May I vent? (long and anxiety related)

[Deleted User] · March 2014

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MrsT0514 · March 2014

Im sorry you're having a rough day. I get the need for alone time. Sometimes men just dont get that though. Although I only work PT, it took MH a while to understand the notion of me needing some time for myself. His mindset was "well I work more than you, so why do you need free time so bad?".

After spending a whole day caring for our son while I had to work (I.e. Saturdays), he finally started to get where I was coming from. Caring for a child all day is no walk in the park. Its work.

I hope you guys can come to a compromise so you can get some you time and relax.

MrsCodeMonkey · March 2014

You should not have to explain yourself, but it does sound like your DH can't put himself in your shoes. Some people get energized by being around people, others by being alone.

I hope you get your alone time to recharge. Your jobs sound very emotionally draining. Many hugs!

MrsT0514 · March 2014

I will also add, talking to my own mother about the need for personal time/struggling being home with DS all day and feeling mentally drained was never a productive conversation either.

My mom was always a working mom so her response was always "oh well I always loved being home with you kids, so I guess it was different for me". She was never a SAHM, so although each has its struggles and neither is easy, it was like comparing apples to oranges. She couldn't relate. Also, anything in terms of anxiety (I'm a worrier by nature), her motto is always "just do something to snap yourself out of it". She just doesnt get that anxiety isnt always something someonecan just "snap out of".

Sorry for the ramble...but I get where you're coming from!

MrsCodeMonkey · March 2014

@MrsT0514‌ My mom didn't get it at first either. It looked so easy to be at home with DD. What did I have to complain about? Then she watched DD for a weekend while we went on a trip. She understood after that. The time just does not pass the same way. Fulfilling a million "I need...I need" demands gets to you after a while.

[Deleted User] · March 2014

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msdrdg · March 2014

I wish I had some advice for you.
I'm sorry your DH just doesn't get it.
Hugs!

MrsT0514 · March 2014

MotherOfPearl85 said:
Thank you ladies. It feels good to get it out to someone. I slept on the couch downstairs last night so I didn't have to wake up in the middle of night with DD. DH works nights so he is not here most of the time when she wakes up at night for her binky. We are going to have to make a deal for each of us to have time.

This is what DH and I had to do. We literally had to sit down and come to an agreement, allowing both of us a block of time each week/weekend to take time out for ourselves.

ReeseFox · March 2014

I'm sorry you're having a rough time. My H also doesn't get my need for alone time. He also thinks that somehow I should never be tired since I don't wake up as early as him, and his job is more physically demanding. Or some shit.

MrsT0514 · March 2014

ReeseFox said:
I'm sorry you're having a rough time. My H also doesn't get my need for alone time. He also thinks that somehow I should never be tired since I don't wake up as early as him, and his job is more physically demanding. Or some shit.

Are we sister wives or someshit? Bc MH says this horseshit all the time.

[Deleted User] · March 2014

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jorkz821 · March 2014

Big hugs! I can totally relate. Alone time is like a desert oasis for me right now.

angelashly · March 2014

Yes mine tries to pull the whole physical job crap too. I had a breakdown where I told him if I was going to do it all by myself I might as well be myself. Probably not the best thing to do, but it woke him up. He also told me that I never seemed stressed so now I tell him instead of just doing it.

Sorry you are dealing with this.

VioletParr · March 2014

Hugs! DH always responds to requests like "Can you hold DS while take a quick shower?" is "I guess." He claims it means that it depends on DS not suddenly deciding he wants the bewb, but it never comes off that way.

[Deleted User] · March 2014

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MrsT0514 · March 2014

MotherOfPearl85 said:
I'm sitting here thinking that DH was showering to get ready to go to the ILs. No, he is preparing to go to brunch...by himself. He says it is too early for visiting. So now I will be here with DD while he's out and my alone time is delayed. Geeze.

Why doesnt he just take DD with him to brunch and then go straight to his parents' house?

[Deleted User] · March 2014

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angelashly · March 2014

So he can still take her. That was something I had to change too. Mine would always act like he needed me there in public. Now he takes her places. Yesterday they went to the mall.

Sorry your alone time is delayed. That happened to me yesterday

casholmes · March 2014

I told DH I wanted some alone time and he said "But you're alone all day!" Um, no. Alone with a 2 month old is not alone.

I'm sorry everyone's husbands are being such douchecanoes.

[Deleted User] · March 2014

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[Deleted User] · March 2014

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[Deleted User] · March 2014

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May I vent? (long and anxiety related)

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