Final nail in the coffin

barely · March 2014

I had my last doctors appointment today. I thought I would be so relieved and finally be able to move on and put this past me (at least physically). But for some reason it brought up a whole slew of emotions. I almost started crying talking to the midwife (that I have seen three times now since my MC was discovered. Even though I was fully prepared to talk with her, something about it just reminded me of how real all of this is.) I just felt like it was the final nail in the coffin (maybe a bad analogy for this board, but I can't think of another that's fitting). Sometimes all of this feels surreal, but today was just a reminder of how real it was. I was really pregnant, and my baby is really gone. I can't even fully explain the feeling. Anyone else feel this way after their final appointment? The midwife also told me that the pathology looked "great". I can't help but think to myself "how can anything look GREAT in this situation? If it were "great" I'd still have my baby". Ugh.

stephy1221 · March 2014

Hugs. I think I know they way you are feeling. Each time something happens to move forward such as the bleeding going to spotting, my IV bruise fading, even having to make my post d&c appointment (haven't had it yet) I feel it moves me further from my pregnancy and is another loss in itself.

barely · March 2014

This was my post D&C appointment and it's just really setting in that it's over. I'm glad to move on, but in a way I don't want to move in at all. Hugs to you too @stephy1221‌!

Maxsmommy123112 · March 2014

I was also told, "baby looks great and was healthy". I think this is supposed to make us feel better but somehow that sentence has echoed over and over in my mind and just makes me feel awful and guilty. Baby was great? Then why did this happen? Goes back to me just really wanting answers.

I'm so sorry. I know how you feel. I still haven't really come to terms with losing both my babies. My first MC is just now hitting me as my due date was this month.

dandb925 · March 2014

I don't think that we'll ever really move on. I think everything you felt was totally normal. It was and still is real. I don't think the great comment was the best to make, but I'm sure she was just trying to be helpful. My post D&C appointment is Friday and I'm anxious to know what the results show, if anything. I'm sure it will be hard and if I cry, I cry. Hang in there ladies...all we can do is take it one day at a time.

AggieBeth06 · March 2014

I totally understand. I left more upset and angry after my appointment when I was hopeful to have some closure. I was angry with my OB because I didn't feel like I could ask her certain questions. She was really defensive when I asked about the clots remaining and the damage to my cervix. I needed someone to take the time to listen and not make me feel crazy for wondering about my body and my baby. I don't think that's too much to ask after everything I've gone through...

(((Hugs))) to you. I can empathize.

Final nail in the coffin

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