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Blended Families
a+k2010
member
Advice needed
a+k2010
member
So, my boyfriend has been seperated from his wife for 3 years and their divorce is finally here. He wants me to go with him (he doesn't have an attorney as he paid for the one she retained and paid for filing costs.) the only thing is I'm not really comfortable about going, I can't stand his soon to be ex and how she treats him and their children. Do you think I should suck it up and go and support him or tell him to take someone else like his mother?
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Re: Advice needed
I wouldn't, in some states, such as SC, you have to be VERY careful about this. Since they aren't legally divorced yet he is technically having an affair - at least that is the opinion of some legal systems. It can be held against him, both financially as well as with custody.
Why is he paying for her attorney and court costs?
I understand why he would want you there but he could end up hurting his own chances.
Ditto Sparky "If you can't stand being in a courtroom with her for half an hour, how are you going to handle a lifetime of raising a child with this woman? Me thinks you need to grow up a bit, and quick."
But, that does not mean you should be in court at the side of your married boyfriend. I am not criticizing that you are dating him and he's still married - it's been years and I have been in that situation BUT, your boyfriend is the one that needs to grow up if he thinks it's ok to bring his girlfriend to his divorce hearing.
SD was born on 06/06/01 and DD was born on 08/11/06
I have my reasons for not liking her and they are all regarding the treatment of her children. He pays for their health insurance yet she lets them go 4 weeks of being sick and coughing with bronchitis before she takes them to see a dr ( she doesn't have a job so she can't say she doesnt have time). She withdrew their 8 yr old (who was already held back once in 1st grade) from school when HER BOYFRIEND cheated on her and moved his girlfriend with a daughter the same age into his house. She said the woman was "causing problems", their daughter was withdrawn from school for 15 days and the truant officer contacted her about it. Their other child has a severe speech problem but again, refuses to take her to speech therapist, and she is old enough to be in preschool but their mother won't put her in school. That's why I don't like her, she doesn't take care of her children and has no reason not to, he pays a very large amount of child support so their is no excuse that she doesn't have the money. So if anyone needs to grow up, it's the BM. I was simply asking if had one had been in a similar situation or advice I wasn't asking for criticism.
Your boyfriend needs to file for an extenstion, and get a lawyer. Is he going for custody, since she treats these children so poorly?
If he goes into court without a lawyer, he will lose-almost guarunteed!
You have no place being there. It will look extremely bad for him to bring his girlfriend to court.
I agree with PP, he needs to file an extension and get a lawyer. His chances of winning without one are low. Depending on how much he makes he can look into your states ProBono attorneys. I also hope that he is documenting the issues with BM and the children, and why hasn't child protective services gotten involved with the girl missing school - at that point I would have called, but then again I'm a b!tch.
Whether you have a reason to dislike her or not she is their mother and always will be. You will have to deal with her for as long as you and your BF are together.
The women on this board are blunt but they are right. You have no business being there, it is between him and his exwife, not you, not BM's bf, not his mom. I get wanting support but he needs to do this himself. You can't go, unless of course you want to flaunt his adultry in the judges face (and it doesn't matter if she is commiting adultry too if you are the one who shows up on the arm of your boyfriend). If I were her lawyer, I would use it against him. It shows his moral character and his abandonment of his wife to some degree.
GL!
Odd that he paid for her attorney, but didn't get one for himself. Hmm.
I'd skip it. Although they've been separated for an extended period of time, BF is still married, and bringing the new girlfriend into court could be seen as confrontational, rude, etc. Offer to meet him for lunch after the hearing.
Well she retained the attorney she paid the retainer fee and he paid for filing costs. They had agreed on everything and only needed the attorney to file the papers and get the court date but as of late she has started all of this stuff with the girls (they have 3) so now he is looking into an attorney because he wants to get custody. The youngest is almost 3 (in march) and she says she will potty train her when she gets more time. She has been unemployed for over a year by her own will and won't go looking for a job. When he gets them (every other weekend & on tuesdays for 3 hours) she says its her time to go out (with what money?!) not look for a job. He paid for her to go to parenting classes which is a mandatory thing in OH when filing for divorce where kids are involved because she said she didn't know when she would have the money after running her mouth about him taking forever to pay for the attorney. I just don't know how to take her sometimes, I tried being civil with her but she always does something to make me want to revoke my kindness.
Go to the courthouse if you must, but go get some coffee during the hearing. You don't need to be there.
Your bf needs to get a damn lawyer if he's so worried about these children. Something doesn't sound right to me, but whatever.
Click me, click me!
I stand by my previous statement. Look I get it, she's a hosebeast with hooves who hates her kids and only uses them to be mean to your wonderful husband and all the crap we hear all the time on this board about the perils of the evil biomom. Got it.
And yes, by all means, the seasoned experts are telling you to stay home, so stay home. They know how these games are played, and they're right, your husband does not need to be seen traipsing you into the courtroom.
But a word to the wise: This is the mother of your husband's children, and she isn't going anywhere anytime soon. If I were you, I would really learn how to buck up and be a big person here, and stop complaining about how much you hate having to be in the same room with her. You will be sharing rooms with her for the rest of your freakin' life. If you can't deal with it, let him find someone who can.
and sorry to say... HE NEEDS A LAWYER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My DH went without a lawyer you and should see the "deal" that he got. He can see his child for 1 day every other month, gets her from July 1 - July 31, and gets to pay child support until she is 23 years old! There was absolutely NO justice for my DH. So I would strongly advise a lawyer. Get pro bono, a cheapie, something. Just get someone to be on your boyfriends side!
Click me, click me!
Don't you find it strange that your boyfriend wants to bring a date to his divorce hearing?
Don't justify yourself girl . . . some bumpies here like Sparky are just too Candid and like to judge and troll around here instead of giving advice or suggestions! I think your BF wants you there for support. I would probably go with him but, not inside with him. It can come and bite you in the butt later. Good luck and keep us posted please.
him asking you to go is a huge honor and a big deal. that means he WANTS you to be there on one of the most important and emotionally difficult days of his life. after it's over, when he's lost his old life, he wants to be able to turn to you, see your face, and walk out with you starting his new life. how wonderful!
if you say no, that's a slap in his face and he'll never forget it, trust me. if you tell him to take his mother, then you are inviting a mother-in-law mama's boy problem where there need be none. don't hate his soon-to-be ex, that's your boyfriend's job! you job is to support him, no matter how difficult. that's love.