Body image (clicky)

barely · March 2014

How do you feel about yourself? I'm always curious because it's something I struggle with sometimes and I think most women do. Even at my lowest weight I struggled with it. I think it has a lot to do with the standards society puts on women today. I also just like making clicky polls.

littleboyermoose · March 2014

I hate my body. (But, in my defense, I am now "morbidly obese." So I have a reason to.)

barely · March 2014

SassyMommaC said:

Every day.

I was anorexic. I'm past the ED itself, but it's always in my head. I avoid looking below my collarbones in the mirror, for instance. However, I conquered it, I'm now probably at the height of the "healthy weight according height" scale and I'm mostly okay with it. It is what it is, DH prefers that I'm no longer a sack of bones and I don't usually notice when I'm going about my day to day life.

Glad to hear you have come so far!

Spunky1012 · March 2014

All.the.time. I never lost the baby weight from LO and with all the hormones for the fertility drugs I'm on...it's next to impossible. And...I just caugh a glimpse of myself in a horribly unflattering mirrored window...I'm ashamed.

jaytee16 · March 2014

I have always been very critical of my body, it's definitely something I'm always aware of. I will say that it has gotten worse with IF. I have had a harder time staying motivated to work out, and physically doing the work outs with all the stims and IUIs and crap, so putting on a few pounds has really not helped at all either. And while I used to be focused solely on the outside, now on top of that, I also feel defective on the inside, like this amazing thing my body is supposed to be built to do, I'm failing at.

SpartanChick88 · March 2014

Occasionally but it is my own fault. When I keep up with my workouts and eat well, I feel good and generally like what I see in the mirror. Right now my schedule isn't allowing much time to work out and I'm severely sucking at not eating crap so I feel miserable about myself.

themrsJRD · March 2014

NariaDreaming said:

I wish I was as fat as I was the first time I thought I was fat

Oh man, me too. But I chose the second option. I am mostly okay with myself despite being overweight, except when I'm bloated, or when I see myself in pictures. I swear in the mirror I don't feel like I look that fat. Cameras really do add a lot of pounds.

Thinking about fighting against this extra weight for the rest of my life is so depressing. I'm glad I've made some headway in the last 1.5 months, but damn, it will always be an uphill battle. That's more of what I struggle with.

DLpanda08 · March 2014

For me, it's a constant daily struggle. There are very few things about my body that I like. Even when I was at my skinniest I thought I was fat despite what other people and pictures at the time said. Some days I don't even let DH see me get undressed because of it. I'm actively trying to do something about my weight (eating "clean" and exercising regularly) but I get intimidated easily. If I see someone thin/fit doing the same activity as me I automatically assume they are judging me as harshly as I judge myself. Logically I know this isn't true, but I never claimed my feelings to be logical.

A friend of mine from college has recently had a lot of success getting in shape and she is helping me stay positive and encouraged via texts and positive motivation quotes she finds.

trinitrotoluene · March 2014

I've always had a tendency to be underweight, which every one has always pointed out. Being small is the main thing people have noticed and said about me. That makes me very self-conscious about any changes in my body, even bloating. I even had a roommate point out when I was sick and had gained enough weight that my belly was sticking out a little bit. She only knew because I would change with her in the room. No one else noticed, but because she did, I expect people to notice whenever something has changed even a little with my body.

wishiwaspreggo · March 2014

Wow. I didn't realize so many of you ladies struggle with body image

I am probably far more confident than I deserve to be. I am morbidly obese, yes. But damn, my tits are awesome! I love the shape of my legs, I am so thankful for my facial features, and I've even learned to love my crazy curly hair.

I started developing confidence as soon as I realized how little I cared about what people around me look like, and as soon as I realized there's someone for everyone. My family, friends, and partner perceive me as beautiful. I deserve to perceive myself as beautiful, too.

If I ever have a daughter, I hope I can gift her with my confidence. I am so happy that I don't worry about every blemish on my body, or fret about my weight, or my skin tone... I've heard you should never put yourself down in front of your daughter, tell her how pretty mommy looks, and try to get her to understand that beauty has many, many different forms.

My only weight related concern is my health... I don't want to be this big forever just because I worry about heart disease and cancer. I don't want to get sick because I love food so much. Hence my recent weight loss efforts. But I will never diet for looks again, ever. I gave that up years ago and I've been all the happier for it in my adulthood.

Twinkie0612 · March 2014

If you had asked me a year ago, I would have told you that I am completely comfortable with my body. Going through 3 IVF cycles in 6 months has left me 30-40 lbs heavier than when I started (I went from a size 5/7 to currently being a size 13). I mostly blame this on the steroids I was on, but I also did some stress eating, especially after my c/p. The rapid weight gain has left me with stretch marks on my boobs, stomach, and hips, which is really hard for me to deal with at times.

I hoped that now that my body is recovering from all of the IVF hormones, that the weight would start to come off, but so far that hasn't happened.

ToryKate · March 2014

slappalicious said:

I should have picked SS. I chose that it's something I struggle with frequently now. When I was younger and within a healthy BMI, I didn't struggle at all.

I felt a little down after an ex broke up with me saying I was too fat after finally getting back up to a healthy weight from being grossly underweight. But that sadness didn't last long.
(I was 5'3", 115lbs. when I was too fat for him; I was about 95lbs. when we met - I had the chicken pox as an adult. I lost a lot of weight. It was disgusting.)

Now I am in the 'overweight' category and am actively losing weight. I'm at my lowest weight that I've been for quite a while now. 3 more lbs. until I'm in the 'healthy' weight range!

What a jerk! That is TINY, I'm 5'4 and was 118 when I married my ex-husband, you can count every rib in every picture of me from our honeymoon. It was gross. But that's how he liked me. He stopped loving me when I gained 5 lbs and went from a size 0 to a size 2. Thank god we got divorced. I am now 5lbs heavier and 500x happier.

I am glad you came out of it happier and healthier. Good luck on the last 3lbs!

barely · March 2014

I am not "fat" but I think I will always refer to myself this way. I'm built very strange for my height. I'm petite, but I have small hips, a big rib cage, and no boobs. Even when I was a size zero, i didn't have a flat stomach or feel comfortable in a bikini. I'm a size 8ish now (although I just squeezed myself into a pair of size 5/6's just to "prove" something to myself). I have come to realize that I'm going to be critical of myself no matter what, so I may as well enjoy crappy food every now and again. Although, lately the few extra pounds I've put on have started really bothering me, so I think I'm going to start going back to the gym.

snooks721 · March 2014

I'm super self conscious. I struggle with it 24/7. I have just come to the realization that I will never be 100% happy.

katietopaz · March 2014

It's a daily struggle for me. I'm overweight and just over into the "obese" category BMI-wise. I've had an extremely difficult time getting and keeping the excess weight off, but for the past few weeks have been more consistently tracking my food and ramping up my activity. I hate what I see in the mirror, media messages are discouraging to say the least, and I hate the sizes I have to wear, but I'm trying to be proactive about getting healthy.

kelseypie · March 2014

Body image is never not on my mind. I'm way overweight now. I've had some dark days and a BMI under 17. I'm now way overweight and am having a really difficult time connecting myself to the person in the mirror.

I was heavier than I wanted to be when I got pregnant (gained weight from quitting smoking to TTC and going off bc), had DS, lost all of the 30 lbs I gained in about a month (without starving), then went on Zoloft for PPD for a few months and ended up gaining 20 lbs back really quickly. I'd really like to at least be back to my pp weight before I get KU, but ideally I'd like to lose 50 lbs. That would put me at an actual healthy weight which, for once, is what I want.

divinemsbee · March 2014

NariaDreaming said:

I wish I was as fat as I was the first time I thought I was fat

I have to quote this because 'loving' it is not enough. So much this. I was between sizes 4-8 in high school and was always freaked out about my appearance. I wish I had enjoyed myself and gotten more into physical activity while I was there.

I chose frequently. Not every day anymore, but it's been a long road. I struggled with disordered eating for years. Flirted with eating disorder, but never quite got there, but still managed to pick up a lot of the habits. I used to skip meals, over-exercise was the only kind of exercise I could do. I was the master of the binge and also really good at hiding food or sneaking food. That's one that I still slip back into and have to watch myself for. Also purging, not vomiting, but severe laxative abuse (before my wedding I went through a box of laxatives in 5 days), I can still tell you which ones work best. Diet pills, oh, God, diet pills. So many for so long.

It's hard because I've never had a stable adult weight. I started putting it on in college bit by bit, and I'll plateau or lose, but then gain. I'm a size 16 right now, and I'd like to get enough weight off to be healthy. And, frankly, so that I am comfortable with people taking pictures of me. There are cameras everywhere, and it can bring up old habits. I have a pretty face, but I don't have strong bone structure, which on a fat girl in candid pictures has the tendency to be incredibly unflattering. I avoid pictures unless I can pose them.

I also still hate eating in front of people, especially at restaurants. It's hard because H gets sick of eating at home all the time, so I've started making an effort for us to get out. I've put on a good 10 lbs in the past couple of months after the ectopic. Which is really scary because I know I do not need to get bigger from a health perspective.

jesslz · March 2014

When I was young I could eat junk nonstop, and did! It's probably better that I need to watch what I eat now, but it gets frustrating when my belly is still sticking out!

mrs_tacos · March 2014

I'm normally pretty confident with a few bad days, but I've been struggling with some anxiety issues lately, though, and that makes it way worse.

nikiz628 · March 2014

I struggle daily. All day. Every day. I can remember in high school weighing in at 111 and thinking i was far, just because I didn't have a flat stomach.

My biggest struggle now is that I lost 42 lbs after I had DS (which put me 30 lbs under my pre pregnant weight) and I have since gained every pound back +5. I hate that I look awful in clothes and I hate that the clothes that I have don't fit. Mostly I just hate how I feel all the time.

Myamia91 · March 2014

@SassyMommaC‌- At 13 to almost 15 I struggled with anorexia also. I understand exactly what your taking about. After I had overcome most of it and had even established a healthy weight, I still had other issues. For instance, I was told by the counselor I saw for my ED that I will always have what's called "distorted image" of myself to some degree. This causes a difference in how my image appears to me compared to how it really is. I also find myself constantly checking to see if I look ok wherever I can see my reflection on. Over the years these have gotten a lot better, unfortunately I am still never satisfied with my weight from one day to the next. One day too thin and the next too heavy, go figure!!

ktkoala · March 2014

I really dislike my body. I track my calories (and have for about 5 years now), so I think about my body pretty much constantly - definitely to an unhealthy level. I am about 5 pounds overweight for my height, and I blame those 5 pounds on so many things.

URMySunshine77 · March 2014

MrsRexManing said:

Good days and bad days. For the most part I'm happy with the way I look. The insecurities come from what pregnancy and nursing did to me. All for a good cause and shit.

@MrsRexManing

Yes. I'm feeling it. I'm weaning DS, and my breasts are so small now. Unfortunately DH does not give compliments about my body, so I am very self conscious. I haven't even mentioned it because I don't want to draw attention to it.

I don't have any regrets, though. I'm proud that I have BFed this long.

Myamia91 · March 2014

SassyMommaC said:
I'm sorry @Myamia91‌. That's why I just try not to look.

Pregnancy was rough. I wore massive layers and NO ONE but DH saw my bump. Everyone tried saying "it's not fat, it's a baby!" But I couldn't see that. If it were see-through, okay maybe, but it was hard for me to see past the scale. With DD2, I gained 9lbs in one month and told the nurses and my midwife to stop telling me my weight and just say if I was gaining a healthy amount or not. I worried if I saw another jump like that, I'd do something stupid.

Edit: jumo is NOT a word. Dumb phone. Neither is layera

I was exactly the same way. One of the first things to pop into my head was intense fear about the weight it meant I would gain (horrible I know)! I had just recently conquered it and worried this would make me relapse back to it. I had to convince myself everyday that the weight I was gaining was ok and perfectly normal. I just hope I've managed a secure enough mindset of my self-image. It would make the next pregnancy more enjoyable without stressing over weight

MrsZ1891 · March 2014

This is something I struggle with every day. Before I had DD I was a size 8 and not happy about it. 2 years later I'm a size 12/14 and wish I was a size 8! Most of my friends a small so I always feel like the fat girl.

MrsZ1891 · March 2014

ToryKate said:

What a jerk! That is TINY, I'm 5'4 and was 118 when I married my ex-husband, you can count every rib in every picture of me from our honeymoon. It was gross. But that's how he liked me. He stopped loving me when I gained 5 lbs and went from a size 0 to a size 2. Thank god we got divorced. I am now 5lbs heavier and 500x happier.

That is terrible and not fat at all! Glad you got out of that relationship and are happy!

joneka · March 2014

I'm pretty confident, just dislike what I consider my trouble area: my stomach....its not flat, but I put my girdle on and keep on truckin! My boobs and my butt are still up to par so its all good..lol

amylee545 · March 2014

oursecretelopement said:
Frequently. I never see my body the way it actually looks.

This exactly. I'm at a healthy weight/BMI for my height and age. I know this and have to tell myself this frequently. But it doesn't stop me from looking in the mirror and seeing a little flub in my stomach, or see that my boobs have dropped ever-so-slightly and that my arm fat is extra bad that day.

tyrannosaurusrox · April 2014

This is something I struggle with everyday. I lost about 30 lbs. three years ago on Weight Watchers. Before that, I had very little confidence and was constantly berating myself, etc. Around the time I started losing weight, I met DH. So, I've always connected the two things in my mind like, "Oh, if I gain my weight back, he won't love me anymore." Which, I know is untrue on my good days. But it still is a nagging thought in my head. I constantly mention my weight and how I feel and it drives him CRAZY.

I'm constantly in a cycle of denying myself food. I also know I need to go back to the gym, but there's only so many times I can listen to Ke$ha on a treadmill, you know?

So yeah, I struggle with it every. single. day.

Htle07 · April 2014

I'm the skinny girl people tend to be jealous at. Jealous at the fact that I eat whatever I want and don't gain any...not so much my weight. I'm petite at 5'3 and weigh 104 currently. I've been the same size for pretty much the last 10 years. My weight never bothered me. My whole family is pretty petite so i don't feel like I am too skinny. However, I have been self conscious about my shape probably since high school. I hate how unproportional I am (in my eyes). I feel that my waist and hip ratio is off. My waist being too small and hip being too wide. I would be happier if either one of them changes (wider waist or smaller hips). For this reason, I don't like to wear anything form fitting. Pants, dresses, or shirts. Finding pants that fit correctly is hard. On top of that, I am bowlegged. I used to HATE wearing shorts and dresses for this reason. Now, not so much because I don't care about this aspect as much. In fact, I love wearing shorts and dresses. When it comes to boots, I get a little self conscious. Because of the way my legs are, any high boots would make my bowlegged seem more apparent. Therefore, I only stick to boots that don't go too high...which are hard to find since my height makes most pairs look high. I also wish I was taller. Ha! Everything I want to change are out of my control.

MAdams728 · April 2014

I occasionally have issues, but I'm mostly happy with myself. I'm a size 8. Pretty average all around. I had many, many body and self esteem issues when I was a (much younger) size 4, with a D cup. I looked great but I didn't like myself. I'm a much happier person now.

Oddly enough, pregnancy didn't really do anything except for deflating my boobs, and I'm just not that worried about it. The only thing that matters to me is being healthy and here to raise my daughter and be with my husband. That's what I remind myself when I get stuck on my spider veins or the jiggle in my butt.

lindsayj09 · April 2014

I voted SS. I know I'm overweight, but I do try to maintain myself. I exercise, eat fine, and have a pretty good attitude for the most part. I have my fat days where I'm totally down, but who doesn't. The reason I chose SS is when I visited my new OB after moving to a new town, she told me I was too fat to conceive. This pissed me off and sent me into a whole new feeling about myself. Things have never been harder, and she didn't make it any better. Problem is, I feel like she is right half the time or why wouldn't I be pregnant by now (2 1/2 years of trying).

MusicFanatic · April 2014

It saddens me that so many of you beautiful girls are down on yourself and bodies

It's such a hard place to be in. If you asked me 15 years ago, I suffered with my body image. As a ballet dancer, I always looked a little different from the stick thin girls who, at that time, had that body I wanted (looking back, I realize my view was skewed). I was the one with curves, the one who developed boobs early and they grew quickly and I had to jam them all into a leotard, while none of the others seemed to even get any. I felt like the odd one out, so that impacted me a bit during that particular time frame.

But I guess for me- time and age has changed that. I've grown to love and embrace what was given to me (I still have to stuff bigger boobs in a leotard) and enjoy the curves I have. I will never be stick straight, and that's fine. It's not who or what I am. As I entered my 30's (and now more mid 30's) I realized more and more I frankly don't care what people think of me. I'm happy with me, and I think that confidence is sexy. NO ONE is perfect, every single one of us has a flaw (or many).. we're all human. So I try to embrace that.

Of course I have bad days.. even the most confident person will have a rough day, that's normal. But for the most part- I'm very happy with my body. It can do a lot, and has done a lot.

Danielle0311 · April 2014

For me I was always slim and super confident with my body. A few years ago my whole body changed and I could no longer eat what I want, it all caught up to me. So now I yo-yo up and down between a healthy weight and slightly over-weight which is something I'm not used to. So my answer is that I do struggle with body image now, and I'm trying to learn new eating habits and life styles that will help me stay at the weight I want since it's so much harder for me now. Gotta love getting older

lol

Pintobean39 · April 2014

Right now I can't stand how I look. Between all the pregnancies and miscarriages and the medicated cycles my metabolism has gone to hell. I've always been active and this last year I've had a lot of bed rest so I haven't been able to exercise. Normally I'm pretty content with how I look but right now I can't stand to look in a mirror.

1and1is3 · April 2014

I'm sorry all you ladies that have struggled with ED

I was anorexic for awhile when I was in high school. My family is very focused on appearance and I felt like I wouldn't be loved unless I was as thin as I could be. I was a size 5 at my smallest.
My mom has struggled with her weight her whole life as well. Once I got married my DH showed me that love is not dependent on size. I gained about 70 pounds but haven't ever been happier. I don't want my negative body image to be projected on my daughter. I want to break the cycle that started with my mom.
I'm learning to love my body. I eat healthy and go to the gym and recently stopped weighing myself because I go back to my ED when I'm not losing weight. On the days I skip the gym, I really struggle with depression and anger at my body. I didn't realize until recently how beneficial exercise is for my well being.

Lizbeth2462 · April 2014

I put that this is something I struggle with once in awhile. I have always been thin, but as a ballet dancer and then NFL cheerleader there was always pressure to be even MORE thin, while still maintaining lots of strength and tone- something that is difficult to achieve. I also sometimes feel insecure about my relatively flat chest and bum, I envy women with those beautiful curves. And my biggest insecurity by far is my skin- even at 27 I still struggle with acne and the scarring it has left behind, and I never leave the house without makeup on.

I've put on 10 lbs since my wedding in July, and am now at the heaviest (healthiest?) weight I've ever been. I have been really lax about exercising though, and would like to maintain this weight while adding some muscle tone. I'll probably start a workout plan in the next few weeks.

I'm so sorry to hear that so many of you struggle with constant body image problems, and to hear about the history of ED's in this group. There are obviously major issues with mainstream media and the images we are bombarded with every day that exacerbate these problems, especially for young girls and women. I'd like to eventually work with adolescent girls (I'm a mental health counselor) on body image and self-esteem issues, because I believe that addressing those problems early in life can lead to a way better sense of identity and increased confidence in adulthood.

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