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February 2013 Moms
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NBR: Destination Wedding vent

MeggiemugginsMeggiemuggins member
edited March 2014 in February 2013 Moms
Hi ladies,

Sorry for the following vent, but I can't complain to any of my IRL usual suspects.  My sister is getting married next year.  It's her second wedding, her first was to a man who wound up being an abusive cheater, so this upcoming marriage, to a sweet, gentle soul, is very much deserved.  I'm thrilled for her, but she and her FI have chosen a destination wedding, at a very expensive resort that will take us 2 6-hour flights to reach.  We're flat broke with little hope of saving the money required to get there and it breaks my heart that I might miss it

My mom is talking about how it's a "once-in-a-lifetime" trip, which it is, but I'm not sure we can swing it.  My brother is a sporadically-working actor whom I can't see saving the money either, and my parents have hit some hard times of late too.  I know they'll want to help out me and my brother financially, but they just can't.

Anyways, part of me is really ticked off at my sister for choosing a destination wedding like this.  Granted, she lives on the other side of the country, so I can see how, when you're dealing with one family on each coast, it's just easier to say "screw it, EVERYONE has to travel this way".  Then I feel crappy for being irritated, because why SHOULDN'T she have the wedding she wants, especially after everything she's been through?

Thanks for letting me vent, in the meantime we're going to keep buying lotto tickets.


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Re: NBR: Destination Wedding vent

  • tamarar5tamarar5 member
    My brother did this too. Well sorry of. He lives in Maine, but everyone else lives in Michigan or Wisconsin, so we ended up traveling. I get the frustration and financial toll! I'm sorry!
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  • lbonga1lbonga1 member
    I'm sorry, that's frustrating! Hopefully she at least expects that people might not be able to make it, for financial reasons or otherwise. Can you afford to travel to her area? Maybe you could explain you can't afford to attend the destination wedding, but you could throw her a nice bridal shower?
    I can see her side though, because my FI and I had been planning something similar. We're thinking of having our wedding at one of those Sandals resorts because if you stay I think 6 nights, they'll do your wedding for free. So we figured, honeymoon and wedding in one! But we also want the ceremony to be something special between the two of us, and we'll likely have a small reception for family and close friends when we return.
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  • brachysirabrachysira member
    I had a destination wedding, but we didn't expect anyone to go.  We didn't really expect a lot of people that we liked would attend a local wedding either because everyone is so far away.  I didn't want to throw a wedding for a bunch of DH's extended family that we never see and our co-workers when we had friends and family that were closer to us living far away. I also didn't want to throw a wedding that was elaborate enough that my friends struggling to become academics or with tiny babies would feel like it was worth it to travel across the country.  My brother is always very poor, and we knew he wouldn't be able to come, but he probably would be able to travel anywhere and he doesn't live nearby.  We have better off close friends who still flaked out on our wedding at the last minute, and I think they might have done that if we had a local wedding too.  At least by going abroad we had a good time ourselves, which may not have been true if we'd had a huge wedding with a lot of guests we didn't know or like well, where all our friends cancelled, which we would have had to have done in the states.  

    Perhaps your sister doesn't expect you to attend, or she expects to pay for you partially herself, or your family is paying.  If not, miss it.  She should be reasonable about it.  However, you too should be supportive of her decision even if you are disappointed you can't go.  I think a lot of people on a 2nd wedding just down't want to throw a big event locally, and imagine all the relatives making a comparison.  
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