For those with 2+ outside babies - any advice for those welcoming LO#2 with a toddler?

vszapp · April 2014

I (and hopefully others) would love to draw upon your wisdom! I have a 25 month old and have no idea how she is going to take not being the star of the show (or how I am going to take not being able to focus on her). For instance: "I wish I hadn't bothered to potty train DD/DS, since s/he just regressed when the baby came". Or "I passed the baby off to others a lot so I could focus on playing with DD/DS". TIA!

*LrCg* · April 2014

This is our 4th baby and all our kids have been born back to back so my kids are VERY use to the arrival of a new baby and get SUPER excited. I think the most important thing is to involve them in the pregnancy. We do homebirths and our midwife is very encouraging to get the kids involved in the prenatal appointments- they help with the doppler, measurements, etc. You would be surprised what your 2 year old understands! I think most don't think a 2 year old would understand but you must give them credit! We never secluded our kids from the baby- we enlisted their help- help setting up the room, picking out the outfit to wear, changing the diaper, etc. We taught our kids young that we all have to work together. I always allowed them to hold the newborn because its a perfect time to learn since they're pretty unbreakable at birth. We never had people take our kids so we could be alone with the baby and I never felt like it prevented me from bonding with the baby. When the newborn napped we would play memory, snuggle, do homework (2 years old is a great time to start letter tracing plus again it makes them feel like a big kid). If weather permitted I would go outside with them (since I EBF obviously I have to be very close by) and DH would take them out individually on ice cream dates.

I really disagree with the PT thing- we PT my oldest when we were on baby leave with our 2nd (he was 16 months old) it was a PERFECT time because the baby was a month old so she slept a lot and it really excited DS to be a big boy and of course get a lot of praise and attention (it literally took just a few days and was very easy).

momofmanyinthemitten · April 2014

I waited to PT DD, who was also 25 mos. I ended up doing it when baby was 5 wks and she did fine. I was amazed at how well she did adjust to not being the only one vying for attention. I felt very overwhelmed after a week home, but by two weeks, we were in our new routine and it got much easier. I did have some busy boxes prepared for her, which made some nursing sessions much easier. Don't expect to get half as much done as you think you will, and take friends and family up on the dinners that get offered.

momofmanyinthemitten · April 2014

Also, I credit my sanity to the large amount of freezer meals I was able to prepare. I don't have nearly half as much this time, but I wish I did.

Justabean3 · April 2014

I got my ds a baby doll when I was pregnant and then when baby #2 came and I fed baby or rocked baby he would do the same.

The entire time I was pregnant he would pat my belly and "ahh I love the baby" then when DS2 came he was so sweet to him.

I will say don't do any major transitions right before delivery or after like potty training, bed changing, paci withdrawal or daycare change. Give them a good 2 months before or 4 months after

boymomstrong · April 2014

I am not there yet but i got some advice i really liked, when both kids are crying tend your older ine first bc your baby wont remember who got the attention but your toddler will...
Cant wait! My kiddos will be 24 months apart, i am readh for the crazyness to start...

ncbelle · April 2014

Callum was just shy of 2.5 when Eleanor was born. I did try to make time to do things with him one on one still. I baby wear a lot which made things much easier - Eleanor would just hang out and sleep and Callum and I could play. I also made sure that we were out and about ASAP - lots of activity makes for a happy toddler (vs. sitting around the house).

Expect there will be some adjustment time - but you'll also be surprised at how well she does!

*LrCg* · April 2014

kfdecarie said:
I am not there yet but i got some advice i really liked, when both kids are crying tend your older ine first bc your baby wont remember who got the attention but your toddler will...
Cant wait! My kiddos will be 24 months apart, i am readh for the crazyness to start...

I really disagree with this. If you do this you're going down a slippery slope. Speaking from someone with 3 kids all spaced between 16-24 months. If the baby cried I comforted it first, if another child got upset & wasn't injured I explained that when they were babies I never allowed them to cry either, its not nice. I can honestly say its rare that you will have more then one crying the kids just seem to know.

I do agree with another posters suggestion about wearing the baby. I love my baby Ktan! Could still run around with the kids, but be close to the baby & it allowed me to get my chores done around the house.

jasrun80 · April 2014

ohhhhhthe hardest part for me WAS my feelings on watching how my firsts life changed. he was still the joyous little person he always was and really much didn't effect him as much as I was trying so hard, to make sure he felt happy. he was happy,,, he was just 2, fairly ignorant to the new change really, and found thrill in easy things like puddles and bubbles. the hardest part was me, on my own wishes to have not changed his life so much. now the two of them are constantly squealing with laughter and my life is easier because there's a partnership there. good question! a sibling is the best thing you can give you kid! hope it is as smooth as it has been for me!

fatbarbie0226 · April 2014

kielpinskim said:
I waited to PT DD, who was also 25 mos. I ended up doing it when baby was 5 wks and she did fine. I was amazed at how well she did adjust to not being the only one vying for attention. I felt very overwhelmed after a week home, but by two weeks, we were in our new routine and it got much easier. I did have some busy boxes prepared for her, which made some nursing sessions much easier. Don't expect to get half as much done as you think you will, and take friends and family up on the dinners that get offered.

@kielpinskim‌ Can you share your busy box ideas? Or have a link? Sounds like a great idea until the toddler gets used to the idea of mom nursing the baby. Usually when I sit down, it's immediately "climb on mommy time", so I've been worried about how to keep her occupied when I sit down to nurse.

KateLouise · April 2014

Make freezer meals!

I always spoke positively about the baby. For me it was important that DD1 saw DD2 as this new and beautiful and wonderful thing. I was never afraid to let DD1 see me snuggle and kiss DD2 (some people say you should be a bit aloof with the baby so that older kids don't get jealous) but I was all about modelling the love.

Of course I gave DD1 as much one on one time as possible, and smothered her in smooches too because that's just how I roll.

But I think it made a difference to how DD1 viewed her little sister.

momofmanyinthemitten · April 2014

fatbarbie0226 said:

I waited to PT DD, who was also 25 mos. I ended up doing it when baby was 5 wks and she did fine. I was amazed at how well she did adjust to not being the only one vying for attention. I felt very overwhelmed after a week home, but by two weeks, we were in our new routine and it got much easier. I did have some busy boxes prepared for her, which made some nursing sessions much easier. Don't expect to get half as much done as you think you will, and take friends and family up on the dinners that get offered.
@kielpinskim‌ Can you share your busy box ideas? Or have a link? Sounds like a great idea until the toddler gets used to the idea of mom nursing the baby. Usually when I sit down, it's immediately "climb on mommy time", so I've been worried about how to keep her occupied when I sit down to nurse.

I actually got most of my ideas from Pinterest (search busy bags or busy boxes). The Play At Home Mom blog has some good ones too. Poking matchsticks (I think I got mine from oriental trading) through the holes of an old spice jar has always been a favorite in our house. Playdough and accessories usually keep her attention for a while. I made a lot of felt things this time around-pizza bag, butterfly matching bag, body parts bag. Another one that she loves is matching pictures. I make pages with pictures (of her/family members, animals, seasonal things) and make 2 copies. One gets cut up and the other stays intact. She matches the cut out pics with the full page. You can also add magnets to the pictures and put it on a cookie tray for less mess. I glue gunned magnets to pompoms that she can use on cookie sheets either by themselves or with printable pages for this purpose. My mom got her some magnetic dress up dolls last year and my SIL got her a magnetic Minnie Mouse dress up doll this year. They have gone into busy bags as well. If she's willing, you could always turn nursing time into reading time for her. My DS was a very distractable eater, so it wouldn't have worked for us, but I know it's worked for others.

Smores730 · April 2014

No one can predict how your previous children will respond, but you know your kid and you know when they feel hurt, left out, whatever. As long as you're responding to those cues with what they need, you will be fine. For example, if you can tell they want to be with you, don't hide yourself in the nursery and breastfed even though that glider is so darn comfy. Sit yourself down in her bedroom and be present.

I potty trained right after she turned 2 and didn't have any regression issues when #2 came ~3 months later. One of my life savers was having a little potty in the car so that I didn't have to tackle helping her in public restrooms with the baby.

I really haven't had too many friends have issues with this. It seems more often then not to go fairly smoothly.

LDQAM516 · April 2014

For us...it has never been a "big deal" when it comes to adding another child...yes, there is some adjustment for everyone...but nothing to stress and worry over. Just make sure the others get their needed attention as well and things will come together...we make sure we give extra cuddle time when it is bedtime...or I have my husband take a child or two to run errands or they go for a night at gma and gpas house just to rejuvenate everyone. Ask your little one to help a lot with the new baby as well...

LDQAM516 · April 2014

And potty training prior to babys arrival has never been an issue...mine have all been trained prior to baby and they never once slip or regress or have issues...one less thing to worry about when raising another newborn!

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For those with 2+ outside babies - any advice for those welcoming LO#2 with a toddler?

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