What are your plans for birth/being in the hospital? With DS, obviously DH stayed with us from the time DS was born until the time we were discharged, other than to go run and get me Jimmy John's (my first request non-pregnant) and to install the car seat (whoops--DS was earlier than anticipated). This time, I am on the fence but had been leaning toward him staying with me the first night and then a good part of the next day, then going home for the night to be with DS and bringing DS back to the hospital in time for discharge (I recognize this might be a stupid idea so it may change). Well the plan all along had been that whenever DH was with me, my parents would be with DS. Well my parents have been a hot mess lately with a whole host of health issues and I'm not feeling confident that even one of them will be able to stay with DS...and then if they are, I'm not sure I'm confident that they'll be able to drive DS down to the hospital to meet his sister and spend some time with us (we live about an hour from the hospital I'm delivering at--I KNOW, WHAT A HORRIBLE IDEA, but I love my OB and it's one of the best hospitals in the country).
So now I am toying with the idea of DH really not staying with me very much at all...like sending him home so he can be with DS at night, coming back in the morning probably with DS and my mom (driving separately), then sending DS back with my mom after an hour or so, DH staying with me for a few more hours, then sending DH home. Then DH coming back (with or without DS, not sure yet) to get me for discharge. Does this sound like the worst idea ever? I definitely remember DH helping me a lot while I was dragging my lady bits on the floor after delivery, but at the same time, I'm at a hospital with a ton of nurses, if I really need help someone will help me. Also it's really REALLY important to me to have someone capable with DS, and lately that is not my parents, and we really do not have a lot of other options. I also don't want to take away DH's time with his new baby, but again, I'm not willing to leave DS with people that health wise I'm not sure can take care of him 100% just so DH be at the hospital with us. It seems to me like DH being at the hospital is more of a luxury, whereas a capable caregiver for DS is a necessity. What do you ladies think? WWYD? What are you doing for #2?
BFP #1 6/28/11 ~ EDD 3/7/12 ~ m/c 7/15/11 at 6w2d
BFP #2 8/29/11 ~ EDD 5/12/12. 4/25/12: Our take home baby is here!
BFP #3 8/27/13 ~ EDD 5/11/14. 4/27/14: Our second take home baby is here!
Re: STM's please come in!
This is a tough one - and I can see where you are coming from on all fronts. I don't think your tentative plan sounds like a bad one, but it's just so hard to know! I know plenty of people whose DH did not stay with them the whole time, especially with the second (or more) baby, and instead stayed with the older kid(s), so I do think it is possible.
For us, we are very fortunate in that both our sets of parents are nearby and willing/able to take care of DS, as well as some other family (aunts/uncles) as a backup. So really, our plan is that DH is going to stay in the hospital with me the whole time and then DS will be with DH's parents more than likely (maybe mine at first, but then switching to DH's parents). I do think it's possible that I might be in the hospital and be fine and tell DH to go and spend time with DS instead - I can honestly see that happening.
I'm sorry you are in a tough spot and that your parents are suffering health-wise right now, I really hate that for you and for them. But I don't think your plan is crazy or unmanageable.
BFP # 1 - 12/19/09 EDD 08/27/10 - D&C 1/26/10 @ 9w5d
BFP # 2 - 06/05/10 EDD 02/17/11, DS1 born on 2/14/11
BFP # 3 - 04/10/13 EDD 12/21/13 - D&C 05/15/13 @ 8w4d
BFP # 4 - 07/27/13 EDD 04/08/14 - CP 07/29/13
BFP # 5 - 09/14/13 EDD 05/28/14, DS2 born on 5/22/14
Current plan is for DH to be with me at the hospital from check in through delivery and a little bit to bond. Then he'll go pick dd up either from preschool or grandparents, and everybody will meet baby. DD will go back to our house with grandparents, DH will stay for a bit, then be home to put her to bed. Possibly come back to the hospital leaving grandparents in charge, but he'll sleep at home. Day 2 in the morning he'll take her to school (conveniently a big filed trip day), and come be with me. If I get discharged that day, ILs will pick dd up & bring her home, we'll meet her here.
Hmm, this is all good to know! It sounds like I'm not being totally nuts by wanting DH to be home with DS. Initially I had thought of having DH try to be home with DS at night time to keep DS's routine as normal as possible, and then I thought I needed to "cut the cord" so to speak and let someone else be with DS overnight for once (I have never been away from him overnight, and DH has a couple of times but I was always home instead so it didn't matter). So then I figured I would have DH with me most of the time and my parents with DS. But now I realize that with my parents having their limitations (don't worry, it's not like terminal illnesses or anything, just a lot of things that are physically inhibiting them from doing things like lifting, driving, etc.) maybe I really don't want DH with me too much at all.
I wish we had a better alternate option. DH's parents are out of state and also I hate them so even though I know they would come up, they will be alone with my child under no circumstances. (I know it sounds awful but it's true). Then my sister is completely unreliable and very self-centered...she's the type who I would be in labor and be like OK we need you to watch DS now through two days from now and she'd be like, well, I have dinner plans with friends tonight, so can you find someone to watch him for me tonight? And then our friends who I trust with DS also have very young children at home and I would not impose on them another child for 2 days. So it's basically either my parents or DH. The more I think about it the more inclined I am to send DH home for the evening and then just have him and DS pop by the next day and come get me on discharge day and call it a day.
BFP #1 6/28/11 ~ EDD 3/7/12 ~ m/c 7/15/11 at 6w2d
BFP #2 8/29/11 ~ EDD 5/12/12. 4/25/12: Our take home baby is here!
BFP #3 8/27/13 ~ EDD 5/11/14. 4/27/14: Our second take home baby is here!
BFP #1 6/28/11 ~ EDD 3/7/12 ~ m/c 7/15/11 at 6w2d
BFP #2 8/29/11 ~ EDD 5/12/12. 4/25/12: Our take home baby is here!
BFP #3 8/27/13 ~ EDD 5/11/14. 4/27/14: Our second take home baby is here!
little chkn born 06/30/11
baby chkn born 04/22/14
05/13 07/13
BFP 3.8.16 EDD 11.20.16
BFP #2 February 2009 | m/c March 2009 | 4 weeks 3 days
BFP #7 10/15 | DS born 6/4/16 @ 36 weeks
BFP #8 9/28/17 AHHH!!! | EDD 6/6/18
All are welcome!