Anyone Else Have Moms Watching Their Every Move?

MuffinMom14 · March 2014

I've posted a little in threads about my mom's overbreaing nature, but I'd need all day to give you all the examples. My husband and I went to see Cirque Du Soleil last night and went out to dinner. Mom asked how the shower and dinner was, and I said both were great, that I got lobster gnocchi and it was delicious. She texted me back "SHELLFISH?" She's now fighting with me about it. 1) She has no pregnancy knowledge from the last 33 years. Or infant care knowledge, and that is a big deal because she's going to want to do the same things she did 33 years ago with this kid (she wanted to give me my old crib). 2) My own doctor didn't tell me shit about diet. She just said no caffeine and no alcohol. So, I replied "so?" I've done research about just about everything along the way. It wouldn't hurt her to do it, too. Vent over.

MuffinMom14 · March 2014

Ugh. I'm on a tablet, so no paragraphs.

keenkamsmom · March 2014

My mom isn't doing that but she does ask me how I'm feeling and if everything is ok EVERY time I see her. She also asked if I know what I'm having yet and added that she "hopes its another boy"

Greenmood · March 2014

I had to stop giving my mom as much information. She can't control her need to comment, and I'm happier when I'm not stewing over something dumb she said.

It's hard to know what will set off her advice spiral though, so I feel for you, @spurp13.

MrsL2B · March 2014

I finally told my mom yesterday, so I have yet to really figure out what's going to come out of her mouth. She's a little nutty, so this should be interesting!

flyinmommy · March 2014

My mom just sold her house yesterday so she could move closer so she can "help". She never asked if that was a good idea. My mom and I get along fine when there is a several hour drive between us, but I'm starting to freak out that now she is going to try to be here micromanaging. Time to set some boundaries.

Emerald27 · March 2014

Your mom sounds like the early stages of my mom. My pregnancy and early months with DS were full of anxiety because of how my mom approached me as a mother.

My mom drove me nuts (we lived with her when DS was born) because she wanted us to do things the way she did with me when I was a baby, and she took our choosing to do things differently as a sign of disapproval of her parenting choices (which we may or may not disapprove, but that's irrelevant!).

Now that we've been living a state away from my mom for over a year, I still get comments related to our parenting choices, but it's easier to brush them off or to say "thank you" to her recommendations and then ignore them.

First, ::hugs::. We love our moms and it's hard when they act this way during such a special time in our lives.

Second, here's some advice, because I've been there...and it can get worse:

You are going to be doing a lot of this with more than just your mom, throughout pregnancy and parenting, because you'll find that everyone has an opinion about every aspect of parenting, and everyone is eager to share their suggestions and openly judge those who do differently. It's a tough world out there for moms and dads.

You should do your research and ultimately be prepared to follow your own parenting instincts because 1. You are the foremost expert on YOUR child, and 2. Your instincts are likely right 99.999% of the time.

MuffinMom14 · March 2014

Thanks everyone for the stories. I'm sorry some of us are going through this, but it's kinda nice to know I'm not the only one.

I know she's coming from a good place. We have had VERY rocky times, but I feel like she's been trying to make it better the last 3-5 years. We had one HUUUUGE blowout during wedding planning about a year ago (around my wedding shower), but after that, it's like she realized I WOULD cut her out of my life if she acted like a crazy person. I'm NOT looking forward to a baby shower, but I would hope that she KNOWS to calm down with this one. I know she's excited. I do.

Her other thing right now is that I should stop all forms of exercise. My doctor NEVER told me to do that. My OB doesn't know I'm a marathon runner, but she said I'm "no risk," (yes, "no" even though I think she probably meant "low"), and I should continue my life as normal. 30 miles a week is normal for me. I've slowed down (even though I really feel fine during the runs and I could probably continue as normal), and I take lots of breaks for water and food on longer runs. And I plan on quitting any race if I feel off. I wish she would trust that 1) I have done MASSIVE research about this for YEARS and 2) that if something is wrong, I would put the baby first. I would stop immediately. My therapist and regular doctor know I'm a runner and that I'm pregnant and they both say my research is correct--keep doing it if you did it before, and do it safely. I just haven't thought to bring it up with the OB (I've only seen her twice, and I won't see her for another two months--I'll see the PA in 3 weeks, and I may bring it up with her just to shut my mom up.).

So. That's today's fight. We moved on from shellfish to running.

MuffinMom14 · March 2014

meagpt22 said:

My mom txt me everyday to say "drive safely and hope today is a better day." I'm pregnant I didn't forget how to drive and I'm sick bc I'm pregnant. Haha. Plus she wants to buy a car seat just in case for her car despite me saying you don't have to spend that money bc if you ever need to take baby someplace you'll use theirs. Then she says she'll borrow one..I've told her under no certain circumstances is she do that bc she doesn't know the regulations. Not to mention she lives over an hr away so it's not like she'll be driving the baby around a lot. Oh moms! Just what we can look forward to in 30 years haha.

I'm sure this is coming. My mom also lives an hour away.

ScientistLibrarian · March 2014

Not so much my mom, but my dad - and it's pissing me off! I love him, but he's always pushing his V8 juice on me, asking if I'm drinking the protein drinks he got me, if I'm taking my vitamins, and the other day told me to be careful because I was moving a (very light) ottoman across the room. I am not sick, Dad, and I'm not a child whose nutritional needs must be monitored. Ugh.

linnae939 · March 2014

My mom was super obsessive about me slipping. (which I told her this early the baby is surrounded by all kinds of padding and not to worry) She was so glad that almost all of our snow is gone...and now she's freaking about the mud. I'm sure I will get phone calls about heat stroke this summer, etc. She's just worried. But the old advice is kind of annoying (should you be zumbaing?!, yes, doctor says go for it...she was told to quit ballet (for a company) when she got pregnant with my brother and she is now freaking out about zumba, running etc.) but again, it's because she's worried, I'm still HER baby, and she is just using her experiences to "help"

msturgeon11 · March 2014

My mom is not this type of mom in general and is even less so right now as she's dealing with her own issues after recently losing my father so I'm thankful I'm not dealing with that but my 83 year old grandmother is a totally different story she calls everyday asking how I am and giving me advice from 55 years ago when she was pregnant. Kind of sweet but super annoying!

My dad when he was still alive was constantly worried about me eating enough, getting enough rest, lifting things, worried I was too worried about him, etc. It was ridiculous especially bc he was on the verge of death and so worried about me and those silly little things but I really miss hearing that now.

The person I'm most annoyed at for this is my SIL who had her first child last year. She is also one of those people that's all like I didn't do this or that when I was pregnant. Can you eat that? You really shouldn't eat chocolate bc of the caffeine, etc. So annoying. Yes, I know you didn't bc you talked abt it constantly when you were pregnant. I did w DS and I will do it again if I freaking want to, so far I'm just secretly cursing her on the inside but don't think I'm going to be able to hold it in much longer.

MuffinMom14 · March 2014

I just really begged my mom to do some reading. Let's hope she listens. I had to tell her that my pregnancy will be different than hers and her assistant's (where she is getting the "newer" information). I also have a different doctor.

I can deal with the food issues. But when she tells me to stop running, I get really upset. I cried today because I finally just said to my husband, "Should I stop? She's making my runs feel really awful, because if something DOES happen to this baby, that's what she will blame it on--despite the fact that running doesn't cause miscarriages." He says no, that's silly. We've both done research. But her nagging on me just wears me down, and I start to get sad when I realize that if something were to happen and I do have to stop running (or, you know, when I get bigger and will HAVE to scale it way back), she will be sitting there, SO happy. When running is one of the things that I cherish--it makes me feel human. I'm very sad to lose it, and scared I'll never get back to where I was to begin with.

Anyhow. I'm sorry anyone else is going through these things. But for the most part, they ARE coming from places of love. I know it. It just sucks sometimes. Thanks for letting me vent!

Sockgnome78 · March 2014

My mom calls me everyday. The one day that she did not call until really late was the day I was having bleeding. I was so sad. I get annoyed with her checking in and such. Already discussed with DH about grandparents visiting when LO is born. (My parents are devoriced. DH are still going strong) DH said let them figure it out. If they come on the same time that is their fault. We are focusing on out family. I said okay. He just needs to help me stick to that. Our wedding was a big deal my dad and H parents came but my mom did not. She is still hurt by it. Although she made the final choice.
My mom has said that she is going to spoil this LO(my brother and his family don't really speak to my mom). Which I know she will do. Just want to set good boundaries with her and not hurt our rocky relationship already.
I guess one day at a time.

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