thinking of selling my daughter's things - rainbow pg ment.

Bayberry12 · March 2014

Subsequent Pregnancy Mentioned

In April it will be 2 years since I lost my daughter. For the most part her nursery has sat untouched. We don't have a crib or rocking chair in there, so it's still unfinished but the dresser is full of pink outfits, bibs, towels. The closet is full of pink dresses and shoes with bows. I have a huge gift bag full more unwashed outfits with tags still on them, a bedding set and lots of other unopened little things that I thought I would be strong enough to return once I healed from delivery. Needless to say that never happened and everything has been sitting in there collecting dust for 2 years.

Now, I am pregnant again, with a boy. All of these girl things will continue to go unused. (Which is making me cry as I type this). Well, there is a pretty large consignment sale coming up in about a week. It is so close to my house I could literally walk these items over there to be sold. Of course there are some things I think of special and could never get rid of, but I'm thinking of selling the rest. I have gone in the room twice this week to kind of take inventory, to see what I could let go of. But I'm stuck, I know EVERYTHING needs to be taken out of the room, but I can't decide if I should pack everything away in the basement (which is already overflowing with crap we don't use or need) or if I should just bite the bullet and sell the stuff.

If you have any advise I would love to hear it. I really wish I didn't wait so long to deal with this stuff, I feel like it's been a dark cloud hanging over me.

bunnybun4 · March 2014

ehhh...I'm not really much help because I can't really put myself in your shoes. I only had a few outfits and other items since we were only half baked so of course I can't get rid of those. Do you think if you got rid of some of the extra you would feel a little cleansed...or like you took a big step and overcame something? or do you feel like you would regret it? I'm not sure what your future ttc plans will be after your son but could you hang on to them in case you have another girl? I guess I agree that if you aren't going to use them you don't need piles and piles of girl things...just a few to remind you of Stella. But bottom line, it's a really personal decision.

sorry I am not much help...I did want to offer ((hugs)) though. I am sure this is all pretty tough.

if you did sell the clothes could you get someone else to take them over to the sale? I think I would have a hard time doing it myself and possibly having to explain everything to strangers.

Bayberry12 · March 2014

Thanks for your input. I think I MIGHT feel a little cleansed but also sad once the room is cleared out. We do hope to have more children, but it's been almost three years to get to where I am now, and I think IF we can have another baby and it's another boy, still having a lot of girl things packed away would be hard me.

To clarify, I would not have to stay and sell the items, just tag everything and drop them off to be sold. Everything about this just sucks.

Jellybean71514 · March 2014

@mrsgerman‌ I mirror your thoughts and did just that - I asked my mom to pack away and keep the few things I had gotten for Joseph and am also in the process of doing the same with all of the maternity clothes I have as I slowly get back into my pp clothing. Not sure I will ever use any of it again but I am also not ready to get rid of the stuff completely, I just wanted it out of my house right now. Understand you have a good amount of stuff so it is a bit different but perhaps packing it all will be the first step and then see how you're feeling about it. xo

Bayberry12 · March 2014

Thank you all so much for your thoughtful responses and advise.

I think I have reached a compromise. I have been spending a lot of the day going through the room and I think I will pack away all the "special" things that I will keep forever, put them in a special place with her memory box. And also pack away some of the other clothes that I like, but am not ready to get rid of. I have a good amount of hand-me-down clothes, I think I will sell all or most of them and some of the "baby gear" thats pink and unopened. I'll hang on to the rest, like the little bath tub, an extra monitor, bobby covers, etc... If I don't use them for this new LO I can always sell or donate it at another time.

I hope I feel better after doing this.

princezjk · March 2014

I think your personal compromise sounds like a great plan. I am in almost the same boat. I lost my daughter last year and am now expecting a little boy. I am not at a place where I am ready to let go of her things. I plan to pack up and deal with that decision later. Fortunately, I got a lot of gender neutral stuff, planning to use as handmedowns, that I can still use for this LO. (((BIG HUGS))) as you go through this process.

dadalou · March 2014

It sounds like a good idea to me, if you can handle it. Or maybe you could donate it to someplace that could use it.

It's only been 7 weeks for us, but I already went through and got rid of a bunch of stuff of his. Our church sent a team to Guatemala to an orphanage and I went through and found what could be used by them and sent it along. We also went and returned a lot of stuff to Babies R Us and used the store credit to buy stuff to send along. It was good for me to know that Nathaniel was able to help other kids. The stuff ended up going to people that have literally nothing.

kflynn81 · March 2014

I'm a bit of an over planner and even though Jack was lost at 20weeks, his closet was already full of clothes. I can barely go into that room and consequently I'm a little wishy washy over what to do with his clothes. At first I wanted to bag them all up and give to friends, but I couldn't deal with seeing their kids in his clothes. Then we decided to give to Goodwill...but I chose those items for him and felt guilty about it so we decided one day soon we should put them in the basement. If/when we have another baby we can decide how we feel about it then.

Good luck, whatever you choose to do. Either way its not an easy choice. ((hugs))

milb11 · March 2014

We hadn't assembled much of Elijah's stuff yet so a lot of the big things were still in the box. I took them back within a couple weeks of his loss. I couldn't have it in my house. It was too painful. I actually had a meltdown in my parking lot trying to fit his stroller box in the back of my small car.

I still have a large box of clothes, handmedowns, and formula that a friend of mine gave me in case breastfeeding didn't work (her LO had stomach issues). They were hidden in the closet. I plan on donating them and my maternity clothes to a local outreach for women and kids. For me, those things were Elijah's. Even if I were to get pregnant with another boy one day, I don't think I could let him wear those clothes. It just seems like it would hurt too much because I envisioned him wearing all those outfits.

I may end up regretting it one day, but I just want the things he never got to wear/use gone. I keep a memory box with all his things from birth (pics, clothes, blankets, etc) beside my nightstand. Those are the things I will cherish.

I don't think there is one wrong or right answer. I think you've made a good choice.

stefuge · March 2014

I think what you have decided to do is a good choice. It's definitely not easy, and at this point, I am still completely avoiding the whole thing. ((Hugs))

veetveet · March 2014

About a week before my loss I finished purchaed everything for my second child. (About 8 months prior I had pretty much got rid of everything execpt for the crib from my first child as we were not planning to have any more children.) It's been 6 weeks since my loss and I have already returned, sold or given away most of the items. We were going to start working on his room that weekend.

I am keeping some things like the glider, high chair, etc....as I am not sure if we are going to try again. But all of the toys/clothes, exersaucers, feeding equipment, etc need to be gone. We simply don't have the room in our already small house and over stuffed garage.

To me they are just things/clothes that my baby never got to use or wear. The only thing special or sentimental thing I have is his memory box from the hospital- which I can't open right now because I am pretty sure it may break me. Whatever I have sold- all of the funds are going towards our Disney vacation that we're planning for our daughter.

Bayberry12 · March 2014

mdharrison said:

*sig*

I can't put myself in your shoes because we packed up everything and put it into storage. When we were pg with C, we went through everything (it sucked, but had to be done) and anything that was too boy-ish, we put back into storage and it's still there. We will cross that bridge if we don't ever have another son, I guess. The majority of it was hand me downs, so we'd go the donation route. We did give away a few outfits to a friend but aside from that.. it's sitting in totes in our basement. I had a hard time at first thinking about using all of the "big" items (swing, pnp etc) for C when they should have been A's.. but I've grown to see it more as them sharing.. but that can't happen with most of the clothes, obviously.

I just wanted to jump in here and give you hugs. It's a super hard task going through it all and definitely keep any pieces you feel special..

*sig*

Thanks MD.

All the big things we picked out were gender neutral, I had always hoped to use them for a sibling. So he'll get to use his sisters PnP, car seat, swing, but the clothes....it just hurts my heart to see those tiny little pink outfits. It's easier for me to let go of the larger size clothes because I truly only see her as forever a newborn, so I know I'll keep a lot of the tiny little things.

Bayberry12 · March 2014

milb11 said:

I still have a large box of clothes, handmedowns, and formula that a friend of mine gave me in case breastfeeding didn't work (her LO had stomach issues). They were hidden in the closet. I plan on donating them and my maternity clothes to a local outreach for women and kids. For me, those things were Elijah's. Even if I were to get pregnant with another boy one day, I don't think I could let him wear those clothes. It just seems like it would hurt too much because I envisioned him wearing all those outfits.

I feel the same way about a lot of her things; they were specifically chosen just for her, it might be too hard to dress another girl in those things, but some things I just can't let go of yet.

shandorfml2 · March 2014

We recently went through Ana's room to take "inventory" as well. Her things went untouched for a year. We are trying hard for our rainbow, and feel strongly it will be a boy. So, we wanted to see how much gender nuetral stuff we had. So, we decided to pack up her clothes and girl items in a tote. We will keep them (all of it) stored in our home until we know what gender we will be having for our rainbow. Right now, we left everything gender neutral in the room. There are a few outfits that are special that we will keep forever. We do plan on having a few children so I will keep the rest until we are done, or decide to sell/gift them. Tough stuff ((hugs))

lexusolsen · March 2014

I just had my sister return the sheets and towels I bought just before ds passed. Someday we will have more kids but I couldn't imagine using the same sheets and such. I haven't done anything with the clothes yet . Thankfully we hadn't bought much yet. I'm sorry that this is such a difficult decision.

Noethola · March 2014

Bayberry12 said:

Thank you all so much for your thoughtful responses and advise.

I think I have reached a compromise. I have been spending a lot of the day going through the room and I think I will pack away all the "special" things that I will keep forever, put them in a special place with her memory box. And also pack away some of the other clothes that I like, but am not ready to get rid of. I have a good amount of hand-me-down clothes, I think I will sell all or most of them and some of the "baby gear" thats pink and unopened. I'll hang on to the rest, like the little bath tub, an extra monitor, bobby covers, etc... If I don't use them for this new LO I can always sell or donate it at another time.

I hope I feel better after doing this.

This is pretty much what we did Bay. I went through things and kept what I really loved, and would have handed down to another baby. I also pulled out some items that were specifically "hers" and put them in her memory trunk.

I kept some of the gender neutral things out and put them on my son (I wanted him to wear some of her "hand me downs" even if she had never worn them.) I did give my mom things to return that would expire, but a lot of the rest of it I sold or gave away. I packed everything I wanted to keep in bins and stored them. If you are ready to get things cleared out, go ahead and consign what you can. Put the money toward purchases for your son. Then it might still feel like she is giving him something, even though she will not have used it. If you are not ready, then I agree, store the items. If you need to start over with a fresh pallet, then go for it. If you bought some things intending to be shared eventually, then consider keeping those items (swing, pac n play, toys, etc.)

Its not easy, and I cried as I went through the items. I cried when I opened them back up to pull out the gender neutral items. Nothing about what we have to do is easy. But it was also nice to think of her saying "Its okay mommy, I want to share that with my brother." And its a sweet thought every time I do put him in one of those things. (Sometimes there are tears too.) I get to be reminded of his sister. I feel its another way to keep that memory alive.

Big ((hugs)) sweetie!

a&aw12707 · March 2014

**sig**

We had not bought anything really for Mason, so I've never been in your shoes. I do think it is a terribly difficult decision to make and my heart breaks for you. (( hugs))
Personally, I had to disassociate my pregnancies completely. I couldn't wear any of my maternity clothes and basically had to start fresh. Intellectually I knew they were different, but my heart disagreed.

sparrowmomma24 · March 2014

I kept the few items I had for Ellie, but I have a friend who donated a bunch of her stuff to our local Infant Hospice House. It's the only one in the country and they are always in need of little outfits, blankets, etc. If you'd be interested in donating to a cause like that, feel free to send me a message. If you decide to keep them or sell them... remember that it's YOUR choice and do what your heart tells you to do. There is no wrong answer here.

lrichmond86 · March 2014

mrsgerman said:
*** siggy warning***

Being TG both pregnacies I haven't had to face this yet so I don't really have solid advice. But what if instead of just purging the items all at once at the consignment sale you pack them up and send them to a relatives or friends house for storage? That way you can get an idea of what the empty room would be like without actually letting go of the items. Then maybe in 6 mos to a year if you feel ok with them being gone you can then look into the consignment sale?

This it's what we did. My parents still have several boxes of baby Gary's things in their basement. They'll probably stay there for good. I can't stand to let them go, but I also can't stand to look at them. Of course we have a few things in the house here but mostly it's packed away.

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thinking of selling my daughter's things - rainbow pg ment.

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