Daycare situation that I am overanalyzing

MommaP12 · March 2014

We are moving in May and DS starts Kindergarten in Fall. Both kids will continue at camp at our current daycare, then DS goes to Kindergarten and I have to find something for DD who is 2 on Sept. 1.

The area we are moving to doesn't have a lot of daycare options. I think it's more of a "nanny neighborhood" But since we only need care for DD, I've been looking for centers there. DH works from home since he owns his own business and will take the kids to/from school and daycare.

The one option I found does daycare along the school year only, meaning DD would go Sept-June and then have to do something else in summer like camp which is what we'll do for DS.

Since DD is younger, I'm not thrilled at having her go one place for 9 months then another for 3 months, then back to the original place for 9, etc. until she starts kindergarten.

So, my other option is to have MIL watch her. Now, I'm not opposed to this at all, but I want her to have interaction and learn things and not just be inside with Grandma every day. I could have MIL watch her the next 2 years (I'd pay her) and maybe take her to a mom/tot class during those years and then enroll her in some sort of Pre K when she is 4?

WWWM do? The daycare with the summer camp or just have MIL watch her? Thanks for helping me overanalyze!

mae0111 · March 2014

I think your MIL sounds great, if you're comfortable with it. We've always had a nanny, and she has activities planned every single day. We did music classes, gymnastics, swimming lessons, dance class, story time, the park, play dates, and special outings like the aquarium or children's museum every now and then.

My only concern for you would be back-up care when your MIL is sick, has an appointment, etc. That is really tough with a nanny.

Good luck!

Cooper81 · March 2014

Why not do DC during the school year and have MIL cover the summers while she is younger? Kids are pretty adaptable and usually transition better than us adults think they will. It gives her the best of both worlds, a structured/social environment for 9 months of the year, and some bonding time with grandma for the other 3.

jlaOK · March 2014

I'm leaning towards the school year based daycare. I don't think the 9month/3month rotation will be too bad especially since she be with big brother. I like it because during the summer months your DH would only have to do 1 drop off/pickup. Then again, what will DS do before/after school and on school holidays? If MIL is helping during those times then it might be easier to use her full time with DD. Neither option is bad.

jf198400 · March 2014

Would MIL be home with DD while your DH is trying to work there? That might be difficult. Personally I like daycare, I would go with daycare/camp. Unless you are going to need mil to watch your older kid after school.

skibunny59 · March 2014

Honestly, I would go for MIL. I know a lot of people on here don't like using grandma as daycare but for us it has worked out very well. DD just turned 2 and has been with my mom 4 days a week and with MIL 1 day a week since she was 6 months old.

My mom does TONS of stuff with her and they are not just inside doing nothing all day. My mom sings with her, does arts and crafts, reads, does puzzles, etc. My mom also takes her to the library twice a week and takes advantage of all of the free programs the library has to offer. She also brings DD with her on errands and stuff. And they play outside almost everyday and go to the park. MIL is more of a homebody and doesn't do as much with DD but she's only there once a week.

I don't agree that babies or toddlers NEED to be in a daycare setting in order to learn things. Babies and toddlers are learning all the time just by experiencing the world around them. Another thing you have to think about is that years ago, most moms didn't work and kids just stayed home with their parents until they went to pre-k or kindergarten. (DH was one of them and his mom wasn't even the type of mom that planned activities with her kids or took them places)

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with daycare but I think if you have the option of a family member watching them, why not. I'm not in any hurry to put DD in daycare just so that she can be in a "school" type setting. I figure I'll just wait until pre-k.

traveltheworld · March 2014

I think it depends on what your MIL is like - is she active and willing to take DD to different activities? DS spends 3 days a week with my parents and they take him to different classes every day. My mom also spends a great deal of time reading with him and do lots of arts and crafts, so I'm comfortable with that arrangement.

I also like the other poster's suggestion about finding a half-day pre-school program. If your area is very nanny-based, I'd think there would be lots of programs like that. I know that in our area, there are tons of 1 - 2 hour classes and half-day pre-schools.

litzo27 · March 2014

Given the variety of answers above I think it's fair to say there is no right or wrong answer. Both of your options sound pretty good

My answer would depend on a couple of things
- How happy are you with MIL watching? Why hasn't she been watching your kids so far? If you're just OK with her watching then I would pick daycare - too much potential for issues. But if you (and she) are really excited about this arrangement then go for it.
- What is DS's arrangement for after-school care
- Will the summer camp even be an option for a 2 year old

ccam · March 2014

Have you looked into in-home daycares or even a nanny share? Or centers out of your neighborhood?

I personally would never be able to use my MIL full time. She's not active and I don't think she could physically handle DS full time. But it doesn't sound like that is the case for you. I would lean towards using the daycare during the school year and then your MIL over the summer.

My DS is right around your DD's age and he goes to daycare 3 days a week and my SIL's 2 days a week and does just fine with the transition. And that is every week. I think switching for the summer would be no big deal.

cecilyandgautam · March 2014

Another vote for daycare during the school year with grandma care in the summers, paired with some summer activities like swim class, dance class, and a week of camp here & there as your budget allows. If you can afford to have grandma watch her with 1-2 weekly activities + free story time at the library, I'm sure you could commit your MIL to getting DD out of the house at least once a day. If the area you're moving to has a little playground, that's another freebie. My kid loves to kick a soccer ball around in the tennis courts and in the middle of the work day, we're not competing with anyone for that space.

MommaP12 · March 2014

Thanks for all the great input ladies, I hadn't thought about the days the DS has off from school and such.

To give a little more info, I am perfectly happy to have MIL watch the kids. She watched DS until he was 3, and then we switched to the center because my DH wasn't working near their home anymore and I also didn't want her to work so hard watching a 3.5 year old and newborn. She was great watching DS alone from 0-3: She took him to the park, did activities, took him to a mom and me class once a week. So no worries there.

DH has an office with a door in our new house. So, I'm thinking if we did go the MIL route, she could come over every day and watch DD while DH is there working in his office. We'll be living about 10 miles away. They will likely be upstairs while DH is downstairs also since our family room and the kids rooms are upstairs and they will also be in the yard, at a play type class I would sign her up for etc. I like the fact that DS could just be home with them the days that he is off from school too.

I see all points of view and I didn't do anything daycare wise/preschool wise myself either until Kindergarten. I just stayed home with mom and I turned out fine. However, I think the kids are used to, and I like, having a more active environment. But to your points, I'm lucky that I can't really go wrong either way, I'm just having a tough time deciding.

glaw · March 2014

If you have a good relationship with MIL and trust her to listen to you re childcare then to me it's a no brainer. But I'm also that person that wishes/prefers my mom or MIL could have watched my kids. Our nanny is great so it works out but family is smthg else - in my opinion.

My DD and nanny are never home they spend most of the morning at the park. There's also story time and I'll be enrolling her in a music class soon for my nanny to take her. I make extra efforts to take her to Gymboree and swim classes after work and on weekends. We also have plenty if educational toys and books at home for nanny and DD. So I definitely don't think she would miss out if you don't do daycare and go straight to preschool when she's older.

Plus all of the activities my nanny does with her are walkable. If you trust your MIL to drive your kid then you have even more options for things to do. Sounds like a great plan to me.

djm31012 · March 2014

Both options sound like they would work. If you have a great relationship with your MIL and trust her whole heartedly...I would probably say go with that option. I dont have that with my MIL but if my mom could watch DS full time i would def do that.

DiveFrog · March 2014

We just went through a similar decision with DD (who will be 2 in May). My parents have watched her since she was 4months. Around 19months I could see that she needed more stimulation/interaction then with JUST my parents everyday. We enrolled her in a parent/tot dance class and a Kindermusik class in January. It has been a great experience. My Dad and Mom take her to the classes and she is learning a lot about listening/following directions/sitting in a circle, plus getting a chance to interact with other kids for a few hours a week.

Anyway, since this has gone so well, DH & I had to make a decision as to whether we continue this routine until fall of 2015 when she could start an actual preschool program, or whether we put her into some type of program this fall at almost 2.5. Most of the Montessori programs in our area will accept kids under 3.

I asked for advice from my Aunt and close friend, both elementary teachers, and both said that it would be more than fine to wait and just keep up with the parent/tot classes and outings to the park and library, that my parents do with her. This is obviously the better financial option for us as well, since my parents refuse payment (we mostly repay them with our time when they need help at either of their houses etc.) So, at this point this is our plan, to just stay the course until fall of 2015 when DD will start a preschool program.

Daycare situation that I am overanalyzing

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