Irrational Pregnancy Fears

TJ1979 · April 2014

I thought I was over the irrational pregnancy fears when I passed the first tri the 2nd time around. I was just too busy and time was going by too quickly to dwell on it the way I did when I was pregnant with E.

But... the irrational fears are rearing their ugly heads again. I don't know if it's just because this type of thing happens unfairly often in the IF world, or if it's just usual pregnancy anxiety. But I have this overwhelming fear that I'm going to have this baby early. I really hope I don't offend any preemie moms, I know even if I were to have her at 34 weeks it would be less scary than a lot of our IF sisters have had it. And I am very thankful that I have had 2 healthy pregnancies. But every B-H contraction (about 3/hr), every twinge, every pain, every cramp, I get this overwhelming anxiety that I'm going to go into labor.

It doesn't help that I've been feeling... off lately. Slightly nauseous, slightly headachey, slightly dizzy, just... off. Kind of like I felt before I had E. And the fact that MH has been completely irresponsible lately, difficult to reach, not answering his phone, and out trying to "live it up" before she gets here, I know that is contributing to this fear. Is this normal anxiety? Anyone else go through this?

pb_bride · April 2014

BIG HUGS, @TJ1979. I don't think they are irrational, if they are, then I guess I was irrational too when I was pg with M. I had constant fear/anxiety throughout my preg - is he moving too much, not enough, is this "twinge" normal/not normal etc etc etc. I don't have any wise words except try to take some deep breaths and focus on positive thoughts. And even IF you do give birth right now, everything is still going to be A-OK!!!

But what is up with your H? He's still as stubborn as a mule? Sounds like he's getting a bit cold feet before # 2 arrives? Please let him know he needs to be supportive right now and you are in this together.

Drink lots of fluid and hope you feel better soon!

Robeano · April 2014

Oh TJ, big hugs. I have no advice or experience, just an ear to listen.

TJ1979 · April 2014

pb_bride said:

BIG HUGS, @TJ1979. I don't think they are irrational, if they are, then I guess I was irrational too when I was pg with M. I had constant fear/anxiety throughout my preg - is he moving too much, not enough, is this "twinge" normal/not normal etc etc etc. I don't have any wise words except try to take some deep breaths and focus on positive thoughts. And even IF you do give birth right now, everything is still going to be A-OK!!!

But what is up with your H? He's still as stubborn as a mule? Sounds like he's getting a bit cold feet before # 2 arrives? Please let him know he needs to be supportive right now and you are in this together.

Drink lots of fluid and hope you feel better soon!

Right @pb_bride! He says he only has 6 weeks until "his life is over" so he needs to make the most of it. In a way, I'm super offended by this, because this second baby is a miracle and a blessing and we are so lucky to have her! But I also somewhat get it, because if I could take some time to go out to happy hour, and lose 15 lbs, and go out with the girls before I have this baby, I'd like to do that too. But hello... we already have one child... someone has to take care of her. And I didn't sign up to do this alone. Grr!

luvboston · April 2014

Hugs these fears are normal. And perhaps if you are going to deliver your body is giving you a heads up, if you are feeling off I would call the OB.

As for DH I would beat him with a large stick!

TJ1979 · April 2014

luvboston said:

Hugs these fears are normal. And perhaps if you are going to deliver your body is giving you a heads up, if you are feeling off I would call the OB. As for DH I would beat him with a large stick!

I have an appointment tomorrow. I will definitely talk to her.

And for him... I'll look for a stick.

Does a golf club count?

kmc84 · April 2014

A golf club is an acceptable substitute

I get that he is going to lose some precious free time, but damn dude! It's not like your wife's life is about to get easier! Can you tell him that he needs to zip it and be more supportive right now? If not, three club wacks ought to do

And no, not irrational. I'm glad you are seeing the doc tomorrow. Generally, if you really feel your body is saying something, you're probably right.

TJ1979 · April 2014

@kmc84 I'm sorry if this is an inappropriate question. But I don't remember. Was there a reason that A was born at 36.5 weeks? Did she just come early? Was it related to your health issues? Did she have any NICU time?

kmc84 · April 2014

@TJ1979‌ Totally appropriate! No worries

I was brushing my teeth and started dry heaving and my water broke (36w3d). We were also in the middle of a blizzard, so maybe barometric pressure had something to do with it?

My OB checked me an hour after and I was not dilated yet or having contractions, but I was in full on labor about 7 hours after.

No NICU. She did amazingly well. She stayed with me for every minute except her first bath and carseat apnea test (required for premies).

I had been feeling ok, but I felt 'done'. I stopped working 6 days before she was born. My co workers all seemed to know she would be early.

Ruthie04 · April 2014

I think what you are feeling is super normal and easily explained by what is going on with the normal stress of the end of pregnancy. But, FWIW, my boys were born at 36w1d and didn't spend a second in the NICU. They had IUGR and were under 5 lbs, but they roomed in with me and we all left together (they were 4.5 lbs at discharge). There were some little late term preemie issues (temp regulation, latch issues, frequent sugar checks), but they did fine.

Thinking of you!

mnj05 · April 2014

Big hugs! I agree, I think those are normal fears and it really doesn't help when you feel off.

Mnerani · April 2014

Normal, yes. But I really think you wouldn't feel this as strongly if YH wasn't going through a selfish phase. I hope he can snap out of it soon, because I bet it would really help your anxiety.

Sorry

MoFree · April 2014

Worrying about early delivery will only prevent you from enjoying the rest of your pregnancy. As you know, and have counseled others, stressing about something bad happening will neither cause nor prevent it.

I'm sorry YH is going through a selfish stage. Could it be his way of stressing about having 2u2?

I never made it past 31 weeks so I don't know what the home stretch of pregnancy is like. Despite a very rocky start my LO is doing fabulously. There are worse things than being born a little early when you have access to excellent 21st century medicine.

imoverit · April 2014

Everyone has given you great advice. I just wanted to add that you know your body best. If you are feeling off Id check in with your dr. Maybe you have an irritable uterus and needs meds to stop your BHs. This is probably a stretch but just wanted to throw it out there.

Mrs.AmyDylan · April 2014

Hugs! In some ways I was lucky that J was born just after Christmas. I was so busy with my favorite time of the year that I didn't get too freaked out.

For sure talk to your dr. Second, YH needs to get his shit together. I don't blame you for wanting to Tiger Woods his ass with a golf club! His life is over is total bs. There are so many IF families that would kill to be in your spot (I know you know how lucky and blessed you are).

It makes me sad for you that he is squandering the joy of E and your soon to be little miracle. Don't get me started on how crappy his behavior is towards you.

More creepy, squishy internet hugs.

TJ1979 · April 2014

Well I woke up this morning with a cold... really bad sore throat and both ears hurt. So maybe that's why I've been feeling off lately, just a sickness coming on. I will still mention it to my doc today. Thanks everyone for your kind words and reassurances. Especially @MoFree. It was good to be reminded that even if this particular fear comes true, we can make it through this too.
Hugs and pancakes for everyone. (Mmm, pancakes.)

mdiblasi10 · April 2014

Hugs!! I hope your cold goes away quickly. Mmm, pancakes. Dang this no gluten diet

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TJ1979 · April 2014

mdiblasi10 said:
Hugs!! I hope your cold goes away quickly. Mmm, pancakes. Dang this no gluten diet (

Almond flour pancakes? That's what I eat.

mcgeeva · April 2014

I'm sorry! Definitely totally normal! hm wasn't engaged this pregnancy and went out a ton too. But thank god when the baby came his tune changed in a heartbeat without me saying a word. Hang in there I bet he will get his butt back where he should be when the baby comes. Not that I'm saying it excuses him I still chewed my husband out a ton

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