- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
July 2013 Moms
Riding the roller coaster (loooong)
Oooohkay.... I'm sorry to use you ladies as my therapist, but I need to talk this out with someone other than my husband (who is great and supportive and amazing, but biased).
So last week I requested a six month unpaid leave of absence following the conclusion if my mat leave. Very legal, written into our union agreement, etc. I still haven't heard back from my supervisor. Admittedly he's a bit of an old school engineer, so has to follow everything step by step from A to ZZ. Seriously, it could have taken an hour to think about and write the letter.
So amidst all the elation and excitement of perhaps doing something that could make me happy is the fear that I might have to go back to work at the end of May. And I really don't think my psyche could handle that.
I started typing out the whole story, but it's so long and convoluted that you would lose interest.
Long story short, last time I went back to work in this position I became suicidally depressed. My career was destroyed in 2010/2011 when I was pregnant with M, and I will have to go back to the same make work we-created-this-job-so-we-could-hire-your-husband technical position.
I've been out of the engineering game so long, and all over the place in the past decade that I'm only really qualified to work in project management or asset management; I could never sign and seal anything (in fact, I've never used my stamp).
I feel like the position I'm in is below my talent and poorly-suited to me (it's really a bureaucratic desk job and I'm more of an in the field engineer), but I can't seem to find other work because my resume looks like shit because of two extended mat leaves and being a 'technician' for the past four years.
I'm really scared. I'm scared I will have to go back to work there. I'm scared it will ruin me.
This is bringing up so many bad feelings for me. I'm afraid that bad news could do something bad to me.
I'm so desperate to get out, and yet I have all these emotions about how I used to have a successful career and had so much fun at my job (before I took the voluntary demotion).
I've got the sadz today.
Not much more than just trying to talk it out here. I just need to brain dump I think.
So last week I requested a six month unpaid leave of absence following the conclusion if my mat leave. Very legal, written into our union agreement, etc. I still haven't heard back from my supervisor. Admittedly he's a bit of an old school engineer, so has to follow everything step by step from A to ZZ. Seriously, it could have taken an hour to think about and write the letter.
So amidst all the elation and excitement of perhaps doing something that could make me happy is the fear that I might have to go back to work at the end of May. And I really don't think my psyche could handle that.
I started typing out the whole story, but it's so long and convoluted that you would lose interest.
Long story short, last time I went back to work in this position I became suicidally depressed. My career was destroyed in 2010/2011 when I was pregnant with M, and I will have to go back to the same make work we-created-this-job-so-we-could-hire-your-husband technical position.
I've been out of the engineering game so long, and all over the place in the past decade that I'm only really qualified to work in project management or asset management; I could never sign and seal anything (in fact, I've never used my stamp).
I feel like the position I'm in is below my talent and poorly-suited to me (it's really a bureaucratic desk job and I'm more of an in the field engineer), but I can't seem to find other work because my resume looks like shit because of two extended mat leaves and being a 'technician' for the past four years.
I'm really scared. I'm scared I will have to go back to work there. I'm scared it will ruin me.
This is bringing up so many bad feelings for me. I'm afraid that bad news could do something bad to me.
I'm so desperate to get out, and yet I have all these emotions about how I used to have a successful career and had so much fun at my job (before I took the voluntary demotion).
I've got the sadz today.
Not much more than just trying to talk it out here. I just need to brain dump I think.
Monster Truck (It's a GIRL!) is due 19/02/2015!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Riding the roller coaster (loooong)
DS born at 34 weeks with (surprise!) gastroschisis turned short bowel syndrome.
131 days in the NICU, 7 trips to the OR, G-button, daily TPN....
I lost my angels 07/2010, 04/2017, 10/2017
Meimsx no more
L: 7/12/13
C: 5/11/15
E: 3/7/17
Due 11/10/18
Baby boy 7.10.13
Sometimes it's just not worth it to go back....did you get maternity top up? Do you have to go back for a certain period?
Karen - 36 DH - 39
Definitely this!
I'm so sorry your job makes you feel this way. Your happiness and mental health is worth more than any job.
If my leave doesn't come through I will have to look into bank financing and maybe just outright quit.
I would love to go into private sector work. Since we're both in the same workplace, we get all our extended benefits through my H anyway. I'd just be missing the pension which I could make up with RRSPs.
I may look into a masters program as well. It could be worth my while to investigate other options. Although the thought of accruing more student debt after I just finished paying off my loans is a little saddening. :P
Thank you all for your support. I don't have many people I can talk this through with. I've rehashed it over and over (in tears mostly) with my husband. I'm sure he's tired of hearing it, and feels more than a little guilty because I sacrificed my career to advance his.
Not many of my female friends and family can commiserate with my position and the loss of a long-term career can seem pretty silly to worry over to some. But for me it's more like I've lost my identity and I don't know who I am anymore...
Monster Truck (It's a GIRL!) is due 19/02/2015!