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Pretty pissed at myself

tig594tig594 member
in Single Parents
Three years ago, 2 days before my 40th birthday, I was admitted into the local hospital's ICU for 4 days with a diagnosis of type 1 diabetes.  I had lost 40 pounds in 5 months without trying.  After a round of antibiotics 2 months before my birthday I started getting really really sick.  I had every untreated diabetic symptom in the book and my body was pretty much eating itself to keep me alive.  Not sure if any of you know what an A1c is, but when they tested my blood in the hospital my blood sugar had averaged over 600 for the three months (probably 2) prior that the test covers.  That's really really bad.  You're fasting blood sugar should be about 90-110.  I believe we caught this fast enough (not that there was a choice) that it didn't do any serious damage to my organs/nerves.

Anyway, when I got out of the hospital I became a "non-smoker."  I was constantly jumping on my soapbox about preventing and/or managing diabetes.  I have a friend in Florida who has type 2 and doesn't do a thing to control it.  To me, that's called suicide and it makes me angry.  When I got home from the hospital I threw everything that was loaded with carbs in the garbage or gave it away.  Pretty much the only carbs I'd eat were vegetables.  I did really good with this for about a year and a half.  Then BD moved in and so did the pasta, pizza, etc.  I know I went to the extreme but I was really okay with that lifestyle.  I want to get back to it but am having difficulty.  I'd rather have to take less insulin than pig out on shit and have to shoot up more medicine all the time.  Insulin isn't cheap, either.

When I was pregnant with DD I had specialists constantly monitoring my sugar.  I had to test 8x a day and fax my numbers to my maternal fetal medicine specialist every week.  I had blood tests every 2-3 weeks.  I was still eating shit, just keeping better tabs on my sugar.  After she was born I think it all went into the toilet.  I have been horrible about checking my sugar when I need to and horrible about staying on top of my insulin.  Part of it was that I was so tired and alone with a newborn.  That turned into a habit.  Now I just suck.  Yesterday I checked 2 hours after lunch and my sugar was so high my meter wouldn't even register.  That means it was over 600. Now, it doesn't usually get THAT high. It was fine in the morning and I took my morning insulin.  I just didn't stay on top of it and I have no excuse.  

I suck and I am ashamed that I'm doing this to my body.  I really need a hard kick in the ass.  The diabetes support group here doesn't meet in the winter so I don't have that to fall back on at the moment.  Please feel free to kick my ass, yell at me, hold me accountable, whatever.  I need it. 
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Re: Pretty pissed at myself

  • UnknownUnknown
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  • tig594tig594 member
    beccaga16 said:
    Everyone has this issue with one thing or another. Don't beat yourself up! ((hugs))

    I just weighed myself for the first time in months and was horrified! After losing 30lbs post baby I gained it all back and more!!!I made a very big commitment to myself this weekend. I am going to try a vegan diet for a week and try to transition to a mostly vegan diet overall. I just lowered my cholesterol and then got big and fat!

    Now that I have said that... You need to change your behavior! If not for you then for your LO. She needs you around for as long as possible and she needs a good example of health and wellness. Taking care of yourself is just as important as taking care of your child. 
    LOL.  Is it the Cheerios commercial where the guy walks around telling everyone "Hey!  I lowered my cholesterol!"  You're post reminded me of that.  

    I know she needs me and I tell myself that a lot but probably not enough.  I'm making a shopping list for my next trip to the grocery store.  I also hate exercising but hope to go for a lot more walks with her now that it's warming up some.  I feel like I get a lot more exercise with her around than before since I'm always chasing her around and playing with her.  Being busy for 16 or so hours a day should really burn more calories!

    So, do you plan to eat tofu on your vegan diet?  I've never really tried it and wonder if you have a favorite way to prepare something tofu-y? 
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  • UnknownUnknown
    edited April 2014
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  • freeatlast2014freeatlast2014 member
    As a single mother, you don't have the option of taking off to just do your own thing (whether it be going out, shopping, or eating). You have to be the best mom you can be and lead by example. They (especially girls) will do what we do because that is what they know. 

    And you said yourself "To me, that's called suicide and it makes me angry." Imagine if you left your little girl??

    (remember, you asked for the kick...I'm not preaching and I suck at eating so I'm definitely not on a soapbox)
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