For the sanity of the N14 board and all those on it...

sunflwra · March 2014

can the worriers chill out just a bit?

Maybe it's just been too long but I really don't recall all of this "worry" talk on my last BMB. I'm not trying to be insensitive but, unless you've got a history of loss or some pre-existing medical issues, please just bask in the early pregnancy excitement and don't overwhelm yourself with what is, at this point, unnecessary stress.

I've been through one and a half pregnancies. One led to a successful delivery of a beautiful baby girl and the second ended in a second trimester loss. We saw the heartbeat at 6 weeks, had worry-free genetic testing results and got through first tri with no issues- our loss was ultimately a fluke and there is nothing we could have done to stop it. My point is not to scare you, it's to show that anything can happen at any point and it is out of your control.

Many posters here seem to be seeking out things to worry about: I'm not getting an U/S soon enough/what's an U/S going to do to my baby? Why didn't I have betas drawn? I'm having no symptoms/I'm having too many symptoms! I had a cup of coffee and a piece of ham- OMG! Just do your best to take care of yourself and your growing baby- do your research (but not so much that you are taking all direction from Dr Google), take your prenatals, and listen to your medical care provider. Try to enjoy this time because as miserable as it may be at times, it really will go by quickly. If this is your first pregnancy or you've had no pregnancy issues in the past- there's no reason to expect anything to go wrong. Just try to relax- trust me, those of us who have something to worry about based on our past experiences are worrying enough for all of us.

carcrashheart · March 2014

Bravo! Bravo!

ed16564 · March 2014

Love it!

Terrapantz · March 2014

=D> Well said! I had an early loss my first pregnancy and one thing I realized was that all the worrying in the world didn't prevent it from happening it just prevented me from enjoying the moment.

MollMoll4 · March 2014

Amen.

Kristy774 · March 2014

There do seem to be a ton of worried people. Here's something that I read often when I'm feeling worried. It helps me, I had to read it today after my dr called and referred me to a high risk OB because of a fluke, stupid 5tgs disease that's totally out of my control.

Letting Go of Worry

What if we knew for certain that everything we're worried about today will work out fine?

What if . . . we had a guarantee that the problem bothering us would be worked out in the most perfect way, and at the best possible time? Furthermore, what if we knew that three years from now we'd be grateful for that problem, and its solution?

What if . . . we knew that even our worst fear would work out for the best?

What if . . . we had a guarantee that everything that's happening, and has happened, in our life was meant to be, planned just for us, and in our best interest?

What if . . . we had a guarantee that the people we love are experiencing exactly what they need in order to become who they're intended to become? Further, what if we had a guarantee that others can be responsible for themselves, and we don't have to control or take responsibility for them?

What if . . . we knew the future was going to be good, and we would have an abundance of resources and guidance to handle whatever comes our way?

What if . . . we knew everything was okay, and we didn't have to worry about a thing? What would we do then?

We'd be free to let go and enjoy life.

Today, I will know that I don't have to worry about anything. If I do worry, I will do it with the understanding that I am choosing to worry, and it is not necessary.

mrsodonnell12 · March 2014

Thank you for this post!!! I totally agree and its kind of like a domino effect, if one is worrying then everyone starts to over analyze.

sunflwra · March 2014

Thanks for the feedback ladies. @mrsodonnell12 - I absolutely agree with the domino effect too. I spent some time on the loss and TTCAL boards and, while all of the ladies were wonderful and so helpful there, I was definitely starting to focus on all of the bad things can happen. That's just not the case for the majority and I feel bad for all of these women who are stressing like crazy. It's not worth it to go looking for trouble!

renbee · March 2014

I think I just found my new bump crush $:\$ ">

MmmPopcorn · March 2014

I needed to hear this. I have no reason to believe that there is anything wrong with my pregnancy, but I'm letting pregnancy boards and Google convince me that the worst case scenario is the most likely to happen. I even stopped coming here for a few days because all the posts had me convinced that my symptoms or lack of symptoms meant something was wrong. Thank you for this healthy dose of reality.

hullabalou · March 2014

Thank you for this!

Bandia12 · March 2014

I PPH you! =D>

MrsAdventure · March 2014

Glad someone said it. We found out our daughter had a chromosomal abnormality at 12 weeks and terminated at 19 weeks, and there is, of course a chance for this to happen again with my current pregnancy. And I still feel like I am worrying less than some people around here who, as OP said, ate a piece of ham.

Worrying about things you have no control over is about as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle or showering with an umbrella.

KMW08 · March 2014

Thank you so much for posting this. So much more eloquent and nicer than how I would have put it!

As for the ttcal board, fwiw in the past year and a half I've been there it's really only been recent for all the crazy shit/medical findings. Like the "ute crew", never any ute abnormalities & all at once there were around 10 of us with septums or related conditions. Overall ttcal is a fantastic board and most of the time the majority of ttcal'ers are unexplained dx - if they go through RPL testing.

I agree, quit looking for trouble if you have nothing to worry about right now. If something does go wrong or you experience loss, you'll never bask in the same type of naive excitement with future pregnancies. Embrace your pregnancy and stop worrying.

MeghanCF · March 2014

I agree and will take your advice.

icaughtfire · March 2014

OH. MY. GOD. You win the Internet today. If I see one more "I'm so worried because I was in the same room as lunch meat.." I'm gonna lose my shit.

Preach!

Jacals · March 2014

This so needed to be said! I've 'banned' myself from forums as they're causing unnecessary worry and what-if scenarios in my currently fragile and emotional mind! This is my first pregnancy and I need to be enjoying the moment (as we all do).

Allisonville · March 2014

Oh good, somebody else trying to dictate what people should and shouldn't post.

sunflwra · March 2014

Allisonville said:
Oh good, somebody else trying to dictate what people should and shouldn't post.

Actually @Allisonville‌ - I said nothing at all about what someone should or should not post. I requested that people not try to unnecessarily worry. I could give a crap what you post- I will just ignore the ones that drive me crazy. However there does seem to be this impending sense of doom around here lately and women with no known reason to worry are getting sucked in.

mynameisjen · March 2014

Thank you for this. Coming here sometimes stresses me out because it opens my mind to all the what ifs... when the most likely scenario is that everything will be just fine! And like multiple people have said, if it's not to be, there's nothing I can do about it anyway.

sunflwra · March 2014

KMW08 said:

If something does go wrong or you experience loss, you'll never bask in the same type of naive excitement with future pregnancies. Embrace your pregnancy and stop worrying.

@KMW08‌ - this exactly!

Allisonville · March 2014

I understand the sentiment, I do. But each of those threads (that I've opened, at least) involves people commiserating and others offering the sage "don't worry" advice. Pregnant women worry, they just do. Some more than others.

Allisonville · March 2014

mrsmechanic1 said:

Allisonville said:

Oh good, somebody else trying to dictate what people should and shouldn't post.

I'm sorry, I think you've mistaken OP's helpful post with someone else's. Because no one should be relaxing and we should all be freaking out over every little thing, right?

lol yup, that is exactly what I said, well done

lisaren · March 2014

I am a mama to four, and this board has created a seasoned veteran like me to have freakin anxiety!!
The deli,sushi, no symptoms, etc are all just so magnetized here.
I understand it's natural to worry, but before the internet, while pregnant with my first two, I was ignorantly blissful!!!! I didn't know shit. I did what my Dr said, what my intuition told me and guess what--- perfect pregnancies!!

sunflwra · March 2014

Allisonville said:
I understand the sentiment, I do. But each of those threads (that I've opened, at least) involves people commiserating and others offering the sage "don't worry" advice. Pregnant women worry, they just do. Some more than others.

I agree but as you can see in some of the responses here, some women are trying to take the sentiment to heart and not stress over things that they have no control, so I stand by my post and it served its purpose.

pauljl · March 2014

Brilliant @ sunflwra!

I've actually been visiting the boards less because my mind runs away with me when I read those posts. But that also means I've been missing out on getting to know you guys.

I think what you said was very well said indeed!

MrsLillyG · March 2014

Allisonville said:

Oh good, somebody else trying to dictate what people should and shouldn't post.

Honestly, I was thinking this too when I read the post.

Allisonville · March 2014

sunflwra said:

Allisonville said:
I understand the sentiment, I do. But each of those threads (that I've opened, at least) involves people commiserating and others offering the sage "don't worry" advice. Pregnant women worry, they just do. Some more than others.
I agree but as you can see in some of the responses here, some women are trying to take the sentiment to heart and not stress over things that they have no control, so I stand by my post and it served its purpose.

I totally agree with you there. I still stick my my original reaction, but I'm surprised by the number of "I needed to hear that" replies.

VioletFlower · March 2014

I love this quote "worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its joy."

I repeat this to myself frequently.
So true- if you worry, and worst case happens, all the worry won't make it easier to handle, but the worry would har rid you of many joyful days enjoying your pregnancy.

brooklyngirl18 · March 2014

as a first timer, when i first joined I was a nervous anxious wreck especially since i'm the first of my close friends to get pregnant and don't really have anyone I want to confide in on a friend level (as opposed to family coworkers etc) . This board has really helped me understand what's normal and what's not and has given me an outlet for what i'm going through. I completely agree that some threads on here are scary as hell and some people seem to want to convince themselves something is wrong. yes we all are worried and scared but i think it's good to take a step back, be thankful that we are pregnant and focus on growing these babies. stop googling every little thing and follow common sense

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