Stay at home moms

Jupiter62 · March 2014

I have a questions for moms that stay with their LOs all day

How frequently do you get time away from LO? And how long does each time away last?

Sometimes I feel like I'm going insane. i'm not sure whats normal

lilqt3929 · March 2014

I too feel like I'm going insane sometimes, you are not alone. I try to get away at least once a week for max of a couple hours (I am BFing). Some weeks I don't get a chance to get time away. :-/

Jenly117 · March 2014

You definitely need time for yourself! Some days I just count down the hours Til my husband comes home and I can hand the baby off for a little bit. Lately, I've been taking a yoga class (2x per week) around 8 pm after LO goes to bed. Daddy is in charge of bathing and bedtime routine on those evenings. I usually try to give myself at least one hour a day just for me...sometimes I get a solid hour, sometimes not. Feel free to PM me if you need to vent!

PumpkinMommaaa · March 2014

Oh yes. No me time. Ever really. And because I'm still mostly BFing (though I've been trying to switch for over a month) it's just easier for me to do everything. This morning DH woke up with her so I could sleep an extra 30 minutes. She was tired. And when she's tired she won't take a bottle. That's the biggest break I've gotten in months.

It's true you really start to think you're going insane because for most of the day the only human to talk to has only been alive for 6 months.

I think sometimes it makes my brain slow too.

LelaDenney · March 2014

I absolute never get time to myself. My LO goes to bed at 7 and so I guess I consider that my alone time. DH doesn't seem to understand the mental exhaustion it takes raising a baby full time. This is our first child so it's us learning how to navigate for both of us. He works away during the week and home for the weekends. Life between us isn't all peaches at the moment so asking him to watch LO would only aggravate our issues right now. Thank God for my mom whose house I visit once a month and she will take over care for a few hours so I can nap.

michelle7482 · March 2014

DH and I have a date night about once a month, and then I get away for about an hour each week to get a hair cut, run to the store, shop ect. I started doing tastefully simple parties so about once or twice a month I'm gone for about 3 hours to do a party but that's it. Bc I'm a sahm, we don't have the extra income for me to do mani/pedis, spas ect or else I definitely would! I love being with my girls and DH helps out at night and on the weekends so it's all good !

JLMcWeeney · March 2014

I know exactly what you mean about feeling slightly insane.
We usually go for a date night once a month. That is pretty much the only time I get away from LO, and it doesn't always happen.
I don't even always get time for myself in the evenings. DH is studying to take his CPA exam, and so he is busy even when he gets home.
It doesn't bother me too much, but when it starts to, I always just put together a date night for us.

eyris · March 2014

I've been off work this past week and home by myself with E. I have to give you SAHMs some serious credit. By Wednesday I felt totally exhausted and yesterday I thought I was going to straight up lose my mind. Hardest job ever, without a doubt! Hang in there ladies!

barnwife · March 2014

S. is LO3 and we are finally finding a groove for getting me alone time. It's hard sometimes because DH's work schedule is...all over the place let's say. And even when he is home, sometimes he's working.

Sometimes I feel guilty asking him to watch the kiddos while I run to the store because I don't want to interrupt work and I am not sure if whatever he is doing at the moment is work. But I am getting better about saying asking. In the past, I just (wrongly) expected him to know that this is a need of mine and do his part to make sure it happens.

I need to ask and trust that if he is working and can't do it then, he will make sure it happens later.

Long story short, I do get out of the house without kiddos one night a week to do something at our church. I try to get away at least one other time for a couple hours. It doesn't always happen though.

smilingeyes2308 · March 2014

To be honest.. I haven't had 5 minutes without my LO since she's been born. My DH thinks time to myself is when I'm on the iPad while breastfeeding. I talked to him about this last night and told him I'm about to have a mental breakdown since he gets 3 hours a night to chill while I out LO to bed (I stay in the room with her cause she wakes frequently). So, DH stays in the livingroom playing video games until he goes to bed. Everyone deserves time alone.

smilingeyes2308 · March 2014

@eyris that's nice of you to say. I feel it's the hardest job out there. However, you working moms need a trophy. I can't imagine the minimal sleep I'm getting and having to get up to go to work. You ladies rock!

Burrberrymum · March 2014

This is sad to admit but I've never been away from LO.. Only in the shower. Ok well actually now that I think of it I went to the store once for 25 minutes while she stayed with MIL when she was 3 months & had her watch my DD while I took a nap for 2 hours but she screamed the entire time.

I definitely feel like I'm going insane. The reason is partly due to her not taking any kind of bottle and because she's very very anxious and screams if I leave her sight.. But I'm sure that goes hand in hand with never leaving her anywhere without me while she was younger. I've created my own vicious cycle.

blond1230 · March 2014

There was a time when I too felt like I was going insane. My baby is EBF and that definitely makes it harder.

Now that he is bigger and can go longer without feelings and he eats some solids, I'm able to get out more comfortably. I get to the gym about 4x a week for about an hour each time and will usually find another hour or so each week away for grocery shopping. It breaks down usually Saturday and Sunday mornings my husband watches him while I take a gym class, one morning my MIL will watch him for an hour and one afternoon my mom will watch him for an hour. Getting my prebaby body back and having time to think away from him at the gym are keeping me a lot more sane. I just make sure to feed him really good before I go so I know he will be OK for an hour.

We also do a date night every couple of weeks.

jlp0528 · March 2014

Burrberrymum said:
This is sad to admit but I've never been away from LO.. Only in the shower. Ok well actually now that I think of it I went to the store once for 25 minutes while she stayed with MIL when she was 3 months & had her watch my DD while I took a nap for 2 hours but she screamed the entire time.

I definitely feel like I'm going insane. The reason is partly due to her not taking any kind of bottle and because she's very very anxious and screams if I leave her sight.. But I'm sure that goes hand in hand with never leaving her anywhere without me while she was younger. I've created my own vicious cycle.

I feel your pain @Burrberrymum‌. I SAHM and have only left her for 2 ortho appts., 2 date nights and then Wednesday evening classes last fall but she was so little I doubt she remembers. She is attached to me all day, every day. I told h I'm going to take a class on Saturday mornings at a local gym because I am losing my damn mind. I need some me time.

Eta: she screams like a lunatic when I'm out of her sight a lot of the time and hates to be put down ever. I hate to say I want her to grow up and out of this phase, but I do. Last night she kept waking up and then literally screamed hysterically whenever h would hold her and try to comfort her. It was only me she would calm for. I hate those nights. @-)

barnwife · March 2014

@Burrberrymum
I have been there. J. was a very, very, very high needs baby. He didn't sleep more than 45 minutes at a stretch until he was one. And he screamed when awake unless he was nursing. It was so much easier (in the moment) to just nurse all.the.time than deal with screaming. And since he was having trouble gaining weight, lots of nursing was encouraged. On top of that, I was having tons of plugged ducts and bouts of mastitis, which meant I wanted to nurse.

Anyway, finally, right around when he turned one I lost it. I knew I was beyond sleep deprived. And let's just say it wasn't a pretty time in our house.

Please, please find a way to get yourself a break. It won't hurt LO to cry for a while. And LO doesn't have to take a bottle. Try a sippy cup. Or an open cup (hint: plastic 2 oz. shot glasses work really well for tiny hands). Worst comes to worse and someone uses a spoon to feed formula or expressed BM.

Alone time/down time is so important. I truly believe it makes me a better mom, wife, and overall person. If you think you need it, hand baby to DH. And leave (the house, if necessary).

Burrberrymum · March 2014

jpryber0528 said:

Burrberrymum said:
This is sad to admit but I've never been away from LO.. Only in the shower. Ok well actually now that I think of it I went to the store once for 25 minutes while she stayed with MIL when she was 3 months & had her watch my DD while I took a nap for 2 hours but she screamed the entire time.

I definitely feel like I'm going insane. The reason is partly due to her not taking any kind of bottle and because she's very very anxious and screams if I leave her sight.. But I'm sure that goes hand in hand with never leaving her anywhere without me while she was younger. I've created my own vicious cycle.
I feel your pain @Burrberrymum‌. I SAHM and have only left her for 2 ortho appts., 2 date nights and then Wednesday evening classes last fall but she was so little I doubt she remembers. She is attached to me all day, every day. I told h I'm going to take a class on Saturday mornings at a local gym because I am losing my damn mind. I need some me time.

Eta: she screams like a lunatic when I'm out of her sight a lot of the time and hates to be put down ever. I hate to say I want her to grow up and out of this phase, but I do. Last night she kept waking up and then literally screamed hysterically whenever h would hold her and try to comfort her. It was only me she would calm for. I hate those nights. @-)

I definitely agree that I'm looking forward to her being out of this phase.. It's not fun for either one of us and it's getting pretty stressful. My MIL actually came by last night and told me she's taking me to the gym next week because she wants me to get out and get some me time. Honestly I'm a nervous wreck to leave LO even with her dad.. He would probably leave her in a poopy diaper until I got home. So sad.

@barnwife that whole situation sounds exactly like mine, all we want to do is nurse because she's not gaining very much and it keeps her calm. The only thing when leaving LO is that if she gets into a crying fit, she makes herself gag choke and puke so there's no getting a spoon/cup into her mouth.

I have 6 more months to get her comfortable with other people though so it's about that time to really get out on my own. Otherwise I don't know how her daycare will handle her.

hilalk · March 2014

My husband lets me sleep couple of hours in the weekends. During the weekdays he comes home around 3pm so he takes care of LO so I spent some time witth DS, cook, take a shower etc. Somedays I go to gym. We have no family in US and actually very few friends that we see very seldom. It's been 5 years since we moved to US and it is really hard to adjust and make friends especially after a certain age. We did not have a date night for a loooooong time, we always hang out with the kids. Thank Ferber that LO goes to bed at 7:30 and does not wake up so we watch TV and spend some time with DH. I look forward to summer so we can visit our families and catch up with my husband.

elm005 · March 2014

Basically never. I used to leave him with DH occasionally to run to the store, but not much anymore. Time away is usually an hour or less. And I usually put him down for a nap first. I even shower with him in his rnp in the bathroom most nights. DH is nearly useless when it comes to LO . All that being said, I really don't mind. I waited so long for our little guy, I am thankful for each moment. Even the not so fun ones.

jaydamuhindra · March 2014

hilalk said:
My husband lets me sleep couple of hours in the weekends. During the weekdays he comes home around 3pm so he takes care of LO so I spent some time witth DS, cook, take a shower etc. Somedays I go to gym. We have no family in US and actually very few friends that we see very seldom. It's been 5 years since we moved to US and it is really hard to adjust and make friends especially after a certain age. We did not have a date night for a loooooong time, we always hang out with the kids. Thank Ferber that LO goes to bed at 7:30 and does not wake up so we watch TV and spend some time with DH. I look forward to summer so we can visit our families and catch up with my husband.

This is exactly my life right now.

barnwife · March 2014

@Burrberrymum
J. was a spitter upper...a massive spitter-upper (he'd soak 5 or 6 or 7 toddler sized prefold cloth diapers per feeding). It was a disaster. That also contributed to me rarely leaving the house with him. It was a PITA to deal with in public. But looking back, I should have gone out with him more and by myself more.

Please don't wait as long as I did. Get yourself some down time. Leave formula or BM and leave LO with someone you trust (whether DH or family or friends or a sitter) and go. Heck, at this age leave some solids and maybe LO would enjoy playing with the food while you are gone.

S. currently loves orange and apple slices and banana as well. He also loves strips of toast. Maybe the novelty of new fun foods would keep LO happy during your down time.

It's something I should have done much, much sooner with J. (Hindsight is 20/20 and all.)

TKtravels · March 2014

Every now and then I wonder if I have any sanity left.

I suppose I get time to myself (to do the dishes, clean, prep food for future meals, maybe take a bath) when LO naps/sleeps. If we're talking about off-duty time, I'd say I get about 3-4 hours a month, usually all in one go.

If I really needed more, I could ask for it, but my H works 60-80 hours a week and travels about 50% of the time, so I try to keep it together because I know he has a lot on his plate too.

JamieWM · April 2014

My sanity is gone BUT I am slowly getting it back w trips to Stop & Shop or rides to grab a coffee....I am really trying hard to get out without LO.

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