Am I just overreacting?

Soogerplum · April 2014

Last night I was in my underwear straightening my hair in my bathroom and my SO starts taking pictures of me. I got upset and told him not to and he said that they were just for his eyes and no one would see them. So I told him not to send them to anyone and he said he wouldn't....but today he texted them to his mother. I don't need pictures of me with my huge blump in my underwear sent to ANYONE. Am I just being completely hormonal?!

rlyttle · April 2014

That's a little weird that he sent it to his mother, but at least it wasn't to his friend of something. I probably wouldn't go completely crazy and have a breakdown, but I would probably make him pay. I would honestly probably punch him a few times in the arm or stomach & tell him that he owes me a back rub & he has to let you take a pic of him in his underwear that you can send to someone.

punnybunny · April 2014

I'd be very upset. I wouldn't want anyone, least of all my MIL, seeing me blumpy and in my underwear. I don't think you're overreacting.

Soogerplum · April 2014

I thought I was just being a crazy pregnant woman. The worst part it is that he couldn't say sorry. He just made me sound like I'm being a bitch by saying, "so sue me if I'm excited about your pregnancy"

brittneyandadam · April 2014

DH knows I'm really self-conscious about my body...I'd be LIVID if he ever did that.

biokitty42 · April 2014

I would be really upset, especially after he told you they were just for him. I don't know how close you are to his mom, but that is still way out of line.

LSN8308 · April 2014

I would kick him in the face. That is so beyond inappropriate, no matter how his relationship with his mom is... candid, cute photos is one thing, but in ur underwear! ?!?!?!?!?!? Idts.

kmbk27 · April 2014

Fuck that noise. I would be LIVID. I'm not sure how he could have even thought that sending pictures of you in your underwear to his mom (or anyone) is anywhere near appropriate. Pregnancy focused or not - just no.

MrsKasel10 · April 2014

Oh I would be pissed too. MH always tries to sneak pictures of my boobs but I know he would keep those to himself.

LTMama · April 2014

You're not overreacting. I'd break his phone. 1) you asked him not to take photos of you in your underwear but he did anyway. 2) you told him not to send them to anyone, but he did anyone. He needs a serious talking-to, because that behavior is completely inappropriate. It's up to you decide what you're comfortable with in those situations, not up to him.

And yeah it doesn't matter if you were blumpy or not. Underwear photos should not be taken without your consent (or ever, IMO - that shit lives on forever), nor should they ever be sent to anyone.

gingerkid9989 · April 2014

You are definitely not overreacting. That's just crazy that he sent them to his mother! I would be livid.

anewadventure · April 2014

what the hell??? that is so effed up. seriously. you are not overreacting.

is he trying to give you practice for raising a teenager or something? lying to your face and sending inappropriate text messages? this man needs a talking to.

and, did his mom say anything? both my mom and MIL would have basically said...uh honey, thanks for the pic, but i'm pretty sure you shouldn't be sending pictures of your wife in her underwear. just sayin'...

seacatch · April 2014

Ugh, I am sorry this happened. You are definitely not overreacting, especially since from the beginning you specifically said do not share these with anyone. And in your underwear... true you are not naked but I still consider that very personal.

I have had to have a talk with my H about sharing certain personal and medical things with his Mom. He has a good relationship with her and didn't see why I would be upset if she knew certain things. I had to remind him that I have only known her about 3 years, not the 33 he has known her, and that a close relationship can take time. He has mostly gotten it now and asks before telling her certain things. Hopefully you can get through to your SO.

aliciak316 · April 2014

I would be so mad! After he took pictures of you that u did not want him to take then he promises not to show them to anyone but sends them to his mom! That's a little weird. If she wanted to see your bump taking a fully clothed picture would of taken 3 secs

lovesazzie · April 2014

I'm not sure what part of "for my eyes only" includes sending it to his mom. That would really piss me off, so no, you are not overreacting! Ugh, sorry this happened.

bumpuser10199668 · April 2014

This made me so angry. He completely violated you. BLECH.

peanutbuttervibes · April 2014

you are definitely not overreacting...

MMason12 · April 2014

I would be upset as well. If he wanted a "bump" photo to send his Mom he could have asked you to take a photo you were comfortable sending to her.

Soogerplum · April 2014

He's usually the absolute most amazing...we've been together 4 years and known each other much longer so definitely not in character. Pretty upset though that he can't just admit it was wrong. I'm already insecure about being so large right now. Pregnancy is not an excuse to put me on display.

peanutbuttervibes · April 2014

My SIL posted a bump shot of me in my underwear during my first pregnancy on fb, luckily my cousin saw it right away and let her know he did not want to see pictures of me in my underwear and was pretty sure I wouldn't approve of it either... I don't have fb so I was glad I had someone looking out for me! Since then we have had multiple talks of what is and isn't appropriate to post on fb. I would make sure you sit down with dh and have a long talk about privacy.

JulyMomma2U2 · April 2014

I would have flipped out. Like, for real. There is no way in hell I'd be okay with that. I'm sorry he did that to you.. and, that he can't see why it was/is WRONG and a violation! Hope he figures it out fast :-\

bodziochl · April 2014

Bummer. It would have been better if he was honest with you in the first place and just told you his mom really wanted to see your bump. Then you could have told him that you would have preferred clothes on! He owes you a present for sure.

MeNV · April 2014

What the wha...?! No, no, no. No.

BethanyAnn27 · April 2014

Nope, not overreacting at all. WTF? My DH would be sleeping in the car for a month if he pulled anything like this (that's right, car...the couch would be too much of a luxury).

Took a photo of you that you weren't comfortable with and didn't delete it? Never acceptable. Sent it to someone? Um, what? Are. You. Serious. Lied to you about him being the only one to see it? Lying is always a major offense in my book...this alone would be reason to make him sleep on the couch. But combines with the others? Totally inexcusable.

I am mad at him for you. Very mad. He showed you NO respect in this situation, and respect is critical for an equal, healthy relationship.

I hope he comes around and apologizes. I would-at the very least-steal his phone and delete those pictures. If it were my DH, his life would be miserable for quite some time...

AR1of2 · April 2014

Much like all the PPs have said...what. the. hell? That's Fed up. I would go nuts. He knew that he was taking that pic for the purpose of sending it to his MOTHER (?!?!?!) and lied...I'd want to tear him to shreds. What a gross violation of your privacy. Everyone makes a bad decision here or there, but he needs to offer a sincere apology.

Since he just can't quite empathize, I would take a picture of him in whatever state he feels vulnerable/from whatever angle he feels most self-conscious/however he doesn't look his best and send that to my mom (or pretend to). Maybe he has to experience the embarrassment it to understand it.

mcstrepp · April 2014

You are definitely not over reacting. I can't believe he doesn't see how wrong this is. I'm sorry You have to deal with this.

JSS1002 · April 2014

That's basically fucking disgusting and weird that he would send a picture of his practically naked wife to his MOMMY. Want a bump pic? Fine - take it while you're clothed. Shudder. Totally grossed out / creeped out. My own mother doesn't even see me in my underwear.

mrsdanielleM2010 · April 2014

This would upset me mostly because he lied, and also because of the invasion of privacy by inviting his mom into a personal situation.

rlyttle said:

That's a little weird that he sent it to his mother, but at least it wasn't to his friend of something. I probably wouldn't go completely crazy and have a breakdown, but I would probably make him pay. I would honestly probably punch him a few times in the arm or stomach & tell him that he owes me a back rub & he has to let you take a pic of him in his underwear that you can send to someone.

I don't see how this actually addresses the issues.

jmolr · April 2014

The only logical thing to do now is to take pictures of him in his underwear and post them on Facebook

whataboutscience · April 2014

I would kill him. No taking pictures
of me in my underwear for any reason. My DH wouldn't dare try it.

Emmy916 · April 2014

Take a picture of him in his underwear and send it to your mom…see how HE feels!

If you ask him not to do something and he promises, and then breaks that promise hormones or not you are allowed to get mad - for any situation.

LTMama · April 2014

Soogerplum said:

I'm already insecure about being so large right now.

It's not about being bigger or smaller, IMO. It's a huge violation of trust to 1) take those photos at all, when you asked him not to, and 2) send them to ANYONE, mom or not.

IMO underwear shots are not really bump shots, they're just inappropriate, unless you're both into it. He needs to understand why what he did was wrong. It's disturbing that he thinks that's ok. And sending those photos to anyone is a tremendous violation of trust.

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