Am I being oversensitive about RE office comment?

absolutelymaybe · April 2014

So, after finding out we have two babies growing this morning, I got a call from the RE's office (they get the results faxed over since they're out of town and I get my US/bloodwork done locally) and her first words to me were "It looks like you have double trouble...at least for now anyway!" Uhm, what? She went on to say that everything looks good and it looks like they see stuff inside the sacs. I get it. It's early and there's a chance one or both might not make it, but am I just being overly sensitive in feeling a little hurt that that's the first thing she told me?

Like "Congratulations! You have two babies...until something bad happens."

I was so happy today, and now I'm just about in tears.

indianaalum · April 2014

First of all. CONGRATS. We are beta twins and now we are both having twins. YEAH US!!

Don't they often say "double trouble" in a funny way when they talk of twins??? Perhaps she meant it in a positive way and not that they are in "trouble" as in sick or anything

I probably could have lived without the "at least for now anyway" which makes it sounds like one could go away. I agree that would bother me too. SORRRYY

for what it's worth, I had two sacs yesterday and they didn't see the yolks yet. I am being guarded for now as I know it's not uncommon for absorbtion or blighted ovum to occur.

They told me it was completely normal for a yolk sac not to be seen yet. sometimes it won't happen for another week or two.

Let's hope for the best for both of us

absolutelymaybe · April 2014

@indianaalum - Thanks! Yeah, I had no problem with the "double trouble" comment, it was the "at least for now" that followed it that kind of stung.

SpartanGirl24 · April 2014

The "at least for now" would have pissed me off too. You aren't the only one!

Aurora1181 · April 2014

Sorry that the comment stung. It would have rubbed me the wrong way too. My RE told us not to tell anyone we were having twins until after our 10 week ultrasound.. He kept saying "it could go either way" despite good heartbeats, etc. Totally a downer on things.

He is very much a realist, which I have appreciated in terms of how he has treated us, but a little positive thinking would have been nice!

indianaalum · April 2014

not to hijak the thread, but do we know how common it is for one to actually go away when their is twins? Is is rather common?

absolutelymaybe · April 2014

@Indianaalum No worries - That's a good question. I'd be interested if anyone has the answer.

indianaalum · April 2014

https://www.whattoexpect.com/pregnancy/pregnancy-health/complications/vanishing-twin-syndrome.aspx

according to this, It is about 20-30 percent chance

absolutelymaybe · April 2014

@Indianaalum - Great link! Thank you for finding that.

Allison7 · April 2014

I wouldn't have liked that comment either. Every time I go to the OB and even at my a/s they keep asking me what pregnancy this is and how many live births I have had. Um - it is in my electronic file that you are looking at as you are verifying my birthdate and address. Try reading and stop asking a question than reminds me of all of the things that could go wrong!

I know it isn't easy to let things go - you are pregnant and the hormones are a little wild right now. Still, just take each day one at a time and celebrate that today you are pregnant and have twins! GL!

O2girl · April 2014

Ya the "....for now anyway" comment was super insensitive. In such a sensitive environment one would think that those kinds of comments from the professionals would be absent; however, human nature is flawed and insensitivity is not in abundant in our nature. I'm sorry that you had to deal with this. Hopefully it was a stupid slip and it never happens again.

Xoxo

FutureMrsW9 · April 2014

That would totally piss me off and freak me out, too! Maybe mention something next time you talk to them.

4legsRbest · April 2014

absolutelymaybe said:

@indianaalum - Thanks! Yeah, I had no problem with the "double trouble" comment, it was the "at least for now" that followed it that kind of stung.

I would be bothered too, as if we don't have enough to worry about. Our caregivers are supposed to be the reassuring ones! I did get the "you have an 20% chance of losing one or both" talk from my RE, but it was done in a very professional manner and I already know the statistics, if it would have been done in a joking manner, I would have been pissed.

Also, FWIW, I had an u/s at 6 weeks and all we saw were 2 empty sacs measuring 5 weeks. I went back a VERY long week later and we had 2 hbs measuring 6 weeks. They have now closed the gap and are measuring 3 days ahead. It isn't uncommon for IVF, and twins, to get started a little more slowly! GL to you and tons of hugs and positive thoughts!

ETA: spelling is sooooo hard

SpartanGirl24 · April 2014

Allison7 said:

I wouldn't have liked that comment either. Every time I go to the OB and even at my a/s they keep asking me what pregnancy this is and how many live births I have had. Um - it is in my electronic file that you are looking at as you are verifying my birthdate and address. Try reading and stop asking a question than reminds me of all of the things that could go wrong!

My OB did this to me on Monday! "So at your last ultrasound there were still 2?" Uh yes, could you flip through my paperwork quick before you ask that question? Great, thanks.

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