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NBR.....more drama with the inlaws....

VTKatieVTKatie member
edited March 2014 in July 2014 Moms

I have responded to other postings about family drama, but today I need to vent....

First...my BIL is a jackass. He is a drug addict, a criminal, and a bigot. He claims to be this born again Christian but his posts are a lovely mix of homosexuality fueled hate and soft core porn.  He was posting multiple times a day and I finally just unsubscribed to his news feed.  Then he started sharing my ultrasound pictures and status updates with his whacko friends and I decided I had enough and defriended him.  SO also had to have a talk with my MIL last week because she is a fbook over-sharer as well.  She was sharing pictures that other members of my family had posted (like pics my sister posted of her kids and stuff).  He explained that other people's pictures are not meant to be shared with people outside of close friends and family.  She got upset (because she took it as a personal attack....per usual), cried....and I then told his sister about it. Now my SIL has defriended me and decided we will no longer have a relationship.

This brings me to my baby shower.  MIL was supposed to drive down for my shower with SIL (she is too old to drive alone).  I don't want my SIL at my shower if she is going to cause drama and be a bitch.  SO is pretty upset at this point because he wants his mom to be part of the shower, but I feel like that is MY day and I shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable to appease his dramatic family's feelings.  

Anyways, I am calling my SIL after work today to see if we can talk through this. I think she feels like I am being uptight and sanctimonious by not wanting her brother and mom to post all my stuff online, but oh well. It's my kid, she will have to deal with it.

That is all. I will keep you all posted as to how this conversation goes....FML.

Mom to one beautiful July '14 little girl

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Re: NBR.....more drama with the inlaws....

  • SkeemerSkeemer member

    I agree that there's a certain amount of FB etiquette & I find it annoying when people share my pictures. I certainly don't do that to other people without asking. However, when I post pictures or anything else on the interweb, it's not really considered private any more. I try to post the pics to certain groups to avoid sharing or else email the pics & leave them off of FB completely.

    That being said, I don't like dramatic people & I am not a fan of people who share my pictures on FB.  It's super creepy that your BIL shares your sono pics & your pregnancy updates especially! I hope your talk goes well. GL!


        




     

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  • July15MamaJuly15Mama member
    Ughhh this is why I don't have FB, but I hate that you can't keep other people from posting your stuff. Your info you should be able to share as you choose!

    How do they get a picture to share? I just showed my family, no one really asked for copies. Sorry in-laws suck!
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  • SkeemerSkeemer member
    July15Mama said:
    Ughhh this is why I don't have FB, but I hate that you can't keep other people from posting your stuff. Your info you should be able to share as you choose!

    How do they get a picture to share? I just showed my family, no one really asked for copies. Sorry in-laws suck!
    The OP posted the pictures on Facebook & then her in-laws used the "Share" option to then share her pictures with their friends. And their friends friends & etc. Ultimately once something is posted online it's not private anymore.


        




     

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  • VTKatieVTKatie member

    I know I need to be the bigger person....especially for the sake of my husband and baby....but holy hell is it hard. This has been never ending since we met.  He is accustomed to it and for him, it's like water off a duck's back.   He doesn't understand why it bothers me so much.  It's so frustrating:(

    Mom to one beautiful July '14 little girl

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  • VTKatieVTKatie member
    @skeemer.....I really don't think it would matter. I asked him to talk to his mom about the whole facebook privacy thing because I was hoping it would be more well received. But she had a meltdown anyways.  Clearly what he was saying and how she interpreted it, were not the same thing.  My thinking with the SIL is that if I confront the issue personally, she might be less likely to BS her way out of it. 

    Mom to one beautiful July '14 little girl

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  • katnipevercleankatnipeverclean member
    VTKatie said:

    I know I need to be the bigger person....especially for the sake of my husband and baby....but holy hell is it hard. This has been never ending since we met.  He is accustomed to it and for him, it's like water off a duck's back.   He doesn't understand why it bothers me so much.  It's so frustrating:(


    I totally understand about being the bigger person and all that, but this is your child and if you don't want photos shared then for me it stops there.

    With my current family dynamics I would talk to my MIL and explain that it's not a personal attack and that you aren't mad, but going forward etc etc. Your SIL is sticking her nose in places doesn't belong, IMO.

    I hope it gets better soon, hon!

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  • VTKatieVTKatie member
    lowerygirl said:
    Just to play the other side of this....I personally don't understand how you can get mad at somebody sharing something you have posted when you have posted it to a public internet site that has basically done away with the majority of privacy rights. If you don't want people sharing it, don't post it. I don't see it any different than when people get on here, post a question or problem they are having, get responses they don't like and get mad, and then get told by basically everyone on here "it's the internet, what did you expect"...just my two cents. Regardless, sorry you are having issues with family.

    For me facebook is really private. I only have a handful of friends that consist of my immediate family and close friends.  I keep my settings completely private and my profile isn't searchable on google or anything.  My posts consist of major life updates so out of town folks can sort of stay in the loop.  I know that once you post things online, they are never truly private, but I like to think I am doing what I can to keep my information as private as possible. My inlaws have no privacy settings and thousands of friends, so god only knows how many people have access to their stuff.   I get what you are saying, but I disagree that it should be a free for all just because it's on my page.  These are people are my family now, and I just would like for them to appreciate and respect my decision to not put all this stuff out there.

    Mom to one beautiful July '14 little girl

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  • lowerygirllowerygirl member
    @VTKatie‌...that's what I'm saying, unfortunately Facebook has taken away that particular right to privacy. In their newest "upgrade" and policy changes, they made it to where everyone can search for you no matter what setting you have it on. I had this same setting and almost deleted FB because I didn't think it was right for them to take away that important privacy right. I think there is a way to control who sees what you post, though. Maybe that would work and help your situation out?
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  • AlisonKoryAlisonKory member
    You and your husband have a right to keep your content private. If they choose not to respect your request, they will have to be prepared not to have access to it at all (unfriend, block, whatever). It is your stuff and your decision. My husband and I are choosing not to post pictures of our child as we know we will have people who will do this. We are also making it clear that others who take pictures of our child at family events do not have permission to post those pictures online.
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  • SkeemerSkeemer member
    VTKatie said:
    lowerygirl said:
    Just to play the other side of this....I personally don't understand how you can get mad at somebody sharing something you have posted when you have posted it to a public internet site that has basically done away with the majority of privacy rights. If you don't want people sharing it, don't post it. I don't see it any different than when people get on here, post a question or problem they are having, get responses they don't like and get mad, and then get told by basically everyone on here "it's the internet, what did you expect"...just my two cents. Regardless, sorry you are having issues with family.

    For me facebook is really private. I only have a handful of friends that consist of my immediate family and close friends.  I keep my settings completely private and my profile isn't searchable on google or anything.  My posts consist of major life updates so out of town folks can sort of stay in the loop.  I know that once you post things online, they are never truly private, but I like to think I am doing what I can to keep my information as private as possible. My inlaws have no privacy settings and thousands of friends, so god only knows how many people have access to their stuff.   I get what you are saying, but I disagree that it should be a free for all just because it's on my page.  These are people are my family now, and I just would like for them to appreciate and respect my decision to not put all this stuff out there.
    I agree that it shouldn't be a free for all because people should just have some common manners. However, people don't have common manners at all. Lol. As other PP's have said, if your MIL can't abide by your wishes it is best to delete or block her. Which will probably open a whole new can of worms but you will have accomplished your goal. Be sure not to text or email her any pics because she'll likely post them.


        




     

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  • yurmomyurmom member
    Not exactly related to your point but unless I set the privacy settings on a pic/post to public, if one of my friends/family shares it only our mutual friends can see it. Unless you tag someone in a pic I didn't think they're friends could see it. Also I frequency use the "share except with" option and eliminate people I don't want to see certain posts without having to unfriend/block them.
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  • TurtleMonstersTurtleMonsters member
    I've blocked SIL and stopped talking to all inlaws. That's DH's deal, and he doesn't talk either. DS is not allowed around their poison unsupervised...and no one wants to be around them so none of us talk. Life is so much easier. They met ds1 they will not be meeting ds2 in my presence, and since I have to be with him all the time for nursing, they will not meet him. If you care about the relationship, smooth it over, and your DH needs to do this esp if he's demanding she be at the shower. Then again, you can ignore it, and basically her, and then drag her out if there is drama and carry on.

    As for FB- if you don't want ppl to see the pics don't share them on there. You can email or set up shutterfly type accts that are private to share. Once they are on there, it's fair game, ppl can't see your settings and if I had to memorize everyone's privacy setting, I'd stop using fb ever.
    imageimage"">

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  • blacktie3blacktie3 member
    edited March 2014
    I don't share things on FB that I don't want everyone to know, it is a public forum.  I only put 1 ultrasound pic on it for my announcement of the pregnancy, no bump pics or anything. I can PM, email or text pics to those special people if I want.  Your in laws are probably just as excited about the baby as you and your DH are.  I have a SIL that can't get along with anyone, we have done nothing and she does things that I can't believe people think of.  She always is on my brother about fixing things, which he can't do anything about.  At some point the people in the controversy need to figure it out between one another because they all love DH.  I would also be careful with in law choices, if you cut out his family then he has every right to do the same to yours...just keep that in mind.  I think his mom should be at the shower, if she acts like an ass then, so be it.  Maybe without SIL there she will be on her best behavior!   You will come out smelling like a rose if you say she can come no matter how she behaves.
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  • YlvelillYlvelill member
    Personally I don't post anything on Facebook that I would not want the public to see. The internet is not a place for private things :)
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  • cuntasaurusrexcuntasaurusrex member
    I can't figure out why you decided to talk to the sister about it?


    Regardless, hopefully this has taught you that if there are things that you'd prefer didn't get around, don't post them on FB in the first place. 
    imageimage


    Alexander - 8/9/14
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  • VTKatieVTKatie member
    aliletz said:
    I can't figure out why you decided to talk to the sister about it?


    Regardless, hopefully this has taught you that if there are things that you'd prefer didn't get around, don't post them on FB in the first place. 
    That was a typo.  I didn't tell his sister about it, his mom called to cry to his sister about it, that's why the sister got mad.

    Mom to one beautiful July '14 little girl

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  • bgoodbparbgoodbpar member
    edited March 2014
    Went through this with my mom, and two aunts with DS... Suffice to say aims are still blocked from seeing most of my posts and pics and my mom had to be deleted once to prove my point about how serious I was. She gets it now and everything is gravy. I know FB has funky privacy settings now but pages and posts can still be private and when people with open pages share your content, well you know what I'm getting at. It's just respect and fb courtesy(if it exists) to me. I shared it so you can see it, not so you can share it. Especially photos of my kids--just enjoy them that's all. I only post things that I wouldn't be horrified if they went public though just because the internet is essentially an open public forum but again, I just expect that they respect that I'm sharing for family and friends to see, not to re-share. Call me a control freak but that's my take.


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  • cuntasaurusrexcuntasaurusrex member
    VTKatie said:
    aliletz said:
    I can't figure out why you decided to talk to the sister about it?


    Regardless, hopefully this has taught you that if there are things that you'd prefer didn't get around, don't post them on FB in the first place. 
    That was a typo.  I didn't tell his sister about it, his mom called to cry to his sister about it, that's why the sister got mad.

    Ohhh gotcha, it was sounding like you were trying to recruit people to your side for a second there. Shitty position to be in- I'd definitely try to keep the peace.
    imageimage


    Alexander - 8/9/14
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  • Rstar1Rstar1 member
    Ask your husband do all the negotiation and talking to his side of the family. And tell them its not acceptable to overshare information without your consent. It belongs on your fb page its your content. If he doesnt get that, and his family doesnt get that, than they are not respecting your wishes. I would be upset too, but luckily I have not even announced my preg info on fb for the same reasons. 
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