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One & Done: Only child
ambmama
member
Intro - maybe?
ambmama
member
Hi everyone. We have a DS who is almost 15 months old. We just had a m/c a few weeks ago (edd was Oct). There isn't anything wrong physically, but the experience has us talking. We have a perfect baby boy - he's really the funniest, happiest boy and I feel so lucky. I have to admit, though, I was excited about #2 and the thought of DS being an older brother. Now that it's just DS, DH has told me multiple times he doesn't think we should have another. We have the money and space, but 2 kids would make it tighter while we can do whatever we want for DS if it's just him. I'm struggling - part of me is thinking I agree with DH, I would love to be able to provide DS with whatever we want and have no worries. Another part of me feels guilty because I know he'd be a great big brother. Also, I don't want to deprive him of that close sibling relationship. I would also feel guilty making DS share us! Anyone have older children and are still confident in their one and done decision? Sorry if this isn't the right board - I just wasn't sure where to turn!
BFP #1: 05/2012 DS born 12/30/12
BFP #2: 02/2014 Natural M/C 03/2014 @ 7 weeks
BFP #3: 06/2014 EDD: 02/17/2015 M/C @ 7w2d, D&E 7/15/14
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Intro - maybe?
@lildis09 I don't think we will make a definite decision soon. But I do feel the longer we wait, the more DH will feel strongly about being oad. I'm definitely going to give myself a little time, though.
BFP #1: 05/2012 DS born 12/30/12
BFP #2: 02/2014 Natural M/C 03/2014 @ 7 weeks
BFP #3: 06/2014 EDD: 02/17/2015 M/C @ 7w2d, D&E 7/15/14
So sorry for your loss. That is tough and definitely take some time before thinking you need to decide.
My son is 8, going on 9 and we do not regret having an only child. He is a beautiful boy and very sweet. He has many close friends. We were not one and done by choice and that was something we did need to come to terms with over time but it has had so many positives I cannot count. Main ones are:
- More time and money to devote to DS
- We were able to devote more time to our careers and furthering our education which also resulted in higher incomes
- More opportunity for travel (both cost and logistics)
- More time for each other and ourselves individually
- Being able to save for college for him
- Most recently DS has been struggling with anxiety issues and I am so grateful I can give him 100% of my time and energy in helping him with this. Just the time to talk and help at home, the time to research and take him to counseling, etc. I think this is the most sure I have ever been about being OAD and I literally feel it in my heart thinking about if I was not able to do this for him
Also DS has never asked for a sibling or wished he had a sibling. I think it you have another you need to do it for yourself, not as thinking you need to do this for him. So I wouldn't look it as deprivation, he could only really be deprived if he had a sense of having a sibling and then it was taken away.