Sick of hearing the horror stories and that I'm crazy for my Birthing Choices....

cstan663 · March 2014

So I have decided that I want to try having a Water Birth, at first I didn't think that this was that weird of a choice until I decided that I wanted people's opinions on birth since this is my first time and I'm super nervous. I want to try and have a natural birth and I love the water and how calm it makes me feel so i thought it would be a good idea for me but now I keep hearing everyone's opinions on how crazy they think I am for wanting to try this...

All of my in laws keep telling me how painful labor is and that I should have an epidural and how if I can't take the pain how it might be to late while i'm in labor to change my mind. And if that isn't bad enough i also get the whole story about how gross a water birth sounds and how messy giving birth is and how i will be sitting in a pool full of my own blood and everything else.... I try to explain to them that if it was that unhygienic the doctors wouldn't allow water births to begin with but no one listens.

This is my first baby and I have no idea what to expect in the delivery room but I really wanna try a natural birth it's just really hard when it feels like I don't have any support for my decision. I also really wanted my mother in law to be in the delivery room as my own mother passed away recently and I really want that motherly presence in the room with me but I'm not sure how this will work if she isn't on board with my Birthing plans, and yes I know plans don't always go how you plan them. I'm just not sure how to talk to them about shutting up because i think they are just making this ten times scarier than it has to be. I don't wanna go into the delivery room expecting the worse I'm already plenty terrified without anyone's help!

Has anyone else gone through with a water birth and had a pleasant experience, or had to deal with unsupportive family members? I could really use some good stories or words of encouragement. Thank you, for reading my rant.

apmom · March 2014

I think you should do whatever you feel most comfortable. If you want to do a water birth, do it! The one piece of advice I would give as someone getting ready to have baby #4 is to make a birth plan, but be flexible. I had a totally specific plan in mind with baby #1 but she had other ideas. Make a plan, but be ready for anything!

Also, think long and hard about who you want to have with you. There are a lot of people in a delivery room (Doctors, nurses etc), and you are going to be alternately at your best and worst (in the best of ways).

ncbelle · March 2014

First, if someone starts giving you grief about your birth plans, stop them right there and say "thank you for your concern but I have researched this thoroughly and am very confident about my choice. If you can't be supportive, we can't discuss it." - end of story.

Second, I don't think I would have your MIL there if you have ANY doubt about her supporting your birth choice. Granted I dislike having lots of people around in labor but only those who were 100% behind me would be allowed (I have only DH and medical folks). A doula might be a good choice for you as a support person instead.

Finally, water birth is amazing! I labored mostly in the tub with my second and it was so nice. Long story short, DD was born fully out of the tub as she got a bit stuck and I had to switch positions - but that had nothing to do with the water.

rainydayluck · March 2014

Is it bad that I immediately thought of how it was mentioned in that pooping thread about the little nets they use to fish out the poop?

Anyway, do what you want! Don't talk to or tell people about your plans, why do they need to know anyway? Only have supportive people around when you give birth. I'll never understand why people don't just say no to sucky/unsupportive people.

LoveIsAll25 · March 2014

Your body, your baby, your choice. Everyone else can suck it.

jasrun80 · March 2014

I love epidural a but I know a girl who had two water births and raves about them! she loved her experiences so you go girl!

GinnyJ2012 · March 2014

I labored in the tub at the hospital for a few hours. I had back pain and the weightless feeling was great. I did get an epidural eventually, but that was my plan all along. As PP said make a birth plan, do your research, but be flexible.

The hospital where I delivered wouldn't let you actually deliver in the tub, just labor. You need to contact the hospital for a water birth and make sure you can actually give birth in the water.

Also surround yourself with those on board with your plan. If you are set on natural birth, you don't need people telling you to give in and get the epi.

cMichelle0423 · March 2014

I'm not sure why you would let other people's opinions bother you so bad. It's yoir body, your labor experience, your choice. I wanted to try a water birth but changed my mind. Not because of what everyone else thought, but because I ended up not wanting to do a natural delivery. Either way good luck.

cMichelle0423 · March 2014

I'm not sure why you would let other people's opinions bother you so bad. It's yoir body, your labor experience, your choice. I wanted to try a water birth but changed my mind. Not because of what everyone else thought, but because I ended up not wanting to do a natural delivery. Either way good luck.

PrimRoseMama · March 2014

First, stop discussing your desires & birth plans with people. Really, all they need to know is that the kid is coming out. The rest is really none of their business.

Second, you may want a water birth but double check with your health care provider on policies. My midwife & OB told me that if my water broke before I got in the tub that they wouldn't feel comfortable due to infection risk.

Third, birth plans are never set in stone & you should never get so fixated on them that you can't see the Forest for the trees. I planned a med free water birth for DS. We encountered some difficulties so I ended up confined to bed (monitoring) , with an epideral & it was alright by me. The baby got here alive & I made it out just fine.

I had a med-free labor with DD but I didn't get to go in the tub because my water broke before I got there. I had no choice but to deliver her on the bed because I barely made it in time.

Plans are nice but you have to be flexible.

Avion22 · March 2014

The simple solution is to stop telling people what you plan to do. And if they give their unsolicited opinion anyway, just smile and nod and change the subject. I swear, I hear all the time, "Oh my god, you're getting the drugs, right?" I'd like to attempt a natural birth first....but usually I just smile and say something like, "Oh, as long as the baby and I are both healthy.....hey, crazy winter we've been having, right?"

Parents I know say that the same thing happens when you start to make parenting choices -- everyone chimes in on your opinion, whether you talk about it or not. Probably best for all of us to start working on these strategies now :-)

KateLouise · March 2014

DD#1 I planned to labour in the tub, but not birth in the tub. I did labour in the tub (warm water was amazing for me, the shower was also great), and then got the urge to push. My MW checked and told me to push any time, so I was thinking, "oh I'm having a waterbirth, didn't plan on that."

It turned out that MW thought baby was a bit stuck, and got me out of the tub so she could have a better view. It turned out I just needed to push better, but getting in and out of the tub was no drama.

DD#2 I planned to use the tub, but she was too quick, and I never got past the shower.

Yes childbirth is hard work, but it's really rewarding and as to the "gross" factor it realywon't matter to you.

Check out the natural birth board, if you haven't already, for lots of support and ideas.

Also, if family are unsupportive, maybe stop discussing your plans with them.

awc1986 · March 2014

I'm a FTM also and the best advice I've received is "don't take anyone's advice". Everyone has a different experience of giving birth, so just go with what you think you will be most comfortable with.

estapleton12 · March 2014

I'm a FTM so obviously I have no experience on water births, but it has always been something I'd be interested in doing. We have decided to do hypnobabies and go all natural. I'm very confident that we will have a wonderful birthing experience and I will be able to handle it no problems...but my in-laws are the same as yours...every time I see them I get grief about how I'm going natural and I won't be able to handle it. It actually just gives me more confidence in myself and I'm excited to prove them wrong!

Your in-laws may have not been able to handle it, but you can! Go prove them wrong! You are going to have a wonderful birthing experience.

kmdendy · March 2014

I think water birth sounds nice. And I'm now interested in laboring in the tub after reading this post. I did just notice that thebump.com just posted an article on the home page about how water births are dangerous. You should look at that. Who knows.. Interesting

spacepotatoes · March 2014

kmdendy said:

I think water birth sounds nice. And I'm now interested in laboring in the tub after reading this post. I did just notice that thebump.com just posted an article on the home page about how water births are dangerous. You should look at that. Who knows.. Interesting

Um, no. Do not look at articles on The Bump. They are notorious for being complete crap. Look at actual reputable online sources of information and even better, speak to a medical professional.

JennyCupcakes01 · March 2014

First of all, don't ever "want" someone's opinion, whether that be how you give birth, your lifestyle, anything. This is your life and you're in control.

Second, anyone that wants to try and scare you about labor, you go right ahead and tell them to kindly fuck off.

It seems you really want this water birth. Your birthing experience is one where you automatically form a bond with your baby. It needs to be done in your way on your terms.

awc1986 · March 2014

jennish11 said:

spacepotatoes said:

kmdendy said:

I think water birth sounds nice. And I'm now interested in laboring in the tub after reading this post. I did just notice that thebump.com just posted an article on the home page about how water births are dangerous. You should look at that. Who knows.. Interesting

Um, no. Do not look at articles on The Bump. They are notorious for being complete crap. Look at actual reputable online sources of information and even better, speak to a medical professional.

This. Talk to your provider - our hospital does not allow it due to added risks, however that has a lot to do with the insurance.

You could probably find an article for everything somewhere saying it's dangerous - including breathing.

Yes, didn't you hear? Breathing causes autism now.

kassidybl · March 2014

I completely understand how you're feeling about this. I mentioned it to my MIL once, and since then she has been non-stop telling me how horrible it is and how 'I'll be begging for an epidural before the end of it'. I had to ask DH to talk to her on my behalf since I knew I couldn't do it without being mean.

If you want to listen to a nice, detailed, natural water birth, I just found this woman on youtube this past weekend.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EXzLxwHUztc

She has a bunch of other interesting videos on her page as well.

I wish you luck in your natural birth.

I'll be hoping to do the same myself.

jgreig83 · March 2014

My personal opinion is that people will be giving you advice about labor/delivery/child rearing all the way though. Only you know what you want to do, or how you wish for your child to be raised. We all made our own choices, including those who feel the need to sway you to have a medicated hospital birth. So in the end, Do whatever you feel is the best for you and your baby! and keep your head up while you do! Honestly, you are probably inspiring others around you to do the same.

naturaloaklandmama · March 2014

I am planning the same -- natural birth at a birth center and laboring/delivering in the tub if it feels right and I can. My mom is a nurse and totally opposed to me not being in the hospital. My friends are asking me questions like, what qualifications does a midwife have and sending me articles about how my baby will suffocate. But the reality is that I have done my research, I feel comfortable with my decision, and they are getting superficial cursory info from the Today Show (no joke). So just as everyone said, as long as you and your provider (and partner if you ahve one) are on the same page, then forget everyone else. It took me a while for my husband to get on board but now he is fully supportive, understands how important it is to me, and is even gearing up for our hypnobirthign class this weekend. So just know that even if those in your immediate circle don't get it, you have LOTS of support of many women from across the country who have had amazing natural births, many in water, that have gone before you. Best of luck!

sschwege · March 2014

Just lurking over here. But I wanted to say if people aren't being supportive try not to discuss it and if they bring it up come up with a way to shoot down the conversation.

As for a water birth I think that would be awesome! My hospital only does water labors, but I thought the bath was an amazing form of natural pain relief. It was so effective in fact that I was fully dilated but choose to 'labor down' for 1.5+ hours because I didn't want to get out! I have a friend who had two water births in a hospital and she said it was great!

With your MIL, I guess you have a few different options. I would either A) not invite her, maybe hire a doula

just ask her to come in for the pushing part, that way she gets to see her grandbaby be born and her negativity regarding med-free birthing shouldn't be an issue at that point. C) Have your H talk to her and tell her she is only welcome if she can be supportive.

I actually did choice C with my first and it worked out great. My situation was a little different, my MIL had both of her babies med-free, so she got that, but she hated the fact that I was seeing a MW. Would say things like, "When it comes to things like this, I don't care about bed-side manner I would want the best" and best meant a doctor not a MW. So I had DH talk to her. Not sure what he said, but she honored our request to keep her opinions to herself and was wonderful in the delivery room. Afterwards she told me that my MWs were the best and if she had it do all over she would do exactly as I had done. Some of it comes from misinformation think.

Good luck!

kmwiegand · March 2014

I did not do a water birth with my first, but I did do non medicated. And I am a complete and utter wimp when it comes to pain. DH and I took a Bradley class to prepare - it helped us understand and work on techniques to manage pain. It REALLY helped that DH was on board - as I did ask him for pain meds at one point, but he told me no - I could get through it. I think that pissed off the nurse and my mom (who was in the room) a bit, but I always knew that if I really wanted meds, I could ask the nurse directly and she would give them to me

It is hard, so it helps to prepare a bit in advance and find out good relaxation / pain management techniques. Also, prior to giving birth, I would have said the same thing about a water birth "yuck, you would be in the pool with all that "stuff"", but after giving birth, I say "what's the big deal?" I was covered in every fluid imaginable, including baby poop, blood, placenta, etc, and I didn't have a water birth. So now I don't really see it as any different than "regular" birth in a bed.

maggiesimpson · March 2014

I can't speak from experience, as I am also a FTM. I do know that you need everyone in that room to be supportive of your decisions and what you need to do. That is true whether or not you are able to stick to your birth plan. I considered asking my SIL to be with us because she has 3 kids and is good at being really focused during high stress situations. Then, I realized that even though she is focused she still gives off a lot of stress herself, and I can't have that around when I'm trying to be calm and relaxed. So glad I didn't ask her because when I discussed my birth plan she just laughed at me and said I had to have an epidural, and that you can still walk around when you have one. Ha! The hospital already said once they give you pain meds of any form you are confined to the bed. Plus, I have had enough needles in my spine and would very much prefer to avoid any more. I am trying for a natural birth, but not ruling out the possibility of using an epi or morphine, and I plan to use essential oils for the majority of it since I am open to alternative medicine.

If you want another person there, can I suggest looking for a doula? There are plenty of volunteers if you don't want to pay for one or don't have insurance coverage for one. Just ask the hospital for recommendations. We are going to have one just to have that extra support, and so my husband can take a breather and deal with his business phone calls as needed. Best of luck to you!

kmdendy · March 2014

I'm good. I just said it sounds nice. I am planning on a regular delivery with an epidural! I think laboring in the tub sounds nice.. but I will probably will just pass and go to the hospital. Time for her to come out!

I'm not sure how to reply to the replies on my post!

kmdendy · March 2014

mysticl · March 2014

Don't have your MIL in the delivery room. If she is not supportive of your birth plan she will not be a motherly presence she will be a negative influence.

If you want a water birth go for it. Though like PP's have said some hospitals do not all we them for liability purposes. You can labor in the tub or shower just not deliver there. Though sometimes things happen really fast and oops baby is born in the tub. Maybe look into a doula if you want a female support person in the room.

cstan663 · March 2014

Thank you everyone for all your support and advice. I'm having a midwife deliver my baby and through their program they have in hospital water births. They have a special room they use and bring in a pool so I can actually labor and have the baby in the pool all in the comfort of the hospital so in case anything goes wrong we are already right there.

yvanehtnioj · March 2014

Gotta get used to it, birth plans are only the beginning of people questioning your parenting choices.

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