Does the worrying ever go away?

anniec85 · March 2014

Hi all,

I have been a lurker in this group for a little while now. I think mostly because I am so overwhelmed with fear that I might miscarry. I know that's no way to think and I need to stay positive and most days I do. Today, I'm just not feeling well though (very nauseous) and we're still two weeks away from our next sonogram, which will be at 12 weeks. Two weeks seems like forever to make sure all is ok.

This is my first baby. Any advice for new moms on overcoming the fear that something could go wrong? Does the worrying ever go away?

Sorry to vent. Just having a pity party during my lunch break and maybe needed some encouragement from others who are going through similar experiences.

MrMrsandBaby · March 2014

Mine went away after I delivered my daughter, it was then immediately replaced by 4560489443 other worries.

We can tell you not to worry but that is easier said than done. All I can suggest is to not let the worry override the excitement and joy of being pregnant.

jesslinnn · March 2014

First tri is especially hard. This is my third baby and I'm a big worrier in general but once I start feeling the baby move it helps a lot. Honestly though, the worrying never ends, after they're born you'll just worry about something else. Hang in there.

MissMandyD · March 2014

Things can always go wrong. You just have to try and enjoy the journey.

jellybean0110 · March 2014

I had a lot of anxiety throughout my entire first pregnancy because I know what seems like a lot of people IRL who have experienced losses at all stages of pregnancy. And like PP said there are a million other things you will worry about once baby is here. For me personally the anxiety got better once I had a baby in my arms but I know so many mothers who have anxiety over things like SIDS.

One of my all time favorite quotes is "fear is forgetting that everything is fine." It's something I tell myself all the time. And it's so true, we fear what we think could possibly happen in the future. But in reality right now, this moment everything is just fine. It brings me some peace and I hope it will you too

Also, it's a good sign that you are feeling sick. That means that most likely things are ok right now.

angeltennis3 · March 2014

I'm a FTM, too, and every day I am nervous something will go wrong and I will lose this baby. I have found that my husband is a really good crutch for me to lean on. I can sit down with him and express my fears and he gives me the courage I need to calm them.

As PP's have mentioned, we have to find ways to live and enjoy our lives every day and get past the worry.

anniec85 · March 2014

Thanks everyone! Your words are definitely helpful. I feel better already. I think it was just a rough morning. Pity party over!

My husband has definitely been good. He tends not to worry and is really good at encouraging me to think positively and stop worrying. Here's to more positive days!

JessAnnJ · March 2014

The short answer is no. I will say that for me the worrying about my daughter after she was born is worse. Most of the worrying we, or atleast I do during pregnancy, consists of worrying if the baby is okay. I can worry about that stuff all day and it will not change the outcome. During this pregnancy I feel like I am worrying less by remembering that. All the worrying does is make you feel stressed and unhappy.

Once your child is born you worry about those sorts of things that you have no control over, but you also have decisions to make that could have consequences. Those are the decisions that make worrying post pregnancy much worse for me. At that point there are so many things you can do differently that might affect your child in one way or another. I think worrying is just part of parenthood. I'm 33 and I know my parents still
worry about me at times.

jmw222 · March 2014

To me there is a difference between worrying and obsessing. You can have an occasional fear or thought, but you can't let it consume you. As long as you are doing your part to stay healthy, things will or won't happen. Don't miss out on such an amazing time because you are too afraid of what might happen. It's true that your new job is to worry about this little being, but you also have to enjoy and be present in this LO's life. If it becomes too much for you either now or when LO arrives, talk to your doctor.

LadybugTeach7 · March 2014

I was a lurker in October 2013 for a while. I can say I pretty much worried about any and everything during my pregnancy. I didn't get MS, barely had any symptoms, and didn't feel LO move much, so I was always wondering if things were ok. Now that DD is almost 6 months, I still worry about her. I'm a natural worry wart, but you're going to be a mama and mamas worry. I'm almost 30 and my mom still worries about me.

This time around I still worry, but I'm trying to just enjoy things and live in the moment. Worrying never does any good!

slsl509 · March 2014

Worrying is like rocking in a rocking chair - it gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere. I used to worry a lot about everything but I spent a long time training myself out of that.

kaniela17 · March 2014

theresat858 said:

amcclindon said:

This won't make you feel better...but the worrying you have once your LO comes into the world is so much worse. As cliche as it sounds, try to relax and enjoy the pregnancy. So many people told me that with my first and I wanted to punch them in the forehead...but it's true. I spent my whole pregnancy being miserable and I look back on that now and laugh. Being pregnant is the easy part. You got this momma.

Not true for everyone. Not true at all. I'd take a million newborn days over being pregnant. I just do what I have to do for another kid.

I agree with this too. I am not a fan of being pregnant. The "easy" part for me was the time before my son could crawl. I could just put him in his swing and I could do everything I needed to do.
To OP, the worry never goes away it just gets replaced with other things to worry about. All you can do I occupy your mind with positive happy things. And if you have difficulty sleeping, don't let anyone tell you that it'll be better after the baby's born...that's a big fat joke. Get pregnancy pillows or anything else you can to get as much sleep as possible cuz some newborns (mine anyway) didn't sleep much at night but slept all day. Took a few weeks for him to adjust to a day/night schedule.

JJsMum · March 2014

Like PP mentioned, the worrying never stops, it just changes as baby gets older. My mom is 57, and my grandma still worries about her. It's just part of being a parent!

That being said, to me there were always relief markers in pregnancy. The first is getting that first u/s, then getting out of first tri, feeling movement, 20 week u/s, viability date, and, yeah, taking a baby home. All of these markers are when I can feel a bit of the worry slipping away, even with baby #3.

LaDyBostonRN · March 2014

Just want to let you know you're not alone. The worry eats at me daily. Having an era on Monday, hoping for the best at the u/s. Hugs.

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