Older preemies (2+)

Missa_g · March 2014

Do birthdays get easier for you? I thought after their first birthday I would be fine but I'm really struggling this year. I have been having nightmares of the alarms going off and a few intrusive flashbacks. I wasn't expecting this to be so hard this year!

JoJoGee · March 2014

I find her birthday's pretty easy actually. I always commemorate the date by compiling all of Lily's pictures over the last year, and setting it all to music. I think that helps me acknowledge both the struggles and triumphs we've experienced.

The hardest time of year for me is the anniversary of her EDD. It could be because that was when she was supposed to be born. Or, it could be that she received her trach on that day - something we had worked so hard to avoid. But, late March, early April continues to be a hard time of year for me. Though, this year does seems to be a bit better than last year. I haven't had multiple mental break downs, but I do wonder if I'll ever enjoy my birthday again (DD's EDD was 5 days after my B-day).

Pips09 · March 2014

Yes, I think so. I really only had trouble at her first birthday. For her second, and now a few months out from her third, and I'm excited to celebrate it.

thishappyhouse · March 2014

I think everyone is probably quite different. Her 2nd birthday wasn't as hard as the first for me, but I still found it difficult.

For me the best way to cope has been finding some way to give back each year as a way of celebrating her birthday. We have brought donations of books to the NICU for her 1st birthday and hosted a dinner for current NICU parents around her 2nd birthday.

Hugs mama! Do what ever you need to do to get through and seek support where you need it. Preemie parenting is tough!

punky917 · March 2014

I have a 5 year old (almost 6) who was a former 26 weeker and it definitely does get easier. I remember at his first birthday that I was so stressed out the whole time about him getting sick from so many touching him. That was only the 2nd time that he had really been around a lot of people (We went to a wedding a month before). I greeted everyone with hand sanitizer when they walked in the door. He has a summer birthday so I really look forward to planning his party now!

Wally3 · March 2014

My ds is now 5 and it is much easier. I rarely think of the fact he was a premie. There is so much other things in his life and he is excited for his birthday and the planning that it is much easier to focus on him and his excitement.

Missa_g · March 2014

BostonKisses2 said:
2 was easier, but 3 was hard, at least leading up to it. There were a lot of other emotions in play, not necessarily NICU emotions, if that makes sense. Everything just came together for a perfect storm of emotions. I do think, however, that in time it does get better.

I think you just hit the nail on the head for me. I hadn't thought about it but I'm really grieving our last loss and have all the fears of TTC again. I'm sure that's amplifying the preemie/NICU emotions this year. Thank you for that insight @BostonKisses2

DrRx · March 2014

2 was easier for me than 1 for my 26weeker, but for me it wasn't as emotional. It was nice going back through all the pics and seeing how far she has come. However, I do think about the different milestones that she reached in the NICU during these spring months. May is when her EDD was, and that's when we'll be having another UnBirthday Party for her, like we did last year. It's just a low-key family BBQ where she will get to eat another cupcake (which she doesn't object to at all).

KatFCo · March 2014

DD will be seven in June. Yes, the birthdays got easier for me. It's still hard sometimes, especially reading news stories about preemies and seeing the pictures that are so much like ours.

One thing I learned was to give myself time to remember. The night before her birthday (the anniversary of going into labor), I let myself remember. I give myself that night to remember and grieve; then I feel like I can truly celebrate the day.

I've found it's possible to let myself feel it all, but not to be overwhelmed by it.

LnR70707 · March 2014

Birthdays haven't been that tough for me, but I was pregnant and high risk again for his 2nd birthday so I was more focused on not sending myself into PTL again. Even though I was at a different gestational point with DD, making it past the day I was admitted with DS was big for me (2 days before he was born).

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