Balancing family and personal feelings?

Re: Balancing family and personal feelings?

• Mizoo member

  March 2014

  Sounds like the simplest solution is to not call MIL until you're ready for her to come visit.  That would take care of every problem you listed I believe.
  

  

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• cMichelle0423 member

  March 2014 edited March 2014

  I'll be honest, I didn't read your whole post. But from what I gathered, you don't want her in the delivery room and possibly at the hospital all together (correct me if I'm wrong)... long story short, while you're at the hospital, YOU call the shots. If you don't want her there, then there's no way she can just show up. This time at the hospital is all about what makes you comfortable. Even of it means hurting some feelings, they'll just have to get over it. As far as who visits when yall are home, that's up to you AND DH. Don't stress over it. From what I read, it looks like you've made a good attempt at having a decent relationship with your MIL. With any relationship, it's got to be 50/50. If she can't meet you half way, then she can miss out on certain events. There's no reason for you to accommodate to her wants if she can't even TRY to have a better relationship with you.
  
  I'll also add that while extra help is nice to have after coming home, it's not necessary. She doesn't sound like she'd be very helpful anyway. If I were in your situation, I wouldn't even bother asking her for help once yall get home.

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• RebeccaY1 member

  March 2014

  Admittedly I didn't read the whole post.  I would think the best way to handle this would be to only phone when you are ready for visitors.

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• rainydayluck member

  March 2014

  Way too long, I just skimmed, but I don't understand why you and DH don't stand up for yourselves and say no. Then, don't call her when you are at the hospital. It is a slippery slope if you start letting her call the shots now. She will probably walk all over you once she knows she can get away with it.

  
  

  DD1: IUGR, low AFI delivered at 36 weeks

  
  

  

  
  

  
  

  DD2: IUGR, low AFI delivered at 37 weeks
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• banks81 member

  March 2014

  
  

  Darbie914 said:

  Also, I just wanted to add that everyone handles their excitement differently.  If she is telling your H how excited she is, then I would take that to mean she is really excited.  Just because she is not overly involved with you and your pregnancy does not mean she doesn't care.  Maybe she doesn't know what your limits are so she's keeping her distance so she doesn't overstep her boundaries. 

  
  

  If your mom doesn't arrive in time to be the first to hold the baby, then it is what it is.  If your MIL arrives first, I would never dream of telling her to wait.  I can't imagine how hurtful that would be to sit on the sidelines and wait for your mom to come in and have the special honor of being the first.  That wouldn't bode well for any future relationship you may want to have with her.  

  
  

  Remember: one day you may be the MIL who is excited about your first grandchild and I'm sure you would be hurt if you were brushed off simply because you were the IL.

  I agree with this.  Also, she does not need to be in the room with you while you are laboring, but it doesn't necessarily sound like she's asking for that.  It sounds like she's just excited to see the baby and see her son as a father.

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• Mizoo member

  March 2014

  What's with the dirty delete @EmilyBrooke5?
  

  

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• ohwhynot85 member

  March 2014

  WTF is up with the dirty delete? Cliff notes anyone?

  
  

  
  

  Lucy

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• cMichelle0423 member

  March 2014

  ohwhynot85 said:

  WTF is up with the dirty delete? Cliff notes anyone?

  I didn't read her whole post because it was sooooo incredibly long... but from what I did read, she says she doesn't have a good relationship with MIL.. says she tries to make it better bit MIL doesn't put in the effort back. MIL wants to be at the hospital when she has the baby so that she can see her son (OP's DH) hold the baby and be a father. OP doesn't want her at the hospital but doesn't know how to tell her... said something about MIL was supposed to help after the baby but now isn't going to or something like that... If I'm missing anything someone else can add on? Lol

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