VERY tough time potty training 4 year old son

CariVin · March 2014

I was wondering if there's anyone who is or was in a similar situation who can help. I'm at my wit's end! My DS just turned 4, and he's basically been trained to peepee on the potty for a year. What I mean is he keeps his underwear dry, only a few accidents. But he never actually tells me when he has to "go". I usually just guess or take him every hour or so.
Now poop is another story. He absolutely will NOT NEVER NO WAY poop on the potty! I will sit him on the potty a few times a day for about 10-15 minutes at a time, and many times I can tell he has to poop. But he holds it and holds it and holds it, even lets out peepee while holding in the poop! We've tried everything! Rewards, making it fun, taking a few week breaks, taking away diapers/pullups. If we take away pullups, he'll just poop in his underpants when he can't hold it anymore...usually when he's outside playing. He knows it's an "accident," but does it anyway. ANY advice? He is starting PreK in the fall, and obviously they expect your child to be fully potty trained. His doctor checkup is this Tuesday, so I'll ask her. We are so frustrated.
Thanks.

Spin313 · March 2014

I know poop in underpants is gross, but you HAVE to get rid of the pull ups! Make him responsible for as much of the clean up as possible when he has an accident.

Try taking him to the bathroom about half an hour after meals, as that is often when one's body has the urge to go (especially #2). If he's been pee-trained for a year, back off taking him to the potty every hour...that's way too much. He needs to start taking control of his own bathroom needs and not relying on you to tell him.

fitmom82 · March 2014

CariVin said:

He knows it's an "accident," but does it anyway.

I think this is the issue. He knows you consider it an accident. An accident is not something he can decide to do, which is what you make it sound like he's doing. DD potty trained just after 2. She was ready so she caught on very quickly. I had read that any time the child has an accident the child should stop playing and help clean it up. She had a poop accident 1 day. I gave her some paper towel and had her help clean it up. I made sure she didn't touch it, and helped her a bit, but she was totally grossed out. She then had to take a bath, which she didn't really enjoy. It was her last accident.

JENandJEH · March 2014

I would take away the pull ups and start making him do the majority of cleanup. I would also stop making him go to the bathroom at intervals throughout the day...like a PP said, make him take control of his bathroom needs. I would approach it very matter of factly at this point. "You are a big boy, big boys use the potty. When you need to go to the bathroom, you take a quick break from playing and go. If you need my help, call for me and I will help you." "Oops, looks like you need to take a break and go clean yourself up!" If it's been awhile (3+ hours), I would just mention in passing that he may want to take a break and go to the potty. Don't force him, just put the idea in his head. If he has an accident, make him clean it up and move along. Don't make a big deal out of accidents or punish aside from having him clean himself/the mess up.

yeah. · March 2014

Look up the 3 day training method. Assuming he doesn't have any developmental delays, there is no reason he shouldn't be able to potty train at 4, and his school will expect him to be trained. Try telling him that he can't go to school next year if he doesn't use the potty. And take away the pullups!

jc&cat · March 2014

We potty trained our son at 4 years old and I almost LOST MY MIND. It was horrible so I empathize with you. We followed the 3 day method for daytime training only and it took about 6 days but WORKED. We did no pull ups at all. Arm yourself with a ton of clorox wipes, underwear and a saint's patience and have the big boy talk and get going with it. Agree with PP that he will need to be part of this with clean up and responsibility. The poop training seemed to take longer but he was able to do it longer and longer ahead of time to get to the bathroom. To the point where we laugh now (only now bc it was NOT funny then) that when he would have to go, he would go running at full speed through the house yelling "i have to poooooooooo ooooop". Good luck cause it was one of the hardest things we had to do with our strong willed little boy.

dashofreality · March 2014

I think this is about control. We had a similar issue with our DD when we trained her at 2. We were having behavior issues and accidents, until we gave her complete control.

We set up the bathroom so she can do everything except we do help her finish wiping. We explained to her that she now understand how to go to the potty and what it feels like when she needs to go. And we told her that you are now in charge of going potty and keeping your underwear dry. If you need help let us know, and call us when you are done. And then we did not ask her AT ALL if she needed to go potty (even when it was really hard). After weeks of accidents we had 2 accidents after that in a year.

Oh and she has a bladder of steel, I actually now have to encourage her to go because she will go 13+ hours at night and 4-5 hours during the day. I will admit that I am terrified about training my boy though.

Tink112011 · March 2014

At the age of 4, I would think that peer pressure might be useful. Does he have any close friends that are PTed? If yes, I would have your son spend a lot of time around that friend!

DH's grandma was telling me about her nephew that sounds a lot like your son. It wasn't until the age of 4 when his pal was utterly disgusted about his friend going poop in his underwear that this kid decided it was time to poop in the potty.

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VERY tough time potty training 4 year old son

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