update: HELP WWYD (DH and LO)

notthecheat · April 2014

I am at work and I get a text from an exhausted DH threatening to dip LOs paci in bourbon.

I work 5 nights a week and DH works 6 days a week, and is up by himself all the nights I am at work. He usually doesn't get as much sleep as he needs but the past couple of nights he hasn't gotten ANY sleep because LO has been awake all night fussing. Also our caregiver during the day has the flu and we can't afford anyone else- its cheaper for DH to miss work so he came home early today so I could sleep for my shift tonight. He says he has tried everything and none of his usual tricks are working. Tylenol did nothing. He is beyond sleep deprived and exhsusted but doesn't want me to call off my shift because we need the money. He is talking about the bourbon and CIO because he is so desperate at this point for sleep. I have no idea what to tell him and am thinking of calling off anyway. But what if she does this again tonight? I don't know what to do. Help.

Cambury108 · April 2014

Check for a hair caught on the hand/foot....after that then my next thing to say and I might be in the minority here because you can't do it ALL the time and obviously you need the money but my mama gut says stay home. If he is that frustrated, the baby will feel it and not calm down anyway. Maybe you can do a 1/2 shift? I don't know. This is a tough tough tough one.

fauxvegan · April 2014

It might be a good idea to go home tonight and figure things out with your H. Let him sleep and call the pedi in the morning if you feel it's necessary. It could also be a GS or 4month. LO had a rough couple of nights the week she turned 4 months. Now she's back to normal. It could also be teething like PP said.

notthecheat · April 2014

How do you know if your baby is teething? I keep feeling the gums but don't know what I'm looking for- it all feels the same to me. Tried a teether, gripe water, and the Tylenol did absolutely nothing. I told DH to check for hair, he said he checked twice and there is none.

notthecheat · April 2014

His text:

I can't take this anymore.... I'm past my wits end. With your permission I'm going to give her bourbon

So I obviously called him. He says he's not going to do anything, and he sounds sane just frustrated but I worry...

Cambury108 · April 2014

I don't know what your employer would say about your leaving and going home, Obviously if you would get into some sort of trouble or if you just can't be spared then sadly he has to just deal with whatever but if you can leave work and head home, I would.

I don't know how you feel about it but can they maybe bed share? Even for just a few hours to catch some zzz's? I just know when my DD is inconsolable sleeping next to me always gets her to sleep. I know its not for everyone. Just a suggestion.

Cambury108 · April 2014

sventurarn sometimes and in sleep deprived times things can look so bleak and people say things and don't mean them or would never act on them. He might just be getting out his frustrations with words. Obviously you know him best but if your worried then that is your mama gut telling you something IMO. I am sorry your going thru this, I know its hard. Is there any white noise app he has access to or a fan? Can he take her in a bathroom and rock her in the dark with water running? These are things that will help my LO in times of desperation.

fauxvegan · April 2014

Cambury108 said:

Check for a hair caught on the hand/foot....after that then my next thing to say and I might be in the minority here because you can't do it ALL the time and obviously you need the money but my mama gut says stay home. If he is that frustrated, the baby will feel it and not calm down anyway. Maybe you can do a 1/2 shift? I don't know. This is a tough tough tough one.

This!! The whole reason I'm now a SAHM is when DH stayed home with LO he got frustrated right away. He would call and text me at work and I could hear her crying in the background. I could swear it was his anxiety and frustration that made her cry so much. I know I already said it, but if I was in your shoes (and I was for 10 weeks) I would head home. It sounds like they both need you tonight.

notthecheat · April 2014

Obviously they don't like you calling off but are not going to force you to stay. If you do it enough they will sit you down about it. They try to find coverage when you call off but at this point its too late for a replacement. The family just has to deal. (Im a home pediatric nurse) My shift ends in 5.5 hours, dh has to be at work in 8 hours at the latest.

BootsOrHearts · April 2014

Will baby sleep in the swing? Has he tried white noise like a vacuum cleaner? I'm sorry that has to be really frustrating. Agree with others it may be time to go home and help. I've been there and it's so hard to manage on your own when you feel helpless and overwhelmed.

Cambury108 · April 2014

So he has to be to work in 8 hours and hasn't slept? I know it sounds crappy about leaving this family for 5.5 hours but I would hope that whatever the situation is in that home the parents/caregivers could cover it? You need to go home to your baby and your DH needs to sleep. I don't know what a long term solution is,but sometimes you have to just take things day by day and today I think your needed more at home then normal. HUGS to you!!!

fauxvegan · April 2014

I'm sorry you're in this situation. I know how you feel. Maybe your H can just put LO in the crib and take a break. I agree with Cam on the white noise and shower. Have him try turning on the hair dryer. It's my DHs favorite and the only thing that worked for LO last week. If you can't leave work then the next best thing is to keep in contact so doesn't feel so alone and helpless.

Cambury108 · April 2014

Yes if you can't go home then keep in contact even if its just text. I would try ALL the things if I was DH. Walking/Rocking. Patting on back (Sometimes my LO gets trapped gas). Bouncing, Often music will calm her and I sing (I have a TERRIBLE voice but she just loves it so I turn on some Blake Shelton and sing to her). What about if he could take her for a car ride? Like a quick 10min one and maybe she could fall asleep. I know its not "ideal" to sleep in a carseat but if he could get her asleep in one then maybe he could just carry the seat back inside and he could set it by the couch and he could crash for a few? I don't know your feeding situation but sometimes my LO wants "topped off" 1-2 ounces and then she passes out, even within like an hour of just eating 4oz. Obviously these things help my child and I know all babies are different but I am just listing anything I can think of. I feel for you so badly.

notthecheat · April 2014

So I called off and went home. Of course LO immediately fell asleep right when I did that. But since I am here I will watch her so if she wakes DH can still sleep. Calling the pediatrician in the am. Ate 1/2 entenmanns cake from stress and now going to nap while I can. I'll be back again tonight- working 11p- 7a EST. thank you so much everyone for your responses and caring.

frankierokx · April 2014

Is she teething @sventurarn‌ M was so fussy and would not sleep until it broke the skin. I hope you can all get some rest!

KFiori1 · April 2014

I see you went home, but just wanted to add I second the white noise suggestions. I vacuumed A LOT when DD1 was a baby because that was one of the only ways she'd be quiet lol So vacuum, dishwasher, bath, shower, static radio...all may be good things. Did she wake up and get fussy or could he not get her down? Maybe she was over tired? I also have friends who have taken their baby for a drive in the middle of the night to get them to sleep but that may not be the best idea if your H is so tired

Hopefully LO is just going through a stage and things get better! GL!

notthecheat · April 2014

Thanks everyone for all your suggestions. This morning I called the pediatrician and got her zantac dose changed. Also we found out she IS teething- on the top. I had been checking the bottom. I wasnt expecting it either since i started teething late and DH about 4 or so months. MIL said Tylenol never worked for DH- the only thing that helped was peppermint schnapps. (...) DH felt a lot better after he got some sleep, and he even took a nap right before work tonight. FX. Currently 2 hours into my shift and hoping no news is good news. I feel bad that he has to get up with her 5 nights of the week by himself.

I feel a little guilty leaving the family I was working for high and dry, but I'm glad I went home. I would have just fretted the whole time and DH admits he was pretty much at the end of his rope. Hopefully they will both sleep peacefully tonight.

notthecheat · April 2014

Just got a text from DH that hyland's teething gel is his new bff

notthecheat · April 2014

I came home in the morning to find DH and LO sleeping together on the couch and Sprout on the TV. It was adorable. DH said things went MUCH better, they both got some sleep, the teething gel was a hit, and so apparently was a frozen paci (which surprised me because LO doesn't like cold things or pacis). I think it was a huge help knowing she was teething, because when DH gets frustrated it's like a vicious cycle for the two of them.

Thanks again everyone for all your suggestions and helping to keep me from freaking out. You really are like my second family.

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