Help smoothing over a terrible, terrible mishap at work yesterday (long)

sweetsunnyc · March 2014

Hi All-

The mishap actually occurred with MH, but I was hoping to get some feedback on how he can talk with his supervisor about this-

MH is self employed and he teaches as adjunct faculty at a technical college on tues and thurs. The school that he teaches at is about an hour away from home, so we have set up home daycare for our 1 year old DD with a lady that lives close to the school. We have been using her for several semesters (always on Tuesdays). MH drops her off about 30 minutes before class starts and picks her up afterwards. Anyways, he gets to the daycare yesterday and no one is there. He waits and calls and texts....the lady is simply not there. Of course he calls me panicking and there is literally nothing that we can do to get care for DD in 20 minutes before the class starts (I work almost an hour and a half from where he was at, so it would have done no good for me to get there) He called his supervisor at the school and no answer, so he just went to class, with a baby in tow, to explain to his students what had happened. As you can imagine, his adult students were not impressed that he shows up with a baby- plus this is only the second course for this semester, so the students don't know MH yet. He waited for everyone to get there, did a brief lecture and then ended class early. At this point, he had still not heard from his supervisor. Of course, he is deeply embarrassed , aware of how unprofessional it looked and is fearful that he will not be hired back for another term. When he got home yesterday, there was an em ail from his supervisor saying that she was aware that he had brought his DD to school and it was against policy (duh) It was very terse as she was clearly upset. MH responded letting her know what had happened and he did what he thought was best in such a mess of a situation rather than just no showing up at all. She did respond after that saying don't let it happen again, but her email had a much softer tone.

DH will see her tomorrow as well as his students- what/how/WWYD to smooth the situation over with everyone. Obviously he has apologized, but any suggestions as to what he can say or do to maintain respect and professionalism with his students and his supervisor? MH loves teaching and we really count on the extra income. It would be such a blow to MH's ego and our financial situation if he were not to get hired on for additional terms.

Thank you for reading through this long, long email and TIA for any advice.

* Oh- daycare provider has been fired, She didn't realize that she was supposed to watch DD (even though we had confirmed the night before and she has been watching her at the same day/time for 6 months) She picked up a shift at her other job.

chloebeth930 · March 2014

IMO I don't feel like your DH did anything wrong. He had care set up in place, it fell through last minute, his supervisor was unreachable, so he made the best of a situation.

If I were in his shoes I would ask the supervior what she would prefer to have done in that situation. I would also come with a plan of how you both will deal with that situation if it arrises again.

As for his students, he already apologized to them. There really isn't anything else he needs to do in that situation. Maybe offer to have some extra office hours that week incase anyone felt short changed by his brief lecture and has questions?

-sorry for the spelling.. I can't find the spell check to save my life.

jesuisfatiguee · March 2014

Explain to everyone that there was child care set up, but it fel through. I would also make a point to mention that the DCP was fired, and new care has been set up. That's all that really needs to be said.

The supervisor was unreachable, and that also needs to be addressed. I agree with PP that asking her how she would have preferred he handle the situation is a good idea.

Virgo17 · March 2014

I agree with asking his supervisor how she would have preferred he handle the situation. I think he made the best of it, considering the only other alternative would have been not showing up at all. I would have him make a point about the fact that the current babysitter has been fired.

It may not be a popular opinion but to be honest, if something like this happens again, I would fake being sick or having car troubles. I would be afraid to have to admit to this happening twice.

djm31012 · March 2014

Its so ridiculous that an issue was made of this. It was an unfortunate situation and he did what he needed to do. I work in a very professional atmosphere...during all of the snow storms there were multiple occassions where nannies were running late and people had to bring their kids to work for a few hours. no one thought anything of it. it happens...part of being a working parent. I feel bad for him. i think he has said his piece..it obviously wont happen again....nothing else needs to be said/done..

MommyAtty · March 2014

I would say the best way to handle is to let it go. Likely your husband is the only one still thinking about it. Maybe reiterate a quick apology to his boss, but don't dwell on it. Just say it was a terrible situation, he was very embarrassed, there is a new DC provider, and just as it has never happened before he expects it will never happen again. But seriously, what was he supposed to do? Leave his baby unattended at a rest stop while he taught his class? Hope there was a homeless person who would watch her for an hour or so? Shit happens. As supervisors, we have to understand that.

emberlee3 · March 2014

Yeah, I think he handled it appropriately. Since it is unlikely to happen again, I don't think there's anything else he needs to do.

snicksnack · March 2014

I think he did everything right and I don't think his students would have cared all that much. I had a grad school teacher bring her DD once we loved seeing her she was a first time teacher and I went to Johns Hopkins so we were paying a lot per class. He may want to advertise at career services he may be able to find a student willing to watch your child on campus or near campus. I had friends that nannied while in school. He was in a bad situation I am sure his boss would not be happy if he did not show, which happened several times when I was in school too.

ss265 · March 2014

Agree with PP. I don't know how much he told his supervisor in the first communication but he needs to reiterate the following points.

- He set up care ahead of time and confirmed it multiple times but DC provider was simply not there when he showed up

- You work far away so you couldn't help him out and he literally had to decide between showing up to class with baby in tow or not showing up at all

- He has since fired DC provider and you and he have agreed on XXX plan if this happens again (assuming the last part is true)

As long as it's a one time occurrence, I'm sure it wouldn't affect his future prospects with the university.

laurakaz13 · March 2014

He apologized to his students once. That is good enough. It is likely they truly don't care.

He needs to ask his supervisor how she would have preferred he handle the situation, and assure it won't happen again.

sweetsunnyc · March 2014

Thank you everyone for the thoughtful responses-

I agree that the students and his supervisor are likely over it by now, but it's still a huge deal to him. I think that his pride is hurt more than anything.

The daycare provider that we were using was the adult daughter of a close friend and we had thought her to be reliable. She was also more affordable that placing DD in daycare. We did let her know that we will not be using her anymore and we are just going to be placing DD in the daycare center by our house on the days the MH teaches. Regardless of the cost, it will just be a stress free solution.

jc&cat · March 2014

I agree with all of the above. Crap happens and I really think he made the absolute best of the situation. As I was reading your post, my anxiety was rising so I can't even imagine the panic as you guys worked this out in real time!

VOR · March 2014

mrsdelcastillo said:

but it's still a huge deal to him.

But he needs to NOT make it a bigger deal to his supervisor and students. Seriously. Over apologizing/ over explaining is just going to make it MORE of an issue.

I do agree that he needs to talk to his supervisor and ask what she would like for him to do in the future IF this were ever to happen again, but clearly tell her that you've fired the sitter.

Past that, I'd let it go. I actually REALLY don't believe that his students were all that upset. I think that's HIM projecting/overreacting. Maybe a couple were a little "huh?" about it, but really... I doubt that most of them were really all that put out by this.

And why is his pride hurt? This is a working parent issue that other parents have had to deal with! He's not alone. It's not about him being a bad teacher OR a bad parent. He was stuck in a crappy situation because of a sitter who bailed on you. But it's not unique.

ASmallWonder · March 2014

I'm in the same boat as everyone else. Emergencies happen even if you have the absolute most air tight arrangements in place. He explained what happened, you're getting new care but like others have said, he needs to have an agreement with his supervisor on how to handle any future emergencies. This time it was the daycare but what if he had gotten into an accident or your daughter came down sick at the last minute or....there are a million things that could happen because, life.

Jenny952 · March 2014

If he really wants to address it with his students, the best thing is humor. Say that she was totally bored after lecture and fell asleep promptly when he got home or something. I like the idea of providing extra office hours this week. Good advice on dealing with his supervisor. Then let it go and move on.

SunAndRain · March 2014

I think your dh is being way too sensitive about this. He needs to stop prolonging the incident, stop obsessing over what the students think, and grow thicker skin over his bosses reaction.

His best course of action is to move on and continue to do the best job possible and remain professional. In time this will be forgotten if not forgiven.

VOR · March 2014

I'm also going to say - to call this a "terrible, terrible mishap"... I don't know that you're helping your DH calm down about this. It's a "mishap". It's not terrible, terrible. When I read the title of this post, I expected to read something about how he yelled a string of obscenities at his boss, or .... who knows what. I really didn't expect to read "got screwed by the sitter and had to bring his baby to work".

dashofreality · March 2014

VOR said:

mrsdelcastillo said:

but it's still a huge deal to him.
But he needs to NOT make it a bigger deal to his supervisor and students. Seriously. Over apologizing/ over explaining is just going to make it MORE of an issue.

I do agree that he needs to talk to his supervisor and ask what she would like for him to do in the future IF this were ever to happen again, but clearly tell her that you've fired the sitter.

Past that, I'd let it go. I actually REALLY don't believe that his students were all that upset. I think that's HIM projecting/overreacting. Maybe a couple were a little "huh?" about it, but really... I doubt that most of them were really all that put out by this.

And why is his pride hurt? This is a working parent issue that other parents have had to deal with! He's not alone. It's not about him being a bad teacher OR a bad parent. He was stuck in a crappy situation because of a sitter who bailed on you. But it's not unique.

This and what PPs said. I totally have the Frozen 'Let It Go' song in my head now.

sweetsunnyc · March 2014

VOR said:

I'm also going to say - to call this a "terrible, terrible mishap"... I don't know that you're helping your DH calm down about this. It's a "mishap". It's not terrible, terrible. When I read the title of this post, I expected to read something about how he yelled a string of obscenities at his boss, or .... who knows what. I really didn't expect to read "got screwed by the sitter and had to bring his baby to work".

I agree. Terrible, terrible was probably not the best- can you tell that I have a tendency to over-react?

I do appreciate all of the responses.

groovygrl · March 2014

Having worked in academics for quite some time and having had various random or embarrassing things happen' I will say that while at the time I was mortified or concerned about them, after a couple of days it all began to look much less "terrible". I would always read way more into what my idea of student impressions was that the actual reality. I agree he should drop it...next class he could say sorry again about last week and be done with it. Depending on his student population (gender, age, parents vs not etc) a lot of them probably totally understand and realize it was not a big deal. Also in academics some instructors will just cancel class on a whim or for convenience etc so it even shows his commitment in some ways...in the future if his school is open to online options, he should come up with backup plans to conduct class online or offer an alternate activity online if it works for what he teaches, that is usually what I did when something I couldn't work out would come up like your husbands situation. Also I had a guest speaker come to class with and 18 mo old once...it was not a big deal. Also his supervisor probably felt the need to be clear that it wasn't appropriate so that he couldn't possibly interpret her reaction as saying it was ok to just bring your kid to class, but in email those things always come across more stern that the intended feeling, because of the need to be direct and clear, in my experience.

lollipoppoop · March 2014

I don't think he did anything wrong. I would have done the same thing. What else was he supposed to do?

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