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2.5 yr old daughter hitting at DC - WWYD/WDYT

dglvrk2dglvrk2 member
in Working Moms

My oldest daughter is 2.5 yrs old.  We had another little girl 10 weeks ago, so she (along with the rest of the family) are adjusting to life with a new baby.  My daughters our only two kids. 

This morning, DCP told me DD#1 has been hitting other kids at the day care. This is the first time I've heard of this behavior. This is an in-home daycare and kids range in age from DD#2 at 10 weeks to 3yrs old.  She's one of the older kids and has apparently been hitting younger kids.  I inquired about the context. DCP said it's usually at the end of the day, when parents are picking up kids. 

I was in a hurry to leave this morning, so I don't think I got the full story. However, I explained to DCP that I do not tolerate her hitting under any circumstances. She's hit me and DH on a couple of occasions (like two each in the past two months) at home and the consequence is an immediate, forceful "NO!" and a 2-5 minute time out.  I asked DCP to do the same.  I also told DCP I'm completely fine with them isolating DD#1 while the specific kids she has hit are being picked up.

 The hitting could be her just being a toddler and testing her boundaries.  I'm sure it's an adjustment to having her little sister at DC too. Nevertheless, it's unacceptable.

Do any of you have suggestions for how I can best deal with her behavior? 

Also, how much of the responsibility should DC bare?  DCP *did* say she usually hits when no one is supervising her.  I think, until she no longer hits other kids or seems so inclined, DCPs should be supervising her during the other kids' pick up times.  As a teacher myself, I know an adult cannot be everywhere at once.  However, I think they should be doing everything they can to prevent this from happening, especially if it's occurring at predictable, specific times.

TIA!

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Re: 2.5 yr old daughter hitting at DC - WWYD/WDYT

  • Cooper81Cooper81 member
    I think you are handling it pretty well.  I'm sure you know this, but while hitting isn't acceptable, it's a normal behavior and like any unacceptable behavior, you'll get your point across that it's not ok.  but it will still happen occasionally anyway.
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  • cecilyandgautamcecilyandgautam member
    The few times my kid hit or bit some one, we asked our DCP to say "hitting is not okay/unacceptable. Since you hit Susie, you are having a time out now" and then do a time out + any other discipline that the other kids get to for similar infractions. At pick up when we find out about it, we told DD we were disappointed in her behavior, hitting is unacceptable, and gave her another time out at home. Then we talk to her about the situation - that we realize she was feeling frustrated (or in our situation DD was scared of another child and DD was hitting back after being attacked) but when you feel that way, you need to walk/run away. If you're fighting over a toy, just give it up and walk away. If you need help, ask DCP for help. If the other child is harassing you, say "no! stop!" and run to DCP. We usually wrapped up the discussion with a roll play scenario - the other child coming up to DD, being aggressive and starting some kind of conflict, and having DD say "no!" and run away to safety. We'd act that out a few times and DD seemed to get it. Sometimes we'd act it out again in the morning at drop off before heading out. 

    In your case, maybe you'd act out other parents coming to pick up the other kids while your DD has to wait for you - how is she going to occupy herself? What's an appropriate way for her to seek comfort when she gets lonely? Of course the first message is that hitting is not okay but I think it's also helpful to give the kid some ideas of good ways they can manage what they're feeling. It worked for us, in terms of getting our kid not to hit back, not in terms of deterring the other child, but anyway - good luck!
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  • TheBorg7of9TheBorg7of9 member
    I'm surprised your kid is 2.5 and this is the first time you're having this problem. Kids hit. You just give timeouts consistently and that's pretty much all you can do.
    My TTC History:
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    2010: Infertility
    2011: Diagnosis and treatment (low sperm count, anastrozole for DH, clomid for me + IUI)
    2012: Baby #1
    2014: Baby #2
    October 2015: missed miscarriage #2 at 11 weeks (trisomy 22)
    March 2016 BFP#5, due November 2016.

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