Have you/will you use a doula?

kmt104 · March 2014

I'm attempting a VBAC and really think a doula will help me achieve it. The one I found that I like the most lives at least an hour away. I'm just nervous I could be throwing away $ if 1. She gets there right at the end or 2. If I end up needing a she filed CS because I didn't go into labor on my own (dr won't induce VBAC). I understand these risks. Have you used a doula and was it worth it? I'm terrified of labor and delivery and feel she could help get me through it. Any thoughts?

squeenut · March 2014

I would make sure you have a great emotional connection with a doula. It needs to be a person who you trust to help you through the tough stuff. Having a great connections will help you be more successful. I didnt have one my first time, but I will be this time.

tacosandtums · March 2014

I just decided this past week to hire a doula to be present at the birth. I want to have a no-intervention birth and I feel that a doula is a strong support for that. Our hospital has an integrated doula program- the doulas work well with the OBs here and come HIGHLY recommended on many local birth boards I've read.

There's just one thing holding me up from being totally sold on it. There are 3 other main doulas that you can get "assigned" for your birth- it just depends on who's on call that day/night. I met with the doula coordinator ("head doula") the other day and loved her. I am sure she has a great team, but I wouldn't get to meet the doula assigned to my baby's birth until 37 weeks...So there's that.

Good luck with your decision, OP! I'm sure you will do what's best for your baby. GL with VBAC, too!!

JessAnnJ · March 2014

Since I will be unpaid for most of my maternity leave which is 2/3 of our household income I probably will not hire one, but I haven't heard anyone I know that has used one say they regret it. They can also be helpful after birth.

angeltennis3 · March 2014

I honestly never even heard of a doula until I joined TB so they must not be very common in my area. i have a lot of trust and faith in my OB so I'm not too concerned about them ignoring my wishes during labor. I don't plan on hiring one.

kmt104 · March 2014

@angeltennis3‌ I trust my OB as well, but a doula will be there by my side through the whole process to help with pain management techniques, keep me focused and encourage me, which I think I'll need bc I'm a baby when it comes to pain! I'll be getting a epi but that's not always fool proof :-/

samanthak2525 · March 2014

I didn't have one during my first pregnancy but during my labor I started having problems so we called my Bradley teacher who was also a doula and she came to the hospital last minute with no notice. She helped out so much! I will be using her again for sure!!

ss265 · March 2014

I think that if you are serious about a VBAC then hiring a doula is probably a good decision. I would meet with a couple of doulas and express your concerns about the possibility of a C-section and see what they say. Regardless of the outcome of your labor, it always helps to have an objective person there who has YOUR best interests at heart.

Regarding your fear about labor etc, maybe it would help to take some child birth classes? Or a refresher if you took them before?

ashie0610 · March 2014

PurpleHippo19 said:

I haven't used a doula and don't plan on it, but I can completely understand where one would come in handy and be wonderful.

DH was the only person I really wanted helping me, and sure, if he was a doula he probably could've done more to make me comfortable, but I just don't want any extra people at my births. DH, MW and her assistant are all I want.

This was pretty much exactly my view on doulas with my first pregnancy. I didn't want an extra stranger in there. I ended up needing a planned c-section and being so glad I didn't waste the money.

Now that I'm planning on a VBAC, I started looking into doulas and brought up the idea to DH last night. I mainly just want to get more information to see if it's something we might want to consider doing. DH was really offended. He said he's willing to have one if that's what I really want (and I'm not sure if it is yet), but he initially took it to mean that I didn't think he could provide enough support for me and was pretty hurt and insulted that I even thought to hire one. From my googling, this sounds like a somewhat common reaction from fathers who want to be really involved in labor.

Question for those of you using a doula or for those who have used one - did your partner see the value on their own or did it take some convincing? My DH has always been really supportive of virtually every choice I've made with regard to pregnancy and birth so I was surprised that he was so offended by the idea.

Edit: Formatting

BeanNut · March 2014

Nope. My DH is very supportive and I trust him to be in charge.

kmt104 · March 2014

@ashie0610‌ OP here, we Skype interviewed my doula and DH asked her 'so where does that leave me'. She basically said the father can be as much or as little involved as he'd like to be. She can show him HOW to be there for me, how to massage, where to apply pressure, etc. And can also give him a break when he's been holding your hand for hours and just needs to go out for some air or close his eyes for an hour... She's not there to replace your husband but to help you both through the process

12bailey18 · March 2014

I'm not. I had the epi with DS so there was no need. With DD i labored naturally and it was just DH and me. I didn't feel I needed a third person there. Honestly, i think they would have just gotten in the way. DH was a great coach and advocate for me. I was also coherent enough to tell DH and the nurses what I wanted and needed. This time I'd like the epi again so it's not something I need.

ashie0610 · March 2014

theresat858 said:

kmt104 said:

@ashie0610‌ OP here, we Skype interviewed my doula and DH asked her 'so where does that leave me'. She basically said the father can be as much or as little involved as he'd like to be. She can show him HOW to be there for me, how to massage, where to apply pressure, etc. And can also give him a break when he's been holding your hand for hours and just needs to go out for some air or close his eyes for an hour... She's not there to replace your husband but to help you both through the process

This.

DH had some concerns when I initially brought it up, but in the end, he was really glad to have someone who had been through it showing him how to best support me during labor and to be able to step away to get a bite to eat rather than having to be there for the entire time.

It's funny - the food breaks would probably be the best argument for him. A hungry DH =/= a supportive labor coach, and he knows that, haha.

Thanks for posting this thread, OP! I like hearing from those who have been or are there.

mer313131 · March 2014

I am seriously considering it, for both delivery and post-partum. Here are my reasons:

1) Like PP said, you may have the best OB in the world, but they are not there for the majority of your labor. With DD, my OB was not even called to come to the hospital until I was 10cm dilated and about to start pushing. Once she did get there, she popped in every few minutes "to see how things were going", and left. I had a bunch of nurses and residents I had never met before to guide me all the way through labor.

2) My DH, as supportive as he was during my pregnancy, was kind of useless during labor. I would never tell him that, but he really just held my leg up and said stuff like, "you can do it", and "you're doing great". We went to childbirth classes but he was just not prepared to be a true "coach".

3) I was able to advocate for myself (did not want induction or any inducing-type meds, did want epi, wanted my water broken after epi), but I am a pretty outspoken person and had done a ton of research on what I wanted and didn't want. It would be nice to have a second voice in the room to express my wishes/concerns.

4) I'm having twins and already have a 20-month old, so I'm going to need help once I get home. I'd like to have someone there that can help me with breastfeeding (I didn't succeed last time and ended up EP for 4 months), take a shift or two during the night, and maybe do some household stuff. I don't have much family around so a post-partum doula would be really helpful.

angeltennis3 · March 2014

theresat858 I am very aware that my OB won't be there 100% of the time, but they will be there to help me make any important decisions through my labor, such as use of any drugs, c-sections, episiotomy, etc. (this we have already discussed). The practice I go to has multiple OBs on staff and I will meet with each of them to discuss our birth plan before the big day, since any of them could end up delivering my baby. I want to make sure my husband & I are well educated on our options if we have anything but a perfect delivery. I'm not saying use of a Doula isn't necessary, I just don't think it's necessary for me. I don't think I would trust a Doula anymore than I would the medical professionals assisting me through my labor. I also don't think a Doula could calm me or provide encouragement through contractions any better than my husband. That's a part of who I am.

12bailey18 · March 2014

angeltennis3 said:

theresat858 I am very aware that my OB won't be there 100% of the time, but they will be there to help me make any important decisions through my labor, such as use of any drugs, c-sections, episiotomy, etc. (this we have already discussed). The practice I go to has multiple OBs on staff and I will meet with each of them to discuss our birth plan before the big day, since any of them could end up delivering my baby. I want to make sure my husband & I are well educated on our options if we have anything but a perfect delivery. I'm not saying use of a Doula isn't necessary, I just don't think it's necessary for me. I don't think I would trust a Doula anymore than I would the medical professionals assisting me through my labor. I also don't think a Doula could calm me or provide encouragement through contractions any better than my husband. That's a part of who I am.

This is me 100%

RachelLily · March 2014

I am not going to get a birth doula because I am having a repeat c-section. I know some people like having a doula around even for a c-section but it is not necessary for me. I am however very interested in having a postnatal doula. There is one around here that comes highly recommended and I will need all the help I can get to ease into life with twin newborns and a toddler.

BloomingMomma · March 2014

Yes, this is second birth. The first birth was great, but this time i want more support.

ScientistLibrarian · March 2014

I like the idea but I feel like I would be uncomfortable with a virtual stranger being there and so would DH. My mom, however, is someone I rely on to fill that role if H can't. She is a nurse and went through two natural births - one quick and uncomplicated and one complex. I'd rather have people I am intimately comfortable with.

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