Hello! New to the Bump here. My Fiancee and I are getting married this November and we'll begin TTC around this time next year. We've thought a lot about how we were going to conceive however, since I'm 36 we didn't want to take too much time ( if we don't take the 1st time) trying because of the large cost. Instead, we're considering her stepbrother. Now, she has 3 biological brothers but they have a different mother and they've all had either addiction issues or anger issues thus the stepbrother consideration. We also thought it would be nice to have one of our children have an actual biological tie to her stepmother, who has been a 2nd mother to her since she was 5. Has anyone out there done this? How did he feel about being a donor? Was it strange? What did you call him? (Uncle, etc) Did you decide that someday the child could know about him being the donor if they asked? We're leaning pretty heavily on doing this but I'd like more insight. Thanks!
We didn't use a known donor; however, if we had, we probably would have wanted him to have an "uncle" relationship to our kid(s). I personally cannot imagine the child not always knowing who the sperm donor was, so for me it wouldn't have been a matter of someday telling the child or waiting for them to ask. That said, there are different ways to approach that.
Good luck!
****loss discussed*****
We're queer. I'm 33, have severe stage 4 endo, and had both fallopian tubes removed. My love ("Manada" on the boards, 32) was diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve. We did Partner IVF (my eggs, her uterus). We lost our twins Tavin and Casey at 21 weeks gestation.
Our IUIs with @Manada: IUI# 1-7 (December 2012- September 2013) all BFN. Tried natural, femara, clomid, puregon/follistim, clomid and menopur combo, both the ovidrel and HCG triggers.
Our IVFs: IVF #1 my eggs November/December 2013: Cancelled IVF due to poor response
IVF #2 my eggs/Manada's uterus January/February 2014 BCPs and lupron overlap Stimmed: 1/22-2/2: Bravelle and Menopur (dosage ranged from B300 and M150 to B375 and M150 to B300 and M225) 2/4 retrieved 10 eggs. Endo was much worse than expected. Only 3 eggs fertilized; February 7 transferred two day 3 embryos, froze one. All great condition. BFP eve of 6dp3dt; Beta 1 (11dp3dt): 110; Beta 2 (13dp3dt): 175; Beta 3 (15dp3dt): 348; Beta 4 (19dp3dt): 2222; Beta 5 (21dp3dt): 4255 1st ultrasound (3/6 6w 1d): TWINS!!!! Twin A measuring 6w1d with a heartbeat of 118bpm. Twin B measuring 6w0d with a heartbeat of 113bpm.
***July 18, 2014 we lost our beautiful babies at 21 weeks gestation. They were born too early. Tavin Sara T. and Casey Elizabeth T. are beautiful and precious and we will love them and miss them forever.***
FET #1 December 2014
Intralipid infusion on Dec 10. Transfer of 1 day 3 nine-cell embryo into my uterus on Dec. 19. (acupuncture immediately before and after)
BFP on Dec. 27; Beta 1 Jan 2 (14dp3dt): 665, Beta 2 Jan 4 (16dp3dt): 1859, Beta 3 Jan 6 (18dp3dt): 4449, Beta 4 Jan 10 (22dp3dt): 12,251.
We used a KD, a friend not a relative. But it worked out really well for us thus far. We will have 2 children with this Donor, and our friends (a lesbian couple) are also currently 31 weeks pregnant by this same donor.
We are choosing to have a distant uncle relationship with him. Our kids will know him, and eventually know that he is their donor. He doesn't have any interest in "parenting" and we've signed legal documents so he doesn't have parental rights (or obligations). We see our donor a couple times a year or so, and are FB friends, etc.
We opted to pay him $100 per sample because of needing his time and commitment to our schedule, etc. We got pregnant on the first try with both kiddos (that's not our whole TTC journey, just the KD part). We did at home ICI (4 ICI's with Kaden, and 3 ICI's with this current pregnancy). We've had a few discussions on this board about how-to's etc. But I'm happy to expand on the topic if you don't find an old discussion thread right away.
Anyway, I've loved using a KD for various reasons, 1. I'm adopted and felt personally that I wanted our kiddos to have the option to know more about their genetic history if they chose too. 2. The cost. I became really stressed spending hundreds to thousands per month trying a different route, and after a m/c, my wife and I decided we needed to change course drastically and found ourselves trying with a KD the next cycle. 3. It's kind of cool to know our kiddos genetic ties. Strange - yes but so far we've been very happy.
We also used a KD, but not a relative. He is a friend. We also have legal documents, which is important no matter friend or family. Make sure to ask lots of questions, even if they are awkward.
T & G My wife and I married 9/10/11 in Niagara Falls, NY
HSG 12/12/12
#1 ICI 12/15/12 BFN on 12/29/12
#2 ICI 1/11/13 BFN 1/28/13
#3 ICI 2/11/13 BFN
#4 ICI August 2013, Clomid 100mg BFN on 8/30/13
#5 ICI September-Clomid 100, mg ICI 8/15 and 8/16, BFN on 9/3
#6 ICI October-Clomid 150 mg for 5 days BFN 10/27
uterine laparoscopy on 11/14-no endo or cysts
#7 IUI December-Clomid 150mg BFP 12/21
12/23 Beta 51 12/26 Beta 209!
First ultrasound on January 8th 2014-great healthy heartbeat
Second Ultrasound January 23 (8 weeks) we got to see and hear the heartbeat
Third Ultrasound Feb 4th(10 weeks), then will released to OBGYN'
It's a GIRL!
We welcomed Adalyn Cooper Elizabeth on 8/29/14
She was 7lbs 11oz and 19.6 inches long
Proud foster parents to two little girls ages 2.5 yrs old, M, and 1 year old, K
When we used sperm donation for Nova we used a KD. He's an old highschool friend of Helena's, but he wanted absolutely nothing to do with her, which is what we wanted too. We told Nova shortly after her seventh birthday about him, but she hasn't actually shown any interest in knowing anything about him (yet). We just refer to him by his first name, and they haven't met. We also used the same KD when we were using DS with TTC#3, but that didn't work out. We don't know our embryo donors.
However, we do know our Surrogate. She is my BIL's long-term girlfriend, and we see her at least once a month. Nova already calls her Aunty, since they have been together longer than we have had Nova, so I guess another baby would too.
Older children warning!
TTC #1 with XH January 1997 - May 1997 BFP TTC #1 May 1997 Mathilda Winifred "Tilde" born 3 February 1998
Moved in with DW November 2003 TTC #2 with DW (IUI with DS) (DW carrying) May 2005 - December 2005 TTC #2 with DW (IVF with DS) (DW carrying) January 2006 - May 2006 BFP TTC #2 May 2006 Nova Kathrine born 9 November 2006 Nova finally became legally mine 1 January 2009 Married DW 2 January 2009
TTC #3 with DW (Surrogacy with DS) February 2013 - January 2014 TTC #3 with DW (Surrogacy with DE) March 2014 - ????
We used my wife's biological brother as the donor, as I am the one carrying. We thought it would be cool for our child to be biologically related to everyone- even though we know that biology doesn't make a family
The first time was definitely awkward when he came to make the donation, but we quickly got over it. By the second month of trying he was stopping in to have dinner with us and work on homework (he's finishing a degree) before making his donation and leaving.
He will be an uncle to our kid- he's not interested in being a dad. However, we've all agreed that our child will grow up knowing that his/her uncle helped us to be a family.
Hi! My wife and I used my brother as our KD, and it was definitely the best route for us. Before we started anything, we talked with him about it in depth, got all the legal stuff signed, and made him get tested for a whole slew of things. Then we started with ICIs at home for half a year. When that didn't work, we sent him to a fertility clinic to bank some frozen stuff because it was too much of a hassle to fly him up to us on a minute's notice every month.
The main reason we decided to use him was because we wanted our kids to be part of both of us and i had a big problem with the whole not-knowing-where-they-came-from thing when the kids get older, but we also thought it would be cheaper and easier to use a known donor. We were wrong. In many ways, our fertility journey was much more complicated because of it. If the ICIs had worked, it would have been both easier and cheaper, but once we moved to a RE, there were A LOT more hoops to jump through than if we had just used frozen sperm. We actually considered telling them that my wife and brother were a couple to skip all the crap.
Now that the girls are here, it has been amazing. He has no desire to be a dad, but he is SO EXCITED to be the "cool" uncle. I think it has also helped my conservative family accept the girls as actual "family." I have a suspicion that if we had used a random donor, they would view them as my wife's kids and not mine. (They are still adjusting to the whole gay thing... 7 years after telling them.) We have been very open about the fact that he was our donor, and our girls will know as soon as they can understand.
I think the coolest part of it all is actually getting to see little mini people that are truly a mix of my wife and me. Genetics are cool!
Me: 31, Wife: 32 (met when we were 15)
Married to my beautiful wife/baby mama on 07/07/07
Re: Using Wife's Stepbrother sperm
We have a lot of folks one here who have used known donors, but I don't know if anyone has used a stepbrother.
In November, we had a guy post on the board about possibly donating sperm to his sister's wife. Here's the link to that discussion. It might be interesting for you:
https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12146886/donating-sperm-to-my-sister-s-wife
We didn't use a known donor; however, if we had, we probably would have wanted him to have an "uncle" relationship to our kid(s). I personally cannot imagine the child not always knowing who the sperm donor was, so for me it wouldn't have been a matter of someday telling the child or waiting for them to ask. That said, there are different ways to approach that.
Good luck!
We're queer. I'm 33, have severe stage 4 endo, and had both fallopian tubes removed. My love ("Manada" on the boards, 32) was diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve. We did Partner IVF (my eggs, her uterus). We lost our twins Tavin and Casey at 21 weeks gestation.
Our IUIs
with @Manada: IUI# 1-7 (December 2012- September 2013) all BFN. Tried natural, femara, clomid, puregon/follistim, clomid and menopur combo, both the ovidrel and HCG triggers.
Our IVFs:
IVF #1 my eggs November/December 2013: Cancelled IVF due to poor response
IVF #2 my eggs/Manada's uterus January/February 2014
BCPs and lupron overlap Stimmed: 1/22-2/2: Bravelle and Menopur (dosage ranged from B300 and M150 to B375 and M150 to B300 and M225)
2/4 retrieved 10 eggs. Endo was much worse than expected. Only 3 eggs fertilized; February 7 transferred two day 3 embryos, froze one. All great condition.
BFP eve of 6dp3dt; Beta 1 (11dp3dt): 110; Beta 2 (13dp3dt): 175; Beta 3 (15dp3dt): 348; Beta 4 (19dp3dt): 2222; Beta 5 (21dp3dt): 4255
1st ultrasound (3/6 6w 1d): TWINS!!!! Twin A measuring 6w1d with a heartbeat of 118bpm. Twin B measuring 6w0d with a heartbeat of 113bpm.
***July 18, 2014 we lost our beautiful babies at 21 weeks gestation. They were born too early. Tavin Sara T. and Casey Elizabeth T. are beautiful and precious and we will love them and miss them forever.***
FET #1 December 2014
We used a KD, a friend not a relative. But it worked out really well for us thus far. We will have 2 children with this Donor, and our friends (a lesbian couple) are also currently 31 weeks pregnant by this same donor.
We are choosing to have a distant uncle relationship with him. Our kids will know him, and eventually know that he is their donor. He doesn't have any interest in "parenting" and we've signed legal documents so he doesn't have parental rights (or obligations). We see our donor a couple times a year or so, and are FB friends, etc.
We opted to pay him $100 per sample because of needing his time and commitment to our schedule, etc. We got pregnant on the first try with both kiddos (that's not our whole TTC journey, just the KD part). We did at home ICI (4 ICI's with Kaden, and 3 ICI's with this current pregnancy). We've had a few discussions on this board about how-to's etc. But I'm happy to expand on the topic if you don't find an old discussion thread right away.
Anyway, I've loved using a KD for various reasons, 1. I'm adopted and felt personally that I wanted our kiddos to have the option to know more about their genetic history if they chose too. 2. The cost. I became really stressed spending hundreds to thousands per month trying a different route, and after a m/c, my wife and I decided we needed to change course drastically and found ourselves trying with a KD the next cycle. 3. It's kind of cool to know our kiddos genetic ties. Strange - yes but so far we've been very happy.
Good luck to you!
BFP TTC #1 May 1997
Mathilda Winifred "Tilde" born 3 February 1998
TTC #2 with DW (IUI with DS) (DW carrying) May 2005 - December 2005
TTC #2 with DW (IVF with DS) (DW carrying) January 2006 - May 2006
BFP TTC #2 May 2006
Nova Kathrine born 9 November 2006
Nova finally became legally mine 1 January 2009
Married DW 2 January 2009
TTC #3 with DW (Surrogacy with DE) March 2014 - ????