Vent please?

mschoepp · April 2014

I just need to let off some steam before I start bawling out of sheer frustration.

Stress # 1: I've been on ML since end of Jan, and I LOVE being home with DS, however I need to go back to work ASAP. (Me not working = we are broke as a joke.) My old job was convenient in that it is two blocks from our house and my bosses are some of the most understanding, down to earth people you could ask for (not to mention, our next door neighbors). The problem is, it doesn't pay jack. Living in BFE means that jobs themselves are hard to find, much less GOOD paying jobs. I am in the process of looking for a new job, all of which are in one of the surrounding towns, at least 30 min away, meaning I would actually have to spend $ on gas to get to work. The search for daycare is proving just as difficult seeing as there has been a G Damn baby boom in my town, and all the daycares are full up.

Stress #2: New baby brain has caused me to somehow forget to pay last month's cell bill, meaning we know owe 2 month's worth. The cell company has been calling and I have NOTHING to give them until DH gets paid, which is the 7th of every month. Because of this, we have zero extra funds to live off of this month unless by some miracle I get a job and daycare tomorrow.

Stress #3: Baby hasn't been sleeping great because of a stuffy nose, and when he is awake he is super clingy and cries like someone is killing him if I put him down. I am exhausted. DH NEVER gets up at night to help, because he is the one working and "he can't be tired at work". (Granted, he is a truck driver, so I can see part of that.) I would be more forgiving of that if he made up for it by helping around the house when he is home...which he doesn't. I cook all the meals, do all the dishes, laundry, etc. which isn't easy when LO is crabby. (I have tried using the Baby Bjorn, it only works for so long). He only takes the baby from me when I make dinner, and even then most nights I end up having to take him half way through because he is just letting the baby cry in the swing or gets frustrated because DS won't take the bottle from him and end up yelling at him. If we are out at a friend's for dinner, all of a sudden he is the MOST helpful hubby ever, offering to hold the baby while we eat, bouncing him, etc. So frustrating. We have had multiple convos about it, and it just ends in it being my fault somehow. Always. Don't get me wrong, he is a wonderful man whom I love very much. Because of his job we have a nice house that his employers provide (they pay the utilities on it also) and health insurance. I just want a little more help and understanding.

Stress #4: Money in general. Because we don't have my extra income to help right now, things are SUPER tight. The other morning I had to count change to get gas so I could run to the grocery store. Ridiculous.

I don't have very many friends here, and the one I am closest with has her own set of problems right now so I feel bad venting to her. A vent session between the two of us usually ends in tears because we are both so stressed (she is a new mom too).

Sorry for the long ass sob story. I really just needed to get that off my chest before I blew a gasket. It's only 9:30 here and the 1/2 bottle of wine on my counter is looking better and better.

CinemaGoddess · April 2014

1. Keep looking! Hopefully something will come along soon.

2. Have you called your cellphone company and explained? Also, and I mean this as gently as possible, what happened to the money that was set aside for the bill last month?

3. You need to have a Come to Jesus talk with H.

4. Do you have a budget set up? If so, would you be comfortable sharing it (with general figures, of course) and maybe we can help you see if you can cut back anywhere?

mschoepp · April 2014

CinemaGoddess said:

1. Keep looking! Hopefully something will come along soon.

2. Have you called your cellphone company and explained? Also, and I mean this as gently as possible, what happened to the money that was set aside for the bill last month?

3. You need to have a Come to Jesus talk with H.

4. Do you have a budget set up? If so, would you be comfortable sharing it (with general figures, of course) and maybe we can help you see if you can cut back anywhere?

2. I honestly have no idea, especially since my parents sent $ to help out last month. H is in charge of finances and has the only debit card for the bank account. I thought we were good until the bank called him saying we were overdrawn. (it was during the day and I was actually at work with him, so I'm wondering if he would have told me if I hadn't been there.)

4. We do have a budget, and we go over it quite often. We pay ~105 for home phone and internet (cell service is hit or miss in town so the house phone is necessary, especially since our families are 2 states away. Open lines of communication and all that), ~110 for cell phones (basic phones, nothing fancy, smallest minute bundle available.), ~230 for car insurance, ~500 for both truck payments, 8 for Netflix, 300 for groceries. H makes about 1450 a month.

CinemaGoddess · April 2014

mschoepp said:

CinemaGoddess said:

1. Keep looking! Hopefully something will come along soon.

2. Have you called your cellphone company and explained? Also, and I mean this as gently as possible, what happened to the money that was set aside for the bill last month?

3. You need to have a Come to Jesus talk with H.

4. Do you have a budget set up? If so, would you be comfortable sharing it (with general figures, of course) and maybe we can help you see if you can cut back anywhere?

2. I honestly have no idea, especially since my parents sent $ to help out last month. H is in charge of finances and has the only debit card for the bank account. I thought we were good until the bank called him saying we were overdrawn. (it was during the day and I was actually at work with him, so I'm wondering if he would have told me if I hadn't been there.)

4. We do have a budget, and we go over it quite often. We pay ~105 for home phone and internet (cell service is hit or miss in town so the house phone is necessary, especially since our families are 2 states away. Open lines of communication and all that), ~110 for cell phones (basic phones, nothing fancy, smallest minute bundle available.), ~230 for car insurance, ~500 for both truck payments, 8 for Netflix, 300 for groceries. H makes about 1450 a month.

Do you rent or own?

mschoepp · April 2014

CinemaGoddess said:

mschoepp said:

CinemaGoddess said:

1. Keep looking! Hopefully something will come along soon.

2. Have you called your cellphone company and explained? Also, and I mean this as gently as possible, what happened to the money that was set aside for the bill last month?

3. You need to have a Come to Jesus talk with H.

4. Do you have a budget set up? If so, would you be comfortable sharing it (with general figures, of course) and maybe we can help you see if you can cut back anywhere?

2. I honestly have no idea, especially since my parents sent $ to help out last month. H is in charge of finances and has the only debit card for the bank account. I thought we were good until the bank called him saying we were overdrawn. (it was during the day and I was actually at work with him, so I'm wondering if he would have told me if I hadn't been there.)

4. We do have a budget, and we go over it quite often. We pay ~105 for home phone and internet (cell service is hit or miss in town so the house phone is necessary, especially since our families are 2 states away. Open lines of communication and all that), ~110 for cell phones (basic phones, nothing fancy, smallest minute bundle available.), ~230 for car insurance, ~500 for both truck payments, 8 for Netflix, 300 for groceries. H makes about 1450 a month.

Do you rent or own?

Technically, rent, though we plan on buying the house in a few years and his bosses will put our "paid rent" towards the buying price. The "rent" is included in H's paycheck.

lauralew · April 2014

I was going to suggest looking at grocery costs... That's about how much we spend with two adults and two toddlers. Granted, my kids don't eat much...

Also, call around to different cell/cable/phone companies. Get sine quotes. Go back to your current company and say you're switching unless they can give you a lower price.

CinemaGoddess · April 2014

mschoepp said:

CinemaGoddess said:

mschoepp said:

CinemaGoddess said:

1. Keep looking! Hopefully something will come along soon.

2. Have you called your cellphone company and explained? Also, and I mean this as gently as possible, what happened to the money that was set aside for the bill last month?

3. You need to have a Come to Jesus talk with H.

4. Do you have a budget set up? If so, would you be comfortable sharing it (with general figures, of course) and maybe we can help you see if you can cut back anywhere?

2. I honestly have no idea, especially since my parents sent $ to help out last month. H is in charge of finances and has the only debit card for the bank account. I thought we were good until the bank called him saying we were overdrawn. (it was during the day and I was actually at work with him, so I'm wondering if he would have told me if I hadn't been there.)

4. We do have a budget, and we go over it quite often. We pay ~105 for home phone and internet (cell service is hit or miss in town so the house phone is necessary, especially since our families are 2 states away. Open lines of communication and all that), ~110 for cell phones (basic phones, nothing fancy, smallest minute bundle available.), ~230 for car insurance, ~500 for both truck payments, 8 for Netflix, 300 for groceries. H makes about 1450 a month.

Do you rent or own?

Technically, rent, though we plan on buying the house in a few years and his bosses will put our "paid rent" towards the buying price. The "rent" is included in H's paycheck.

So, by my calculations you have $200 left at the end of the month.

Can you call around to auto insurance companies and try to get a lower rate?

lauralew · April 2014

Also...I'm awful at finances so my husband is in charge. But he's very responsible and always tells me if we're running low. I wonder if you and your husband need a better system where you're both involved with the finances.

Edited because I'm sucking at words today.

CinemaGoddess · April 2014

Yeah, I would ask to look at the finances/get access to your online accounts/etc.

mschoepp · April 2014

TheEmpireNeedsYou said:

If you already have the smallest minutes available and don't use your cell phones much, have you looked at a plan like Virgin Mobile or Walmart? We pay $35/phone for 300 minutes each and unlimited text/data with VM. We don't talk on the phone much so it works for us. What about dropping the phone through your cable and instead getting Vonage?

Sorry things are so tight, and I hope your husband starts helping out more at home.

I hadn't thought of that, thanks! I will bring it up tonight and see what H says.

CinemaGoddess said:

mschoepp said:

CinemaGoddess said:

mschoepp said:

CinemaGoddess said:

1. Keep looking! Hopefully something will come along soon.

2. Have you called your cellphone company and explained? Also, and I mean this as gently as possible, what happened to the money that was set aside for the bill last month?

3. You need to have a Come to Jesus talk with H.

4. Do you have a budget set up? If so, would you be comfortable sharing it (with general figures, of course) and maybe we can help you see if you can cut back anywhere?

2. I honestly have no idea, especially since my parents sent $ to help out last month. H is in charge of finances and has the only debit card for the bank account. I thought we were good until the bank called him saying we were overdrawn. (it was during the day and I was actually at work with him, so I'm wondering if he would have told me if I hadn't been there.)

4. We do have a budget, and we go over it quite often. We pay ~105 for home phone and internet (cell service is hit or miss in town so the house phone is necessary, especially since our families are 2 states away. Open lines of communication and all that), ~110 for cell phones (basic phones, nothing fancy, smallest minute bundle available.), ~230 for car insurance, ~500 for both truck payments, 8 for Netflix, 300 for groceries. H makes about 1450 a month.

Do you rent or own?

Technically, rent, though we plan on buying the house in a few years and his bosses will put our "paid rent" towards the buying price. The "rent" is included in H's paycheck.

So, by my calculations you have $200 left at the end of the month.

Can you call around to auto insurance companies and try to get a lower rate?

That also is a good idea. Any suggestions on good companies? we currently use progressive.

mschoepp · April 2014

Chickie79 said:

I'll second shopping around for home and cell phones. Walmart has a home phone service that is a lot less than you pay now. You could also do prepaid cell phones if you don't use them much. Also, do you meal plan? I found that if I shop around what's on sale at the grocery store (and use coupons) I save on average $30-50 per week.

I am terrible at meal planning, especially since I cook around H's schedule, and if he isn't home till late I will throw together something last minute.

I should probably mention that the 300 for groceries includes diapers and dog and cat food.

mschoepp · April 2014

peanutrach1 said:

I am sorry that you have all of these things stressing you. Financial issues along with a newborn can be very, very stressful!

I would suggest working with your DH to get your financial situation out in the open. Develop a documented budget and identify items that you might be able to trim. It looks like you might be able to shop around for a cheaper cell phone plan and perhaps look into couponing to reduce your food bill. I always find it easier to write everything out and then track what you are spending to see where the money is going.

In terms of your DH not being very helpful, I can relate. My DH was also not very helpful when DD was a newborn. I think he was overwhelmed and didn't know what to do (not like I wasn't either but someone had to step up). I think you should have a heart-to-heart discussion and tell him where you are having trouble/need help and work on a plan of attack. At least with my DH, I have to give him specific instructions on what I need help with otherwise he just doesn't pick up on these things.

I wish you the best of luck with your job situation - be persistent!

Thank you, I'm glad I'm not alone on the DH front. I have tried telling him exactly what I need done, for example "can you get your work clothes together in a pile (instead of all over the bedroom/bathroom), pick up your tools and put your stuff on the table away before dinner?". It will sit for another 2 weeks before I finally get fed up and do it myself. As far as DS goes, he says that now is our time to bond and that his time comes later, when DS is a little older...whatever that means. He's not much of a baby person, but I'm starting to think it's just plain laziness.

wiggyslilsis · April 2014

I'm sorry. The other ladies have given good advice. I hope something gives soon and you can be less stressed about money.

lauralew · April 2014

mschoepp said:

Chickie79 said:

I'll second shopping around for home and cell phones. Walmart has a home phone service that is a lot less than you pay now. You could also do prepaid cell phones if you don't use them much.

Also, do you meal plan? I found that if I shop around what's on sale at the grocery store (and use coupons) I save on average $30-50 per week.

I am terrible at meal planning, especially since I cook around H's schedule, and if he isn't home till late I will throw together something last minute.

I should probably mention that the 300 for groceries includes diapers and dog and cat food.

If you're not already doing so, generic diapers can save tons of money. There are websites (Amazon and diapers.com) where you can order diapers for less than buying in store...bonus, they come to you do you don't have to use gas to get diapers. Also, while not for everyone, cloth diapering can be very affordable. Prefolds and covers are the cheapest cloth option in my experience.

lauralew · April 2014

Oh and my husband sucked at the newborn stage. I'm impressed we survived it without major damage to our relationship.

mschoepp · April 2014

PrivacyWanted said:

when you say $230 for car insurance, what level policies do you have? Do you have the savings that you could spare a higher deductible? And does Progressive know you work so close to where you live? Short commutes often equal discounts. Is the insurance up to date on your employment, and that you have kids?
Our insurance dropped substantially when we realized the insurance co thought DH was still an unemployed law school grad, and not actually working as a lawyer. It dropped again when we had DD

I know H just updated a lot of stuff online recently (for Progressive), though I'm not sure what all was included on that. Part of the reason it's high is we both drive trucks (we live in rural Montana which is 98% dirt/gravel roads), he JUST turned 24 (that whole higher price BS for guys until they turn 24) and I have one giant red mark on my driving record.

mschoepp · April 2014

golfergirl08 said:

We have State Farm and I think between both our car insurance and homeowners insurance we pay less than $150/month (not sure of exact number since DH has that info).

Also, do you need both cars? I think you said you have 2. Maybe if you go back to work you may need it, but you could save money by selling one of them. If your H is a truck driver, though, maybe you could drop him off/ pick him up from work?

Unfortunately we do need both, we tried having just the one and it was too much of a headache. H is a truck driver for a farming type business and uses his personal vehicle to run errands for work (picking up parts for the semi, etc) and is given a diesel allowance at the gas station in return. I am looking at work in the next town over, where our doctor and nearest "Big" grocery store is (30 min away) so selling my vehicle is out of the question too.

I really appreciate everyone's helpful ideas, I don't want you all to think I'm being stubborn or argumentative. Guess I will just have to go hook...too bad the clientele in this town would be all old men.

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