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Am I being unreasonable? /share your IL vents...

chelseymatchelseymat member
in Stay at Home Moms
Mil is off work on Monday's. She wants to come see the kids on mondays. I have literally asked her hundreds of times to call or text me Sunday night or monday morning to let me know what time she is coming. I only hear from her about half the time. When I hear from her we set a time and she only shows about 30% of the time and she is always late. I have talked to her and DH has talked to her and nothing changes. Do you think it's unreasonable to tell her I am no longer available on Monday's and she can come on DH days off? I seriously can't deal with her anymore.
Gabriel 11/04/09 Vincent 9/17/11 Grace 8/02/13
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Re: Am I being unreasonable? /share your IL vents...

  • notkateanymorenotkateanymore member
    I would just tell her when she calls that you are busy a couple of weeks in a row. 
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  • lexusolsenlexusolsen member
    Does she come by every Monday but only calls half the time? If she only calls half the time and shows up even less often, then I would just make plans as they come. If you are available and willing, she can come by. If not, tough luck. I wouldn't consider it a standing appointment or anything.
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  • chelseymatchelseymat member
    lexusolsen said:
    Does she come by every Monday but only calls half the time? If she only calls half the time and shows up even less often, then I would just make plans as they come. If you are available and willing, she can come by. If not, tough luck. I wouldn't consider it a standing appointment or anything.
    she wants it to be a standing appointment and gets mad if I'm not here but then she almost never shows up. Like she just wants me to sit and wait
    Gabriel 11/04/09 Vincent 9/17/11 Grace 8/02/13
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  • littlemermaidlittlemermaid member
    I would not sit home and wait around every Monday just in case she decides to come over.  But you could also text her in the morning and say "hey I have errands to run, so let me know if you want to come by and when, so I can schedule around you"  Give her a reasonable amount of time to be a little bit late at set time and if she doesn't show up within an hour of her time you have every right to take off.  Eventually she'll learn to be on time.
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  • chelseymatchelseymat member
    Hav=Fath said:
    chelseymat said:
    lexusolsen said:
    Does she come by every Monday but only calls half the time? If she only calls half the time and shows up even less often, then I would just make plans as they come. If you are available and willing, she can come by. If not, tough luck. I wouldn't consider it a standing appointment or anything.
    she wants it to be a standing appointment and gets mad if I'm not here but then she almost never shows up. Like she just wants me to sit and wait
    I read it like she came every Monday and just didn't call/text each time. No way in the world would I sit and wait on her, not a chance.

    I'd try to be home if she set it up, but if she didn't call I'd totally not sit at home.

    maybe my post was confusing. She wants me to always be available but never makes a plan. Even if she does make plans she still doesn't come or is over an hour late
    Gabriel 11/04/09 Vincent 9/17/11 Grace 8/02/13
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  • nonoemilynonoemily member
    Yeah, that would really bug me. It's hard to know what her motive is in this situation.

    Is it some kind of manipulation or power play? Is she just forgetful or scattered? Does she expect you to be home all day so it doesn't matter if she calls or not?

    You said you and DH have talked to her, do either of you have a theory why she continues to act like this?

    I just wonder that if you got to the bottom of her motivation maybe you could get through to her.
    Elkanah Brave, born 02/06/2012 7:26am
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  • lexusolsenlexusolsen member
    chelseymat said:


    lexusolsen said:

    Does she come by every Monday but only calls half the time? If she only calls half the time and shows up even less often, then I would just make plans as they come. If you are available and willing, she can come by. If not, tough luck. I wouldn't consider it a standing appointment or anything.

    she wants it to be a standing appointment and gets mad if I'm not here but then she almost never shows up. Like she just wants me to sit and wait





    Yeah, that wouldn't work for me. You could be really nice and do what lala suggested or just do whatever you want and if she calls and you are willing and able, hang out with her. Otherwise, it's up to your H to plan stuff.
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  • Mrs.HizzoMrs.Hizzo member
    Kimbus22 said:


    My pet peeve here isn't even the inconvenience for you.  But don't tell my kid's you're going to be there and then now show up.  My biological dad used to do that to me when I was a kid and it made me feel like crap.  He pulls it with Joey now and I'm at the point where I'm ready to tell him he can either be involved or not but that I'll be damned if he's going to pull the same no show crap on my kids that he did on me.
      It makes me sad that adults don't consider this. I don't even tell my kids anymore to expect to see their cousins, because my sister is such a flake and I never know if she's going to follow through on plans. I've decided a pleasant surprise is better for them than disappointment.
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  • scubagirl81scubagirl81 member
    Yeah, that's total crap. I would make your own plans and let MIL know where/when she could meet you. Although, if you've been dealing with this for a while, I would probably make it a DH problem and let him deal with her. Maybe switch her time to saturday or sunday mornings and then DH can deal with her while you go get coffee and go to Target/get your nails done/etc  ;-)
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  • pitterpatter129pitterpatter129 member
    I think I'd tell her that you will be home from 10-noon on Monday (or whatever) and make it a point to NOT be home after that, so if she shows up late, guess what, you said you were leaving at noon!  Maybe after she comes over and no one is there a few times in a row, she'll figure it out.
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  • Lindsay9911Lindsay9911 member
    That's so frustrating! My mil does that kind of crap. This past weekend Dh and I had a weekend trip planned and MIL was supposed to come keep the kids for the weekend. We booked this trip in DECEMBER and she asked if she could keep them. She is always whining that she never sees them and she wants to keep them etc. (she lives 2 hours away)
    The Weekend before we were leaving DH called to finalize all the details and she says she can't come bc my FIL hurt his back and couldn't get off the couch and needed 24hr care. I was dissappointed but I totally understood. That Monday (she was to keep them the following Friday) we call to check on him and they are both at work!

    Obviously she just exaggerated his back issues and didn't want to keep them. I was so annoyed. I haven't talked to her yet bc I don't want to be ugly. This is so her character. She whines and puts on a show about how much she misses and loves my kids and when she has an opportunity to see them she backs out. This has been going on for almost 3 yrs. I'm over the show.
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  • Spin313Spin313 member
    Team Annoying...

    I wouldn't be willing to sit around, and I hate when people don't respect plans and disappoint my kids.
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  • Disneygeek77Disneygeek77 member
    Lindsay9911 said:
    That's so frustrating! My mil does that kind of crap. This past weekend Dh and I had a weekend trip planned and MIL was supposed to come keep the kids for the weekend. We booked this trip in DECEMBER and she asked if she could keep them. She is always whining that she never sees them and she wants to keep them etc. (she lives 2 hours away) The Weekend before we were leaving DH called to finalize all the details and she says she can't come bc my FIL hurt his back and couldn't get off the couch and needed 24hr care. I was dissappointed but I totally understood. That Monday (she was to keep them the following Friday) we call to check on him and they are both at work! Obviously she just exaggerated his back issues and didn't want to keep them. I was so annoyed. I haven't talked to her yet bc I don't want to be ugly. This is so her character. She whines and puts on a show about how much she misses and loves my kids and when she has an opportunity to see them she backs out. This has been going on for almost 3 yrs. I'm over the show.
    I honestly think that some people like the idea of being a grandparent more than the reality of being a grandparent.  Does that make sense ?  They like to show off the pcitures and they like to talk to their friends about how much they miss them, but when it comes to actually have the responsiblities of dealing with a small child, they lose interest.  

    Not saying that makes them bad people, some people just aren't little kid people, but once you realize that they're not " hands on with the little ones" kind of people, it is easier for you.
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  • chelseymatchelseymat member

    Disneygeek77 said:
    Lindsay9911 said:
    That's so frustrating! My mil does that kind of crap. This past weekend Dh and I had a weekend trip planned and MIL was supposed to come keep the kids for the weekend. We booked this trip in DECEMBER and she asked if she could keep them. She is always whining that she never sees them and she wants to keep them etc. (she lives 2 hours away) The Weekend before we were leaving DH called to finalize all the details and she says she can't come bc my FIL hurt his back and couldn't get off the couch and needed 24hr care. I was dissappointed but I totally understood. That Monday (she was to keep them the following Friday) we call to check on him and they are both at work! Obviously she just exaggerated his back issues and didn't want to keep them. I was so annoyed. I haven't talked to her yet bc I don't want to be ugly. This is so her character. She whines and puts on a show about how much she misses and loves my kids and when she has an opportunity to see them she backs out. This has been going on for almost 3 yrs. I'm over the show.
    I honestly think that some people like the idea of being a grandparent more than the reality of being a grandparent.  Does that make sense ?  They like to show off the pcitures and they like to talk to their friends about how much they miss them, but when it comes to actually have the responsiblities of dealing with a small child, they lose interest.  

    Not saying that makes them bad people, some people just aren't little kid people, but once you realize that they're not " hands on with the little ones" kind of people, it is easier for you.
    This is totally MIL issue. She likes the idea of the kids and whines about missing them but then doesn't come see them. The last time she was here she was pissy because DD and DS2 didn't want her to hold them….She hadn't visited in 6 or 7 weeks….there is no way DD remembers her.
    I don't know why I'm surprised by this….she treated her own children the same way.
    Gabriel 11/04/09 Vincent 9/17/11 Grace 8/02/13
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