe try to talk to her about it before visiting? Doesn't have to be in any dramatic fashion, but something about you taking a break after the ups and downs of IF...you're happy for her, but may not be able to have tons of pregnancy talks with her (aka, pee sticks not cool)? Then I may have one night where I get a hotel, just to get away from it all. If she sent a pee stick picture, I wouldn't feel 100% about how she'd be while you're visiting.

Sorry you're dealing with that

tumbleweed123 · March 2014

gsancho said:

I'd maybe try to talk to her about it before visiting? Doesn't have to be in any dramatic fashion, but something about you taking a break after the ups and downs of IF...you're happy for her, but may not be able to have tons of pregnancy talks with her (aka, pee sticks not cool)? Then I may have one night where I get a hotel, just to get away from it all. If she sent a pee stick picture, I wouldn't feel 100% about how she'd be while you're visiting.

Sorry you're dealing with that

this!

Lindsey7348 · March 2014

I wouldn't send a pee stick picture in general. I damn sure wouldn't send it to a good 'friend' of mine ESPECIALLY if I knew about her struggle. I am a smart ass, so I would've responded with 'well damn that sucks for you, I was looking forward to drinking my entire vacation.' But I guess congrats anyway.

cymber217 · March 2014

I would never send a pee stick pic to anyone either. I am very private about things. I have never bragged about my marriage or whatever on fb like others do and I dont plan to do it if I do get pregnant.

Thanks everyone for the support, I lost sleep over this one.

Amazing817 · March 2014

I don't think I would go & I would be honest with her about how she hurt you. I don't think I could be within 5 ft of someone in a house for a weekend after she knows how you have been trying & how insensitive she was. Obviously to me it's going to be a weekend of her talking about this pregnancy & it's going to probably hurt. Just my cents! Hugs!

cymber217 · March 2014

Im just thinking the baby is a two week cell at this point..so its prob better than me hearing about the gender and seeing her stomach and seeing the baby room etc. Maybe ill try and pretend its not real. I mean it hasnt even been confirmed by blood test im telling myself its not a sure bet.. ugh..

fzwduck · March 2014

She may not have ment any harm. Most people don't realize how hard it truely is dealing with infertility. They do not always think what will or will not hurt us. I've had two people offer to be my surrogate then oddly enough the same week both sent me texts saying the baby factory is officially closed they had their tubes tied. Neither one thought that was insensitive but the idea of another woman closing up her baby factory for good whenni can't even get mine operational didn't sit well with me. I just did not engage them in conversation about their decision. If you don't think you can go your vacation with out keeping the baby talk to an acceptable level then I would consider a hotel or a different vacation spot. I would just politely explain your feelings and the reasoning behind getting away in the first place. She will understand.

cymber217 · April 2014

OMG the trip was bad. It was all pregnancy talk! She told me she wishes we were pregnant at the same time! Then the whole dinner out with my parents all everyone talked about was the baby! My parents kept continually bringing it up. I began sweating then got diarrhea! (My husband wasnt with me that night

) I cried the whole night! She went around telling everyone she was pregnant. She JUST found out last week via pee stick. *warning mc talk* Shes said she knows she wont miscarry because her mom only had one miscarry. Im actually equally as sensitive to miscarry bragging bc I had a friend lose a baby at 8 months

((..Glad to be home! Next appts this Tuesday! Im ready!!

mrsbark711 · April 2014

cymber217 said:

My DH and I just celebrated our one year anniversary of marriage and trying. We decided to go away to forget about our infertility problems. My friend who knows our struggle offered us to stay with her. We are due to leave in a couple days.. yesterday she texts me did you get my pic? I turn on my cell data and there shows up a pee stick. Shes preg after 2 months of trying.. lucky me cant escape the whole issue the whole vacation now. Ironically, my older work friend was talking about disgusting ppl are on fb about their pregnancy and i literally said well, have you seen the pee stick pic yet?! shes like what no!! so inappropriate! So anyways, is it so wrong Id like a sensitive 12 week announcement over the phone? Not an abrupt pee stick pic that makes it hard to get through my work day? How do I handle this trip? I mean not to compare the two but if someone told me they had cancer i wouldnt randomly text them that I dont have cancer! Isnt there some ettiquette?!

Oh wow! (BFP/Child mentioned, not mine)

I am sorry that you had to deal with this. I have no advice. I had a friend who announced on facebook with her pee stick, but first she texted me. "Hey I can't wait for you to get pregnant anymore, because I'm pregnant". WTF?!

She was older and considered herself 3T, but in fact they were pregnant shortly after they started trying.

Fertiles are (for the most part) insensitive about infertility/.

mrsbark711 · April 2014

cymber217 said:

OMG the trip was bad. It was all pregnancy talk! She told me she wishes we were pregnant at the same time! Then the whole dinner out with my parents all everyone talked about was the baby! My parents kept continually bringing it up. I began sweating then got diarrhea! (My husband wasnt with me that night ) I cried the whole night! She went around telling everyone she was pregnant. She JUST found out last week via pee stick. *warning mc talk* Shes said she knows she wont miscarry because her mom only had one miscarry. Im actually equally as sensitive to miscarry bragging bc I had a friend lose a baby at 8 months ((..Glad to be home! Next appts this Tuesday! Im ready!!

OMG I am so sorry that you had such a terrible time. Creepy internet (((hugs))) coming your way whether you want them or not

lizzyp9112 · April 2014

(Pregnancy mentioned, not mine)

I am so, so sorry. One of my SIL's is pregnant now and it was a 'surprise' for them. They keep talking about how they had no idea it would happen, etc... and they know we've been trying for over a year with no luck. It's such a tough balance because you want to be happy for your friend/family member but how can you be that happy when you struggle to become pregnant?

I am just really sorry. As others mentioned, those that get pregnant easily have no idea what it is like. Hell, *I* have no idea what so many of you go through, either.

BunnyBerry · April 2014

I'm so sorry! Glad that horrible weekend is over. Hope you can put her out of your mind.

KT416 · April 2014

Sorry to hear about your horrible weekend. I guess you'll just have to do a do over 1-year anniversary celebration with a nice dinner out or something

cymber217 · April 2014

This is my husbands new explanation to why people are insensitive to those with TTTC. He said its like someone coming into work every day and putting their hand prints all over the glass and not realizing that by doing that you are making someone elses life harder (the janitor) and that you will continue to do it until one day you are janitor and then you will never do it again. Also, ppl that are janitors dont do it ever.

this is kinda random but very true.

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Speechless (BFP not mine)

Re: Speechless (BFP not mine)

Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motility
IUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFN
IVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!
Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545 -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!

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Want a personalized experience?

Speechless (BFP not mine)

Re: Speechless (BFP not mine)

Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motilityIUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFNIVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545 -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!

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Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motility
IUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFN
IVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!
Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545 -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!