WDPT? Gun play?

LovestheLou · April 2014

I let my 3.5 year old pretend play guns and swords, etc. He is always the good guy and defending his sister or whatever when he plays. When I was young I remember that this wasn't really allowed at school, and now the news seems full of stories of kids getting suspended for stuff like this.

To my thinking, it's normal play for little boys but I wonder if I'm setting him up for trouble down the road. What do you think?

RondackHiker · April 2014

If he points a finger at a friend and says "bang", he'll likely be suspended. Most schools have zero tolerance now.

We don't let DS pretend to play with guns. Guns aren't toys. I don't have a problem with guns (don't own any but many family members hunt and own guns), but I don't think guns should be seen as a game.

lildevil968 · April 2014

We do not let DS pretend play with guns. We have a gun in the house, although it is locked up, we don't want him to ever think it is a toy that he can play with.

littlestjerry · April 2014

DS plays with swords, but he won't be playing with guns if I have anything to do with it. I tell him it's not ok to hit people with swords, and if he, for example, makes his fingers into a gun and says bang, I'll tell him that pretending to shoot guns is not fun or funny. If he started fake killing people with swords or something, I would do the same.

MissyC979 · April 2014

We're pretty anti-guns in my house, to the point where I throw away any toy guns that he gets as gifts. DH's Mom used to cut off the guns on his army men and I can see her point these days, even though I used to laugh at that. I just don't think guns are toys. Still, he watches TV and is obsessed with Star Wars and he is drawn to "shooters." He doesn't have any toy guns, yet he builds "shooters" using blocks, etc.

I've just been focusing on how we "don't shoot people in our family" and that "guns aren't toys and they can hurt people." We'll teach him about gun safety a little as a time as he gets older. I try to discourage him from all gun play.

As much as I want to shield him from guns and violence, I also want to make sure he knows what a gun is and knows to get away from it and tell an adult, if he comes across one and I'm not there.

LovestheLou · April 2014

Let me clarify. He does not have any toy guns nor do we own or know anyone who owns a real gun. He does have a toy light saber. He makes guns (or blasters) out of legos or really any objects at all (the other day he made one out of a chicken leg from a play kitchen).

LovestheLou · April 2014

MabelShesABiotch said:

I am a gun owner and my 3.5 and 2.5 year olds have no clue what a gun even is yet. They're too young to have any understanding of gun safety. At an appropriate age they will take gun safety courses so that they know guns are not toys, guns kill people, and they will know to find an adult IMMEDIATELY if they ever see/find a gun. I don't understand how your 3.5 year old even knows what a gun is. Kids movies with swords, ok, i get that, but where is he getting the concept of gun and shooting from?

TV. He mostly watches PBS, but sometimes he watches other stuff like super hero cartoons and animated Star Wars shows. It's probably not so much a gun that he's imitating but a some sort of shooter. He also picks up stuff like this at daycare. The boys in his class love to play super hero and Ninja Turtles. He does more "ninja moves" than gun play, but he does it sometimes.

These responses are really eye opening.

Pips09 · April 2014

I haven't had to deal with this yet, but I really don't like the idea of gun toys. I don't want kids to think that they are something to play with. We don't actually have any toy weapons, but my 2.5 year old has picked up something, like a straw or a spoon, and pretended to sword fight. This doesn't seem as bad to me.

LovestheLou · April 2014

I guess my thinking is more along these lines
https://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/toy-guns-do-they-lead-real-life-violence

I thought that's what the more current studies on child development and play were showing, but I guess I need to do a little bit more research.

For those that won't allow gun play, will you just not allow toy guns or will you intervene and stop your child's play?

ASmallWonder · April 2014

We don't have any toy guns but DS1 loves superheroes so he will totally web shoot you with his web fingers. He's more of an MMA fighter kind of kid lol and he loves to play dead. He does it really well, too. So well that we've gotten weird looks from people at the playground. He's totes dramatic and I think he'll be in the theater.

RondackHiker · April 2014

Like MBK, I'm fine with need guns or water guns. I never want my kids to think guns are toys or are to be treated casually.

To answer your question, if DS made a fake gun or used his fingers to shoot at a human or animal, I would stop his play. He would be corrected for that at daycare or school and I don't want him to think it's okay and slip up and be suspended from school one day.

theseaword · April 2014

I think I will be no gun (DS is too young now anyway) except for nerf and water.

Despite this choice, I'm honestly not sure that play guns are that big a deal. As a kid, I looved to play "war " in the summer. I had a water gun that looked like a pistol. We had "forts" to protect and we took prisoners and stuff (at gunpoint!). Yet as an adult I am nonviolent and don't own a gun and am against gun ownership for private citizens. So I don't think liking to play with guns as a kid means you'll think guns are ok or cool as an adult. But on an academic level, I see where providing play guns sends the wrong message to kids.

LovestheLou · April 2014

The Bump isn't letting me quote, but @MrsBadKat. I agree. I'm uncomfortable with those toys and wouldn't allow them for the same reason. I'm really questioning pretend play involving shooting actions (or swords, etc.).

MissyC979 · April 2014

I stop him and tell him we don't do that in our family, if I see him pretending to shoot or making shooting noises. He doesn't even have a sword, but he pretends things like a magic wand or even a roll of wrapping paper is a sword or light saber.

I am conflicted about water guns and nerf guns. He doesn't have those yet and I don't plan to buy them for him. I just don't like the idea of him shooting anything...

msdrdg · April 2014

I am 100% anti gun. There will be NO gun real or fake in my house EVER. DH disagrees, but this is something I will not comprimise on and he can have his guns at the range. At DC the children are not allowed to play guns or make guns out of toys. They are immediately corrected if they do.

At an appropriate age, DS will be taught what a gun is and to what to do if he ever sees one. I am still debating at what age I will allow DH to take him to the range and actually touch a real gun.

littlestjerry · April 2014

I would feel inclined to stop all violent play. I mean, of course, my son might wrestle and stuff, but if he's fake stabbing, shooting, beating, or otherwise maiming and/or killing someone, I will intervene. Just say something like, "it's not nice or funny to pretend to kill or hurt people, please don't do that."

taggiecb · April 2014

fredalina said:

I don't know how they pick it up, but they do. Fingers as guns, sticks as guns, etc. I think realistic toy guns are just part of a bygone era. Adults had guns (for hunting or farm use), kids wanted to be like adults, thus toy guns, cap guns, etc were born. Not significantly different than toy laptops today, except for the obvious consequences. As people have become cognizant of possible consequences, realistic toy guns have become fewer and fewer. At home we do what you guys do. Water guns are ok. Realistic guns aren't. Finger pointing at people is redirected. I don't actually think finger pointing/sticks are a big deal but I know in this day and age she will be suspended.

Cowboys and indians. I thought that is why guns became toys. Mav does not have toy guns, but Wyatt and Levi have bb guns. So, I don't know if you classify that as a toy, or not.

littlestjerry · April 2014

LexiLupin said:

I would feel inclined to stop all violent play. I mean, of course, my son might wrestle and stuff, but if he's fake stabbing, shooting, beating, or otherwise maiming and/or killing someone, I will intervene. Just say something like, "it's not nice or funny to pretend to kill or hurt people, please don't do that."
Serious question: what if he has a wand, HP style? The gun thing confuses me. Like, inner debate, not the reticence about fake guns, those are dumb. A couple people have mentioned they do sword or lightsaber fights. Do kids of a certain age understand why they can play with Luke's lightsaber (or Harry's wand) but not Han's blaster? Does a kid on the playground with a finger gun just envision nerf darts he uses at home? At what point does the average kid get that guns aren't part of the rest of the superhero fantasy? /deep thoughts by Lexi

To me, it's about what you're doing with the weapon. Wingardium leviosa? Go for it! Avada Kedavra? Ummm, no, we don't pretend kill people. Same with swords. Sword fight? Fine? Stabbing someone with a sword? No, please.

Obviously, I can't be omnipresent and stop everything, but I can point it out when I see it. This is, of course, mostly hypothetical since he's so young. I might go down in flames in this battle when he's older, but that's my goal as of now.

LucilleAustero · April 2014

MabelShesABiotch said:

I am a gun owner and my 3.5 and 2.5 year olds have no clue what a gun even is yet. They're too young to have any understanding of gun safety. At an appropriate age they will take gun safety courses so that they know guns are not toys, guns kill people, and they will know to find an adult IMMEDIATELY if they ever see/find a gun. I don't understand how your 3.5 year old even knows what a gun is. Kids movies with swords, ok, i get that, but where is he getting the concept of gun and shooting from?

My dad was a cop and I grew up with guns in the house. He kept them in a locked box in his locked closet. As soon as we were old enough to 'get it', he took us to a range to learn gun safety. I remember when I was allowed to shoot the gun, it hurt my hand and I hated the guns after that and never even thought of them as something fun. We also knew exactly what to do if we saw or found a gun. It is crucial that parents with guns in the home do this.

That being said, DH and I do not own a gun nor do we have any plans on getting one. DD loves to makes fake swords out of anything and everything because of Jake and the Neverland Pirates and I am not concerned. SHe has no concept of what a gun is and toy guns will not be allowed in my home.

insertclevername · April 2014

DS1 has a light saber toy that he uses for sword fights, but knows not to touch people with it. He also pretends he is Batman and uses his super powers to catch bad guys. That will hopefully be the extent of his violent play.

We will allow super soakers and Nerf toys when older but nothing similar to a real gun. If he uses his fingers or any object as a gun I will redirect and explain we don't shoot at people. I really don't think it is effective to allow it at home but expect the child not to do it at school

LovestheLou · April 2014

I honestly wasn't even thinking of realistic toy guns. He doesn't have any and we are really not gun people. He probably doesn't even know that guns exist in the real world as his experiences are limited to cartoons, the toy aisle at Target and his friends at school. This is a great point though, especially as he goes out into the world on his own more.

I don't see his play as violent or sinister. He fights off bad guys, but I've never seen him pretend to hurt someone. It is really focused on being the hero. When the little girls at school asked him to be a monster and chase them, he told he couldn't be a monster, only a super hero. Pretending to really hurt someone would be taken very seriously by me and I hope by his teachers as well.

I really enjoy watching my kids pretend play, including this type of play. I guess I'm just sad that it could possibly get him in trouble, but that's the world we live in. I will have to reconsider how we approach it.

As far as I know, it's not a problem at school.

littlestjerry · April 2014

@LovestheLou, what you're describing in terms of pretend play sounds fine to me.

Snapdragon750 · April 2014

It wouldn't bother me, but yes you are possibly setting him up for getting into trouble at school. Teachers panic when kids start turning legos into guns.

lauralew · April 2014

I basically agree with the consensus...even my husband, who owns and enjoys shooting guns, does not approve of playing guns (whether actual toy guns or an object pretending to be a gun). We both especially dislike when children play games that involve killing or "getting" someone else. My nephews are notorious for those games. They're 5 and 3. They love Star Wars, which is where they get the idea. But I hate how the adults in my family participate in the play...falling over and pretending to be dead. I don't participate and ignore them when they do that. If my kids do this type of play I'll interrupt and redirect. I'm sure they will at some point, and I hope I can correct it easily.

chardonnay24 · April 2014

My 3 y/o doesn't know what a gun is. He saw a display of water guns in Target and said, "Is it, Mama?" I pointed to the candy aisle and said, "OMG, look - candy!!!" There is no reason he needs to know about guns at this age. I don't want him pretending to play with guns. Guns are not toys.

ByeBabyBunting · April 2014

We don't have realistic guns either, but on the subject of water guns, why even have them if you can't spray someone with it? DS was playing with an older boy at the local splash pad with a set of water guns and I didn't even think that it might be a bad thing.

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