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March 2014 Moms
nblondheim
member
PPD has struck me
nblondheim
member
As I sit here in tears I'm pretty sure I'm dealing with ppd. I've tried very hard to put on a happy face and be strong but underneath it all I'm struggling!!! I'm eating everything in sight in ridiculously large amounts, feeling guilty, dealing with anxiety that something is going to happen to the twins, struggling with our change in routine, I'm irritable and moody, and other things. On top of my own thoughts and struggles, others add to it including my family, in laws, and DH. My MIL sent me a hurtful email and DH keeps telling me I need to be the bigger person and let it go but I can't. My mom doesn't understand my struggles with breastfeeding and has made comments even though she never breastfed. B got sick and turned purple one night but recovered quickly. The next night he gasped for air 3 different times but DH insisted he'd be fine and he didn't need to be taken in. I would have taken him in in a heartbeat. DH works 7 days on and has 7 days off but on his work weeks I'm alone with the twins for 19 hours. I truly don't think he gets it!!! DH made me mad today and I lost it before he left for work. Now that the water works have started, they haven't stopped. I'm already on 50 mg of Zoloft. I have a doctor appointment Monday for other things but I will need to bring this up!
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Re: PPD has struck me
The hardest part for me was admitting I was struggling. Once I let my husband and my family know that I was overwhelmed I started to feel a little better. I stopped trying to pretend I was okay and just lost it in front of my parents, and I think they finally realized how terribly I was feeling.
I can't imagine going through what you've been through, you've been so strong through it all! Keep your head up mama.
Married : ** 09/09/2011 ** BFP : 07-18-13 ** Baby #1 is a GIRL , Born 03/12/14 **
** BFP 2 : 01- 05-15 ** EDD 09-11-15 **
No advice, but I feel like I may be experiencing PPD too, I could have wrote the majority of this myself.
Me: 28 DH: 27
I hope you start feeling better soon!
You mamas are all amazing in my eyes!
Thank you all very much! Your posts, kind words, understandingness, hugs, etc mean a lot to me and I really appreciate it!
@amholley1 I have tried Effexor and am allergic to it! I was on Pristiq before getting pregnant and that really worked well for me but it hasn't been studied enough with breastfeeding. I plan to bring up upping the dose and possibly adding something for anxiety as well. Thank you for your insight!
Check out my blog: http://blondheimtwins.blogspot.com/
Gosh all of your wonderful responses are overwhelming but much needed... thank you very much! They make me realize I have been through a lot and need to give myself more credit. You guys are honestly like family to me and I cherish it!!!
@legallyginger I already feel better admitting I am struggling and need help. I talked to DH through tears late last night and also texted my mom to tell her and she said she could see it once DH went to back work. I guess I wasn't very good at hiding it!
@Brissett My mom stayed a few nights this week due to all of us being sick. But I then feel guilty for taking her away from her husband. But she is now aware of my struggles and we may need to make a plan for a few nights a week while DH is at work so that I don't feel guilty since it would only be a few nights every other week and then would have help too!
@lopezalonso Unfortunately I am 12 weeks pp today so I am over the first few weeks! But we were in the NICU so we had the help and then DH stayed home for a few weeks so that was awesome. Now he is back to work and have noticed I am struggling! I am glad you were able to talk to others!
@LaurenAsh23 I too have struggled with depression in the past but didn't admit or seek help until DH and I got married, moved in together, and I couldn't "hide" it anymore. I regret not going early as it made a huge difference! I have gone through a lot in life and just shoved it under the rug and never dealt with it. Counseling helped me to deal with it. So depression isn't really anything new to me either.... I was just hoping to avoid PPD and that the meds I am on now would be enough but it doesn't look like!
@craftiemommie Your story did hit me hard. All I could think about was not getting lo checked out and something happening. I would be mad at myself and pissed at DH for not letting me get him checked out! With that being said, I was in close contact with our pediatrician through it all. I called them and let them know and they called me the next morning. He never had a fever (high or low), continued to eat like a champ, etc. Besides those few scary moments, he is doing fine. We are all on the verge of getting completely over whatever we had thankfully!!! I really appreciate your concern!
@babylimas I have also heard NICU moms have higher rates of PPD... I totally get why!!!
@bmerr Honestly if I could, I probably wouldn't get out of bed either!!! I just want to sleep and eat! I do feel completely attached to my lo's and that is why I thought I was okay! I am glad your appointment helped! As far as meds go, there are options!!! My OB and I talked while I was on hospital bed rest as I figured I would need them back and I did! Zoloft is okay to take while breastfeeding. I am!
I don't like making my DH mad so I usually just hold it and don't say anything (big mistake I know!) but yes.... I get mad at him for shit all the time and like you said.... they are human too and how are they supposed to know if we don't say anything!
@TallAsh I did reply to the email through tears. She never responded back to me and I still feel like MIL just doesn't get it. (Her oldest just had his appendix taken out and she told us not to come because he was tired and needed rest...HELLO that was me too after delivery but you got mad at ME?!?!) DH is her "baby" and I was constantly called "that girl" before DH and I got married because I was that girl that took her baby away! They are strict catholic and I am not. We couldn't sleep near each other at their house, the cabin, etc. but we did at our own places. (We were 24 and it's the 20th century! It's different when the people themselves make the choice vs. their parents/in laws.) She was pissed we didn't get married in a catholic church and wanted to control a lot of our wedding. After we got married, things got better with MIL and I thankfully. DH and I can't ever have biological children...we used a donor. So these are very special grandkids as they never thought this wasn't possible and I get that but they are also preemies and OUR special children too! We are spending our first weekend away at my in laws this weekend and I am a little scared! They already have a breakfast planned for all the aunts and uncles (MIL is one of 13 kids!) to come Friday morning... cue sharing my babies and I HATE sharing them! I am kind of already dreading it! (BTW...FIL is wonderful and actual gets mad at MIL for things she does and says!) The weather is HORRID and that is part of the problem. I live in WI and we still have like 2+ feet of snow on the ground and it just snowed another 5 inches a few days ago. It's cold and we don't get out. Thankfully today and tomorrow are supposed to be nice and I am going to try to get out for a walk. DH and I talked last night and I texted and let my mom know. Friends are few and far between unfortunately. The couple I do have don't get it and live far away. I think that is part of the problem! But don't worry... I won't hide!
Check out my blog: http://blondheimtwins.blogspot.com/
Hugs!! You have gone through so much over the end of your pregnancy and the first few weeks of your twins lives. I know that with DS1 I was coping alright with him in the NICU (a 27 weeker with a 9week NICU stay) until he started getting stable and then I fell apart. Talking to MH, my GP and getting a Rx for Zoloft were what helped me out.
So far things are better this time, but I'm right about where I was when things started getting harder last time.
Keep talking about it. Don't try to power through, take help where you can.
Do you have friends, relatives, or the financial means to hire someone to come help on days where you are alone? I had a doula but ended up needing a c section before even going into labor so she "earned her keep" by helping me postpartum on days my DH was gone.
It is amazing what a little sleep will do. I'm not saying if you sleep your PPD will magically disappear, but it certainly helps. Sounds like you are doing the right thing by talking more to your Dr.
Good luck with everything we are here for you.